The Chuck Bass


Ah Chuck Bass, for a short White man with questionable teeth, that is one seriously hot piece of ass. How can anyone not lust after him? He’s dashing, well-dressed, and obnoxiously confident. Cunning, complicated and tortured. On top of which he’s a fucking sarcastic asshole. And he’s into freaky shit. AND he likes Black girls. Talk about my dream man.

All my life I’ve wanted to marry a Chuck Bass. For as long as I can remember, my idea of an ideal marriage is one in which I had to handle my man.Because he didn’t operate like a normal human being. I always wanted a relationship where I was my man’s island – the only thing in his life he could trust to be true. A relationship where I had to work overtime to give him what he needs but I was rewarded with undying love and ferocious protection. A relationship that from the outside in looked completely fucked up but from the inside felt like we’d invented love.

When I look back at the three important relationships in my past, I see now that I was looking for the Black Canadian version of Chuck Bass but falling painfully short. They did a bang up job on the complicated/asshole/requiring handling part, but fell crashingly down on the  undying love and ferocious protection part. And maybe that’s because a man (or a woman) who requires so much management is inherently selfish and therefore congenitally incapable of providing that kind of love in return.

At any rate, as I watched episode after episode of Jenny’s raccoon eyes, Blair’s scheming, and Vanessa’s imposing her lofty moral standards on everyone around her, I got antsy and rolled my eyes so much I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck. Until Chuck came on the scene and then my day was instantly brightened. Even as I watched Blair cry oceans of tears over the fucked up shit he did, I never stopped wanting them to be together (fuck that prince!).

I wonder though whether a relationship with a man like Chuck is truly sustainable. Although I really believe that some people were born to be lovers and others were born to be loved, life with a man like Chuck is fucking exhausting. The  longest I lasted with any of my pseudo-Chucks was 3 years; is there a woman alive who can last a lifetime with a man who requires constant vigilance?

In case you’re wondering, my current Mr. Max couldn’t be any farther from a Chuck Bass. In fact if anyone’s a Chuck in our relationship, it’s me.  And while it’s refreshingly enjoyable to be with someone who doesn’t have to be monitored like a flight risk, I do sometimes wonder what kind of man I’d end up with if he were to suddenly disappear. Would I resume my quest for a real world Chuck Bass? Return to a life of having to be careful and indulgent and solicitous and put myself second all the time? Or is that kind of relationship only appealing until you’ve experienced something different?

I don’t know. But what I do know is this: Chuck Bass could get it from me. 99 different ways.

But what do you guys think? Do you see the appeal in a complicated asshole like Chuck Bass, or do you prefer the emotional balance of the Dan Humphrey’s of the world? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 6

  1. Flyy says:

    Let me tell you something… I know a Chuck Bass (we’ll call him Flyy Chuck) & he is effing exhausting. Notice I use the word ‘know’ and not ‘have.’ It took me like 5 minutes to decide what word to use there. I think it’s impossible to have a Chuck Bass. It’s like it goes against the very core of their being to be possessed by a lover.

    “A relationship where I had to work overtime to give him what he needs but I was rewarded with undying love and ferocious protection. A relationship that from the outside in looked completely fucked up but from the inside felt like we’d invented love.”

    This is nothing but the COTDAMB truth. However, the real Chuck Bass’ give you love… but make no mistake, it doesn’t match the OT you are putting into the relationship. From what they do give you, you KNOW they have the potential to give up that type of Earth shattering love and loyalty; but personally I have yet to experience it. I think you’re statement here: And maybe that’s because a man…who requires so much management is inherently selfish and therefore congenitally incapable of providing that kind of love in return. hits the nail on the head.

    I’ve been in it for some years and now I’m trying to escape. I’m old. I now need the emotional stability of a Dan Humphrey, been open to it for a while and when I find it… I’m ghost. They only way for Flyy Chuck & I to work is if he is a little less Chuck and that my dear, I’m not sure is possible.

  2. Alexis says:

    I recently just got out of a 3 yr relationship. One of the main reasons I left was because I felt a lack of passion in my partner. As i reflected I realized I did much of the fighting and the attemepts to pull us back together. Being single again I would like to try a relationship with a man like Chuck Bass. I think the different kind of man he is, is appealing. Above all though I wish I could find a man like Christian Grey, who is my ideal lover. I want someone to love me fiercely and challenge me in ways no one else can. Some complication makes things exciting, this is not to say emotionally balanced relationships are boring. I do think it depends on a person’s character, and finding someone who will match their character. I hope I find my Christian Grey one day.

    1. max says:

      Oooh girl I hope you find your Christian Grey too. That’s the only thing I can think of that would be as good as finding a Chuck Bass!

  3. The Man says:

    Why are you proud of being attracted to such terrible features? They don’t make a good man, and the fact that women tend to find those features “sexy” is the reason why bad people still exist in this world, and why guys spend insane amounts of time trying to be assholes in order to get laid, rather than doing something that could help humanity.

    I wish women had better taste.

  4. Usually I wouldn’t agree with anyone who calls himself The Man but in this case, homie is telling the truth. I feel like young black men especially get enough mixed signals about what it means to “be a man” without women chasing behind every asshole who comes their way and leaving all the nice guys bitter and jaded.

    Now don’t get me wrong. I like a strong dude and I certainly wouldn’t mind a good dose of Christian Grey when the situation calls for it. But being able to submit to somebody? Being able to follow when someone else leads? That takes a level of respect and trust that no selfish or trifling dude will ever be able to garner.

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