Don’t Call Me Baby (Remix)


The good news about this is that I found a really fun automatic pet name generator – my pet name would be Silly Patootie, which is pretty fitting I think.  The other good news is that I didn’t have to write a post last night because I’m throwing some shit back.

Oh maybe that’s not such good news, is it? Oh well. Let’s go.

One of the most fun parts of a new relationship for me is figuring out what I’m gonna call my new friend. I’m usually looking for two things; a pet name and a euphemism with which I refer to him when analyzing the minutiae of our relationship with mentioning him to friends. My euphemisms are usually descriptive; “the old one”, “the young one”, “waiter dude”, “bathroom grabber”, while my pet names are a little more problematic.

I tend to favour weird pet names (regular readers should connect this to my constant references to my first love as “Snickers”). I’m particularly partial to “cher” as a pet name – it’s French for dear – but have yet to encounter a man who would allow me to call him that.  One of my best friends is programmed in my phone as “lovesponge” and most of my friends get a random “ers” tagged to their names somehow – I have a Manzers, and Jemmers, and a Vivers, for example. My sister will forever be known as Marshie-poo. But my absolute favourite thing to call people is “fuckface”. I don’t know where this came from or why I’m so attached to it, but once I get to liking someone, it starts to bubble out of my mouth seemingly beyond my control. As you can imagine, it does not go over so well.

In my checkered past, I’ve been known by many names – “Big Baby”, “Indian”, and “Mad Max”, to name a few.  But by far the most popular pet name is, you guessed it: “baby”. I’m not sure why Baby is such a common pet name, but I do my best to staunch the truth my reflex reaction – that it infanitilizes and therefore minimizes women. As much as I’m sure Simone de Beauvoir would agree with that theory, I suspect it has something more to do with the fact that caring about someone tends to inspire the desire to nurture, protect, and care for someone; just as you would a baby. Or maybe we all just listen to too much popular music.

At any rate, I’ve never been a big fan of being called Baby. It’s far too generic for a weirdo like me. To be honest, I don’t mind it during secksy time when I assume a man’s brain is otherwise occupied and cannot be expected to come up with an original name for me. But outside the bedroom, a man calling me Baby kind of a tiny bit irks the entire shit out of me.

But what about you guys? Do you like pet names or are you one of those weirdos who hates them? What are you preferred terms of endearment? Which ones do you hate? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 21

  1. MizzCam says:

    I do like pet names, but I, too, feel that ‘baby’ is generic and impersonal. I want a pet name that is specific to me. If I find out that the pet name you have for me is the very same pet name you’ve had for every chick you’ve ever dated I will flip the f*ck out not answer to it. My favorite one to date has to be ‘Sweet cheeks.’ If you know me/have seen my pic, you’ll notice that I have a rather round face and big ‘ole cheeks [do not squeeze, ’cause I bite]. So while the name is not completely original, it did accurately describe me and I thought it was cute. The name generator gave me Tasty Doll 😉

    My ex and I also thought it was funny to call each other the dumbest pet names, so I would often call him: my Honey Bunches of Oats, Baby Cakes, Cutie Patootie, Hubby Wubby or any other silly thing I could think of.

    As far as nicknames are concerned, I’m pretty horrible at remembering names, so I give everyone a nickname. Often the nicknames are not flattering, so I’ll use those names when asking someone else what your actual name is. Less of a nickname, more of a description – i.e. Chick with blackheads on nose, Dude who tucks in his sweaters… Or if there’s an article of clothing the person wears too much, I’ll call them that. I called a guy in HS ‘Red Durango Boots’ for 4 years, RDB for short. I still don’t know his name. And everyone else called him RDB as well. =/

  2. Ray. says:

    Yea I feel u Max. Baby, Boo, and things of that nature are too generic. And on top of that I don’t like using a pet name 2 days in a row. So if she’s “ma ma” today, tmrw she might be ‘babegirl’, ‘love’, ‘phat butt’ or whatever else I may feel like that day. Some pet names only get used once while others are staples, like “ma”. But i never realized how much I used and liked to switch up pet names until I started txtn. I would find myself searching for a new greeting sometimes b4 I didn’t want my “hello’s” to be generic.

  3. SD says:

    Every wifee Ive ever had gets the name “babe”..she doesn’t have

  4. Rican says:

    I love pet names! I call everyone either boo, hun, honey, babe…whatever comes to mind at the moment. When I’m dating I instinctively come up with something that’s unique for him and I’ll call him papi occasionally to.

    Sidebar: I used the pet name generator and put my name in and it said my nickname would be “Perfect Pussy”. I did it a second time and it gave me “Beautiful Puss”. Lol! I know a few guys that would certainly agree with this. 😉

  5. emti says:

    You put ers in the end of names and I put ies or y’s lol
    Maxie, Pookie, Craigy etc.

    Btw I went to that name generator and I put Pookie’s (your lovesponge) name in and got….SLICK PUNK


  6. Teflon Mom says:

    Well, we call each other baby around the house all the time. Which can be confusing since we actually have babies now. I went on that site, here’s what I got:

    Mine: Tiny Munchkin
    His: Slick Lover

    Word – I may be able to do something with that.

