Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.
I’m falling behind on my Ask Max questions so we’re doubling up this week. Merry Christmas.
First up we have a question from a young lady wondering if oral sex is okay within casual sex arrangements. Read on for the problem and my advice:
I wanted to know what are your views on oral sex within friends with benefits & one night stands? When do you know if you waited long enough to start doing those types of acts?? How can you make sure that you respect your mouth/body while fulfilling needs without that “Omg, I’m such a slut” feeling the morning after or a few hours later?
I don’t know why, but I love advice questions about oral sex.
Those of you who have been reading me for a while probably know my feeling about oral sex and casual sex arrangements: I’m not a fan. I’ve been called backwards for this more times than I can count but I don’t care. When it comes to first times, fuck buddies, or fwb type of situations, oral sex is off the table in maxland.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy giving – I do. But to me that is ultra-VIP treatments and I can’t give that to just anyone. So I refrain. But that’s me.
For many people. oral sex carries no greater significance than any other sex act and therefore it has no particular restrictions. Lots of women believe that taking a dick in the mouth is no different from taking it in the pussy. And so for them it makes no sense to hold back.
So to answer your question of how do you know when you’ve waited long enough, you know when you feel like doing it. Everyone’s timetable is different and the right time to do it is when you want to do it. That’s the key to everything. And that’s really what will let you avoid that “OMG I’m such a slut” feeling we all hate so much.
The reason we get that feeling is that we don’t feel okay about what we’ve done. And the only way to avoid that is to make sure we’re on board with our choices, no matter what happens afterward. So if you feel like blowing your fuck buddy, pucker up!
Next up we have a question from a man who asks:
What would you make a guy do if he doesn’t like to dine on southern cuisine????
Am I the only one who is tickled by the fact that my dude used four exclamation marks?
Anyway, the short answer to the question is “nothing”. I’m the kind of gal who can happily live the rest of my life never being the “southern cuisine” on which Mr. Max dines, so it wouldn’t faze me a bit if he refused. But that’s not going to help those of you who actually enjoy it.
So. What do to when your man refuses to go down depends on two things: the nature of your relationship and his reasons for refusing. If we’re talking about some casual passing ship in the night, then this really isn’t anything to get up in arms about is it? There are plenty of fools out there in the world willing to eat at the Y so just go out there and find you one. Problem solved.
Now. If the man who is refusing to mustache ride is your Mr. and you actually want him to do it, it gets a bit more complicated. But like every other relationship problem, your first step is to talk to him about it. You need to know what his reason for refusing is before you know how big of a bitch you can be about it. If he has a deep philosophical objection to it that he is a) able to articulate and b) unable to overcome despite his best efforts, you might need to suck it up and accept it. What other choice do you have really? If he really really has a problem with it and he’s tried his hardest to get over it and he can’t, it’s a wrap. Unless you want to break up with him, but if you’re breaking up with a good man because you can’t get your pussy eaten, I don’t know. You should probably seek help.
However. If your man has no good reason to refuse to sneeze in the basket and refuses to even try, you have a problem on your hands that goes way bigger than muff diving. Because that is a “selfish prick” warning sign if I ever saw one. Relationships are about compromise, give and take, yin and yang, all that shit. One person’s aversion can’t just unilaterally trump the other’s desire without some kind of discussion. So if your man is just taking tongue fucking off the menu with no kind of discussion, he’s probably a dick head.
And there you have it. Two burning oral sex problems solved in less than 1000 words. Damn I’m good. But what say you guys? Weigh in with your take on these questions in the comments.