Ask Max: Help! I Like This Guy

21
Nov
2011
mixed-messages

Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.


This week on Ask Max we have a question from a young lady who is getting mixed messages from the guy she likes. Sigh. You guys know how I feel about mixed messages right? Check out her question and my response.

So I like this guy, blah blah blah.

I have known him sorta since 2008 because he used to hang out with the same people I did for a while. He was chubby back then and just not my type so I never noticed him or cared to get to know him at all.

About three, three and a half years passed and [one day I noticed] he was my friend on Facebook (I guess I had forgotten). I started up a chat with him because I figured he’d be cool to hang out with, you know just to kick it. He seemed very, very interested in hanging out so one night I decided to go over to his place. Unfortunately he is 23 and lives with his grandma. But I digress.

He had lost all of his chub! Every bit of it. He was lean; his smile was contagious, his eyes piercing. And charming! He could charm the skin off a snake, ya hear! He was sensual and touchy feely and more than accommodating when it came to my needs. ALL OF MY NEEDS. He had his room all romantic. Candles, smelly goods. I have never actually had my breath taken away until that night. It was surreal.

Anyways, with all that AND the exhilarating foreplay, I surrendered to him and we sorta had sex. Once I finally let him, he didn’t even get it all the way in and he was moaning like a girl and came. He seemed nervous after that. Real nervous. He kept saying” I don’t normally do that.” He was standoffish and just plain nervous! I stayed the night and went home immediately the next morning because the vibe was super weird.

[After that] he didn’t call me for a month and now all of a sudden he’s wanting to hang out and flirting with me like he used to. Well talk and then he won’t call for a while and then we’ll talk, so on and so forth. It’s been going like this for about two weeks. Wtf! What is this nonsense? I called him a few times before this and he never answered so what I’m thinking is that he wanted to get his nut and I happened to oblige or he has serious insecurities? Either way my feelings are hurt and I don’t want them to be. I either want to further this or I want to move on without having feelings for him. Because he completely made me fall for him that night and he had every intention of doing so. Help!

Sigh.

I hate to say it girl but it looks like you got played. You gave this guy the good without him having to put up much effort (lighting candles and making his room smell good does not equal effort, especially considering he probably swiped the candles from granny) and now he’s over it. He hits you up now and then to make sure you don’t go completely off him so he can still smash should the need arise, but that seems to be the full extent of his interest in you.

It is also possible that he’s feeling insecure about his flop performance with you but really that’s neither here nor there. Because the truth is that if he was feeling you, he’d be working overtime to get a do-over and knock your socks off. But since he’s not doing that, I think we can safely conclude that he’s just not that into you. Word to Dr. J.

I know it does you no good for me to say not to get your feelings hurt because this guy is so not worth it, but don’t get your feelings hurt. This guy is so not worth it. Throw this fishie back honey. There’s plenty more worthless ones like him in the sea.

That’s my take on it – what say you dear readers? Is there potential in this dude? Are his insecurities about his weak sauce fuck getting in the way of their romance? Should she stick it out or should she bounce? Weigh in with your advice in the comments.

 


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10 Comments

  • jas says:

    You’re a saint, Max, ’cause I have nothing nice to say about this situation at all.

  • Lady Ngo says:

    I think you pretty much covered it Max. My only question is…homegirl said he’s been calling off and on for 2 weeks. What the hell is 2 weeks? I thought she was gonna say 2 months or something. She just seems extra pressed especially considering the bedroom boom was more like a womp womp wooooooooomp :(

  • MR. SD says:

    “Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me” – Mike Jones!

    Umm yea you got boomeranged! You see, when he was sir chubb-a-lot you went for the automatic friend zone..he drops the weight and you all ova him…he got revenge! a smash and go! If I were you id leave him alone..he’s going down his Mike Jones list..lol you were a name on that list ma, its really that simple!

    • i cosign this comment. can’t say that i haven’t done it before. replace [fat with nerdy and socially awkward].

    • Grace says:

      i literally laughed so hard when i read this. the kinda laugh where no sound comes out for the first five seconds. this is too true and i know it. i should kicked his ass to the curb a smooth minute ago. thanks for the honesty, really (:

  • Snarkychic says:

    Hmm I kind of think this one is obvious. I agree with Mr. SD, he clearly has a vendetta out on the heaux that crossed his chubby path and left him on the side of the bay. Not that I’m calling you a heaux. And another thing I don’t understand the appeal of man who lives with his grand momma, candles or no candles. Of course I could be showing my age, yo no se!

    Sweetie pick your pride up and dust off your ego. As Max pointed out there are more where he came from, you just need to jump back into the game.

    • Grace says:

      thank you(: truthfully the only reason i was trippin’ is cuz i used to not give an absolute sh** who he was and he caught my ego off guard, its all about the ego with me. its very immature really.

  • ncvirgogal says:

    I want to be mad at the dude in this situation but Mr SD’s reasoning makes sense. I wish life was like a Family Matters episode where Stefan and Laura lived happily ever after-but didn’t she pick Steve in the end? Lol whatever the case may be…Laura and Steve/Stefan lived happily ever after…

  • Grace says:

    guys ya’ll just kept it too real! thanks tho. see i knew this but i just wanted to act like it wasnt true. i guess its the girl in me. anyways we’re still half ass talking which is pathetic so i think im about, no, i am about to drop his ass. i appreciate ya Max! and all those who commented!


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