But I Don’t Want To (A Nasty Friday Pickle)


[dropcap]S[/dropcap]o you’ve found a dude and your parts are getting oiled on a regular. Congrats girl. Good on you. And bonus points if it’s good and not political. Book yourself some regular waxing sessions, stay on top of your yoga practice, and you’re good to go.

I swear, nothing smooths life’s passage like having a regular source of sex, does it? Whether it’s your mister, a friend with benefits, or a good old-fashioned fuck buddy, there’s nothing like going through life with that secret “I got fucked yesterday” smile on your face.

But oh wait! Flag on the play! Last night, after a particularly epic session, Mr. Man asked you to do _____. Wait, what?

You’ve never done ___. You don’t even really believe that other people do _____. And you never considered yourself the kind of girl who would do ____.

So you begin to pepper him with questions:  “You really want that? Have you ever had it before? You have? And you liked it? Really? Huh. Well….let me think about it.”

For the next few days you’re fixated on ___. You can’t believe he really wants you to do it. It freaks you out, and the more you think about it the more freaked out you get.

For a good girl, this is a sexual quandary of the highest order. A wack girl – a selfish girl – will just dismiss her man’s request out of hand. He wants ___, I don’t do ____ so he’s shit out of luck. Those are the girls who get their asses cheated on and then act surprised. But a good girl remembers what Max always says – it is not okay to unilaterally take reasonable sexual acts off the table. And so she mulls it over.

Near-nympho though I may be, I’ve struggled with this situation before. I’m pretty adventurous, but there are certain acts that I’m just not comfortable undertaking. But when the man who is fucking my brains out on a regular asks me to do something I don’t really want to do, I don’t feel right refusing him.

Sidenote: what I’m talking about here is reasonable requests. And if you really don’t  know what I mean by reasonable, here is a rough outlline: swallowing is reasonable, bukkake is not. Anal is reasonable, dirty sanchez is unreasonable. Salad-tossing = reasonable, snowballing? not so much.

So what’s a girl to do? Like I said – if you’re the kind of girl who just refuses to do it and refuses to discuss the matter further, you’re wack and you need to get off my blog. But if you’re like me and you strive to achieve plutonium pussy status (word to @drjayjack) you need to find a way to wrap your head around what your man wants you to do. “But I don’t want to do that” isn’t going to cut it.

Confession time: there has been a time or two in the past when I’ve promised to do something and then choked at the finish line. Where I’ve run away squealing at the crucial moment after promising to be still and let it happen. Then the man is disappointed and I feel like a flopshow for not keeping my promise. That was probably not the best strategy.

But what is the right thing to do? If he really really wants it and you really really don’t feel comfortable doing it, who should prevail? My policy has always been if you’re not doing it you’re giving out passes for it, but that’s a bit of a letdown for me. My primary goal in my relationships is to dazzle my mr. And giving out passes is like outsourcing the dazzle. And who wants to do that?

So I put it to you, dear readers: the first ever Nasty Friday pickle. When your man (or woman) wants you to do something you really don’t want to do, how do you handle it? Do you tell him he’s shit out of luck or do you suck it up (pun intended?) and take one for the team? How do you psych yourself up to do something you think is…kinda gross? Overshare – and use examples – in the comments.


bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 16

  1. larenee10 says:

    I just could not bring myself to google those “unreasonable requests.” It’s simply too early in the morning to have me trying to visualize or process images of all that new knowledge. Thought-provoking question, though … 🙂

    1. max says:

      Smart move. They’re all gross!

  2. Melissa says:

    I think, if it falls in the reasonable request category, just do it. Try it once. Don’t like, don’t have to do it again. At least it shows you care enough to try. And you’d be surprised at the things you might end up liking if you just try.

    1. Ray. says:

      Only once?? I think it shouldn’t be just once. At least do it on special occasions for that man. Just bc u don’t like it doesn’t mean he didn’t.

