Last Wednesday a tonne of bricks fell on my head. It was sudden and unexpected and left my brain spinning with confusion, but it was also kind of awesome. And then on Thursday morning another pile fell on me; smaller, but just as sudden and unexpected and awesome. And then on Friday afternoon I got hit again. This one wasn't sudden or unexpected and it wasn't particularly awesome, but it was a tonne of bricks just the same.
The problem is, all of these big fat juicy things that happened to me last week are also big fat juicy secrets. And if you know anything about me, you know I suck at secrets. I don’t like to keep secrets. I don’t believe in secrets. I tell my secrets. But these secrets are way too big to tell.
So what do I do? Well like any junkie trying to deny herself a fix, I look for other outlets. I sleep, as much as I can. I subtweet and write cryptic gchat statuses. I have long, involved conversations with myself about my secrets. And I barrage the few people who know what’s going on with endless discussions about my secrets.
Oh and also? I write annoying blog posts about having secrets without saying what those secrets are.
The thing is, these secrets are killing me. I can’t really function as a normal human being; so consumed am I by all these big fat juicy things that are happening. And as much as I enjoy excessive sleeping as a remedy for everything that ails me, it’s not exactly conducive to a productive life.
I’m trying to push all my big fat juicy secrets to the back of my head so I can focus on what’s happening around me, but it’s not really my style. I’m a stresser, an obsesser. When big things happen to me I need to chew on them, talk them out, suck every bit of life force out of them until they become small enough to be weaved into the fabric of my everyday life. But when I have to keep them a secret, that doesn’t work. And so they become great big fat distractions that pull me away from everything I’m supposed to be doing.
So yeah. I have big fat juicy secrets right now. And they’re kind of awesome, but they’re driving me nuts. And let me tell you, one of these secrets will blow your fucking minds when I tell you. But in the meantime, help me out dear readers. Do any of you have big fat juicy secrets right now? What do you do when you have secrets you can’t tell? Give me some tips in the comments.