http://www.max-logic.com

I've always been a self-conscious person; a trait I don't particularly celebrate about myself. But I've realized lately that there is an upside to being overly fixated with the impression we make on others. Beyond worrying unnecessarily that people are scrutinizing my hair or my nails or my shoes, it is my self-consciousness I think that makes me aware of the less-tangible impressions I leave on people.

This may count as cheating in my #30for30 challenge (but I don't think so) but since this blog was playing baldheaded games for the last day and a half (until I snatched its wig and forced it to do right. Yes, I'm channeling my inner Luvvie today), I'm not putting up anything new today.

I've made no secret of the fact that I consider pregnancy to be one of the greatest #swindles of all time. There is just so much bullshit involved that I cannot believe people willingly do this to themselves. The one shining light of this experience is the fact that I was an early shower. At 16 weeks I was measuring 20 and now at 18 weeks I am what can best be described as huge. And I fucking love it.

When your boyfriend does you wrong, what's the right way to confront him about it? Do you yell? Do you throw things? Do you wait til you calm down and then discuss it rationally? Did Lorena Bobitt have the right idea?

If there was ever such a thing as first world problems, it's the so-called "complexity" of navigating one's social media profiles. Connect to whom you want to on LinkedIn, befriend your friends on Facebook, follow me whomever sparks your interest on twitter. Subscribe to the YouTube channels that post the shit you want to see and for the sweet love of christ get off MySpace.

Here's a fundamental truth about me: I believe in signs from the universe. And here's another: I have a slight competitive streak. Especially when it comes to this blog. And while I've been trying my hardest to ignore the #30for30 trend that has been sweeping the blogosphere, I think I must finally succumb.

This week my homegirl @JustLissen graces with a Nasty Friday guest post. Let's all thank the non-pregnant folks out there who are still fucking and want to write about for me. I salute you!

Anyway, so I'm back with some more random ramblings. This is mainly a stall tactic because I need to get dressed and get to work and I can't think of anything else that I'd rather do less than go to work. This is the problem with taking vacations - whatever enjoyment you got from being away is promptly and thoroughly squashed by the pain of having to return to work.

The homie @_chunk_ is blessing us today with a Nasty Friday guest post because my pregnant ass is too tired to even think about fucking. Enjoy!

I think the key to getting posts in these days is to write less more often. I used to have a good meaty topic that I wanted to dig deeply into, now I just have a bunch of disparate thoughts that I'd like to write about but I don't think I can turn into an actual post. So today I'm just going to share those with them and maybe they'll inspire some awesome discussion in the comments.

Lately many of you have been tweeting to me or emailing me asking when I'm finally going to reveal the secrets I hinted about a few posts ago. I've been trying to wait until what I deemed to be the right time, but the truth is that I'm not so good at keeping secrets. And, more importantly, when I have a secret from you guys I find it very hard to write about anything else. So this morning I just randomly decided that today is the day.

Yep. Her boyfriend is awesome and treats her better than she could ever have hoped for. He makes her smile and laugh and cum her brains out. He considers her, makes her feel special, and is charmed by her weirdness. But he's not in love with her and it makes her a little bit crazy.

This week on Ask Max we have a question from a young lady wondering whether she should be concerned about her man's taste in porn. Should watching questionable porn make your partner question you? Read on for the problem and my advice:

In a relationship, is it better to show your feelings through what you say or what you do?

You guys already know I'm a master of painting my nails in the dirty way. But did you know I also rock at painting my nails in the conventional way? Read on for my tips for the perfect at-home manicure.

I have big fat juicy secrets right now. And they're kind of awesome, but they're driving me nuts. And let me tell you, one of these secrets will blow your fucking minds when I tell you. But in the meantime, help me out dear readers. Do any of you have big fat juicy secrets right now? What do you do when you have secrets you can't tell?

I climbed on top of him and rubbed my wet pussy on him. Watched his eyes widen and heard his breath catch as he felt the heat of my pussy on his dick. He was ready to slip inside but I swatted his hands away. I made him wait. I teased him, rocking on top of him, playing with my nipples. I looked him dead in his eye and told him every nasty thing I was about to do to him.

