The Biggest Panty Meat Move Ever


A couple of years ago I schooled you guys on Panty Meat Moves – the wack, cowardly, bitchass things men do to women who love, like or fuck them. It was a pretty comprehensive list of shitty things men do and a warning that if you are a man who does any of them you are a panty meat.

But somehow I forgot to mention in that post the biggest, most disgusting, most egregious panty meat move ever. But that’s okay though because this act is so vile it deserves its own post.

This act is, of course, the forced break up.

You guys know the scenario, Boy meets Girl, they talk, they date, then apparently they “exclusively date“, and then they become a couple. Things are fine for a little or a long time until some switch is flipped in Boy’s head and he decides he doesn’t want to be with Girl anymore. Nothing wrong with that right? All’s fair in love and war, shit happens and whatnot. Everyone knows that relationships are fleeting, and most people go into them understanding that there is at least a possibility that they might end.

The solution for Boy is dead simple: end the relationship. Open up your big piehole and say the following words: I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. That’s it. Probably won’t take more than 3 seconds of his time and puts the cards on the table where they can be seen by all parties involved. But no. That’s not what happens here. Instead of breaking up with Girl forthwith so that everyone can move on with their lives, he decides instead to be a dutty stinking rank panty meat and force her to break up with him.

The forced breakup can take many forms. Maybe he disappears for days on end. Maybe he starts leaving clues that he’s cheating and getting rude and defensive when Girl inquires about them. Maybe he starts making snarky comments every time she opens her mouth, or stops listening to anything she says. Maybe he takes up an inappropriate friendship with another girl and refuses to consider Girl’s feelings on the matter. Maybe he stops paying attention to her. Maybe he starts to introduce her to people as his “friend” or lets some random stranger rub his bald head at a party.  Maybe he swats away her attempts to fuck him to get up and go play video games.

The possibilities are endless. And once Boy starts his campaign to force a breakup, he is relentless. He uses any opportunity to act like a fucking prick and refuses to admit to any of it. If Girl voices her objections to his behaviour, Boy will flip the fuck out and start accusing her of trying to control him, trying to change him, of being impossible to please. If she points out in detail the ways in which his behaviour has changed, he accuses her of being paranoid. If she calmly and concernedly asks if there’s anything going on, anything wrong, if he wants out, he’ll evade the question and walk out.

While all of this is going on, Girl is starting to feel like she’s lost her fucking mind. One minute she’s in a fine/good/great/amazing relationship with a fine/good/great/amazing  man, and the next thing she knows she’s involved with a fucking lunatic who bears no resemblance to the man she met. And she doesn’t know what the fuck happened to bring on the change. Is he dying? Did I do something wrong? Did he find out about that drunken slip up on Spring Break right after we started dating? Is something going on at work? With his family? Is he sick? Has he met someone else? Questions are swirling around Girl’s brain so fast she can’t concentrate on anything else. Her friends are sick to death of her because all she can talk about is Boy’s mystifying behaviour. There’s a permanent knot in the pit of her stomach and her eyes take on that frantic darting back and forth thing that you usually only see in soap operas. Girl’s head is fucked all the way up.

And deep down Girl knows she should end it. Boy has become a fucking lunatic and she knows that’s a relationship that is pretty much impossible to sustain. But she doesn’t want to do it. Because the change happened so abruptly she has hope that it’s unrelated to her and if she’s patient he’ll change back just as abruptly. So she holds on tight and tries to ride the waves. She keeps telling herself to be patient, to hold on. Maybe Boy is just getting scared, getting too close, testing her to see if she will always be there. So she grits her teeth and holds on; determined to prove to Boy that she’s in it for the long haul.

But sooner or later it becomes clear. This isn’t a test of her loyalty. It isn’t a phase Boy is going through, a bump on the road, a rough patch. This is a power move. Boy wants to force Girl’s hand and he is using every tool in the panty meat arsenal to get her to do what he wants that he doesn’t have the balls to do himself. Break up.

Sick with the realization that her man is done with her, Girl has two choices: put up with his shit until he gets fed up and leaves her or end a relationship with someone she was perfectly happy with until he went left. Choice number one makes her a punk, choice number two absolves Boy of any culpability and hands him the perfect excuse: but you were the one who broke up with me!

So what does she do? She chooses one until she can’t take it anymore and then she chooses two. And when she finally recovers and gets involved with the next man, becomes one of those paranoid insecure girls who walks on eggshells at all times for fear that her new guy will break up with her in his head and needs constant reassurance that her new guy still likes her.

Nice work men.

Men, if you do this to your women you are a prick. A douche, an asshole, a jackass and a turd. A coward, an ingrate, and a goddamn fucking panty meat. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Men – what do you have to say for yourselves?

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 14

  1. KATHLEEN: My business is in trouble. My mother would have something wise to say.

    JOE: I’m a brilliant businessman. It’s what I do best. What’s your business?

    KATHLEEN: No specifics, remember?

    JOE: Minus specifics, it’s hard to help. Except to say, go to the mattresses.

    KATHLEEN: What?

    JOE: It’s from The Godfather. It means you have to go to war.

    KATHLEEN: The Godfather? What is it with men and The Godfather?

    JOE: The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” What day of the week is it? “Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.” And the answer to your question is “Go to the mattresses.”

    You’re at war. “It’s not personal, it’s business. It’s not personal it’s business.” Recite that to yourself every time you feel you’re losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death.

    ***Feel free to hit me on Gchat if this doesn’t make sense, but you have always read between the lines of Mr. Cleaver very well.***

    1. max says:

      That is my very favourite scene of that movie. But I don’t know how the hell that relates to this topic so I will be finding you for illumination.

  2. Sageyk3 says:

    Personally: I’ve not been an abrupt left turn taker. I’ve been consistently human with “dry spots”. I’m growing. Still, you’d probably label me panty meat. I’m working on it. No excuses.

