So after all my emo-ness last week, it’s time we got a little rowdy around here to balance things out. So I hereby declare this #rowdyweek and I pledge to do my very best to return to the outrageous Max you guys know and read and I hope you’ll get ignorant with me in the comments.
We’re kicking things off with what is my favourite reader advice question to date. It comes from Jasmine and she writes:
“I know that it’s wrong but I wanna fuck the dude my best friend is in love with. He doesn’t feel the same way about her and uses her for sex when it’s convenient for him. When she was “over” him, I talked to him for awhile and he seriously turned me on. I liked that he was a freak and on a couple of occasions he’s asked my friend what I was doing because he wanted to have a threesome and during the Christmas holidays he wanted to fuck me solo but I wasn’t in town long enough for anything to possibly happen. I’ll be closer to him in a few months and I was vacillating between actually letting him have it since we both want it or just simply accepting that as much as I want to have sex with him, its wrong and not worth possibly losing a friendship over because I don’t know how much I can trust him to keep his mouth shut about it.”
Ah Jasmine. I feel your pain girl. As a habitual line stepper with a particular fondness for taken men, I understand the pain of wanting to fuck someone you really should not be fucking with. Nothing makes a woman want a man more than knowing she can’t have him, and there is nothing worse than knowing that the only way to get what you want is to hurt someone you care about.
So…this is the point at which I should tell you to abort mission. Push every thought of fucking the man your BEST FRIEND is in love with out of your mind. Avoid him like the plague. Stay away. Hands off. Hoes before bros. All of that. No good can come of this and if she is really your best friend then you shouldn’t jeopardize your friendship just for a fuck. As a matter of fact, you’re probably already jeopardizing your friendship by talking to dude about fucking him. So I should tell you that you need to quit.
And while all of this might be true, I can’t help but wish for your sake that there is some kind of grey area or loophole that will allow you to get it popping with this guy. Not that you should really be considering doing this, but just for the sake of argument. And while I am a good, non-scandalous, upstanding woman who would never in a million years advise you to find a way to do this without being officially the worst best friend in the world, I am going to share with you some ways you could spin this if you were looking for a way to justify stepping on your girl’s toes. Not that you should be looking for such a thing.
Now if I were going to advise you on how to pull this off, the first thing I’d tell you is to revisit this threesome idea. You might have to horse-whisper your friend into getting on board. You start off slow and easy like “remember when so-and-so asked us to have a threesome? That was crazy….wasn’t it?” and see what she says. Then you might want to start planting seeds in her head. Try telling a story about someone you know who was hanging out with a dude and having trouble locking him down until she gave him the threesome that he always wanted and he was so blown away by how dirty she was that he wifed her. It doesn’t matter at all that that would probably never happen in a million years, the point is to get her wheels turning so she starts to consider it. The most ideal course of action for you right now is to get her to think it’s her idea for you to fuck her man right in front of her face. Then you get what you want and she has no reason to be mad. Everyone wins. Well – everyone would win if I were advising you to #swindle a way to fuck the man your bestie in love with. Which for the record I am not.
Personally I’d be going in on a technicality. You referred to him as the dude your friend is in love with. Not her dude or even her ex-dude. Just a dude that she likes and – I’m assuming – has given it up to. I mean – if they’re not in a relationship and never have been then technically speaking he is fair game. So technically speaking you are well within your rights to take a beats off that if that’s what you want to do. Sure she’ll be butthurt and probably never speak to you again (while continuing to hang out with old dude), but if I were advising you to go for it I would say that if you are a G you would be able to sleep well at night knowing that you didn’t do anything but fuck someone that someone else wants to fuck or has fucked. There’s nothing wrong with that. Technically.
Let me just state again for the record that you really should not even be considering this. It’s grimy and very un-best friend-like for you to get your swerve on with the object of your bestie’s desire. However, it would behoove me as an honest person to point out to you that if you really wanted to you could just go balls to the walls with this and do it anyway and clean up the mess later. I can’t see any good reason why the man would talk so as long as you leave no clues and tell no one (except me), it’s unlikely you would be caught. And even if you are you could flip the script on your girl and come at her guns blazing like “he is NOT your man so what right do you have to dictate whom he sleeps with?”. Or even better – if she finds out and confronts you you could just start crying and telling her how sorry you are. If you beg her to forgive you enough times she probably will and after a while it would be like nothing ever happened. Except the fact that she won’t bring her man around you anymore, but that’s a little like closing the gate after the horse got out. So you know – if I were advising you to take a chance – I’d say the odds are pretty good that you could get it in and escape unscathed.
So my final answer is don’t do it. It’s a bad idea and shame on you for even considering it!
Unless you really really want to do it. In which case you should try one of the methods above and then write me a guest post about it.
What say you guys? Do you agree with my advice that she should
mount that dick immediately stay away from this guy? Give Jasmine your advice in the comments.