As some of you know, for the last little while I've been re-watching the TV show Ally McBeal. If you've never watched the show, it centres around the weird, skinny, angsty Ally McBeal who is surprisingly lovable and perpetually single. You can see why I love this show so much right? Now without getting into too much of the backstory of the show, for a long period of time in the second season Ally is seeing this crazy-ass therapist who keeps pushing her to choose a theme song.
The purpose of the theme song as I understand it is to bolster you when you’re feeling down or shy or insecure or something. You hear it in your head and it gives you the extra little pep in your step you need to get through whatever your latest crisis is. It’s like your own personal cheering squad. In your head. Sounds a little trite I suppose, but hey, whatever works right?
I’ve been thinking lately that I should have a theme song of my own. Lord knows there are definitely moments when I could use a little boost. But the process of choosing one is a little overwhelming. There are just so many choices! See there are so many disparate (and random) aspects of my personality that I don’t know which ones I should represent in my theme song.
I’ve been going around and around about this since these episodes first aired and I’ve never been able to decide on anything. But that’s why I have you guys right? To help me decide.
I’ve grouped my choices into four categories, which I’m going to put out to you guys and you tell me what you think my theme song should be.
Songs with my name in them
For what I consider to be a pretty random name, there are a lot of songs with Maxine in them.
There’s the ever-classic Murder She Wrote, which would make a great theme song for me since it references a pretty face and bad character, which is pretty accurate. Then there is Ghostface’s Maxine, which is not a particularly complimentary choice since he refers to her as a “dark skinneded bald headed bitch”. I’m also partial to Beenie Man’s Dude, but only because he says “sexy Maxine” and that’s a pretty accurate description, wouldn’t you say?
Of course, the single greatest choice in this category would be Kardinal’s Maxine, a) because I used to have a giant crush on him which makes the song eerily prescient and b) it’s just a fucking great song.
No matter how far I stray from my hometown, there will always be more than a little white girl in me. You can take the girl out of London Ontario but you cannot take the London Ontario out of the girl. So would be pretty fitting if I were to pick a song that reflects the fact that I grew up listening to far more Pink Floyd than Eric B & Rakim.
If I were going to go with a honky hit as my theme song, there are no shortage of tracks to choose from. There is Nirvana’s Lithium which reminds me of crazy people which is pretty fitting for me. Then there’s Pat Benatar’s I Need a Lover because well…you know. Then there’s Janis Joplin’s Ball and Chain. That song blew my fucking mind in so many ways.
You guys know I love a raunchy song. And since I’ve made an e-name for myself by getting nasty, it would only be right for me to pick a nasty song as my theme song. Sexy songs just evoke such wonderful feelings in me that they would carry me through any challenge. But there are just so many to choose from. From Ghostface’s Wildflower which is just so wonderfully ignorant to The Weeknd’s Rolling Stone which not only just oozes sex but also is Canadian. And then there are songs like Glenn Lewis’s Storm and Mos Def’s The Panties which just make me just want to fling mine off.
But tell me what you guys think? Do you have a theme song? What is it? What do you think my theme song should be? Weigh in in the comments.