Random Things I’m Anal About

08
Sep
2011
anal

Like my girl Shonnerz always tells me, I am a mess. Not in the scandalous way, but I’m a total scatterbrain. My home and office are in a constant state of barely-controlled chaos, and my method of keeping track of important things basically boils down to “put it somewhere and hope I find it later”. [...]


Like my girl Shonnerz always tells me, I am a mess. Not in the scandalous way, but I’m a total scatterbrain. My home and office are in a constant state of barely-controlled chaos, and my method of keeping track of important things basically boils down to “put it somewhere and hope I find it later”.

My closets are empty because my clothes are kept on different “clothes chairs” for different purposes and I can never find anything in my kitchen cupboards because everything is put in the first available empty spot and that changes from one day to the next.

I am all over the place.

But despite my scatterbrained, laissez-faire, devil-may-care attitude about life, there are certain things that I am hyper anal about. If they’re not organized exactly the way I want them I get panicky and I will waste retarded amounts of time making sure they are just so, regardless of how unimportant it is. For example:

Solitaire

Spades go with diamonds and clubs go with hearts. I’m pretty sure that was the 11th commandment and it somehow was missed when the Bible was written. If I’m playing any kind of solitaire game – whether on my phone or with actual cards – the suits have to go together or I cannot concentrate. I would sooner lose the game and have the suits matched together properly than defile a spade by matching it with a heart. It just looks disgusting and makes me antsy.

Naming Conventions

The songs in my iTunes library have to be named properly. They must. The genres must be the way I want them: Hip Hop not Hip-Hop or even worse: Rap/Hip Hop and it’s R&B, not R & B. I check this regularly and any offenders must be fixed immediately. If a song is a remix with a featured artist, it goes like this: Get Money Remix feat. Notorious B.I.G. no parentheses, and you cannot (you MUST NOT) capitalize the F in feat.). It has to be Lil’ Wayne and Lil’ Kim and Lil’ Cease – those apostrophes are so crucial. I spend half my life fixing songs because everything has to be just so or I don’t enjoy the music as much.

Similarly, the names in my address book on my phone have to be in the right format. If you’re in there under your government name, it has to be capitalized and if it’s capitalized it has to be first name and last name, like this: Colin Telford. There can’t just be “Colin”. That would be wrong. However, if you’re in there under your street name (or e-name) then it must be all on one line and it MUST be lower case. It’s cheekie, not Cheekie. That’s just all types of wrong and I will get stabby if I don’t fix it immediately.

My nails

My nails must be polished at all time. Bare nails give me a funny feeling. And not in a good way. They must be oval and there must be 1/32 inch of space between the nail bed and the polish. If the polish leaks all the way down to the cuticle that shit has to come off and I have to start over. When my nails grow to the point where it become 1/16 inch of space, that shit has to come off immediately. There cannot be smudges anywhere and no traces of polish on the sides of my finger. I have peeled layers of skin off the sides of my nails too many times trying to pick that shit off in a meeting because I cannot concentrate on anything when there’s a spot of polish on my finger. It’s just so wrong.

My desktop

I cannot work on a computer if the desktop is a) messy or b) has no background image. Even though I rarely see my computer’s desktop, if it’s not right I can feel it and it distracts me from whatever I’m doing. The background image has to be just right – a beautiful photo or an official Raptors wallpaper, something “official”. It can’t be one of those windows standards joints and it damn sure cannot be just some picture of my friends or family. It must be stretched to the full size of the desktop – there will be no tiles and for everything that is holy in life it cannot just be centred with a bunch of empty space around it. God no.

There can be no more than 8 icons on my desktop at any one time and they must be of vital importance. If it’s a shortcut that I never use, it has no reason to be there and must be removed immediately. All icons must be in the bottom left corner of the screen and like icons go together – folders with folders, programs with programs, and files with files. If it’s not arranged properly the world will explode.

My books

I have a lot of books and it can be a struggle to find the one I want when I want it so I have to keep them arranged the proper way. So I have three bookcases in my house and they are arranged thusly:

Bookcase #1 (the “good” one): The top of the bookshelf is where I keep great Black books. Native Son, Invisible Man, all the Toni Morrisons and Alice Walkers and suchlike. Then the actual shelves are filled with good Black books in descending order…the best ones on the top shelf, pretty good on the second shelf, etc. etc.

Bookcase #2: Great white people books on the top and then good white books on the second shelf, and so on.

Bookcase #3: Okay books of any race.

If a book is deemed less than okay, it goes in the “crappy books I can’t get rid of because you don’t throw away books” bin in the hall closet.

Let me find a Nick Hornby book on my Black bookcase and there is hell to pay.

And God no I do not alphabetize my books, that would be crazy. Can you imagine how the genres would be defiled if I arranged them according to something so random as the alphabet? Crazy!

So that’s my list, what say you guys? Anyone anal about the same things? What are you guys anal about? Speak on it in the comments.


