Yesterday while aimless meandering the internet I came across a post on What Black Men Want called “Slow Your Roll…Know Your Role“. The gist of the post was basically that the modernization of society has led us away from traditional gender roles and we need to bring ourselves back to them.
The post was pretty interesting, but what really got my juices flowing is the video they linked to in the post:
For those of you who aren’t able to watch it, the video features a couple (I’m sorry but I have no idea who they are) saying that in a relationship, the man and the woman each have four roles to play:
1. The Monk: Sets direction and goals for the family
2. The Leader: Is accountable to and present for his wife
3. The solider: Makes sacrifices on behalf of the family
4. The negotiator: Able to communicate what’s on his mind, what’s going on, where they’re going
Basically the man is the king of the castle. He takes full accountability for what goes on in the house.
1. The Lover: She is sweet, relaxed, and enjoys sex with her husband
2. The Conservationist: Conserves her energy and doesn’t let herself get stressed out so she can smile and be pleasant when her man comes home
3. The Visionary: She just trusts her man
4. The Devotee: She is devoted to her man’s dreams. She realizes that “his dreams include her dreams” and she supports them
Basically the woman’s job is to surrender to her man.
After the couple smoke, Mo’Nique chimed in saying that the modern woman’s urge to be independent just brings us further and further apart from our men. As she so eloquently puts it “We pee sitting down for a reason. He stands up for a reason. Know your position”.
I found myself nodding vigourously as I watched the video. I agreed wholeheartedly with everything the couple was saying.
Modern woman though I may appear to be, in my heart I’m a total throwback. When I’m in a relationship I expect Mr. Max to run the show. I recently got into an argument with my uber-feminist mother when I told her that I fully intended to vow to “love, honour, and obey” my husband if I ever get married. She said that she would stand up and object if I did that, I told her if that was the case she needn’t come to my wedding, etc. etc.
But as much as I believe in the concept of submitting to a man, the actual practice of it is another story. Any woman who has spent any significant amount of her adulthood being single knows, we get used to doing things for ourselves and having things our own way. And so when a man comes along and asserts is natural position as the leader, it’s really hard to surrender to his direction. Really hard.
I’m all about wanting Mr. Max to be the boss of me. I will serve him, cater to him, obey him without hesitation. Until he makes a decision I don’t agree with. Or tells me to stop doing something I want to do. Or decides that saving for a down payment on a house is more important than the Alexander Wang Perforated Ankle Boots I’ve been lusting after.
Submission is all well and good in theory, but when it gets in the way of my shoe collection, we’re fighting.
That’s my take on it anyway, what do you guys think? Do you guys believe in traditional gender roles or are we off that now? Men do you expect your woman to submit to you? How do you handle it when she doesn’t? Ladies do you surrender to your man?
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