Inappropriate Behaviour (You Be The Judge)


This serves me well in my career, where I basically get paid to place annoying ads that get in the way of whatever you’re trying to do online think. But in my personal life, it can be a bit of a problem.

When I’m faced with a moral quandary in my relationships, it can be a struggle for me to figure out what the right thing to do is. The more I think about it, the more nooks and crannies I find to think about, and I whip myself into a frenzy of wheel-spinning that goes on and on and on until Nick comes along and tells me to stop over-thinking and gives me a course of action.

One of my favourite topics to work over in my brain is appropriate behaviour in relationships. We all know the big things we are and are not supposed to do, but there’s a lot of grey area involved that can make things messy. It’s enough to make an over-thinker’s brain explode.

So today we’re going to over-think together. I’m going to give you some scenarios, tell you my thoughts, and you tell me in the comments what you think is the appropriate thing to do. Sounds fun, right? Let’s do it.

Scenario 1: 

You are a man in a  relationship. You go to a party without your girl. A woman you met at the party begins flirtatiously rubbing your bald head because “she loves bald heads”. Is this okay? Is it more or less inappropriate if the woman is unattractive?

My thoughts on the one hand: On the one hand, I guess the man’s not crossing a line because he’s technically not doing anything. And while rubbing a relatively strange man’s head can definitely be construed as flirtatious – if not outright seductive – behaviour, the act itself is pretty innocuous. So I guess it’s not that bad.

And on the other hand: I think rubbing any part of your body should be the exclusive domain of your girlfriend. Why is it necessary for a strange woman to rub your head like you’re a fucking lamp giving out free wishes? Fall the fuck back you fresh bitch!

Scenario 3:

You are a woman with a boyfriend. You invite a man on whom you have a crush (but with whom you have no romantic or sexual history) to come by your apartment to pick up something. Are you inappropriate?

My thoughts on the one hand: In general I’m opposed to being alone in private spaces with men who are not your boyfriend, unless said man is related to you by blood. Otherwise you’re putting yourself in a situation that is conducive to trouble. Add to that the fact that the woman in this scenario had a crush on this dude and he remains unconquered. The female ego is a bitch and it will compel her to look and smell as good as she possibly can to show this dude what he’s been missing. She might fuck around and succeed and then he makes a move and she’s in a world of trouble.

And on the other hand: On the other hand I think she just invited the dude to pick something up, not to come over and blow out her back. It’s entirely possible for him to come by, grab his shit, and bounce before anything pops off. And if you can’t trust your girl to make sure that that’s the way things play out then you have bigger relationship problems on your hands.

Scenario 2:

You are in an exclusive relationship (you can be a man or a woman in this situation). But your phone and computer still contain folders filled with pictures of your previous partner’s private parts. You occasionally look at them. Is this wrong?

My thoughts on the one hand: Looking at pictures is just that – looking at pictures. As long as the looking is not followed by a suggestive text message or inviting phone call, what’s the harm at looking at a little smut? It’s no different from porn.

And on the other hand: On the other hand I think it is different from porn, just for the simple fact that the private parts belong to someone who used to make you scream the lord’s name on a regular. I feel like that makes this at best line-stepping and at worst a gateway to creeping. Plus if you’re in the mood to look at some dick pics and your choice is between your ex and your next, why would you choose your ex?

So there you go guys – three situations to work over in your brains. What do you guys think? Which of these are perfectly harmless and which of these are crossing a line? Weigh in, discuss, and whatnot in the comments.


bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 11

  1. GirlSixx says:

    Scenario 2 is definitely inappropriate. If I am in a new relationship everything from the old (past) relationship should be just that “In The Past. Photos included ESPECIALLY nekkid body parts.. DELETE AND TRASH

    I don’t see a problem with Scenario 3.

    Scenario 1, I would have to sit back and watch how that whole scenario plays itself out (him encouraging her to keep feeling on his baldie and such)

  2. scenario 1. inappropriate. even if i wasn’t in a relationship i wouldn’t want a stranger rubbing all up on me. back up.

    scenario 2. if my chick admitted that she had a crush on dude and i found out they were together at her apartment alone? naw son. i’d have a problem with that.

    scenario 3. i don’t see the problem. i may or may not have an extensive folder and subfolder on my laptop. i may or may not peruse this folder on occasion.

