Ask Max: My Friend is a Hoochie

28
Nov
2011
pregnant-hoochie

Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.


This week on Ask Max we have a question from a woman whose friend is going through a divorce and has gone buck wild. The original question is as long as fuck so I cut it down (you can see the full version here). Read on for the problem and my advice:

I am a 33 year old who went through an awful breakup and divorce almost four years ago. At the time, the majority of my friends were married with families so I pretty much had to figure out how to get through my breakup by myself. Along the way I dated a couple of men, two whom I could have cared less about, but one whom I have a past with, and even though romantically it didn’t work out, I consider him to be one of my best friends.

Very recently a very good friend of mine also began going through a divorce after ten years of marriage, and I feel like my friend has lost her shit. She is out here for real. I have tried to talk to her and whenever I have a conflicting opinion on anything she does, she gets extremely angry at me.

She recently informed me that one of the men that I had dated for a while and introduced her to was texting and calling her asking her out. I stayed non-committal and reminded her of all the drama that we had been through and basically told her that if she wanted to talk to him I didn’t care. About two weeks later she comes to me and asks point blank if it is ok if she sleeps with another one of the men I dated. This one is her ex-husband’s cousin, and I told her that really whether or not we slept together is irrelevant once you consider the grimier aspects of the whole thing. She got upset with me and things got really strained after that.

After that, I was on Facebook and noticed messages between her and the one guy I did really care about- message that indicated that they were already sleeping together. I pretty much ended all contact with her at that point, because I was so hurt, I was afraid that I would say something I couldn’t take back.I spoke to him, and was really rudely put down by him, talking about how I always play the victim and blah blah blah. A few days later I get a message from her saying that she knew our friendship was going downhill and that if I wanted to talk to her I knew how to reach her. I have not talked to her since.

After all that, I guess my question is- Did I make the right decision? Having gone through a divorce myself, I realize that it is not an easy thing. I should be there for my friend. At the same time, I am hurt and angry beyond belief. I am so confused. I would have given anything for the support of someone who had been through what I was going through during my divorce. Please Help! I don’t want to spread this among my friends, because I don’t want to hurt her rep the way she seems to be hurting mine, but I really need advice.

Well.

Girl, since your question was long I’m going to keep my answer short. First of all, your girl is a hot mess and a straight up hater. The fact that she seems to be making it her business to hit all your leftovers suggests to me that she has been lowkey jealous of you and wanting what you had for a long time. And now that she’s free, she’s going for hers. As long as she’s in this phase, it’s unlikely that you two will be able to have any kind of quality friendship.

That being said though, I must point out that you’re wrong for telling her that it was okay for her to talk to your ex when it so clearly was not.  She took the time to ask you for your blessing and you gave her the green light when you didn’t mean it and then you got mad. Honey you’re grown and you have to learn to use your words and say “hell naw it’s not okay for you to smash my ex!”. You basically robbed her of the opportunity to be a good friend by being dishonest.

That being said, your girl is grimy as all the fucks right now. And I know you want to be there to show her the way and all that, but she clearly isn’t listening to a thing you have to say. And you can only help those who want to be helped, so you need to let go and let her find her way. If she’s smart. she’ll come back to you once she’s gotten her #hoeshit out of her system.  It’s no good for your carfax to be seen running the streets with her when she’s in this phase anyway.

That’s my take on it – what say you guys? Should she stick it out and be there for her friend? Or was she right to remove herself from the situation? Weigh in with your take on it in the comments.

 


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6 Comments

  • I say EFF that bytch straight talk no chaser. She has been jocking you since day one and now that she is available she is trying to catch all of your scraps. She is wreckless as all get out showing her daughters that it is aight to pop, lock, and drop it for any dude. Even if she wanted to be free she is OUT of ORDER for bring every Tom, DICK, and Harry around her babies.

    Like Max said, you should have told that bytch NO when she came asking permission. Clearly, you feeling some type of way which, means that you lied when you told her it was okay. You are grown and should be able to voice your opinion. Truth be told, you can’t really be mad at her b/c she asked. You set a precedent when you told her yes the first two times which is why she didn’t ask you the third time. Did she know how you felt about dude? If not then you may wanna catch you a bytch b/c she is on that hood rat chick mentality. But if you didn’t tell her or him them sorry suga but slow you blow.

    Truth be told, you said your piece to her. If she likes well honey you love it. Say a prayer for those babies of hers that they don’t think her current lifestyle is appropriate and that none of these random Dicks she is bringing around are NASTY!

    Smooches

  • BTW, I also want to add that if you never voiced your “like” towards dude you can’t be mad at him either. He is out trying to get his and if yo think that he should guess right that you like him you have officially earned the title of Boo boo the fool. Non verbal communication doesn’t work when you crushing on anyone, especially men. Clearly, he finds you to be a cry baby always moaning about you woe is me moments. You may wanna check the whine. You may also want to check who you are whining to. So either he is a bytch too and trying to place on you or cock blocked yourself by victimizing yourself constantly and complaining. Only you can answer that question. I wish you luck.

  • Teflon Mom says:

    You two were never friends in the first place. If you were truly close there would be no questions about how you felt about this person or that person. She’d know because she was there with you while you were dating. Real friends aren’t afraid to check each other, even if it means an argument. If your bond with her was strong you wouldn’t be writing in, you’d have cussed her out then tried to get to the heart of why she is so intent on sleeping with your exes. Time to let her and your exes go. She may not be able to give herself a fresh start, but you can.

  • Mabl says:

    I’m not torn up about the fact that your friend has turned into a slore. To some that’s nasty, to some it’s what we call life. She was on a diet and now she is binging like a mother***. That’s whatever. I think what bugs me most about her behavior is that you couldn’t voice your opinion without her getting distant. If you can’t tell your friends the truth as you see it maybe they shouldn’t have friends, maybe they should get a dog that is always going to behave slavishly. And one ex I wouldn’t have an issue with, but 3? I would get a little annoyed. I don’t believe in proprietary feelings for people or “girl code.” You were born alone, you die alone you need to make your life work for you. But I’m not perfect, 3 of my men would irk me. I do believe very strongly in friendship and you are holding in a lot of negative energy. If not for the sake of your friendship, then for your sake you should tell your friend how you feel. Get the stuff of your chest because the way you feel matters. I mean the way she got it on with the one guy you cared about, noticing her coldness, all of that stuff, not just your judgement. Your opinion may not be right for someone else’s life, but your feelings are never wrong.


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