Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.
First up on Ask Max we have a question from a young lady wondering how to distinguish lust from true love. Read on for the problem and my advice:
Okay so I’m dealing with this guy I really like but I keep my guard up cause he’s the player type but we have bomb ass sex. Outside the bedroom we are like best friends we stay on the phone and jones for hours like we are in high school. In the bedroom with him I’m a hardcore freak almost down for whatever our sex is bomb. He always says he loves me and he’s gonna marry me one day blah blah all that good shit . Could this be true? Or are we friends with benefits and the great sex makes the lust seem like “love”?
Girl. This one is too easy. This isn’t true love, this is sex with a man who likes to talk to you. If this man is really in love with you, he has a retarded way of showing it. Don’t mistake pre/mid/post-coital talks for anything more than what it is. Words. If this man really loved you and really wanted you for his own, don’t you think he’s let you know that? Keep smashing him if you want to, but don’t waste your time planning to meet him at the altar.
So in mid November I shared with an older adult friend that I had a crush on this guy. Little did I know she knew him as well! The next day he comes to visit her and I come in 10 minutes after he leaves and find out she told him ALL about me. Then the next day there was the basketball home opener game that I knew he would be at and he was. After the game, he followed me on Twitter (probably due to a few mutual friends we have in common mentioning me). A week later adds me on Instagram. Likes pictures, even the ones I posted before he added me. So I DM him on Twitter about how he’s liked my pictures but never introduced himself…then a few days later asks for my number. We have texted a few times and the first time it lasted 3 hours , the longest it has been is about 5. We have hung out once in a group setting. And he continues to like my pictures on Instagram like 75% of the time. Today he liked one I posted waking up as well as commenting for the FIRST time saying “Damn”. What does this all mean? Does he like me or am I over thinking? I’m scared to ask. This was so long please help :/
I’m a bit torn on this one. My immediate inclination is to call this a “he’s just not that into you” type of situation. It kinda seems like there’s some interest there, but you’re clearly not compelling enough to make any real moves. As far as I’m concerned, the best thing to do in these situations is to drop the pebble of hope and move on with your life. Don’t waste time making any moves or trying to nudge him in your direction because if he really liked you, no nudging would be required.
However, it’s possible that my thinking on this subject may be a tiny bit antiquated. Those of you who have been reading me for a long time I know I am firmly and vehemently opposed to women making the first move on men. I think it sets a bad precedent that you have to work twice as hard to overcome and it’s rarely worth it. But it’s 2012 and plenty of people nowadays see nothing wrong with a woman making moves.
If you’re one of those people, this dude seems ripe for some initiating. So if you just can’t let it go, ask him to do something with you. Don’t make it too romantic or too labour-intensive, and don’t be too nervous or spazzy when you ask him. If he says yes and actually shows up, be sure to dazzle the shit out of him and you have a fighting chance at getting something to pop off. But if he says no or flops, abort mission and move on honey.
That’s my advice, but what say you guys? Would you tell these readers any different? Weigh in with your advice in the comments.