I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity blogger. And a gender agnostic. Men and women alike do shit that irritates me greatly and so I try to make sure I go in on both sexes equally. I try my best to be fair but I have to say that women really trouble my soul. It seems I can't have a conversation with a male friend without hearing yet another story of some dumb shit some stupid bitch has done. It makes me tired.
I don’t know if it’s that my friends are turning women into stupid bitches, it’s just way too many stupid bitches out there, or women are walking around not realizing they’re stupid bitches. But no matter because today I’m doing my part to right this wrong. If one willfully stupid bitch reads this post and is shamed into doing better, my job is done. And if one oblivious stupid bitch reads this and realizes that she is in fact a stupid bitch, I’ll have earned my wings.
If you’re wondering whether you might be a stupid bitch, read on.
Waving red flags before bulls
A smart woman isn’t afraid to fight with her man. She doesn’t look for fights, she does what she can to avoid unnecessary fights, but when the need arises, she will go toe-to-toe with her man. She goes into a fight knowing what’s about to go down and prepared to accept the consequences.
But stupid bitches? When it comes to fighting, stupid bitches like to play dumb. A stupid bitch draws cards like calling a man names, threatening to cheat, or saying shit she should never ever say and then she’s surprised when her man flips the fuck out. A stupid bitch goads her man into misbehaving and then refuses to accept any responsibility for her part in the process.
Lay down the law…but not really.
All women – including the smart ones – put up with bullshit from men. It’s just how the game goes. And all women – even the dumb ones – have a breaking point. When a smart woman is nearing her breaking point, she puts her man on notice. If he doesn’t step up, she bounces. That’s if she’s smart and patient. A smart impatient woman doesn’t even give a warning – she just leaves once she knows how the story’s gonna end.
But no not stupid bitches. Stupid bitches give ultimatums. Stupid bitches say “if you don’t ___, I’m leaving you”. Then when he inevitably doesn’t do ___ the stupid bitch stays. Yeah sure she might leave him for 24 hours – just long enough for him to stammer out a feeble backwards apology like “I’m sorry you’re upset” and present her with a half-dead bouquet of supermarket flowers – but soon enough you’ll see her curled up under him like the worm she is. Sigh. Stupid bitches.
Talking to the point that it becomes a hostile act
All women talk too much. Even I am not an exception to this. I’m sure there is some great biological reason for this and I’m sure the reason makes not one bit of difference. Women talk. Too fucking much. Such is life. A smart woman is aware of this inherent design flaw and does her best to curtail it. She forces herself to allow her man to get at least 15 minutes of space when he gets home from work before verbally assaulting him with every minute detail of her day. She has an internal timer that warns her when her talking is reaching autowittering status. She learns to recognize the signs that her man is starting to become irritated by the sound of her voice – the clenched jaw, the rapid blinking, the forced stare in the opposite direction. And when she sees those signs she shuts the fuck up.
But a stupid bitch? A stupid bitch doesn’t even know she talks too much. And if her man tells her so she’ll talk to him for about 47 minutes about why she does not talk too much. A stupid bitch just never shuts up. And while that in itself is probably enough to make a man want to give her the back of his hand, it doesn’t stop there. Because the more this bitch talks, the more annoying her voice gets. It’s like the shit is automatically programmed to get louder, screechier, or whinier the more she goes on. To the point where the man feels like if she doesn’t stop talking he’s going to lose his mind. And of course, being a stupid bitch she doesn’t even recognize that her man is reaching his boiling point. So she goes on and on and on (and on) until he has no choice but to bellow “SHUT THE FUCK UP”!
At which point she will blather on and on about how she can’t believe he disrespected her like that.
While a smart woman might tsk tsk when she witnesses a man make a questionable relationship choice, she knows that don’t make her shit so she just shakes her head and keeps it moving. To paraphrase my girl Jem, we smart girls don’t watch no face.
But a dumb bitch watches face like she’s getting paid to do it. Anything a man does is fair game for her wrath. Oh you don’t like women with weaves? The stupid bitch is mad as hell about it and wants to school you on why you’re wrong for that. She doesn’t even wear a weave but that’s not the point. Oh you date white girls? Stupid bitch has to come and tell you all about how you hate yourself.
Smart women get that everyone ain’t for everybody and keep it moving. A stupid bitch gets mad about every relationship choice every man makes that excludes her regardless of the fact that she doesn’t even want the man.
Thinking good pussy is a foregone conclusion
Smart women work to keep their pussy game tight. Literally and figuratively. They get their kegels on, they keep up with their strength training (if you want to ride the horse you need strong quads) and flexibility training (gotta get your yoga on if you want to do the splits on it), they take notes on Nasty Friday. They keep their ish groomed, keep up with their yearly schedules, and paint their nails regularly. Smart women know that good pussy is not born, it’s made and maintained.
Dumb bitches think their pussy is good just because it exists. They think all they have to do is provide the orifice and their man will be satisfied. They think blow jobs are optional, masturbation should never be witnessed, and that men will respect them if they refuse to participate in “kinky” acts. I feel sorry for stupid bitches on this one, I really do. For they will never know the singular pleasure of being bent over a table with a fistful of their hair in a man’s hand, throwing back on his dick until he sees Jesus. Poor stupid bitches.
Ladies, if you’re consistently guilty of three or more of these stupid bitch moves, I’m sorry to tell you but you might be a stupid bitch.
What say you guys? Do you think any of this is justifiable behaviour or does it automatically put you on stupid bitch status? Any of you out there admit to being a stupid bitch? Speak on it in the comments.