Ask Max: Her Best Friend’s Man


So after all my emo-ness last week, it’s time we got a little rowdy around here to balance things out. So I hereby declare this #rowdyweek and I pledge to do my very best to return to the outrageous Max you guys know and read and I hope you’ll get ignorant with me in the comments.

We’re kicking things off with what is my favourite reader advice question to date. It comes from Jasmine and she writes:

“I know that it’s wrong but I wanna fuck the dude my best friend is in love with. He doesn’t feel the same way about her and uses her for sex when it’s convenient for him. When she was “over” him, I talked to him for awhile and he seriously turned me on. I liked that he was a freak and on a couple of occasions he’s asked my friend what I was doing because he wanted to have a threesome and during the Christmas holidays he wanted to fuck me solo but I wasn’t in town long enough for anything to possibly happen. I’ll be closer to him in a few months and I was vacillating between actually letting him have it since we both want it or just simply accepting that as much as I want to have sex with him, its wrong and not worth possibly losing a friendship over because I don’t know how much I can trust him to keep his mouth shut about it.”

Ah Jasmine. I feel your pain girl. As a habitual line stepper with a particular fondness for taken men, I understand the pain of wanting to fuck someone you really should not be fucking with.  Nothing makes a woman want a man more than knowing she can’t have him, and there is nothing worse than knowing that the only way to get what you want is to hurt someone you care about.

So…this is the point at which I should tell you to abort mission. Push every thought of fucking the man your BEST FRIEND is in love with out of your mind. Avoid him like the plague. Stay away. Hands off. Hoes before bros. All of that. No good can come of this and if she is really your best friend then you shouldn’t jeopardize your friendship just for a fuck. As a matter of fact, you’re probably already jeopardizing your friendship by talking to dude about fucking him. So I should tell you that you need to quit.

And while all of this might be true, I can’t help but wish for your sake that there is some kind of grey area or loophole that will allow you to get it popping with this guy. Not that you should really be considering doing this, but just for the sake of argument.  And while I am a good, non-scandalous, upstanding woman who would never in a million years advise you to find a way to do this without being officially the worst best friend in the world, I am going to share with you some ways you could spin this if you were looking for a way to justify stepping on your girl’s toes. Not that you should be looking for such a thing.

Now if I were going to advise you on how to pull this off, the first thing I’d tell you is to revisit this threesome idea. You might have to horse-whisper your friend into getting on board. You start off slow and easy like “remember when so-and-so asked us to have a threesome? That was crazy….wasn’t it?” and see what she says. Then you might want to start planting seeds in her head. Try telling a story about someone you know who was hanging out with a dude and having trouble locking him down until she gave him the threesome that he always wanted and he was so blown away by how dirty she was that he wifed her. It doesn’t matter at all that that would probably never happen in a million years, the point is to get her wheels turning so she starts to consider it. The most ideal course of action for you right now is to get her to think it’s her idea for you to fuck her man right in front of her face. Then you get what you want and she has no reason to be mad. Everyone wins. Well – everyone would win if I were advising you to #swindle a way to fuck the man your bestie in love with.  Which for the record I am not.

Personally I’d be going in on a technicality. You referred to him as the dude your friend is in love with. Not her dude or even her ex-dude. Just a dude that she likes and – I’m assuming – has given it up to. I mean – if they’re not in a relationship and never have been then technically speaking he is fair game. So technically speaking you are well within your rights to take a beats off that if that’s what you want to do. Sure she’ll be butthurt and probably never speak to you again (while continuing to hang out with old dude), but if I were advising you to go for it I would say that if you are a G you would be able to sleep well at night knowing that you didn’t do anything but fuck someone that someone else wants to fuck or has fucked. There’s nothing wrong with that. Technically.

Let me just state again for the record that you really should not even be considering this. It’s grimy and very un-best friend-like for you to get your swerve on with the object of your bestie’s desire. However, it would behoove me as an honest person to point out to you that if you really wanted to you could just go balls to the walls with this and do it anyway and clean up the mess later. I can’t see any good reason why the man would talk so as long as you leave no clues and tell no one (except me), it’s unlikely you would be caught. And even if you are you could flip the script on your girl and come at her guns blazing like “he is NOT your man so what right do you have to dictate whom he sleeps with?”. Or even better – if she finds out and confronts you you could just start crying and telling her how sorry you are. If you beg her to forgive you enough times she probably will and after a while it would be like nothing ever happened. Except the fact that she won’t bring her man around you anymore, but that’s a little like closing the gate after the horse got out. So you know – if I were advising you to take a chance – I’d say the odds are pretty good that you could get it in and escape unscathed.

