Warning: this is a rant. As far as I know, I don't write many rant posts, but I'm pissed off today and I have to make it known. So indulge me just this once as I unleash my rant.
A couple of years ago I schooled you guys on Panty Meat Moves – the wack, cowardly, bitchass things men do to women who love, like or fuck them. It was a pretty comprehensive list of shitty things men do and a warning that if you are a man who does any of them you are a panty meat.
But somehow I forgot to mention in that post the biggest, most disgusting, most egregious panty meat move ever. But that’s okay though because this act is so vile it deserves its own post.
This act is, of course, the forced break up.
You guys know the scenario, Boy meets Girl, they talk, they date, then apparently they “exclusively date“, and then they become a couple. Things are fine for a little or a long time until some switch is flipped in Boy’s head and he decides he doesn’t want to be with Girl anymore. Nothing wrong with that right? All’s fair in love and war, shit happens and whatnot. Everyone knows that relationships are fleeting, and most people go into them understanding that there is at least a possibility that they might end.
The solution for Boy is dead simple: end the relationship. Open up your big piehole and say the following words: I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. That’s it. Probably won’t take more than 3 seconds of his time and puts the cards on the table where they can be seen by all parties involved. But no. That’s not what happens here. Instead of breaking up with Girl forthwith so that everyone can move on with their lives, he decides instead to be a dutty stinking rank panty meat and force her to break up with him.
The forced breakup can take many forms. Maybe he disappears for days on end. Maybe he starts leaving clues that he’s cheating and getting rude and defensive when Girl inquires about them. Maybe he starts making snarky comments every time she opens her mouth, or stops listening to anything she says. Maybe he takes up an inappropriate friendship with another girl and refuses to consider Girl’s feelings on the matter. Maybe he stops paying attention to her. Maybe he starts to introduce her to people as his “friend” or lets some random stranger rub his bald head at a party. Maybe he swats away her attempts to fuck him to get up and go play video games.
The possibilities are endless. And once Boy starts his campaign to force a breakup, he is relentless. He uses any opportunity to act like a fucking prick and refuses to admit to any of it. If Girl voices her objections to his behaviour, Boy will flip the fuck out and start accusing her of trying to control him, trying to change him, of being impossible to please. If she points out in detail the ways in which his behaviour has changed, he accuses her of being paranoid. If she calmly and concernedly asks if there’s anything going on, anything wrong, if he wants out, he’ll evade the question and walk out.
While all of this is going on, Girl is starting to feel like she’s lost her fucking mind. One minute she’s in a fine/good/great/amazing relationship with a fine/good/great/amazing man, and the next thing she knows she’s involved with a fucking lunatic who bears no resemblance to the man she met. And she doesn’t know what the fuck happened to bring on the change. Is he dying? Did I do something wrong? Did he find out about that drunken slip up on Spring Break right after we started dating? Is something going on at work? With his family? Is he sick? Has he met someone else? Questions are swirling around Girl’s brain so fast she can’t concentrate on anything else. Her friends are sick to death of her because all she can talk about is Boy’s mystifying behaviour. There’s a permanent knot in the pit of her stomach and her eyes take on that frantic darting back and forth thing that you usually only see in soap operas. Girl’s head is fucked all the way up.
And deep down Girl knows she should end it. Boy has become a fucking lunatic and she knows that’s a relationship that is pretty much impossible to sustain. But she doesn’t want to do it. Because the change happened so abruptly she has hope that it’s unrelated to her and if she’s patient he’ll change back just as abruptly. So she holds on tight and tries to ride the waves. She keeps telling herself to be patient, to hold on. Maybe Boy is just getting scared, getting too close, testing her to see if she will always be there. So she grits her teeth and holds on; determined to prove to Boy that she’s in it for the long haul.
But sooner or later it becomes clear. This isn’t a test of her loyalty. It isn’t a phase Boy is going through, a bump on the road, a rough patch. This is a power move. Boy wants to force Girl’s hand and he is using every tool in the panty meat arsenal to get her to do what he wants that he doesn’t have the balls to do himself. Break up.
Sick with the realization that her man is done with her, Girl has two choices: put up with his shit until he gets fed up and leaves her or end a relationship with someone she was perfectly happy with until he went left. Choice number one makes her a punk, choice number two absolves Boy of any culpability and hands him the perfect excuse: but you were the one who broke up with me!
So what does she do? She chooses one until she can’t take it anymore and then she chooses two. And when she finally recovers and gets involved with the next man, becomes one of those paranoid insecure girls who walks on eggshells at all times for fear that her new guy will break up with her in his head and needs constant reassurance that her new guy still likes her.
Nice work men.
Men, if you do this to your women you are a prick. A douche, an asshole, a jackass and a turd. A coward, an ingrate, and a goddamn fucking panty meat. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Men – what do you have to say for yourselves?