      1. Melissa says:

        But if it’s something you legit don’t want to do, you shouldn’t have to do it. Trying it for your man and still not liking it, I think, should be good. Just because he wants it, doesn’t mean you have to do it if it’s something you really don’t agree with or like. And we’re talking outrageous requests here.

        There’s not much I don’t like or won’t do, BUT if I found something I really did not enjoy, I’d do it once to make sure and if it’s still something I’m against, I don’t think I have to do it.

  3. Mike says:

    I introduced the pre-wife to a few new tricks, slowly…..we talked about them first, tried them out, continued to use them and we both enjoyed them. (You can’t fake squirting and wetness, I *know* they were enjoyed!)
    After the rings were put on fingers the tricks lasted a few more years and then trickled down to nada. One or two blowout arguments later I get “I never really enjoyed doing that”.

    Colour me bitter, I married an actress.

  4. CrewShall says:

    KML…..I’ve got to ask. What is bukkake,dirty sanchez and snowballing?

    1. Malik says:

      Bukkake is when multiple men give you a facial.
      Dirty Sanchez is when you put your finger in someone’s ass and smear whatever you got on it above their lip.
      Snowballing is when you cum in her mouth and then let her spit the cum into yours.

  5. MizzCam says:

    The only one I didn’t know is snowballing, but I think I can figure that one out…

    In reality, I’m actually rather prude. But I’m also the kind of girl who likes her man to be happy, and therefore I’ve been coaxed into trying quite a few things that I didn’t necessarily want to do. He enjoyed them, so I at least tried them before definitively saying that no, I didn’t like [whatever we did] or if I could see myself getting into that specific act again.

    More often than not, I constantly felt like I was making pr0n. So while he was extra happy, I wasn’t. So my answer to the question is to be open-minded. Don’t shoot everything down right away, but also don’t say yes to everything either if whatever it is makes you uncomfortable. Personally, I don’t like regretting things that I’ve done or feeling ashamed – so make sure that you’ll be okay with what you did later. Speak up, because telling somebody down the line that you hate doing something that you’ve done like clockwork for years isn’t really cool. =/

    1. MizzCam says:

      I just looked up snowballing, ha. It’s definitely not what I thought it was.

  6. Chucc Taylor says:

    Crazy question: Has any girl ever asked you to pee on her? This happened once or twice and I just couldn’t do it

    1. max says:

      Are you asking me? Because the answer is no hahaha

  7. Vee says:

    What kind of a guy would want a woman to do something she’s not comfortable doing?

  8. fixedwater says:

    I say give it a try first. But I know that won’t work for everybody. So ask him if he absolutely needs it to be satisfied. Is this a make or break type of request? Because if it is and you are not comfortable, this may be a fish you should throw back.
    That may sound harsh. But I believe we should both be having a good time. If he is and I’m not or I am and he isn’t that’s a recipe for disaster.
    Truly, I usually enjoy trying new things if he is having a good time. But I also prefer not to be with someone who is so stuck on his own good time that he forgets to care about mine.
    Chexy time should be mutually enjoyable, not a one sided affair.

  9. Mabl says:

    I think the “really” is really important here. I would prefer not to do anal, so it’s not going to be a regular occurrence, more like a Charlie Brown (insert holiday) Special. I really don’t dig tossing salad, though you can do me if that’s your thing. I’ve made the attempt, but failed as the Jaws theme played in my head and I realized I just could not go in . . . . I think depending on what it is you can compromise. I will get all up in that taint for ya, and maybe even wet my thumb and rub it around that no fly zone, but I ain’t never goin’ there with my mouthpiece *shudders.* I think if you have a line you should verbalize it and if the person has a problem a line has already been crossed and you should not be together, you don’t want to end up with a man like Mr. Color Me Bitter, or end up bitter yourself. The big deal is “I don’t like it and if your ex or whoever used to you better go work on a reconciliation or something.” Though women that don’t give head . . . that’s just too much. Did I get this link from here . . . .


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