Ask Max: Should I Give a Player a Chance?


This week on Ask Max we have a question from a young lady wondering if she should give her guy friend a shot at the heart. Read on for the problem and my advice:

 Max! I love love your site I stumbled across it randomly one day and I’ve been hooked ever since but anyway here goes my question.

So I’m 22, beautiful, intelligent and currently enrolled in school. I’ve had this off and on friendship with this guy since I was 15. he has always wanted more than friendship but I’ve always been a bit apprehensive about taking it there with him. We are so close that I know what type of guy he is and he isn’t boyfriend material.

In April or May he told me he had a girlfriend for 3 years!! And I have never known about her. In this time span I have slept with him, had phone sex and known about other girls he has been with. I was hurt for some reason because at that point I guess my true feelings for him came out. We remained close friends but the sex and all of that has come to an end, although he still tries. Now apparently they have broken up and he now wants to give me and him a chance because he always loved me and all that shit. I have had sex with him since this apparent “breakup” and I feel even closer to him now. He wants to keep moving forward.

I really do have feelings for him but I’m scared that he will hurt me. I feel like I missed my chance before by being afraid and he went and got with somebody else. And btw I’m at school in Baltimore and he lives in NY.

Basically what I’m asking is… Do I give him a fair chance? Or should I open my eyes and realize that what he does to one chick he will ultimately do to me and just fall back from our off and on situation for a little while?

Girl, no. Just – no. This guy sounds like several shades of no-fucking-good to me. You see this right? He had a girlfriend for 3 years and never told you about it – even though you were supposedly just friends. What part of the game is this? I’m sure he (and many of my male readers) would say that if the two of you were just friends he had no obligation to tell you – which is technically true but it still stinks like shit to me. You were “close” friends but he hid such a big part of his life from you? For three years? While telling you about other girls why – to give you the idea that he was being forthright when he wasn’t? I don’t like this guy.

Honey trust the instinct that initially made you apprehensive about being with this guy because it sounds like you were right on the money. Believe you me I understand all too well the notion of being good friends with “bad” men. Some of the bigget players in the world make the best friends – if you can handle the constant sexual overtures. But the likelihood that – if he were to be with you – this dude would turn over a new leaf and leave behind his deceitful ways is about nil.

If you want to keep fucking him, go right ahead. That’s provided you’re woman enough to handle the situation and protect both your heart and your ladyparts. But as far as getting into a relationship with this man is concerned, I forbid it. You hear me? Forbid. And if he doesn’t like it you just send him my way and I’ll tell him what’s what.

That’s my take on it – what say you dear readers?  See anything redeeming in this dude that warrants a second chance? Weigh in with your advice in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 6

  1. unique says:

    this was me 3 years ago….run as fast as you can no one will hurt and destroy you as this man will if you let him. It took me 2 years to fully recover and I”m not the same girl. The friendship is like a joke and if i could go back i would trust my instincts. Ruuuuun

  2. krystal light says:

    Okay so I’m a gullible person but even I know this is not a good idea. Don’t do it lady. Don’t get caught up in the idea that you can change him, you may be awesome but you just can’t. It sounds to me like he was trying to keep you on the backburner by not telling about the girlfriend. He was trying to keep the option open with you and if you’d let him, he would’ve probably dated the both of you at the same time. Don’t even waste your time telling him about himself, just let go and find somebody worth your time.

  3. OSHH says:

    Not only should she not go “forward” with this guy, she needs to reevaluate what a “good” friend is TBW(is it someone who lies by omission), and if it were me I would exit stage right while I have only been moderately played.

  4. chunk says:

    Dead on advice. Dead on.

  5. Ninja says:

    I had this lady friend back at college. She had a boyfriend, but she spent an incredible amount of time in my room. She pushed me for months, till I gave in and we started having sex. After sometime, she broke up with her BF, and we made our relationship official.
    Three years latter, she confessed she was cheating on me (coz she was pregnant and I ALWAYS used a condom).
    Moral of the story: If he was hitting on you when he had a girlfriend, you can be damn sure he’ll hit on some other girl while you are his girlfriend. History does repeat itself.

  6. angie d says:

    Ight emmm geee!! I love this question and answer and I totally agree with Max! 3yrs of being good friends and he didn’t tell u he had a girl?! Soo basically he cheated on her with you and the other girls as well…if a man cheats WITH you, best believe he WILL CHEAT ON YOU!

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