    Mentally: Being of the “forthright” movement in recent times, a tremendous push was required to effectively entice this reticent wretch into the realm of respectable interactions with others.

    Instead of disdain perhaps sorrow is a better way to help those of the panty meat patrol. Coming from a former member, disdain did nothing for me but pity….wooooo, that hurt so bad.

    In closing, we all see ourselves as well rounded. Even successes don’t validate that we are such. Our ever evolving actions are not to be constantly titled until constancy is habitual. Which, we generally abuse in application.

  3. Teflon Mom says:

    Why do I feel like whenever I comment on your posts that I come across as some sort of cold-hearted, no feelings-having weirdo? My first reaction is…fuck him! Seriously, nip his ass in the bud AS SOON AS he starts:

    getting on your nerves
    making you feel confused
    making you feel like foolish
    pulling away
    acting out of character
    leaving you sexually/mentally/emotionally frustrated

    No time for fake ones….I have always enjoyed my own company. Sure I had little bouts of loneliness or the “What the Hell is Wrong with Me” syndrome, but really, I could have done “just me” forever. Which makes it VERY easy to let go of someone. Especially when they are being panty meatish.

    1. max says:

      This is good advice, but only for women who are as secure in their own dopeness as you are. Which sadly is not many women.

      1. Teflon Mom says:

        Girl, don’t get it twisted – mostly I’m just selfish as hell. I can only like you so long as I like me and YOU like me, preferably more than I like you. And, while I was never one to get too hung up on some emotional stuff, I’ve straight carried myself over some good dangalang as a youngster. Allow me to amuse you with shenanigans from back in the day:

        I called this one guy’s house every 5 minutes at 1:30am. Finally his grandma picked up, called me a name, told me to stop calling and hung up on me.

        A man who to this day is known as “Big Dick Leon” got me kicked out of my parent’s house because I missed singing at a funeral so I could follow him (and his big dick) out of town. Like, I was on the program to sing and missed my own fam’s funeral cuz I’d never seen anything like it before in my life.

    2. Chispi says:

      Ahhh that would be ideal…. but I don’t think its about being insecure, or afraid of being alone.
      The problem is that by the time the guy has started doing this shit, the two of you have probably been together for a while. It may be easy to cut off someone like this after a couple of months and just go back to being single and enjoying that life, but if its been a while (I know a couple of people who this has happened to after over a year) its almost impossible to just say “fuck it, I’mma do me.” That panty meat may have been there for you, or gone through something with you, or at least gotten to know you at a very personal level, and you to him. It’s hard to realize, specially for women, that such connections still fade, or come to a point where they just aren’t enough. Specially because, as Max said, they are usually abrupt as hell. One day you’re cuddling and acting like12 year olds in love, that next day he’s not taking your calls and being an ass.

      Women have an inability to believe that this man that they spent so long with, so much time, effort, and love on, could degrade to being SUCH a pathetic bastard. Specially when, in most cases, women date men who they feel are strong and courageous, and not some little 15 year old boy who doesn’t know how to tell the girl that keeps making googly eyes at him that he doesn’t like her. It turns out, our men may be great at overcoming challenges, may not be afraid of anything, but when it comes to breaking up they immediately turn into pussies.

      It’s a sad world, but most men have been puling this move since they were in high school.

      On the bright side, after a woman sees this side of a man it’s a hell of a lot easier to get over his dumb ass.

      1. Tellylonglegs says:

        Tef, I am laughing at your “Big Dick Leon” story…smh too funny.

  4. $l!Cc says:

    Not in defence of the “forced breakup” but in this world there are a large range of people and ways those people cope with and handle situations. Not every woman is a Teflon_Mom and will dump you at the 1st sign of something being fishy. It brings to mind the part in the matrix where Morpheus is telling Neyo the buisness. Something along the lines that it’s all some know and are so hopelessly addicted to the system that they will fight to defend it. Any person that is just happy with the fact that they are “in a relationship” will accept this behaviour, as well as dish it out… once it has become learned behaviour and is seen as normal. My best example is that I’m trained to be upset when a woman “pops up” on me. It has nothing to do with being caught with another woman, I may be minding my own buisness and actually enjoy the unexpected company, but she better at least call and mention her idea before she rolls up on me. No matter how close we have become, no chick will get past that line with me. Nor do I kiss unless I have stated out of my mouth and of my own free will that she is my “girlfriend”. You may see it as mind games or panty meat but I still get sex on the regular.

  5. MR. SD says:

    “say the following words: I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. That’s it. Probably won’t take more than 3 seconds”

    Yes, and then yall say “ok fine”…AND THEN yall go inn with that killa question: “But why?” << this is what we wanna avoid!

    1. keisha brown says:

      i disagree.
      juveniles in denial ask why.
      grown women who have sensed the end coming, dont want to know the why. we just want the torment to end one way or another.

      funny how men always say they are the realest of the genders, don’t speak in riddles, are clear and brutally honest..except..when y’all choose not to be.

      1. Reecie says:

        yea I’m with SD. Its not juvenile at all, but if I didn’t sense it coming or even if I did sense it…if I know I didn’t do anything different or “wrong” yes I want to know why. And I think an adult should be able to articulate that. I don’t ask questions that I don’t want to know, or am not prepared for the potential hurt of the answer. If I ask why, I want to KNOW WHY.

        avoidance is just panty meat behavior.

  6. Tina says:

    I laughed so hard while reading this. It’s so sad how every single detail is so true about my (only two) relationships =_= Why are guys fucking pussies. Men are supposed to be brave and courteous, nowadays I find that they don’t have any balls. My boyfriend did exactly all of that shit to me and even put my self confidence and esteem down.

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