So my final answer is don’t do it. It’s a bad idea and shame on you for even considering it! Unless you really really want to do it. In which case you should try one of the methods above and then write me a guest post about it.

What say you guys? Do you agree with my advice that she should mount that dick immediately stay away from this guy? Give Jasmine your advice in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 34

  1. nectar_imperial says:

    I say she shouldn’t do it.
    Not for the morally upstanding reasons posted above…but for the simple fact that she’s probably 1. Put a lot of pressure on herself to do/not do and 2. Driven her expectations up very VERY high…
    Probably not worth it at this point.

  2. Malik says:

    I would bet my farm that the majority of the reason that this is enticing is because there is a forbidden nature to it. I mean, it ain’t exactly hard to find a freaky, and presumably attractive, guy to fuck a couple times.

    The fact that you’re worried about him telling her pretty much tells me the answer about how you feel about this moral grey area. Just do it if you want, no need for justifications. Just have some courage if your friend does find it and accept whatever reaction she gives without attempting bullshit excuses for yourself.

    1. TWIsM says:

      Wellp… that’s pretty much what I was thinkin’. Forbidden fruit looks sweeter than it really is.

    2. r0cktheMike says:

      I hadn’t thought about it this way but you’re probably right. Its the fact that its her friends dude and she finds him kind of attractive. Probably a lingering “damn why didn’t I see that nigga first?”

      And by the way… the author——–> aint shit lol

  3. Renè says:

    You’ve gone nuts! 🙂

  4. Renè says:

    Same thing that goes for every other aspect of life, do what you really want. Telling you yes or no won’t be the proper answer here.

  5. Aleyah the Great says:

    #nah, not worth it. you’ll definitely lose a friend because she will probably find out no matter how you try and keep it under wraps. and you’ll be upset if his pipe game is wack.

  6. keona says:

    Lol this is so funny. But honestly, I’ve never regretted NOT having sex with a guy no matter how badly I thought I wanted him. And this dude doesn’t sound like the most upstanding character anyway. If you two really liked eachother and saw potential for a relationship that you wanted to pursue then I’d say go for It. But don’t risk your friendship for sex. I know she’s tempted but if we all succumbed to every temptation we would all be fat, std-infected slut puppies.

  7. Dewan Gibson says:

    He already asked your friend about you so I’m sure she has an idea. If you don’t want him to tell give him something to think about after you do it. Maybe say, “You’re definitely not the biggest guy I’ve been with, but I’m not going to say anything. It was fun, I guess.”

    1. Krystal Light says:

      Oh man that was hilarious!

  8. $liCc@s$lim3 says:

    game on top of game…

  9. HLBB says:

    She wants it because she can’t have it.
    If she is truly your best friend, then you already know what her reaction would be. If she’s the kind of BFF that shares everything, the cross the line with her blessing. If she’s not. Girl, you gonna get screwed twice.

    This dliemma happens more often than not. I’m so glad my BFF and I have never shared the same taste in men.

  10. POSHH says:

    WOW what a prize @ the dude in question *eye roll*
    Friend is a word I do not throw around lightly, a true friend is rare, and among the traits, they don’t covet.

  11. ncvirgogal says:

    I agree with what was said above-it’s not worth it! Find another dude, this one seems like a d-bag.

  12. CanIJustSay says:

    Go ahead and do it. Get it over with. BUT don’t be upset when it back fires i.e your friend finds out and punches you in the throat or the dude is wack because you have no chemistry. The worst of all its THE BOMB and you keep doing it. Now he’s effing you and your so-called BFF and now you’re in love with him.

    If you think the 2 of you can keep it between the 2 of you go for it and like Max said write a guest post about it.

  13. RP14 says:

    I would say that she should not do it!!! It really isn’t worth it, and I agree with Malik its forbidden fruit, etc.

