I have the best dad in the world. I know a lot of people say that, but in my case it happens to be true. Anyone who has ever met my dad can attest to the fact that he's awesome. My dad is smart as hell and he's generous to a fault. And while I'm sure he wishes to God my sister and I would just get married and settle down so he'd stop having to take care of us, he never shows it. He's just there.
I’ve always believed that my dad can do anything – fix anything, learn anything, solve any problem. I can’t think of a time in life where he ever wanted to do something, get something, build something, or give something and he didn’t succeed. If he has to do something he just does it – no dithering, no hesitation, no doubt. He just does it.
My dad is focused and dedicated and he works his ass off to provide for his family. I really can’t think of a time when I’ve needed or wanted something and didn’t get it from him. He supports my sister and me in everything, even though he doesn’t really get what the hell we do with ourselves.
Of course when I was young I never really gave much thought to how lucky I am to have the best father in the entire world. Growing up in my safe little homogenized world it seemed like everyone had a dad like mine so it didn’t seem like anything special that my father was always, always there. I thought it was just what dads did. But now that I’m old and my horizons have expanded, the ratio of friends I have with good dads to friends I have with shitty dads or no dads at all has shifted wildly. And so I’ve learned to appreciate my dad, to be grateful as hell to have him there as a safety net.
But as lucky as I am to have a great dad, I can’t help but wonder sometimes how my dad’s awesomeness affects me. We all know that women with fucked up fathers often grow up to be a little messed up themselves, but what about women with good dads? If having a dad who mistreated you makes you grow up to not to expect decent treatment from anyone, what does having a father who treats you like gold do? And if having a father who was never there makes us grow up unable to count on anyone, what does having a father who is always there do?
It goes without saying that no man I’ve ever been involved with comes anywhere close to being as amazing as my dad. There’s nothing that any Mr. Max can or has done for me that my father can’t do better, faster, and without strings. That’s just so fucking obvious that I don’t even waste time thinking about it. If I need something in life that I can’t get on my own, I just ask my dad. No matter what’s going on in my personal life, my father is always the first place I go for anything I need.
I’ve always been the girl who doesn’t need a man. For most of my adult life, I’ve happily skipped along down my single path without ever stopping to wish there was a man at home waiting for me. I never daydream about marrying a rich man who will fulfill my every earthly desire. Because I have a dad here who gives me whatever I need. I never have to worry about how I’m going to get by if the man in my life should leave me, because I know my dad is there to give me everything he did. And more.
So lately I’ve been wondering if being a daddy’s girl makes me a less-than-ideal girlfriend. Women often caution each other against becoming involved with mama’s boys. We all know that if a man is too attached to his mom it’s hell to pay for us – we’ll never ever be able to compete with her. I never hear people say that about women and their dads, but I can’t help but wonder if the reverse is true.
I feel like it must be demoralizing sometimes to be with a woman with an awesome dad. To know that you won’t ever be the first place she goes for help or support. To know that – no matter what you do – you’ll never match up against her daddy. Why would a man bother to try to be great for his girl if he knows he’s never going to be as great as her dad in her eyes?
What do you guys think? Do only girls with shitty or absent fathers have daddy issues or do the ones with good dads fall victim to this too? Ladies do you have great dads? How do you think that affects your personal relationships? And men – does your girl’s relationship with her dad ever get in the way of he relationship with her?
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Hmmmm. Interesting thought. I had the dad who divorced his kids when he divorced the mother. But I never felt like I was lacking because my amazing uncles were/are like your amazing dad (how amazing? @emti is campaigning my Auntie…smh)
I don’t see the amazing as a negative. Why wouldn’t you want someone who will always be there, who is supportive, who adores you openly, and who wants what is best for you?
Fine, be intimidated by an amazing dad, but if a guy backs away from the opportunity to be great? He’s a loser.
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Well I don’t know if I would put it as harshly as that. I don’t think it’s really about men being intimidated by a great dad. I think it’s more about a woman coming to a point where she stops running to daddy first and starts letting her man be the resource and support system her father was.
