Ask Max: Should I Give a Player a Chance?
Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.
This week on Ask Max we have a question from a young lady wondering if she should give her guy friend a shot at the heart. Read on for the problem and my advice:
Max! I love love your site I stumbled across it randomly one day and I’ve been hooked ever since but anyway here goes my question.
So I’m 22, beautiful, intelligent and currently enrolled in school. I’ve had this off and on friendship with this guy since I was 15. he has always wanted more than friendship but I’ve always been a bit apprehensive about taking it there with him. We are so close that I know what type of guy he is and he isn’t boyfriend material.
In April or May he told me he had a girlfriend for 3 years!! And I have never known about her. In this time span I have slept with him, had phone sex and known about other girls he has been with. I was hurt for some reason because at that point I guess my true feelings for him came out. We remained close friends but the sex and all of that has come to an end, although he still tries. Now apparently they have broken up and he now wants to give me and him a chance because he always loved me and all that shit. I have had sex with him since this apparent “breakup” and I feel even closer to him now. He wants to keep moving forward.
I really do have feelings for him but I’m scared that he will hurt me. I feel like I missed my chance before by being afraid and he went and got with somebody else. And btw I’m at school in Baltimore and he lives in NY.
Basically what I’m asking is… Do I give him a fair chance? Or should I open my eyes and realize that what he does to one chick he will ultimately do to me and just fall back from our off and on situation for a little while?
Girl, no. Just – no. This guy sounds like several shades of no-fucking-good to me. You see this right? He had a girlfriend for 3 years and never told you about it – even though you were supposedly just friends. What part of the game is this? I’m sure he (and many of my male readers) would say that if the two of you were just friends he had no obligation to tell you – which is technically true but it still stinks like shit to me. You were “close” friends but he hid such a big part of his life from you? For three years? While telling you about other girls why – to give you the idea that he was being forthright when he wasn’t? I don’t like this guy.
Honey trust the instinct that initially made you apprehensive about being with this guy because it sounds like you were right on the money. Believe you me I understand all too well the notion of being good friends with “bad” men. Some of the bigget players in the world make the best friends – if you can handle the constant sexual overtures. But the likelihood that – if he were to be with you – this dude would turn over a new leaf and leave behind his deceitful ways is about nil.
If you want to keep fucking him, go right ahead. That’s provided you’re woman enough to handle the situation and protect both your heart and your ladyparts. But as far as getting into a relationship with this man is concerned, I forbid it. You hear me? Forbid. And if he doesn’t like it you just send him my way and I’ll tell him what’s what.
That’s my take on it – what say you dear readers? See anything redeeming in this dude that warrants a second chance? Weigh in with your advice in the comments.