Body Envy


This might be further evidence of my madness, but there was a blissful simplicity to being a big(ger) girl that I kind of miss sometimes. I was used to not really liking the way I looked and so not being happy with what I looked like was nothing special. I kept mirror time to a bare minimum. And I never ever let myself compare my body to other women’s lest I launch myself into a pit of misery that no amount of high fructose corn syrup could pull me out of.

Those were the good old days.

Now that I’ve become all (well, moderately) fit and shit in my old days, my little insular bubble has burst. Remember how I told you I was never satisfied? Well that shit applies here. When I first started working out I was a skinny fat who couldn’t find muscle tone if I looked it up in the dictionary. These days, while I might not be ripped, you can definitely tell by looking at me that I know my way around a set of dumbbells.

Now if I were a normal person, I’d be content with the progress I made. Perhaps I’d strengthen my resolve to continue to push myself to do better. Maybe I’d even be gratified with the fact that I have a better body than most people I know. But because I am a lunatic, that is not the case.

Under normal circumstances, I’m a watch no face kinda girl. I’m not one to covet what anyone else has because I have no idea what they did to get it. But ever since I got my little workout groove on I’ve had a serious case of body envy. Despite the fact that it’s utterly ridiculous for a normal person (well, kinda normal) to try to achieve the fitness results of celebrities who have all the time and resources in the world at their disposal, there are just some bitches women whose bodies I would like to snatch and invade.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Kate Beckinsale

This is the bitch photo that started the trouble. I ripped this out of a magazine many years ago and had it within arm’s reach for years. I don’t think there’s anything really earth-shattering about Kate’s body, but for some reason it gets my motor running. And when I get that urge to just fling myself on the floor mid-workout because I’m completely exhausted, this is the image I see in my head that makes me drag my heaving self to the end.

Tika Sumpter

I’m still mostly unclear on who or what a Tika Sumpter is, but this chick’s body kills me dead. Her abs are what mine look like first thing in the morning before breakfast. If I didn’t eat for several hours before I went to bed. But I’m sure this little hooker probably stuffed her face with pasta right before this photo shoot. Oh and see that line at the side of her thigh? I.want.that. Except to get it I have to do unspeakable things like lunges and squats and I still fucking hate those.

Camila Alves

Again only the vaguest, most tenuous idea who this chick is. But I know this: I like her body.


It pains me to even mention this girl on my blog, she frets me so. But one thing I will say is she has a cute little ass. This is what I picture when I’m painting my nails thigh dancing and cursing the ladies of Physique 57  (best workout ever by the way) and my ass is on fire. I’ll get there one day.

So that’s my list of women who inspire me to get up off my ass this morning while also filling me with the hot fire of body envy. What say you guys? Whose bodies are inspiring envy in you? Weigh in (hahaha) in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 24

  1. Tele Kendall says:

    *sigh. . . as I am finally off steroids from getting sick 3 years ago. . . I am envying Max’s. I had the cutest little tennis player bod 4 years ago. . . now I am like weight loss Raven Symone. . . which is cool if you are happy there. . . cause it hasn’t stopped the male attention. . . but not so cool when you go from a 4/6 on bottom and 2 on top to a 12 all around. . .

    i used entirely too many ellipses in this comment. . .

  2. blackgirlmd says:

    Naomi’s photoshoot in Love Mag last yr filled me with envy.

    I want Naomi’s body (top left), but mine is probably more like Lara’s body (bottom left)

  3. miss cosmic says:

    i totally know what you’re talking about!
    that little line that really toned people have in their thighs – i dont even want to talk about it cos i want it so bad. the little cuts in my abs are coming along, so too with the little lines where my arms are toning up. but that ‘thigh-line’? i want to cry.

    1. max says:

      Why is it so hard to get?!?
      *does several squats*
      *wails again*

  4. CHeeKZ Money says:

    I will say… when I saw Thor this past summer I really got mad at myself for not being able to wash my clothes on my stomach.

