I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity blogger. And a gender agnostic. Men and women alike do shit that irritates me greatly and so I try to make sure I go in on both sexes equally. I try my best to be fair but I have to say that women really trouble my soul. It seems I can't have a conversation with a male friend without hearing yet another story of some dumb shit some stupid bitch has done. It makes me tired.
I don’t know if it’s that my friends are turning women into stupid bitches, it’s just way too many stupid bitches out there, or women are walking around not realizing they’re stupid bitches. But no matter because today I’m doing my part to right this wrong. If one willfully stupid bitch reads this post and is shamed into doing better, my job is done. And if one oblivious stupid bitch reads this and realizes that she is in fact a stupid bitch, I’ll have earned my wings.
If you’re wondering whether you might be a stupid bitch, read on.
Waving red flags before bulls
A smart woman isn’t afraid to fight with her man. She doesn’t look for fights, she does what she can to avoid unnecessary fights, but when the need arises, she will go toe-to-toe with her man. She goes into a fight knowing what’s about to go down and prepared to accept the consequences.
But stupid bitches? When it comes to fighting, stupid bitches like to play dumb. A stupid bitch draws cards like calling a man names, threatening to cheat, or saying shit she should never ever say and then she’s surprised when her man flips the fuck out. A stupid bitch goads her man into misbehaving and then refuses to accept any responsibility for her part in the process.
Lay down the law…but not really.
All women – including the smart ones – put up with bullshit from men. It’s just how the game goes. And all women – even the dumb ones – have a breaking point. When a smart woman is nearing her breaking point, she puts her man on notice. If he doesn’t step up, she bounces. That’s if she’s smart and patient. A smart impatient woman doesn’t even give a warning – she just leaves once she knows how the story’s gonna end.
But no not stupid bitches. Stupid bitches give ultimatums. Stupid bitches say “if you don’t ___, I’m leaving you”. Then when he inevitably doesn’t do ___ the stupid bitch stays. Yeah sure she might leave him for 24 hours – just long enough for him to stammer out a feeble backwards apology like “I’m sorry you’re upset” and present her with a half-dead bouquet of supermarket flowers – but soon enough you’ll see her curled up under him like the worm she is. Sigh. Stupid bitches.
Talking to the point that it becomes a hostile act
All women talk too much. Even I am not an exception to this. I’m sure there is some great biological reason for this and I’m sure the reason makes not one bit of difference. Women talk. Too fucking much. Such is life. A smart woman is aware of this inherent design flaw and does her best to curtail it. She forces herself to allow her man to get at least 15 minutes of space when he gets home from work before verbally assaulting him with every minute detail of her day. She has an internal timer that warns her when her talking is reaching autowittering status. She learns to recognize the signs that her man is starting to become irritated by the sound of her voice – the clenched jaw, the rapid blinking, the forced stare in the opposite direction. And when she sees those signs she shuts the fuck up.
But a stupid bitch? A stupid bitch doesn’t even know she talks too much. And if her man tells her so she’ll talk to him for about 47 minutes about why she does not talk too much. A stupid bitch just never shuts up. And while that in itself is probably enough to make a man want to give her the back of his hand, it doesn’t stop there. Because the more this bitch talks, the more annoying her voice gets. It’s like the shit is automatically programmed to get louder, screechier, or whinier the more she goes on. To the point where the man feels like if she doesn’t stop talking he’s going to lose his mind. And of course, being a stupid bitch she doesn’t even recognize that her man is reaching his boiling point. So she goes on and on and on (and on) until he has no choice but to bellow “SHUT THE FUCK UP”!
At which point she will blather on and on about how she can’t believe he disrespected her like that.
Watching face
While a smart woman might tsk tsk when she witnesses a man make a questionable relationship choice, she knows that don’t make her shit so she just shakes her head and keeps it moving. To paraphrase my girl Jem, we smart girls don’t watch no face.
But a dumb bitch watches face like she’s getting paid to do it. Anything a man does is fair game for her wrath. Oh you don’t like women with weaves? The stupid bitch is mad as hell about it and wants to school you on why you’re wrong for that. She doesn’t even wear a weave but that’s not the point. Oh you date white girls? Stupid bitch has to come and tell you all about how you hate yourself.
Smart women get that everyone ain’t for everybody and keep it moving. A stupid bitch gets mad about every relationship choice every man makes that excludes her regardless of the fact that she doesn’t even want the man.
Thinking good pussy is a foregone conclusion
Smart women work to keep their pussy game tight. Literally and figuratively. They get their kegels on, they keep up with their strength training (if you want to ride the horse you need strong quads) and flexibility training (gotta get your yoga on if you want to do the splits on it), they take notes on Nasty Friday. They keep their ish groomed, keep up with their yearly schedules, and paint their nails regularly. Smart women know that good pussy is not born, it’s made and maintained.
Dumb bitches think their pussy is good just because it exists. They think all they have to do is provide the orifice and their man will be satisfied. They think blow jobs are optional, masturbation should never be witnessed, and that men will respect them if they refuse to participate in “kinky” acts. I feel sorry for stupid bitches on this one, I really do. For they will never know the singular pleasure of being bent over a table with a fistful of their hair in a man’s hand, throwing back on his dick until he sees Jesus. Poor stupid bitches.
Ladies, if you’re consistently guilty of three or more of these stupid bitch moves, I’m sorry to tell you but you might be a stupid bitch.
What say you guys? Do you think any of this is justifiable behaviour or does it automatically put you on stupid bitch status? Any of you out there admit to being a stupid bitch? Speak on it in the comments.
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Two days of taking women to task is taking a toll on my psychology… Chill…
But I am inspired to keep the women in my life’s p*ssy tight
Credit to MediaTakeOut
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Whelp there you have it. Good thing, that I am not a stupid Bitch.
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Oh my word! The only thing I have to add is that stupid bitches make it harder for the next woman who is genuine. We have to clean up the messes that they left behind. And that shit is exhausting!
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That’s interesting that you believe they make it more difficult for genuine women.
I would think it’d be the other way around. Think about it for a moment…a man just got out of a relationship with a woman that was less than he expected and here comes a woman that meets his ‘requirements’ and far exceeds the lack of the last woman. I would think she would be a stand out candidate, because of how far of ahead of the last woman she is.
I could have it twisted, but I’m curious to know how things are made more difficult and exhausting for the genuine woman.
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No girl that is not how it works at all. A man endures a stupid bitch and then when he gets a smart one he’s not grateful at all. At best he’s lazy and at worst he’s suspicious as all get out.
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That’s interesting and I’m sure what you’re saying applies in certain situations. I can only speak for myself and my experiences. As a man I would appreciate the next woman who came along and brought more to the table than my last woman. I would do all I could to show her that I appreciate her differences and share with her how grateful I am to have her in my life.
No doubt, I’m sure there are men who aren’t so welcoming. It’s probably their ego leading them to believe that she’s no different or doesn’t deserve to be respected at a higher level. When I think about it, it’s like that type of man is lowering his respect level for women in general just because of a bad experience in the past. That’s detrimental to oneself. Why treat people differently or act differently based on another persons actions…and a person that you left in the past no less? It makes no sense to me…but I’m sure there are plenty of cases like that out there.
Thanks a lot for your response Max. I appreciate you answering my question.
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hilarious.
i used to talk too much… at the wrong time too. whew. but i’ve improved greatly. lol
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Welp.
I’ma smart muthafucca.
Fin.
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But we already knew that!
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Who is the Stupid Bitch that wrote this? #annoyed
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^^stupid bitch^^
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Yes? Do you have something to say?
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“A smart woman isn’t afraid to fight with her man. She doesn’t look for fights, she does what she can to avoid unnecessary fights, but when the need arises, she will go toe-to-toe with her man. She goes into a fight knowing what’s about to go down and prepared to accept the consequences.”
That backbone is pivotal….Love a woman that will go toe-to-toe…soooo sexy
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“A stupid bitch just never shuts up. And while that in itself is probably enough to make a man want to give her the back of his hand, it doesn’t stop there”.
Sean Connery once said that in some arguments he gets the last word and in some arguments his wife gets the last word. He said when the wife has the last word and then she keeps talking then it’s OK to hit her.
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I totally agree with everything written here. I have been guilty in the past of being a really Stupid Bitch. I am so glad I can recognize my own personal growth in this article. We need to do better!
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From the mouth of James Bond http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgMLROTqJ0
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I’m sorry but I love this.
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Max,
This post is 1) one of the reasons i e-love you (I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE!!!!ONE1) and recommend your blog to all of my female friends and 2) the closest i’ve come to cheering out loud in Starbucks this year.
::double fist bump::
If i was the kinda d00d to put my bidness on front street, i’d post this shit to my Twitter, Google+, AND Facebook RAHT NAH.
Now…where’s the “stupid dude” post?
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hahahahaha! I loved the last point, I’m all for pleasing my man in any way possible; so long as he returns the favor. Also, I talk too much, constantly shoving my opinion up people’s noses. Gotta watch that now. x_x
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most of this… so true!! hahaha i think i qualify as a smart bitch. i love the feeling of outsmarting my man though we rarely get in yelling arguments, just petty small things we both put behind us.
the only thing i somewhat disagree with is the last part about pussy. youre born with what you got! of course ya gotta be maintained, and i hope all women practice the basics of hygene. i do trim the bush, but i could give less of a fuck if it grows out. A) you avoid prickly hairs growing back B) you don’t get that maddening itch when the hairs start growing back C) it just feels better. and protects your privates! this is how it was meant to be. we have hair there for a reason…
but i do admit, there is a point where it gets outta control so ya just gotta snippity snip or go bald.
i also feel that dumb bitches might feel more inclined to maintain their coochie because thats really the most important part of them to their poor man! most of the time, men date dumb bitches for sex… unless they’re an equally stupid man.
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