Ramblings of a Mad Pregnant Woman Vol II


Anyway, so I’m back with some more random ramblings. This is mainly a stall tactic because I need to get dressed and get to work and I can’t think of anything else that I’d rather do less than go to work. This is the problem with taking vacations – whatever enjoyment you got from being away is promptly and thoroughly squashed by the pain of having to return to work.

God can you imagine what going back to work after a YEAR of maternity leave will be like?

I’ll tell you in advance right now that most of my ramblings are going to be pregnancy- and baby-related. If you find this boring, you can leave now and I’ll only be a tiny bit offended.

You know what? The world loves pregnant women, I swear to God. All I have to do is flash my belly or rub the bottom of it and wince and people are falling over themselves to help me. Last week when Mr. Max and I were rushing to catch our plane (yes I flew, let’s never talk about it) the flight attendant was bitching about how late we were until I said “sorry pregnant woman, moving slow” and then she was all smiles and patience. And on my way back to Toronto I had people lifting my luggage for me, offering their seats, and generally falling over themselves to make me comfortable. I tell you – pregnant bellies make people want to do shit for you.

Except of course patrons of the TTC. A pregnant belly does not make those ingrates any more benevolent. The only people who offer you seats on the TTC are fucking 100-year old women who need the seat more than you do.

So Mr. Max and I went to Florida for a week. I would say that that is the reason I posted nothing here last week, but chances are even if I’d been home I still wouldn’t have posted because I’m that flop so let’s just leave it out. Anyway, what I learned on that trip is that I need to learn how to yell at my boyfriend effectively. I have a whole post coming about that one. But if you guys have tips in the meantime you let me know.

Oh the other good thing about the trip is that we finally FINALLY agreed on four baby names. I’m not going to tell you what they are because that’s no fun for anyone, but we’ve got them nailed down and now we can never ever EVER discuss baby names again. Here’s what no one ever tells you – trying to choose names for your baby will make you want to reach into you partner’s throat and rip out his voice box. That’s the level of hatred that rises up in you when someone vetoes a name you’ve been holding on to since you were 15.

Or maybe that’s only if you’re a psychopath like me.

The sun in Florida is not a joke. I have some pretty intense tan line and even a bit of sunburn on my belly. I haven’t had a sunburn since I was like 7 years old at the cottage in Ipperwash. That’s only going to mean something if you’re from London Ontario, but if you are you’ll be like “Ohhhh Ipperwash! I used to go there when I was a kid”.

You can thank me later for that blast from the past.

I have a lot of ideas for posts I’d like to write but they’re all about pregnancy and I’m convinced you guys don’t want to hear about that. As I write a post about pregnancy :-/ Maybe I need a day of a week dedicated to les insurgents which would leave the rest of the week free to talk about other things.

Oh and I’ve pretty much come to the realization that the ability to write a post every day has nothing to do with time and mental capacity and everything to do with habit and momentum. Which is just a fancy way of saying I haven’t fallen off because I’m busy and tired, but because I’m lazy and undisciplined. I don’t think this bodes well for my impending motherhood.

Kids my belly is fucking EXPLODING. Seriously I have those pregnant woman lines at the side of it. I’m so tempted to post a photo of myself in a bathing suit from my vacation so you guys can see what I’m dealing with but that seems a bit skeeve, no? But suffice it to say the shit is HUGE.  I’m definitely going to look like a pickup truck by the time I deliver.

Strangely though I have not gained a pound of weight. How is that even possible? How??

I need to renew my hosting and I keep putting it off. If you ever try to come to this site and it’s not there anymore you know it’s because I missed the deadline. Because I’m wack like that.

I’ve been saying wack a lot lately, even though that’s an old word that probably makes me sound old when I say it. And wack. But I like it. I think it’s so fitting.

You know what’s so funny? How these ramblings posts are supposed to be short and so far they’ve each been longer than the “real” posts I usually write on here.

Anyway. Let me go bade my skin as my mother would say. That’s what’s on my mind this week – what’s on yours?

Oh one other thing though. The fact that my hosting is up for renewal means my blog anniversary is coming up! Three years? Four? Two? Something like that. I want to do something special but I don’t know what. Oooh maybe I’ll finally give away that fancy vibrator.


bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 8

  1. So Flyy says:

    YAY for les insurgents! I could read about them in your belly all day… but maybe that’s just me. And maybe I’m just happy that it’s not my belly. :/ Hmph. Anywho… YAY!

    I personally want to see that pic soooo that email address I’m required to put in that form in order to post a blog comment…yea, use it.

    On my mind? El boyfriend. Whom I am free to talk about in this space b/c he has no clue this site exists and I plan to keep it that way. Anywho, sweetest effing guy ever. Like, no… really. However, this rant is not about that. It is about him becoming an insurgent in my HOUSE. Omg. I moved in a little over 2 months ago… of the approximate 67 days I’ve been living there. He has been present 66.5 of them. For a girl such as myself who is used to long distance love… this is just a bit fucking much. I don’t know how to tell him w/o hurting his feelings either. Truth is, most of the time… I don’t MIND his being there. But sometimes… sometimes… I need elbow room. We do EVERYTHING together now. And while that’s all cutsie and shit, it makes me want to yack. I try not to complain b/c out there in world somewhere, some woman is yelling “LOVE SHOULDA BROUGHT YOUR ASS HOME LAST NIGHT!” and I am extremely grateful it’s not me. But we all know men… there is no middle w/ them. Either hot or cold. So right now, I’m just trying to adjust my body to the scorching temperatures.


    1. max says:

      Oh shit girlie I got your text while I was on vacay and forgot to respond when I got home. We need to discuss! And I’m sending you the belly pic.

    2. chunk says:

      This was so hilarious. LMAO. I get it *nods* I do. It’s like “I love you, now get the fuck outta my face.”

  2. RP14_96 says:

    I can’t wait to hear the name that you decide on…I think that deciding on a name is a serious thing…and could lead to violence!!

    1. max says:

      I’m dying to tell….but I believe in saving secrets until the birth. Hence why I don’t want to find out the gender…but that’s another post for another day.

  3. Kissalife says:

    Hee hee welcome to twin pregnancy…my belly went from looking like a little bump to a beach ball in a matter of 2 months! It really is like someone stuck a pump in you and pumped and pumped and there was no one there to say STOP!!

    Picking twin names is really special. Do you want them to start with the same letter do you want them to rhyme. You do want to use that name you thought was so cute when you were 15! It is more common than you know. Violence during this process is something that is just a possibility. lol

    1. max says:

      Yeah I’m still a bit bummed that I don’t get to use the names I chose way back when (Talia or Eliane for a girl and Donal for a boy) but overall I really like the names we picked. They all start with the same letter, but they don’t rhyme or otherwise sound alike.

      Pretty much anything we go through after that should be smooth sailing. It was a ROUGH couple of months until we decided!

  4. Andrienne says:

    OMG!!! You’re pregnant? Congratulations Max. Even though I don’t know you I feel like I know you, know what I mean? Anyhoo, being pregnant is amazing but just for the attention part. The rest of it sucks balls. Blowing up like a house, not being able to see you crotches etc, etc. Two in one shot, good on Mr Max!!! I’m a tad jealous, I always wanted twins but only ended up with one munchkin. He’s 19months and as cliche as it sounds it’s crazy how much you can love one little person. Keep up the pregnant posts. Your writing is awesome and your dedicated readers (and snoopers like me) won’t mind at all!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *