http://www.max-logic.com

I told someone the other day that I had the soul of a cheater. She said that was an oxymoron because cheaters have no soul. Which is an understandable point of view I suppose, if you're someone who has had their heart smashed open by infidelity. She said she could never, as long as she lived, understand what the fuck someone is thinking when they decide to cheat. So here it is my friend - what goes on in the mind of a cheater. Or at least what went on in my mind when I did it.

I'm inviting all of you to join me on my last-ditch attempt to shape up before summer. And to help us all out, I'm building on the tips I gave you last spring with some new and improved strategies to get us all ready to stunt this summer.

In the history of conversations, there is no greater opening line than the one dropped on me during a smoke break with the boys yesterday. When someone's opening line is "So I shaved my balls last night", the conversation is pretty much flattened before it begins.

Kids, I know. I am a blogging failure. But true you don't know what I've been going through. You just don't know! Four weeks straight of sleepless nights and skull-shattering tooth agony? Plus I still have a job, a life, and a man to tend to? It's a miracle I didn't go all Falling Down on someone's ass.

At the end of the day, life is miserable enough without all this unvarnished truth being shoved down our throats all the fucking time. How about a little spin? A little soft focus? A little truth lite?

I have a job, a life, a blog, various and sundry issues I need to deal with, and a man to tend to and I just cannot keep up. I'm awesome, but not this awesome.

But! It's a new year and we're going to do better in 2012. I have only one goal for max-logic in 2012 and that is for it to be the place that we all come to every day to get something. Whether it's advice or a laugh or a new way of thinking or a boner, I want the time we spend on on this site to be worth the keystrokes it took to get here. And yes I say we and not I because max-logic is a communal effort - it takes all of us to make it great.

The lovely and talented Piaskoskis (or Hayneses if I know Barb) invited me to their spot for their first-ever threesome. I know, I know - they're in the slow class, but we love them all the same. So head over there and check out what happens when Max crashes a marriage.

So 7 useless award nominations, 412 posts, 868,000 page views and 9,766 comments later, it's the second anniversary of max-logic.com! Congratulations to me and to all of you because this shit right here is a collaborative effort.

See the thing about most men is this: whereas most women will choose a man based on the qualities he has regardless of the way he makes her feel, most men choose their woman because of how she makes him feel, regardless of the undesirable qualities she possesses. This is the phenomenon that allowed Flipper to get with Angie or the great guy to get with the regular chick. So if you're in a situation where a man is holding back from you because of something silly, all you have to do is give him a reason to believe.

If you're a longtime or dedicated reader of mine you know that I am a throwback girl. I'm that handwash your dirty draws, Cater to You is my theme song, wake up at 3:00am to cook for you, Stepford Wife kinda chick who also knows how to get freaky in the bedroom. Remember a few years back when that excerpt from a 1950's Home Ec textbook about how to keep your husband happy was circling the internets? I'm the only woman you know who read that and said, "f*cking right!".