Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Long-Distance Relationships
I'm not the kind of woman who is typically defined by her man. Truth be told, as someone who has been single for most of my adulthood, there hasn't often been a man by which to be defined. But beyond that, as a sex blogger with an ill-understood job and a host of idiosyncrasies, I'm not used to being defined by anything other than who I am.
But ever since my mister came on the scene, that has changed. Whenever the sentence “my boyfriend lives in DC” comes up, he instantly becomes the most interesting thing about me. I don’t know the stats on long-distance relationships, but it seems they’re the most fascinating thing going to pretty much everyone I meet.
I’m normally a pretty open person, but I admit I find the questions a bit unnerving sometimes. As we Trini’s like to say, people are dyam fass sometimes and it’s annoying to be put on the spot and expected to give strangers or acquaintances a clearer picture of how my private life works. If I wasn’t brought up right, I’d probably slap a bitch, but I’m a lady so I just grin and do my best.
The one thing everyone wants to know is “How does that work??”. And the answer is simple. We talk. A lot. We gchat, we text, and we FaceTime. A lot. He knows everything that happens in my day
that I choose to tell him. The fact that he lives far away means I talk to him more often than I would otherwise, because I’ve had to reconsider aversion to the phone. Unfortunately for everyone else I know, I use up all my phone tolerance on him and literally can’t stand to be on the phone with anyone else.
Then everyone wants to know “Don’t you miss him?”. And the answer is….kinda. I mean, yes I wish I saw him more often. And yes, I kinda do want to shank someone when I see other couples on the street doing the mundane things he and I never get to do together. If that amounts to missing him then yeah I guess I do. But really the thing is that he doesn’t really exist in my day-to-day life, if that makes sense. It’s not like when you’re used to seeing someone every day and suddenly they’re gone and you keep expecting to see them in all the familiar places. He never was here so the fact that he’s not seems pretty normal to me. So now I wouldn’t really say that I actively miss him all the time. But I do get overwhelmed by a burning desire to hug him. Or see his face. Or…well, you know.
Speaking of which, you would not believe the number of people who ask me “What do you do about sex?”. People are nosy, man. I tell you. I still haven’t found the right answer to that one. I mean, you guys know me and you know my affinity for sex, both of the real and faux varieties, so I’m sure you can use your imagination. But I’m not about to extoll the virtues of FaceTime sex to virtual strangers.
Although, let me tell you – FaceTime sex gives life. Trust me on that one.
The questions go on and on – how often do you see each other, who visits whom, who is going to move where, aren’t you worried that he’ll cheat on you? And like I said, it’s annoying. But it’s bearable. Which is actually a pretty accurate description of what it’s like to be in a LDR – annoying but bearable.
You know what’s really hard though? The judgement. Case in point: A couple of months ago a friend of mine asked how my “DC dick” was doing. I’m not a fan of that euphemism for my mister and so I had to correct him and I swear I could have knocked him over with a feather, so incredulous was he. He was like “come on Max you can’t really be taking this seriously?” and “you don’t really think this guy is faithful to you, do you?” and “you know that’s not a real relationship, don’t you?” and on and on until I had to leave the table lest our friendship come to an abrupt and grinding halt.
I get that shit a lot.
And the truth is, I can kinda understand it. The LDR ain’t for everyone and to those for whom it’s not meant, it probably seems preposterous. There are people in this world who can’t stand to be alone even for a second. And for those people, I’m sure the idea of a relationship with someone in another country seems like poppycock. So I can dig it. What I can’t get with is why they think it’s necessary to say that shit out loud. the LDR ain’t for everybody. I think I was born to be in one – boo’d up though I may be, I’m still a lone wolf and I relish the space I get. Being far away from your SO makes for a kind of clarity that you don’t always get when you’re in the thick of your relationship. And, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t make it easier to cheat – if anything it makes it harder. Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, my LDR works for me.
Like I said, the LDR ain’t for everybody. I think I was born to be in one – boo’d up though I may be, I’m still a lone wolf and I relish the space I get. Being far away from your SO makes for a kind of clarity that you don’t always get when you’re in the thick of your relationship. And, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t make it easier to cheat – if anything it makes it harder. Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, my LDR works for me.
But what about you guys – are you a believer in love across the miles or do you think they’re unsustainable? Anyone out there in this boat with me? Speak on it in the comments.