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12 Comments

  • Aleyah the Great says:

    labeling on itunes gets me. i literally have to pull myself away, because not only will i spend a full day doing it on my own itunes, i’d do it on someone else’s too.
    everything that i write unofficially being in lowercase. i kinda lose it when i’m on a phone and it automatically uppercases the next letter after my period.
    folding my clothes. i fold them a certain way, and i will never put them in drawers not folded.
    typos. i have to fight a serious urge not to let everyone know every time, because i don’t want to get chris browned for doing silly things.
    the way i read blogs. i click each post i haven’t read into a new tab, then read them one by one, rather than pressing the back button. pressing the back button is irritating to me for some reason.
    after looking at this, i’ve realized that i might be a little nuts.

  • Stacy says:

    I feel you on the books…except I have to have them alphabetized in their respective genres (which are then alphabetized). Same with my music and my movies/tv series.

  • Cheekie says:

    I’m anal about my candy! And I’m sure our girl Nickerz can relate. I always have to eat it in a certain order. From least desirable to most desirable. You’ll see me opening a pack of Starburst and actually lining them up in said order before eating. If I’m on the go and don’t get to physically line them up, something feels off that entire day. SMH @ myself.

  • Malik says:

    Towels must match wash cloths. DVDs must be organized by country of origin. Books must be organized by ideology.

  • i understand exactly what you’re talking about. i’m anal with a few things myself.

    as far as my desktop on my laptop i hate icons cluttering up my desktop picture. if i can’t get to it from the my dock then i’ll just search for it.

    also, i’m anal about contacts in my cell phone. i don’t like seeing first names only or nicknames. if i can help it i’m putting your government name in my cell phone.

    i have issues with iTunes as well. i need to see cover art for all my albums. i hate seeing that blank default music thing.

    i used to organize my dvds in alphabetical order (i have about 150 dvds).

  • JusMe says:

    I am the same way with the iTunes/contact names and the desktop. I am constantly fixing the artists on iTunes. I can’t stand a million variations of an artist. They get 1 name and any features go with the title. In my phone, everyone gets saved by their government. Even my parents and grandparents. And if I don’t know the last name, I give a one word description in it’s place (ex. my neighbor is Joe Downstairs). And for the desktop, I used to despise using my old manager’s computer. Sh*t used to drive me crazy. She saved EVERY document on the desktop. Like, there’s a reason they allow you folders and sh*t.

    Of my own…

    DVDs: Must be in alphabetical order. When my 4 year old daughter is looking through them, I make her put the movies aside instead of back on the shelf cause she clearly isn’t gonna put it in order. My boyfriend will randomly shift some around just to see if I’ll notice and irritate me.

    Doors: Cabinet doors, closet doors, drawers… Don’t leave them open or cracked. Close them. I will have a fit.

    Matching Clothes: Matching out in public is (supposed to be) a given but I match to go to bed and/or to lounge around. Even if it’s just an old t-shirt and some shorts, they have to match.

    Silverware: I refuse to wash silverware. My bf will wash them if he sees I’ve done all the dishes but the silverware. If I must, it doesn’t get done until I have absolutely no more left in the drawer.

    • max says:

      “They get 1 name and any features go with the title”

      Yes! This! I cannot stand having multiple instances of the same artist. Makes me crazy!

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    I suffer from the same Solitaire affliction. I thought it was just me. I usually receive blank stares when I tell people I NEED to match Hearts with Spades and Clubs with Diamonds. Good to know I’m not a total freak.

  • BP says:

    I’m anal about my desk at work. DO NOT TOUCH it or remove the stapler, my favorite pen or “thee” desk calendar (I have two) without my permission.

    I am anal about my toe and finger nails. They must be mani/pedi’d at.all.times or I feel ugly. I know that sounds insane…but it is the truth.

    My car. I have to get it washed often because I need it to be shiny and clean and smelling good. Also, do NOT leave your trash behind when you get out or drop crumbs in it while you are eating or I may never give you a ride anywhere else again.

    There are other things I am super anal about but I do not want to sound too crazy.

  • emti says:

    ok here i go sharing my crazy

    eggs in the fridge must be evenly placed…i can’t have two eggs on one side and four on the other…I’ll move one so that there are three on each side. If they can’t be evenly placed I’ve been known to eat one

    toilet paper must be “over” if it’s under it makes my skin crawl and I have been known to change it at other people’s homes

    i don’t like cold and hot food on the same plate. So for instance at a bbq I’ll likely eat salad first and then the hot stuff afterwards. God forbid my lettuce leaves are warm from the bbq chicken touching them.

    there are others but I’ll leave y’all to tease me with those ones

  • CHeeKZ Money says:

    Itunes….

    Artist have one title. Joint albums are to the credit of which ever artist has the biggest catalogue in my collection. So a Canibus and Keith Murray album would be found just under Canibus with Keith Murray as a feature on each song

    Album art should be given and all tracks should have the same volume level.

    Lastly and most importantly… albums should be in the proper order! If you download bonus material or the deluxe copy, each song should read the same album and Unless we are talking about DJ Khalid, the mixtape DJ is not an artist. So the song should never be listed under his name.


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