The 10 Commandments of Casual Sex

21
Sep
2011
casual-sex

As you guys know, I'm a big fan of casual sex. Not necessarily for me personally, but as a concept. Just had to make that clear. But what you might not know about me is that I am also a big fan of order and decorum. I believe that every situation is improved when everyone goes into it with a little bit of behaviour and respects the rules. But of course when hormones get involved everyone wants to get buck wild and just act any any all how (as my mum would say) and that's how no-strings sex turns into a shit show.


So just as God had to step in and give the Israelites some instructions on how to conduct themselves, so must I tell you the proper way to behave in your jump off type relationships. So every Wednesday for the next 10 weeks I’ll bring you the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex. If you have suggestions for what the commandments should be, please send them to me via the contact link at the top right of the page,  because of course you know I haven’t written them all yet.

In the meantime, let’s get to the first commandment.

Commandment #1: Thou Shall Not Find Yourself Accidentally Exclusive

This is a common plight of the single woman. See, contrary to what certain male commenters of this site would have you believe, it’s not that easy for a woman to find a man with whom she can have great, bullshit free sex. So once she finds him, she makes it her business to repeat the experience as often as she can. Mr. Bullshit-free moves to the top of her iphone favourites list and that’s where she’s looking first when she starts to get that special feeling.

Sure there are other contenders vying for the opportunity to wax that ass, but most of them are coming at her with bullshit like flopping the show, half-stepping their way through sex, vanishing without a trace for long periods of time, shit like that. And while under normal circumstances she may be willing to endure a bit of bullshit if the end result is her getting her parts oiled, if she compares these dudes to Mr. No Bullshit, they fall way short. So of course she keeps going back to the good good and of course the more you fuck someone the better it gets, and next thing you know she’s having epic sex and tongue-tying orgasms on a regular basis with a man who behaves decently toward her.

This sounds like the holy grail of casual sex, doesn’t it? She’s getting fucked on a regular, the shit is amazing and it’s not even annoying. What more can a gal ask for?

The problem is though that while she’s been seeking out Mr. Sans Bullshit early and often, all the other contenders have drifted off. But she’s not worried about it because she has all the dick she needs in one place. Until the time comes when she wants to play and her favourite toy is not in the box and as she starts digging around for alternate sources of amusement she realizes the toy chest is empty. Now she’s frantically searching for something to entertain her and finds nothing. And then she’s mad.

What she forgot is that the essential nature of casual sex is its no obligation nature. At any moment in time a fuck buddy can wife another girl down, leave the country, turn gay contract an STD, or just get tired of fucking you and he’s under no obligation to tell you that it happened. So it’s not until you’re lying in bed with a throbbing pussy looking for someone to come over and stretch out your walls and drawing back a nub that you realize your number one primo source for cock has been shut down like your favourite store in Pacific Mall. Now she has to go on a scouting trip to the bush leagues to find a contender she can promote to the majors, and then she has to spend even more time training him until he can swing his bat like the last guy did.

The number one commandment of casual sex is never put all your nuts in one basket. You must diversify. I’m not suggesting that you take a different cock every day of the week, but if you have a favourite, you must also have at least one back up. You might not be giving the alternate dude pussy, but you have to give him something to make sure he doesn’t forget about you and, more importantly, to ensure he remains available to service you when your main dude is not readily available. Otherwise you will find yourself in a shitty situation like being 9 days away from your birthday with no available source for birthday ass, just to give you a random example.

So that’s the first commandment on my list, what do you guys think? Have you ever found yourself exclusively fucking someone you’re not in a relationship with? Have you been left high and dry by them? Speak on it in the comments.

 

 

 



8 Comments

  • Renè says:

    Right now, I’m exclusively fucking someone I’m not in a relationship with. He’s my favourite person in all terms. The sex is great and all, but the more we hook up, the more I think our fuck-days are numbered.
    Laconically speaking, having a favourite is a bad move. Real bad move.

    • Melyssa says:

      “Laconically speaking, having a favourite is a bad move. Real bad move”

      I feel you on that, but the only way to get over that is to do what I did. I put some distance in between our sessions although he used to catch an attitude, but I had too because although I don’t get emotionally attached easily, my body at point did seem to respond to *cough* HIM *cough* differently than the others.

  • 9 days away? no birthday ass? times is really hard in toronto huh?

  • Keona says:

    Can’t say I’ve been in this situation. I tend to leave casual sex for the pro’s; I get attached too easily.

    I tried it once after a long break-up, and it worked out quite well. But I don’t think I’d do it again.

  • oh ok says:

    My one prob w/ ur post…”turn gay contract an STD”.
    Ok maybe, but dude can also just turn gay &/OR contract an STD.
    Sorry had to point that out.
    Also great advice! I will definitely use this :)

  • Melyssa says:

    “The number one commandment of casual sex is never put all your nuts in one basket.”

    PREACH!!!!

    A backup cock is mandatory because in NSA situationships there ARE NO guarantees that chex will always go down according to YOUR plan, shit happens so having an backup plan is better than being stuck with just your hand. *wink*

    This entire post is SPOT ON.

  • keisha brown says:

    So it’s not until you’re lying in bed with a throbbing pussy looking for someone to come over and stretch out your walls and drawing back a nub that you realize your number one primo source for cock has been shut down like your favourite store in Pacific Mall.

    this made me laugh for literally 10 minutes.
    RIP to my fave store that sold the best bootleg movies… ;)


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