    1. max says:

      We are so eye-to-eye on all of these. I totally agree with you. Must be the wisdom of the Libra 🙂

  3. Cheekie says:

    LOL @ Herman Cain being the post picture.

    1. I LUH me some bald heads. And yes I have a tendency to rub ’em. However, if I found out he had a girl along the way… hells yes I would cease and desist. I think it’s such a sexual and intimate act that I’d have to paper cut a bitch if she did so to my (hypothetical) man.

    3. Maannn this is sticky. If I had a crush on him I’d definitely try to make the “pick up” as easy as possible. As in, ring the bell, take it down to him… say hey and bye. lol

    2. It is sooo different from porn because there’s a personal relationship there. I mean, I’m pretty sure airbody keeps pictures (lewd or otherwise) of their past relationships… just don’t get caught peeking at ’em.

    Also, I have to point out that this entire post is SOOOOO Libra-esque. Seeing both sides of the issue. Ya’ll got that balance swag. 😉

    ETA: To switch the numbers around. You got me with your wonky counting again, Maxie!! lol

    1. chunk says:

      Oh is the number switcharoo a max thang? I read early this morning and I swear my mind was soooo thrown off… I kept scrolling back and forth like… wait… is that _right?_ … had me contemplating my whole dayum education *smdh*

      1. emti says:

        max can’t count.

  4. chunk says:

    Scenario 1: come home and tell me allllll about it… I’ll get jealous… mad…

    And then be turned on.

    Scenario 3: I dont see nuthin wrong as long as my man knows he’s coming, visit doesn’t last long, yada yada yada. I mean… you gotta trust me. I can’t have a relationship without trust. But at the same time if, like Tunde, my man has a real problem with it, I probably wouldn’t do it, because it’s not worth it.

    Scenario 2: I don’t usually keep people’s stuff after all is said and done. Mainly because I believe in karma and I really hope that they delete what I ask them to delete.

  5. Sam Sharpe says:

    Scenario 1.

    Don’t know if this is inappropriate so much as it’s unnecessary. Like who rubs up on any part of any person they don’t know? Actually, the more I think about it the more I think it is inappropriate. Just ask yourself this question: Would this be okay if my girl were standing next to me? The answer is almost certainly a no.

    Scenario 2.

    This is flagrant. And egregious. First and foremost, should my lady really be telling me she has a crush on another dude. Second, if I’m aware and she’s aware that I’m aware and unless I’ve explicitly given a free pass to said behaviour, there is no f***ing way it is cool for her to have this dude even on the same street as her much less in her apartment…

    And if I don’t know a thing about dude at all this is even more flagrant….

    Scenario 3.

    Hmmm. I’m thinking my lady shouldn’t be looking at old dick pics while also thinking there’s nothing wrong with me taking a little trip down memory lane. Double standard? Perhaps. Sue me.

    1. chunk says:

      Sam your scenario 2 is real, huh? lol tell how you really feel son!

      But I can dig it…

  6. Krystal Light says:

    Scenario 1: I don’t have a problem with the flirting. I think it’s too much when there’s touching involved though. If she touched it real quick and he just laughed it off then maybe I’d be cool but he can’t be encouraging her to do it.
    Scenario 3: I don’t see much wrong with it but I wouldn’t do it. I’m a grown up, I can control myself but I know this would make my hubs unhappy so… I won’t do anything like that. Plus, if my crush showed up to pick something up, it would’ve taken him some hours to get here so that would not look good AT ALL.
    Scenario 2: For some reason it wouldn’t bother me for them to be on the computer but his phone? Nah. Something about them being right at his fingertips at all times and with such easy access that bugs me but to look at them on the computer? That takes a concerted effort and I think most dudes are too lazy to go through all of that just to look at some old skank. I think he may peek at them if he’s already looking at or uploading some other pics because he’s already there. I don’t know if that’s silly but there ya go.

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