Ask Max is my weekly advice column where I respond to readers' sex, dating, and relationship questions and the max-logic fam weighs in with their own advice. If you have a question that you need help with, click the Ask Max button at the top of the page and fill in the form. There's even an anonymous feature for those of you who are shy.
This week on Ask Max
we have a question from Chucc Taylor who has an issue with not being able to um, spread his seed. Check it out:
So Max I got a problem and I hope you can help a brotha out. I have delayed ejaculation. Usually this would turn out to be a good thing becuz I can last longer, but it isn’t. During sex or blowjobs I can’t nut. And besides being left full and not being able to blow my load I leave my girl feeling like a failure at her blowjobs and her pussy and I can’t have that keep happening. I need advice. I need help. I NEED TO BUST! Hell I need Jesus. Any help would be great. I love the way you write and keep it real. So please keep up the good work and thanks for giving me somethin to read at work that keeps me from killing my co-workers.Peace, Love, and Soul
Ya Boy, Chucc Taylor
Since I personally have no experience with this issue, I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Darius (not his real name of course) to help Chucc out. Read on for his response.
First off let me tell you that I feel you homie. I actually have the same exact problem. I didn’t know there was a name for it, so I took to the interwebs to try and find a solution for your (and in turn MY) problem. Seems like the key is to find out what exactly is causing this problem.
I came across this on a Google search of the topic. I’ll include the link just in case you want to read up some more on the subject…
Delayed ejaculation can result from psychological or physical causes.
Common psychological causes include:
- A strict religious background causing the person to view sex as sinful
- Lack of attraction for a partner
- Conditioning caused by unique or atypical masturbation patterns
- Traumatic events (such as being discovered in masturbation or illicit sex, or learning one’s partner is having an affair)
I’ll assume since you called her “your girl” you actually have feelings for this woman, so attraction isn’t the issue. You probably don’t have a strict religious background since you seem to have no problem engaging in premarital sex. So I’m willing to guess you probably choke the chicken a little bit too much on your off days and it’s essentially fucking up your sex life.
If that’s the case, you simply need to give your dick and Palmetta, a rest.
When conversations about boys and masturbation come up, it’s always looked at as the act of simulating sex on yourself. What they don’t tell you is the good grip you have on your Johnson will hardly, if ever, be the same type of grip you’ll encounter when you enter inside of a woman.
It takes you 30-45 mins to nut with your girl right? How long does it take you to do it by yourself? I’m willing to bet it takes a fraction of the time, probably leaving you confused and your girl pissed that your hand can bring you more pleasure much more quickly than she can.
I used to jack off like twice a day just for the sensation of a nut. Sometimes, more than that. Eventually I realized, I’d be disinterested when it came to pussy, or it took an absurdly long time to bust a nut. And I didn’t nut off of straight head until I got to college…even then I can count on ONE hand how many times that’s happened.
If masturbation is your problem, try this. If you know you’re about to get some on a specific day, don’t masturbate for a week before it. Your body, ever used to the daily release, will build up a good reserve for you to share with your woman. You’ll find that after a week of waiting, you’re pretty much standing at full attention and your sexual experience will be that much more intense, since your body didn’t get it’s normal release.
Other than that, the best thing you can do is talk to your girl about it. I’ve left plenty of women breathless in the sack, only for them to be disappointed because all of my wits are still about me. I explain to women it’s not really their fault, explain to them what my issue is, and I haven’t met a woman who hasn’t understood my problem.
True enough, they’re not always happy about it, but I mean…as long as you make a woman’s eyes roll into the back of her head on a consistent basis, they’re really not going to argue with you too much about it.
So stop jacking off, talk to your girl, and read that website I put in this response earlier. They have all types of methods and stuff to help you deal with the myriad of factors causing this problem. Good luck to you and your lady and I hope the advice works for you because really…every woman wants to be skeeted on and you’re doing a great disservice by not giving her what she needs.
What say you guys? Men have you ever had this problem? Got any tips for Chucc? Ladies have you ever felt a way because your man couldn’t get to the finish line? Speak on it in the comments.