    Now I will say this, it seems to me that you are going to do it, and only wanted Max to validate your choice.

    This is Max and she isnt likely to discourage a good screw(which is why we read her)…so I think that you wrote to her for confirmation of what you want to do or have already done…IJS

    1. keisha brown says:

      ^^^^^ comment of the day!!

  14. Phidelity15 says:

    Temptation is a mutha I swear. As good as that O might be (might being the operative word here, no guarantees he’s really good in bed) its really not worth it.
    You stated that your bff loves this dude, so obviously he’s not a jump off, even though all of what you said about him definitely makes him JO potential. You can’t be trying to smut out the dude your friend envisions herself having kids with. Thats just not right.
    In all honesty, you have the potential to lose more if you sleep with him so I would just avoid it.

  15. keisha brown says:

    if this is the beginning of #rowdyweek….
    *grabs popcorn, beverages and gets comfy.

  16. Teflon Mom says:

    By all means, screw the man your bestie is in love with. But please have someone else video the conversation she has with you once she finds out (it’s inevitable) and post it on World Star Hip Hop. Should make for an amusing view.

    Why can’t folks just whack of to their forbidden desires and call it a day anymore? Everybody has a fantasy that should stay in fantasy land. Sheesh!

    1. max says:

      Um I think THIS is the comment of the day!

    2. CanIJustSay says:


    3. keisha brown says:

      lol. i admit.. a comment of the day title shouldnt be bestowed so early in the day! i like em both!

  17. This type of ish happens all the time. You wouldn’t believe. Actually dudes do this on purpose. I know one time I had this conversation with my neighbor.

    him: Stop trying to have s*x with that girl.
    me: Nope, it’s going down.
    him: You don’t like her.
    me: Don’t matter, it’s the principle.
    him: You just doing that to get back at [my ex].
    me: Yep, it’s going down too.

    1. CHeeKZ Money says:

      only thing better than messing with friends is messing with sisters….

      fruit taste rip to me

    2. Keona says:

      OMG I’m definitely not one to judge but this is all bad! Lol how would yall feel if one of your boys smashed your ex?

      1. max says:

        Lol girl that’s not the kind of question you want to ask these two. I guarantee you won’t get the answer you’re expecting.

      2. Keona, I sure enough would not like if my friend smashed my ex. However, these things happen. And if you are going to the mattresses with your ex then you all is fair in love and war.

        Lou Holtz said one time, “It’s our job to score points, it’s their job to play defense.”

        My team wouldn’t smash one of my exes, but if her team will allow me to smash, then that’s her problem.

        1. Keona says:

          lol wow

          Your team wouldn’t smash your ex? Lol each and every time I ended a relationship, my ex’s boys couldn’t wait to put their hats in the ring. And these were supposedly real friends, not just associates. Maybe you don’t know your team as well as you think.

          But I wouldn’t sleep with one of my ex’s friends. Sex is too easy; I’d marry him.

          1. CHeeKZ Money says:

            Keona, I have actually been on the other side. This actually happened to me when a former bestie sleep with a girl I was in love with.

            And you know what, I was really hurt by it. I felt embarrassed mostly b/c Mr Nasty, CHeeKZ got taken to the cleaners like a sucker. But two hours later I got over it. I am still on speaking terms with both, because honestly no one cheated on me. They both kept the secret from me which makes them dirtbags, but no need to lose sleep. Just a shame I had an unreal negro in my click.

            1. Keona says:

              Hmm…I think I feel some kinda way about dudes using the word “bestie.” But Ima let it slide since yo ex smashed the homie.

  18. Jasmine says:

    I’m the person in question and I understand and feel very bad about wanting this dude. I know he’s an asshole because he’s made passes at me and my other friend. And I know what I’m about to say is even more messed up but my friend did have sex with him and it was apparently very good. Its bad I know. I am avoiding him like the plague especially since he gave my friend an STD but I still want to smash a tiny bit still which is crazy. Hopefully, I’m not gonna actually fulfill the guilty desire.

    1. Teflon Mom says:

      Sooo, he slept with a different friend as well? AND gave her an STD? So burning coochie is what’s hot in the streets now?

      Girl, bye.

      1. Jasmine says:

        He slept with my best friend and I know its sounds bad

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