  7. elle says:

    I’m not too fond of being called baby or boo or ma. Especially by some random guy. I didn’t mind being called babygirl by the ex..I thought that was kinda cute. I give people nicknames all the time because I too am so bad with names I just call you what I feel your name should be lol. I will call my friends Pumpkin or Honey Bun or put a Boo on the ends of their names like AngieBoo or KimmyBoo etc…

    1. elle says:

      My pet name was given as Hot love it.

  8. Fabi says:

    Been creepin on here for a hella long time, and I figure its time I finally comment. I fucking love your blog.

    I like nicknames that are specific to me. My man calls me Chispita (which sometimes turns into Chispi or Cheeze Pizza when feeling goofy) because I’m latina, and it means “little spark” in spanish. He also calls me Koala because he likes when I snuggle up to him on the couch or hand on to his arm as he drives. It’s those original, goofy names that I like. I’m still having trouble coming up with one for him though…. It has to show endearment without emasculating him, and it’s just too hard. So until I get some inspiration, he will just be called “baby.”

    1. max says:

      See those are the kind of pet names I like. Even though I stay using generic names like sweetie, love, and honey bunny, I want to be called something Max-specific. I actually liked it when the SA called me Big Baby or Big Indian because they were references to conversations we’d had in the past…it made it seem more special and less knee-jerk.

  9. Snarkychic says:

    Hola Max,

    I’m a pet name giver. I love giving people names that I can call them other than their government. It’s actually a way for me to remember people without having to remember their actual names because I’m horrible with names. Everyone gets a nickname, some better than others. Guys typically get the name I use in the public, generally some bastardization of his real name and the name I use in private. Those off color names aren’t appropriate outside the comforts of our couple-ness. Like Mr. Stamina…you can’t really say that in front of someone’s mom without some sideways looks.

    I’m persnickety about what folks call me. Typically I prefer people to use my real name unless we’re actually friends. I detest being called Baby, anything but Baby or Baby girl.

    The pet name generator says my nickname should be Sugar Eyes…works for me!

  10. damn. i thought for sure that post would have been the easiest one you’ve written to date. alas, i guess i’m not as great as i thought i was.

    as for your post i have a habit of calling people by their full government names. i rarely do nicknames. your name is rebecca? i’m not calling you becky. william? i’m not calling you will. your mother named you that for a reason.

    now if it happens to be a woman i fancy then i may call her bay or babe occasionally. i’ll text or email that more often. if i text your full name then i’m not happy with you at all.

    1. max says:

      Aaargh! What is this fixation on calling people by their full names? I spend half my work life training people to call me Max instead of Maxine.

      1. i don’t know maxine.

  11. Most says:

    I’m like so liberal with my use of the word baby. I really throw it around unabashedly.

    But ladies usually love it though. Especially if they’re not from New York. If I catch em’ with a quick, nonchalant but respectful “Come’ On Baby don’t be like that.” I usually can get whatever I want… lol.

    I’m big on pet names in general. It just makes things feel so much more personal between two people.

    I call women baby, babe, sweetheart, shorty and a whole host of other things. It’s just part of my personality I think.

    I’ve never had a woman get upset or tell me not to call her anything I’ve ever called her.

    Yeah, I love pet names.

  12. LuvinLyfe says:

    “You can call me anything u want, but don’t call me collect…” LOL, just kidding, I love pet names, babe is cool, but baby is better, and the only one that gets on my last damn nerves to see someone type or hear someone say is bay/bae. I effing hate that one! I just don’t know why, but it irks the living hell out of me.

  13. Wild Cougar says:

    I like to call men sir. I think its hilarious. Especially if the guy is really young. I’ll say something like, ” You have really large feet, sir.” It’s my own private joke. I’ve been known to call a man Babaloo. Cuban, Santaria, Ricky Ricardo something or other. I think it sounds cute.

  14. Reecie says:

    I melt if a man calls me “bae” MELT.

    love it!
    I’m big on pet names. I call folks, hun, boo, sweets, baby, suga alllll the time. I make up code names for all my boos but its mostly to talk about them with other people without folks knowing who is being referenced. now names I call them that they know about, depends on the person.

  15. HLBB says:

    I put my name in the generator and got “Tastey Pookie”

  16. Mabl says:

    I don’t really do pet names. Sometimes I guess I feel particularly soft towards someone and will end up calling thing something like Panda (for my friend Amanda) or Bean (for my friend Shaun), but generally I like names, even a shortening of a name, whatever. I hate when I meet people and they’re like “Everyone calls me ‘Chooky’.” Great “Chooky,” but what is your name? Sometimes if someone has a shortened form of their name I will call them their full name. I usually get away with it, even if the person doesn’t like it. I say it with love. I think pet names in relationships should be unique, they represent that person. My first adult relationship I called my dude Baby; the next guy I called that once and it felt weird so I used Babe. People rarely give me a nick name or pet name, though I like when they do. It makes me feel special. Right now one guy calls me Kitten and I love it. I love it for true. Like your blog. (My generated name is Cuddley Flower.)

  17. Tranisha says:

    My boyfriend calls me pretty lady, and i love it 🙂

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