No, I Don’t Want to Meet Your Mother

18
Aug
2011
m217425643

If there’s one thing that will get the “danger” bells ringing in my brain it’s a man telling me he wants to introduce me to his mother. Although I recognize that meeting one another’s parents is a crucial part of a serious relationship, as far as I’m concerned if we’re not on the brink of [...]


If there’s one thing that will get the “danger” bells ringing in my brain it’s a man telling me he wants to introduce me to his mother. Although I recognize that meeting one another’s parents is a crucial part of a serious relationship, as far as I’m concerned if we’re not on the brink of sharing an address, a last name, or a child it’s just the worst idea ever. I mean, besides all the unnecessarily heightened expectations that come along with meeting a man’s mother too soon, there is every possibility that this introduction is going to rub the sheen off him worse than industrial-grade sandpaper. I can’t think of anything that will dry me up faster than watching my alpha man morph into a whiny mama’s boy the minute he crosses the threshold of his childhood home.

Just about every mother I’ve ever met has disliked me on sight. Moms take one look at me and see everything bad thing that their sons love about me. But instead of appreciating the badness as the thing of beauty it truly is, mothers get judgemental and possessive, especially if the man is the only boy or the youngest. Her x-ray time-travelling vision allows her to see what I’m putting on her son a nightly basis and she’s not happy about it. And once mummy realizes that my head game trumps her chicken pot pie as the most compelling pleasure in her son’s life, the gloves come off. So unless a man’s sure he loves me enough to go to the mattresses with his mother for me, all this meeting is going to do is take everything good about us and turn it to shit.

Of course it is possible that the mother and I will like each other. Maybe she’ll find me interesting and delightful and enjoy meeting me so much that she’ll want to spend more time with me. So she’ll start calling me directly instead of going through her son. We’ll start having lunches and coffees together where she’ll regale me with stories of funny things her son did when he was little and confide in me about past girlfriends she met and didn’t like anywhere near as much as she likes me. Maybe she’ll even let it slip that I’ve become the daughter she never had and that she hopes her son will make it official one day soon. All of a sudden we have a collusion situation on our hands and that’s no good for anyone. Out of nowhere my man has gone from having a mother and a girlfriend who were devoted solely to him to having to do battle with the tag team of his mother and his girl who are conspiring and campaigning for him to do everything from change his brand of toothpaste to put a ring on it.

As far as I can see, there’s nothing that can take a perfectly good relationship and send it left quicker than a premature meeting of the mother. So unless I’m looking for a reason to get rid of him, when a man asks me to meet his mother I have no choice but to say to him “No Baby. I like you way too much to do that”.

What do you guys think? Do you willingly meet the parents or do you run for the hills at the mere suggestion of interacting with the family? Ever been hated by your boy/girlfriend’s mother? Speak on it in the comments.


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25 Comments

  • NinaFontaine says:

    OMG! I had the worst experience meeting my ex fiance’s mother. First of all I had no intentions on meeting her that day. I had on a cut off tank top (stomach showing), jeans with a million holes in them (like before you could buy them in the store),and flip flops. He needed to stop by his parents house to pick up something. It was supposed to be quick. But my bladder yelled at me as soon as we pulled up, so I go in the house to use the bathroom. WRONG MOVE! He takes me to show me where to go and who comes out of the kitchen with a plate after cooking a 10 course dinner for her son. MOMS! I am fidgety as it is because I have to pee but have to meet this woman and she says to me “OH! so that’s where you’ve been spending ALL your time, would you like something to eat” **as she looks me up and down** after he introduces me. I was a THAT!! I wanted to piss, scream, and die right in front of this woman in that order LOL.
    Needless to say we made it through that – she’s not the reason we didn’t marry I am but it was the worst meeting the mother experience I had.

  • keona says:

    I have zero interest in meeting a guy’s parents or bringing him home to meet mine unless we’re getting married. The ones I’ve met against my will have always liked me on the surface but I never attempted to have a closer relationship with them than necessary. The last bf I brought home was my high school sweetheart and that’s because it was unavoidable. On the flip, dads love me. Pervs.

  • Dewan Gibson says:

    I enjoyed meeting parents when I dated, mostly to see how my date interacted and talked with her family. And if she talked to her mom like Eminem talks to his, I knew she would be the type to curse me out in public or f**k someone else out of anger. Run!

  • Larry says:

    I’ve never had an issue with the meet the parents thing nor was I ever nervous about meeting them either. My last relationship my mother and my gf at the time had a real good relationship. Hell, it was so good every time my mom would roll through town she would call HER first and sometimes not me at all, lol. I hear from my gf that, “Yeah, me and your mom did lunch a couple days ago..she didn’t tell you?” Umm…NO…hell, I like to eat lunch, too! lol. Oh well.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if they still text each other from time to time. *shrugs*

  • Lady Ngo says:

    I’ve only met the parents once and it actually went quite well. But even with that being the case, i have 0 desire to meet anybody’s parents. I don’t even like meeting my friends’ parents! I hate having to impress people so meeting the parents is never high on my list of things i wanna do.

    I had a dude once that insisted i speak to damn near every member of his family and we had only been together for like a month. Like, what the actual f*^k?!?

