So you’ve found a dude and your parts are getting oiled on a regular. Congrats girl. Good on you. And bonus points if it’s good and not political. Book yourself some regular waxing sessions, stay on top of your yoga practice, and you’re good to go.
I swear, nothing smooths life’s passage like having a regular source of sex, does it? Whether it’s your mister, a friend with benefits, or a good old-fashioned fuck buddy, there’s nothing like going through life with that secret “I got fucked yesterday” smile on your face.
But oh wait! Flag on the play! Last night, after a particularly epic session, Mr. Man asked you to do _____. Wait, what?
You’ve never done ___. You don’t even really believe that other people do _____. And you never considered yourself the kind of girl who would do ____.
So you begin to pepper him with questions: “You really want that? Have you ever had it before? You have? And you liked it? Really? Huh. Well….let me think about it.”
For the next few days you’re fixated on ___. You can’t believe he really wants you to do it. It freaks you out, and the more you think about it the more freaked out you get.
For a good girl, this is a sexual quandary of the highest order. A wack girl – a selfish girl – will just dismiss her man’s request out of hand. He wants ___, I don’t do ____ so he’s shit out of luck. Those are the girls who get their asses cheated on and then act surprised. But a good girl remembers what Max always says – it is not okay to unilaterally take reasonable sexual acts off the table. And so she mulls it over.
Near-nympho though I may be, I’ve struggled with this situation before. I’m pretty adventurous, but there are certain acts that I’m just not comfortable undertaking. But when the man who is fucking my brains out on a regular asks me to do something I don’t really want to do, I don’t feel right refusing him.
Sidenote: what I’m talking about here is reasonable requests. And if you really don’t know what I mean by reasonable, here is a rough outlline: swallowing is reasonable, bukkake is not. Anal is reasonable, dirty sanchez is unreasonable. Salad-tossing = reasonable, snowballing? not so much.
So what’s a girl to do? Like I said – if you’re the kind of girl who just refuses to do it and refuses to discuss the matter further, you’re wack and you need to get off my blog. But if you’re like me and you strive to achieve plutonium pussy status (word to @drjayjack) you need to find a way to wrap your head around what your man wants you to do. “But I don’t want to do that” isn’t going to cut it.
Confession time: there has been a time or two in the past when I’ve promised to do something and then choked at the finish line. Where I’ve run away squealing at the crucial moment after promising to be still and let it happen. Then the man is disappointed and I feel like a flopshow for not keeping my promise. That was probably not the best strategy.
But what is the right thing to do? If he really really wants it and you really really don’t feel comfortable doing it, who should prevail? My policy has always been if you’re not doing it you’re giving out passes for it, but that’s a bit of a letdown for me. My primary goal in my relationships is to dazzle my mr. And giving out passes is like outsourcing the dazzle. And who wants to do that?
So I put it to you, dear readers: the first ever Nasty Friday pickle. When your man (or woman) wants you to do something you really don’t want to do, how do you handle it? Do you tell him he’s shit out of luck or do you suck it up (pun intended?) and take one for the team? How do you psych yourself up to do something you think is…kinda gross? Overshare – and use examples – in the comments.