“[dropcap]I[/dropcap]f he snaps, then you know you got him. And there’s no need to go, is there? But if he tries to act all cool and shit, you just gon’ have to go teach his ass a lesson”.
Let me be the first one to admit it – most women have been or are currently guilty of this kind of testing. Even outstanding ones such as myself. We want to know something from a man we’re interested in but we don’t want to come right out and ask him. So we drop hints. We subtweet. We set up tests. And we ask subliminal questions.
But before you judge us, understand that it’s not really our fault. No really – it’s not. You see we’ve been told all our lives that we need to handle men. That we can’t just come at them with hard questions without preparing him first. You’ll throw him off guard and he’ll get defensive. You have to ease him into it, ask him hard questions when he’s driving or otherwise occupied.
So you see we come by our subliminal questions and love tests honestly. And so we do dumb shit. We ask hypothetical questions like “what would you do if I were to bring my ex fuck buddy with me to the Bills game this weekend since you can’t make it?”. We want you to flip out, beat your chest and say “you are MY woman and under no circumstances can you go to a football game with another man!”. Then we’ll know where we stand with you.
If we’re not asking subliminal questions we’re doing other stupidness. Like testing you. We’ll flirt with another man in front of you to see if you act jealous. Or we’ll say we think maybe we should spend time apart just to see if you’ll fight to stay together. We’ll act rowdy just to see if you will tell us to settle down.
But of course men never say that. Because you guys see us coming a mile away, don’t you? When we ask a fake question, you know what you do? You give a non-answer. You say something vague or non-committal. Or you’ll change the subject altogether. If we test you, you fail on purpose.
And I get why you do it. We’re being stupid
so you think you should be stupid too. Instead of being grown ups and coming out and asking what we want to ask or saying what we have to say, we’re skirting around the issue. Dropping hints and deep sighing and expecting you to read our minds. You know what we’re doing and you’re refusing to fall for it. You say to yourself “until she comes out and asks me a direct question I ain’t saying shit”.
I get it, but this is man logic in the extreme.
See the thing is that giving non-answers and failing tests on purpose is completely unproductive and stupid. Who is this helping? All you’re doing is making your woman feel more confused and twitchy and that just causes more problems for you. You know she’s looking for an answer. You have the answer. Why don’t you just give her the answer?
Consider this scenario: If I say to Mr. Max “if you want to make sure you don’t catch a cold, you should probably refrain from kissing strange girls”, I’m less worried about keeping him healthy and more concerned about what he has to say on the subject of whether him kissing another girl is an imminent possibility. Admittedly there are more direct ways to ask the question, but isn’t saying it like that a lot gentler and less confrontational than saying “Hey! Are you kissing other girls? You better not be!”.
Mr. Max is no dummy and he knows what I’m doing. So he has two choices – he can say “I’m not planning on kissing any other girls”, or he can say “lol”.
If he chooses Option A, Max will smile. She will be content with the knowledge that Mr. Max isn’t kissing anyone but her and she can drop the subject with a clear conscience. But no. Man logic will compel Mr. Max to answer my non-question with a non-answer. So despite the fact that he of course does not want any lips but mine touching his, he’ll just lol at me and keep it moving. This then sends the wheels of my brain spinning wildly. I think Oh! So we’re kissing other girls, are we? Is that what we’re doing? Good to know. And then the next time someone else tries to kiss me, maybe I’ll say to myself Well he’s kissing other girls so let me kiss other boys. It’s only fair. Then I’m kissing people I don’t really want to kiss, he’s unhappy, and everybody loses.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier if he just answered the question I wasn’t asking?
At the end of the day, we all need to learn to be more honest and direct with our communication. But we all know that’s easier said than done when you’re trying to build a relationship with someone and you’re not sure where you stand and you don’t want to get your feelings hurt. So sometimes we have to just take one for the team in the name of productivity. Sometimes women have to put their big girl panties on and come out and say “Hey I want to be exclusive, do you?” and sometimes men have to find the non-question buried in the babble and just give her the answer she’s looking for.
But what do you guys think? Ladies are you guilty of asking non-questions? Men do you give non-answers? Speak on it in the comments.
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