  • $liCc@s$lim3 says:

    I don’t think guys think about the reprecussions of thier actions. For the obvious reason, you’re fucking her son! Moms either not gonna be able to hide her contempt… or even WORSE, they become friends!!! Therefore, when you want to do dirt and you go missing in action the 1st thing out your mouth is ” I was over my t-lady house” dumbass, that’s where your woman called and checked before you made your reappearing act. Not to mention the plot to “get you to settle down” as Max already covered.
    Also maybe this is a Texas thang, but mothers also love to find out “who yo people is?” Very few things suck worse than finding out the chick you’re fucking is your cousin, even if by some amazing nominal association. I was going to say untraceable but moms can trace that shit back to ancestors from the same cotton field.
    Any damn way, keep writing Max, the game needs you…

    • Keona says:

      “Who yo people is” is a Mississippi thing too. Then when I tell them who my daddy is, lightbulbs go off ’cause Papa was a rolling stone and everybody realizes why I look so familiar. It’s embarrassing. But thankfully I’ve relocated. Surely papa didn’t hit the entire South.*fingers crossed*

  • The Doctor says:

    Wow.

  • nadisrad says:

    Moms like me. A lot. A little too much to be frank. To the point that they encourage their sons to hang on loooong after it’s over. That’s awkward. For everyone.

  • HLBB says:

    I could’ve written this post that’s how bang on it is. Just change “chicken pot pie” to “pastél de choclo” and this is the story of my life.

  • POSHH says:

    Of the mom’s I have met, things were copesthetic. Maybe it’s not so much the knowledge that you are doing their son, but something in individual folk that doesn’t sit right with them, as with anything and anyone else in life. Some people just rub you the wrong way and more often than not it’s a spirit/energy thing. Not saying that there aren’t super possesive moms and mama’s boys but usually those mama’s boy tendencies show up way before actually meeting the mother, if it gets to that point, cause mama’s boy are NO BUENO with me.

  • RP14 says:

    It has been a while since I met the parents…like High School…at the time I was not opposed to the idea. I think that now (read age/wisdom) when you are introduced to the parents it has greater significance.

    So there is pressure from that…

    Men date/marry their mothers, so likely the problem is you are too much alike which leads to problems…and they know that they did to get their husband!!!

  • i’ve introduced exactly 4 women to my mother as women i was dating. i’m very selective as to who meets my mother. why? my mother gets attached to easily but not as much as my father. he still asks me about my ex from 2007. ummm really dad? get over her. i did. i’m sure you can.

    • max says:

      4?!? That’s a lot! I’ve only introduced two to my mum (only 1 to my dad) and she doesn’t want to meet any more until someone puts a ring on my finger.

  • Flyy says:

    You know what Max? It doesn’t surprise me that Moms are skeptical of you. LOL. I think it’s hilarious though… something about you oozes sexuality and that is the LAST thing Mom’s want to think of their baby boys doing. I mean anything he effs up from that point on will be your fault. He can’t think straight because he’s too busy sexing you. LOL.

    I on the other hand… have had 0 issues w/ Mommy’s. There is always a panic attack before it happens but no issues to speak of thus far. I will say, it is so much better when I meet them casually first. Like there was a cookout my friend had.. his mom appeared to do something… I helped her w/ what she was doing, and introduced myself. If we found ourselves dating later on… it would be easier ‘meeting’ her the 2nd time around.

    I’ve introduced exactly 2 s/o’s to my parents and really only one was significant. The first time, it went so well I think he and I were in love haze the rest of the weekend. LOL. The 2nd time, my parents were too focused on my best friend (whom they think i should be dating) to be concerned w/ my BF. That was a lil bit of a clusterf*ck. I said alllllla this to say, if I bring you home… I really like you. I’m not necessarily ready to get married but we [my parents] live so far away from everything/everybody bringing you home is most definitely a clear sign of what I feel.

    • max says:

      Do you parents ever call a dude by your bf’s name? My mum did that once. It was awkward.

      • Flyy says:

        LMAO. No but my aunt did… kinda. We were taking post-graduation photos and my best friend and I were talking she was like, “Hey Flyy!! Get closer to your cute boyfriend so I can take a picture of all this young love.” My boyfriend [who was not particularlly fond of the relationship between my best friend and I] was standing behind her. *sigh*

  • Reecie says:

    Mommas love me! Daddies too, oh and I recently met a grandmother. I helped her fix a batch of her famous sweet tea. That was interesting. I think my dimple makes me look way unassuming and genteel. LOL

    But really, my parents are so easy going that I dont really care who meets them, especially when I lived at home and it was inevitable if we were gonna hang out you would. I do get nervous meeting family members initially because I never know how they are going to perceive me. I can charm older folks, but its usually the siblings, the same age cousins, friends, etc that I get more bashful around.

    • max says:

      I’m not surprised moms love you Reecie – I know mine would for your dimples. Apparently when she was pregnant with my little sister she praaaaaaaaayed so hard for a child with dimples after I disappointed her by having none.

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    Traditionally I’ve done well with the parents. Clearly I ooze “pull out the chair and open doors for your daughter” more than I do “pull out her weave while smacking it from the back” which is funny to me because I enjoy both in equal measure. Actually, I enjoy hair pulling better.

    As for ladies meeting my parents, make that meeting my momma, I usually don’t make a big fuss about it nor do I make a concerted effort to avoid it. However as I’ve gotten older I tend to be more reluctant partially because too many women take it as a sign of something more than it is and partially because moms takes a while to warm up to anyone I introduce her to (whether it’s a friend or potential) girlfriend. So there’s way too much chance for there to be unnecessary friction; I think moms feels it’s not necessary to get too buddy buddy with anyone she’s not sure will be around come Christmas.

    By the way max this line killed me:

    “And once mummy realizes that my head game trumps her chicken pot pie as the most compelling pleasure in her son’s life, the gloves come off.”

    You might be underestimating how good that chicken pot pie is though.

  • miss cosmic says:

    totally agree with this post.
    with female relatives it can go either way for me. males on the other hand always love me.
    :)


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