I'm thinking about jumping into insanity. The workout, that is.

Word on the street is that BDSM is where it's at. We all know who is to blame for it, but that's neither here nor there. If the addition of some kinky techniques is resulting in women everywhere getting their brains fucked out, does anyone really care that it's the result of a somewhat cheesy (but fucking hawt) ebook? Nope we don't.

If there's one thing that is definitely true about me it's this: I'm a fucking weirdo. Anyone who knows me or has spent any amount of time with me knows this. And while I'd love to be a smooth, sleek, calm, non-hyper normal person, at this point in life I've resigned myself to the little peccadilloes that make me me. So today we celebrate idiosyncrasies - mine and hopefully yours.

I should be gracious and say that it's an honour just to be nominated, that the work my readers put into submitting my name and voting for me is all that matters. I should say that my goal was to get one nomination; it was never to win. And so I've done that many times over. But fuck that. I want to win.

The LDR ain't for everybody. I think I was born to be in one - boo'd up though I may be, I'm still a lone wolf and I relish the space I get. Being far away from your SO makes for a kind of clarity that you don't always get when you're in the thick of your relationship. And, contrary to popular belief, it doesn't make it easier to cheat - if anything it makes it harder. Or maybe that's just me. Either way, my LDR works for me.

I told someone the other day that I had the soul of a cheater. She said that was an oxymoron because cheaters have no soul. Which is an understandable point of view I suppose, if you're someone who has had their heart smashed open by infidelity. She said she could never, as long as she lived, understand what the fuck someone is thinking when they decide to cheat. So here it is my friend - what goes on in the mind of a cheater. Or at least what went on in my mind when I did it.

I'm inviting all of you to join me on my last-ditch attempt to shape up before summer. And to help us all out, I'm building on the tips I gave you last spring with some new and improved strategies to get us all ready to stunt this summer.

In the history of conversations, there is no greater opening line than the one dropped on me during a smoke break with the boys yesterday. When someone's opening line is "So I shaved my balls last night", the conversation is pretty much flattened before it begins.

Kids, I know. I am a blogging failure. But true you don't know what I've been going through. You just don't know! Four weeks straight of sleepless nights and skull-shattering tooth agony? Plus I still have a job, a life, and a man to tend to? It's a miracle I didn't go all Falling Down on someone's ass.

At the end of the day, life is miserable enough without all this unvarnished truth being shoved down our throats all the fucking time. How about a little spin? A little soft focus? A little truth lite?

I have a job, a life, a blog, various and sundry issues I need to deal with, and a man to tend to and I just cannot keep up. I'm awesome, but not this awesome.

But! It's a new year and we're going to do better in 2012. I have only one goal for max-logic in 2012 and that is for it to be the place that we all come to every day to get something. Whether it's advice or a laugh or a new way of thinking or a boner, I want the time we spend on on this site to be worth the keystrokes it took to get here. And yes I say we and not I because max-logic is a communal effort - it takes all of us to make it great.

The lovely and talented Piaskoskis (or Hayneses if I know Barb) invited me to their spot for their first-ever threesome. I know, I know - they're in the slow class, but we love them all the same. So head over there and check out what happens when Max crashes a marriage.

So 7 useless award nominations, 412 posts, 868,000 page views and 9,766 comments later, it's the second anniversary of max-logic.com! Congratulations to me and to all of you because this shit right here is a collaborative effort.

See the thing about most men is this: whereas most women will choose a man based on the qualities he has regardless of the way he makes her feel, most men choose their woman because of how she makes him feel, regardless of the undesirable qualities she possesses. This is the phenomenon that allowed Flipper to get with Angie or the great guy to get with the regular chick. So if you're in a situation where a man is holding back from you because of something silly, all you have to do is give him a reason to believe.

If you're a longtime or dedicated reader of mine you know that I am a throwback girl. I'm that handwash your dirty draws, Cater to You is my theme song, wake up at 3:00am to cook for you, Stepford Wife kinda chick who also knows how to get freaky in the bedroom. Remember a few years back when that excerpt from a 1950's Home Ec textbook about how to keep your husband happy was circling the internets? I'm the only woman you know who read that and said, "f*cking right!".