    Or course you see movies like 300 and even Brad Pitt in fight club and you realize you are not working hard enough.

    1. CHeeKZ Money says:


  5. Cheekie says:

    Tika really is gorgeous, yo!! Legs that go on for days.

    Girl. I remember when I first saw Rihanna and my eyes went downward and I cussed SOMEBODY (I have no idea who, they were probably invisible) out that she was actually that dayum thick. Her upper body is TINY and she got #demThighs. And a cute butt to boot. She definitely has my body envy.

  6. Sam Sharpe says:

    I dunno ladies, I think Rihanna’s body is overrated. I see ladies like that and better all the time. All. The. Time.And max this post is solid if only for putting me on to this Tika Sumpter lady. Must research.

  7. Inclined says:

    mmmm… *googles Camila Alves for more pics*

  8. Malik says:

    I’ve never really had body envy outside of wanting to be a couple inches taller. Outside of that, I’m fine because I could put back on weight if I dedicated myself and I’m doing that in a couple weeks regardless. Ideally I could get up to a welterweight and around something like Georges St-Pierre (your fellow Canadian). Closer to the boxing, not MMA welterweight though.

  9. OSHH says:

    A side effect of being a fitness oriented is being body conscious. I did an informal poll when I first really got into weight training and getting serious about being fitter and working out. All of us are alot more body conscious of ourselves and others. I don’t do the comparison thing though, there is no point in that, I just try to keep what I have together!

  10. Teflon Mom says:

    Shit, I envy my own body from about 5 years ago. If I’d known then what I know now I would have dressed sluttier while it was still age and figure appropriate.

    1. Ray. says:

      Hahaha I love it!

    2. Krystal light says:

      Girl you and me are >here< my body wasn't the bangingest but at least my stomach was flat. My advice to my childless friend recently was enjoy your body while you have it. And document it! I don't have even one pic of me on a beach in a bikini. Smh. The sad thing is back then I used to wear a t-shirt or tank over my bathing suit at the pool, didn't have a clue what was coming.

  11. Flyy says:

    Good post Maxie.

    Your pics are good but I think I envy thicker girls. LOL. And probably b/c I am one… in order to be that tiny, which after observing you I know is possible but so is the probability that we will have another black president O_o So I go for more realistic models that would allow me to sculpt the lil excess that I have now…

    Can’t think of any examples, but when I do… I’ll be back. lol.

  12. LaLaBakir says:

    c/s Flyy

    I envy thicker or curvier chicks b/c I have hips and will never look like Tike w/o looking like I’m on that Whitney.

    I can’t think of any chick that I body envy off the top of the dome.

  13. Funms says:

    Beyonce…..before the pregnancy…. i want that booty

  14. Amos Banks says:

    How “chunky” were you? Did you go from Size 18 to an 8 or something like 12 to a 6?

  15. GirlSixx says:


    Honestly, I would take J-Lo’s body over rihanna’s and beyonce’s body anyday, now that SW (serial wife) got a banging body and after having twins plus 40 something. sheesh. I don’t think beyonce’s body would be hard to achieve because she is big boned girl so once weight loss starts you will notice it quickly.

  16. I don’t know if I have body envy, but I love RhiRhi’s body. Not hippy, nice booty, and her tata’s aren’t bad either. To me, less hip/more booty is always a win, mostly b/c I’m not hippy, but I have thigh, and booty. Trying to get an even better booty. Basically, I’m drawn to the slim/thick shape. lol.

  17. Aleyah the Great says:

    ciara just because she looks like she spends forever in the gym. off the top though i can’t think of someone with my body shape whose body i want. megan good also has a really cute shape. anyone with curves and still fit looks good to me

  18. Danielle says:

    I just want my my pre baby body back that’s all. I loved it. I do kettlebells which has just about brought my 11 yr old pre baby ass back. I love it! I recommend it for anyone who wants results quickly. It’s only a 30 minute workout.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *