This is by far the most-often uttered phrase from me to my mister. If there’s anything I say more often than that, I don’t know what it is. Actually that’s not true. There are other things I say more often, but they’re private and have nothing to do with today’s topic. If you know what I mean.
I say this all the time because I fucking exhaust that man. But put a pin in that for a second. I’m coming back to that.
In the old days, it didn’t take much to make Max happy. Self-contained, self-sufficient, self-satisfied. My needs are simple – a good book, a pack of cigarettes, and a bit of smut and I’m a happy world unto myself. They say no man is an island, but I could rock out for a long time without feeling the sting of isolation.
Even when there was a Mr. Max on the scene, I was alarmingly low maintenance. I saw Snickers about one weekend every four months, received one letter a month from him and almost never talked to him on the phone. And that worked just fine for me. I once dated a man whom I only heard from every three weeks; despite the fact that he lived about 15 minutes away from me. And during my failed attempt at a reconciliation with the Spectacular Asshole, I saw him twice in three months.
While this didn’t always work for me at the time, I let it rock in those days because that’s the kind of girl I was. Chill, laissez-faire, live and let live. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t be greedy.
But somewhere along the way I’ve morphed into something else entirely. I’ve become insatiable, lickerish, voracious. No longer content with whatever portion a man deigns to give me, I want everything there is to have.
No matter how long Mr. Max and I talk on the phone, it’s not long enough to make me not whine “but I want to talk to you” when he tries to let me go. He can’t compliment me enough, text me enough, pay enough attention to me to keep me satisfied. I never stop wanting more. More time together, more secrets, more eye contact, more talking, more affection, more sex.
What can I say? I’m a greedy girl. I want all of my mister and I want it all the time. Is that so bad?
They say that greed is a sin of excess. It’s not the wanting of the thing that’s bad, it’s the intemperance of it. I guess. The unfairness of wanting more than someone is willing to give, more than my fair share, more than I need. It’s okay to want, as long as your want doesn’t surpass your need. As long as you don’t take more than you deserve. Or so they say.
I say fuck that. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no sin in wanting. And there is no sin in asking for what you want. Even if it’s a lot, even if it’s too much, what harm is there in expecting a lot from your partner?
As far as I can see, the sin is in the imbalance of greed. It’s in the wanting and taking and giving nothing in return. It’s in the ingratitude of it, in the lack of appreciation of all you’re given. Or it’s in the impropriety of it; in the going elsewhere to get what you want when you feel like your partner isn’t giving you enough. But greed itself? There’s no sin in that. Greed is pure. Honest. Brave, even. There’s courage in expressing unabashed, untethered need of your partner. In letting go of your pride and saying I want all of you to make me happy. And there’s generosity in greed; in letting the one you love see exactly how much they are needed. Greed has a bum rap, but it’s not as bad as the universe would have you believe.
Or maybe I just think that because I’m a greedy girl.
But what say you, dear readers? Are you greedy gals and guys yourselves, or do you temper what you require from your partner so as not to ask for too much? How do you feel about greedy girl/boyfriends? Are you exhausted by their wanting, or charmed by it? Speak your piece in the comments.
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