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I have an amazing dad too. He’s been my biggest fan through everything I’ve ever done. I, too, grew up thinking of that as normal. Only more recently have my sister and I started to fully realize how awesome it is (and how lucky we are) to have grown up with two great parents who are still happy 30+ years later.
I have noticed what you’re talking about seeping into some relationships. But I think, overall, growing up with a good dad makes me less tolerant of being treated poorly.
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My dad is also West Indian and they are a different breed of men from a different generation as well. So it’s hard to compare them really. But I will say that I want a man like my dad because if you can’t do what he does or make things happen the way he does then eventually I will disappear. My ex is nothing like my father and I think that’s one of the reason among many that I divorced him.
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Yeah West Indian men of my father’s generation are a different breed indeed. Canadian men my age are so different from them it’s kinda hard to even call them all the same thing.
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You girls with your good dads, you’re so freaking spoiled. I feel sorry for the men you end up with! I hope your dads don’t speak to you or anything for an entire year so you can gain some perspective in your lives. I was shaking my head all up and through this post because I was so disgusted by a grown woman still depending on her daddy for love, validation and support. I bet he’s thinking when will my job finally be done?! Ugh.
I, on the other hand, did not have the most amazingest dad. I’m
finallyfine with that and I’m sure it was not a big or influencing factor in the mate I chose and/or the age that I settled down and got married. Anywho, without that, I wouldn’t be the amazingly well rounded and intelligent, deep-thinking and the most unbitterest individual thatbegs for validation and fake friendshipfollows this blog and several others daily. I wouldn’t change it for the world.Like or Dislike:
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wow I am assuming that this is all in a joking manner. My father raised me to be incredibly independent and learn not to rely on men. My friends without fathers in their lives are the ones always looking for validation and support from men. . . Not the one with great fathers or father figures. . .
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I was all set to come on here and tell you that indeed I was joking and apologize for not throwing the obligatory LOL in there somewhere. But maybe deep down I wasn’t, when Beyonce sang that Daddy song, I almost boycotted her music. If one mo person rub it in my face about how great their daddy is, I might just put a fork in my eye.
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Btw, your hair is awesome!
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lol thanks!!! Yeah sometimes I feel guilty for having a great dad. But I am grateful for though my father is a very quiet man in words, he has always been there for my friends. Even traveling from Atlanta to NJ to help “handle” a situation my best friends was having with her ex. He is now giving her away at her upcoming wedding and I wish she could have her own dad do that for her.
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Ouch Krystal Light! I see you’re feisty for the new year!
But you’re right – I’m sure my dad wishes I’d get off his teat and I do kind of think that having him always there as a safety net has stunted my growth somewhat.
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I could’ve written this post. Except this line: ” I never daydream about marrying a rich man who will fulfill my every earthly desire” every word of it applies to me/my Daddy. He is awesome…
But I don’t worry about that affecting my relationships. I think it taught me what to expect from the man I should marry and what to look for in the future father of my children. Having an awesome dad (and APPRECIATING the awesome dad that he is) will make you a great mate. When you find someone who measures up, (because I think he’s out there w/ a younger face and great body… ) you’ll be able to recognize it right away and show him the same gratitude and appreciation you’ve grown to show your father over the years.
*calls my daddy to say thank you*
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Max,
I sometimes wonder if you aren’t sitting at the dinner table with my friends and I all the way in Tennessee…
I just had this conversation, and as someone who grew up with an great stepdad, I had to come to this realization.
As the person in the relationship you shouldn’t let the relationship with your parents come between you.
There is a time in a woman and a man’s life that you have to let your parent’s go to some extent, and by that I mean, you have to start asking your significant other for much of what you asked your dad to do.
For example, If something is broken in the house give your significant other the chance to repair it, and if they can’t then ask your Dad or a repairman.
I know for a fact that my dad is ready for someone else to take up the slack
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I know that I was blessed to have such an awesome father. He taught me how to be independent and that includes not relying on him. Recently my boyfriend told me that he gets intimidated by me because I don’t need him to fix things, always drive me around, fix my car, just all the normal stuff girls have their boyfriends do.
