Well. It’s a beautiful thing when the thoughts we’re spilling are about random things like our jobs, our family, the price of wheat futures. Sharing those kind of thoughts with the one you love is bliss. But what about sharing our innermost thoughts about our relationships with our partners?
In an ideal world, it would be just as okay to say to your boyfriend “sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to be single forever” or to muse aloud to your girl that you think you have the soul of a cheater. If words had no consequences, we could say things to each other like “maybe we rushed into this” or “I need some time to think things over” and it would be okay. But the fact of the matter is that choosing to confide thoughts like these to the one you love has repercussions.
The truth is that expressing misgivings about your relationship to your boo is probably going to cause some trouble. It might make them mad, it might make them sad. It might inspire doubts of their own about you, or cause them to pull back to protect themselves. It can be unsettling, and make them feel insecure about you and your relationship. You never know what you might reap when you sow the seeds of honesty. And that’s okay.
The problem is that sometimes your sweetheart is still holding on to that anger or sadness or insecurity long after you’ve resolved your inner crisis. You know how it goes – you got it off your chest, chewed on it for a few days, and now you’re good. You’ve decided that no you weren’t meant to be single or yes you do really want to be in a relationship. You thought about it, you worked it out, and now you’re over it and it’s time to go back to your regularly scheduled relationship.
Except your sugarpie is still stuck on your doubts.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of a line like “I need time to think things over” let me tell you this. That one little sentence worms its way into the brain and then it fucking explodes; leaving a million thoughts, questions, doubts, and insecurities all over the joint. While old boy is off thinking about things, your brain is churning away, examining and re-examining every fucking thing that has ever happened between you trying to find the trigger. And when he comes back after having decided that with you is where he wants to be, that shit doesn’t just stop on a dime.
See what you did when you expressed your dirty little thoughts about your relationship is you planted seeds in your sweetheart’s head. And now that you’re over it, you expect her to be over it too. But here’s a newsflash for you: it doesn’t work that way. When you shared your concerns, you broke the gentle bonds of security and contentment and ease in your relationship and guess whose job it is to fix that? Yours.
So you don’t get to be impatient when your girl needs a little extra reassurance after you told her that you’re confused and not sure you want to be in a relationship. You can’t fault your man for being extra jealous after you tell him you don’t think you’re built for monogamy. You don’t sigh and roll your eyes when your boo plays you extra close; wanting to know your whereabouts and ETA after you said you have the soul of a cheater. That’s not the way it works. You opened up your piehole and talked about your doubts and now you made your sweetiepie insecure. And it’s your fucking job to fix it.
So if you have to be a little extra sweet to your girl, shut the fuck up and do it. If you have to hypercommunicate with your man to stop him from working himself into a frenzy wondering what you’re up to, get over yourself and get to sharing. If you made your partner feel insecure, why wouldn’t you do what you have to do to make things right? You broke it – now fix it!
That’s what I think anyway. What do you guys think?