http://www.max-logic.com

I'm not a particularly humble person. I don't really believe in false modesty. I work hard to be as dope as I am and I take immense pride in my dopeness. And I believe that everyone should. In the world of max, cockiness is a virtue that should be rewarded. To paraphrase Beyonce, why not have a big ego if you can back it up.

While I love cocky, I hate smug. Cocky is sexy, smug is obnoxious. And what’s even worse than smug is stupidly smug, as in smug over dumb shit that you actually should be ashamed of. Nothing irks my soul more than listening to some blowhard pontificate about some dumb shit that he actually makes him look like an ass.

Smug assholes love to congratulate themselves for their random habits. Each of their idiosyncrasies is an opportunity for them to lowkey showcase their innate superiority over the people around them. Here’s some shit smug bastards love to talk about:

Not watching television

Smug bastards are always talking about how they don’t watch tv and how much better they are then you because of it. In fact, anything that is wrong with you can be attributed to your television consumption. If you say you need to get stronger glasses, it’s not because you’re getting older or you haven’t had your eyes tested since Jesus was a wee boy. Oh no. To hear a smug bastard tell it, it’s your television consumption, then throw in some shit like “Personally I don’t watch tv. And that’s why my vision is perfect actually. I actually have 30/20 vision because I’m so awesome and I don’t watch tv.”

Smug bastards love to talk about how mind-numbing tv programming is and refer to it as the “idiot box”. Any thought or idea that is brought to them is immediately dismissed if its origin is tv. Because television sucks and they’re amazing right? Wrong you smug bastard!

There’s a lot of dumb shit on tv. We all know this. But there’s a lot of good shit on there too. And if you choose not to watch that’s your prerogative, but how about you don’t shit on the blood sweat and tears that go into making a television program you’ve never even seen because you don’t watch tv?

Working Out

People who work out just love to talk about the fact that they work out. They love it. Nothing is more fascinating to them than their BMI – except maybe their body fat percentage. You see them on twitter with their 5am #gymflow tweets. They fake complain about how early they wake up, how hard their workout was, how sore they are. They curse their trainers, calling them out of their names every possible way. But the not so secret secret behind all this bellyaching is that fit people think they’re soooo dope because they work out. When they’re whining about how hard they go in the gym, they’re quietly telling you how much better they are than you because they’re in shape and you’re not. And that girl who complains that none of her clothes fit anymore because she’s become so muscular? She’s lowkey feeling herself for that. Smug bitch.

Using $10 words

Smug bastards love big words. The usage of verbiage of a more grandiose scale is indicative of a superlative level of education – nay intelligence – that perchance would be minimally more difficult to ascertain by the untrained optic nerve. Thus, those vainglorious boors whose aplomb is derived from their ability to metamorphose an unembellished deliberation into something a modicum more circuitous derive gigantesque exultation from the employment of pharaonic words.

There are plenty of things in the world that we have the right to be smug about. You have an MBA? Great – feel yourself. Your children are well taken care of and well-behaved? Yes give yourself several pats on the back. Shortlisted for the Giller Prize? Yes! Go tell it on the mountains. But there are too many people out here walking around stroking their own nuts for very little reason. Who will join me in saying “down with the smug bastards”?

and p.s. your favourite blogger (that would be me by the way) is totally guilty of one of these smug bastard behaviours. Can you guess which one?

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