Have an amazing father, uncle, grandfather, and brothers has simply shown me that their are good men in the world and I don’t have to settle for less. While I am content being alone I would love to have a man like my father and hopefully I have found him in my boyfriend.
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Do only girls with shitty or absent fathers have daddy issues or do the ones with good dads fall victim to this too?
No I was seeing this girl awhile back who had a father who didn’t let her want for anything and was there for her at every ballet class, basketball game, graduation (even those bullshit elementary to middle school ones), and then some and she still has daddy issues. She acts like the man doesn’t show her the slightest bit of interest because she’s the brainiac and her other two siblings are sports freaks who shows interest in.
So let me be the one to tell you (My experience in the girl’s I’ve dated or been invovled with): Give damn if her father was there and did a good job or he’s absent or just a douche, it don’t matter some how some way they (their daughters) will find a way to make an issue.
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I’ve wondered this same thing…I can’t really on my father financially like you do, but he’s a pretty wonderful man and I definitely have high expectations of my men because of his great example. I think it’s a factor, but not necessarily a negative one. Great topic, I wish there would’ve been more discussion
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I love this post! As I’m reading, I’m thinking “This sounds like my dad!” From installing the marble tile in our bathroom floor, to sewing, to fixing my car, my Dad is Awesome. (He also has two girls–Trini men lol)
I honestly don’t date much and am not bothered by this. I doubt any man will compare to my father, and I have yet to meet one that will hold my interest for an extended period of time.
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My wife has a great dad. She is very close to him (and her mom), but I don’t feel like I get edged out at all. I also have a great dad and my sister’s relationship with my dad is similar to my wife’s relationship with her dad. We have a daughter and my wife’s POV is similar to Tele Kendall. My wife feels that her closeness with her dad made it unnecessary for her to “seek love in the streets” (my wife’s term). She mentions quite often that I need to have a similar relationship with our daughter. My wife feels that a father’s close relationship with a daughter prevents tramping around. Interesting to know how others feel about that.
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Thanks guys for chiming in on the discussion. It’s great to hear that I’m not the only Daddy’s girl out there and gratifying to know that there are men out there who don’t feel threatened by awesome dads.
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I also have an amazing father, in fact I was just discussing this the other day with my friends. I don’t worry about having to get things from men. It has always bee that if i need anything, I call my dad. I won’t even call a man Daddy in bed because it skeeves me out. I do think it is harder to date me, because I am not looking. I don’t need a man. Just saying we are on the same wavelength with this one.
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my daddy is amazing too
my husband know that i’m a daddy’s girl and he knows that he’s the love of my life but my daddy will always be my # 1
and my husband know that if he ever hurts me..my daddy will kick his ass
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I am in the same boat as you. My father is German, and my mother is from Barbados…so you can imagine, very different upbringings, and very different views on how children should be raised. Being raised with a german father meant my upbringing was very military in the sense that I always KNEW what was expected of me, and at a very early age learned to fear the disappointment I would bring my father should I fail to anticipate what my next move/plan of action should be correctly. My dad retired the day I was born (he happened to have a motorcycle accident when I was 8 weeks old). Regardless, my father had the chance to return back to work and he basically gave my mom the up and down and said “either you go back to work, or I do…but somebody is staying home with this little girl”. So my mother chose to work, and he retired to stay at home with me and be a full-time dad. In my adult life, it has it’s downfalls, but my father and yours are one in the same. There is nothing I need to get done, that my father can’t do, or isn’t almost tripping over himself to tell me how to. And DO NOT confuse this with being materialistically spoiled, because I wasn’t. At all. Retiring on disability in the late 80′s + inflation since didn’t always make for the most money to blow on the side, but the 6am summer road trips up to Wasaga with my little brother and I, or spending 5/7 days a week at Wild Water Kingdom as kids made the TIME we spent together everything. I like you, thought all daddy’s just DID that for their kids. We are quite lucky Max. Makes me wanna wake his ass up now and tell him I much I love him haha.
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