It's 6:58pm on Wednesday and I'm asshole tired. I've been up since 4 o c'lock, spent my morning sitting through mind-numbing meetings, and fought to stay awake all afternoon back at my desk. I want to go to sleep and the only thing standing between me and my pillow top is writing this post.
But instead of writing I watched the first episode of Milk + Honey. Then I logged in to gchat to see if there was anyone online I felt like talking to. There wasn’t. So I decided that I can’t write at my desk and moved to the living room; where I proceeded to take a bunch of hipstaprints and re-read the text messages I got this morning. Then I said to myself “Okay! Just write your post and you can go to bed!” and promptly headed over to Twitter.
By rights I shouldn’t even be going through this right now. Every weekend for the last year or so, I have vowed to spend one afternoon writing all the week’s post so that I don’t have to scramble to write things the night before. And instead every week I lie in bed and read and watch Ally McBeal.
This is me though, undisciplined through and through. I know what I’m supposed to do, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Because I lack discipline.
I would love to be the kind of person who just wakes up in the morning and gets shit done. Just for one day of my life I’d like to get up in the morning and immediately work out instead of needing 45 minutes to “dick around”. I’d like to start a work project the minute it’s assigned and not 45 minutes before it’s due. I’d like to go to bed at a reasonable hour when I have a client meeting in the morning instead of staying up all hours of the night hanging out on Google +. I’d like to be the kind of person who saves 10% of my income, who fills up my RRSP room every year, and keeps track of every penny I spend. I’d like to be that person, but I’m not.
Instead I’m a person who comes up with a million reasons why it’s okay for me to do everything tomorrow. I’m the person who can justify spending my rent money on shoes. The person who is on gchat right now when she should be writing. The person who will save next paycheque, fill my RRSP room next year, quit smoking on her next birthday.
I sometimes try to be more disciplined, but for some strange reason I never stick with it. Despite the fleeting glimpses I get from time to time of the immense feeling of satisfaction that comes with getting shit done when I’m supposed to, I always allow myself to be seduced by the allure of wutlessness. Laziness is like stuffing yourself with fattening food – it feels good at the time but it makes you sick later. And fat.
All the same though I suspect I’ll be undisciplined all my life. Because in order for me to break myself out of this, I’d have to be disciplined enough to…be disciplined. And I’m pretty sure that won’t work.
But what about you guys? Are you out in the world getting shit done or do you let laziness prevail like me? Speak on it in the comments.