This is the 400th post. 715 days ago I got myself so up in arms digging in the crates of Single Black Male that I said to myself “I’m gonna start my own blog!” because I had too much to say. And so max-logic was born. In the 1 year, 11 months, and 16 days [...]
This is the 400th post.
715 days ago I got myself so up in arms digging in the crates of Single Black Male that I said to myself “I’m gonna start my own blog!” because I had too much to say. And so max-logic was born.
In the 1 year, 11 months, and 16 days since I started this blog, I’ve given you guys a lot. I’ve made you laugh, I’ve made you think, I’ve made you horny. I’ve given you do‘s, don’ts, and how-to‘s. I’ve schooled you on classic Toronto hip hop and bored you with a post about bottled water. In the 102 weeks since I started this blog, I’ve given you guys everything but the truth.
That’s a bit dramatic, I suppose. It’s not as if I’ve been dishonest with you guys. I freely admit to my foibles, my peccadilloes, my shortcomings and my randomness. I’ve shared stories with you that have made me look like an asshole, a sap, and a nymphomaniac. I’ve been honest with you guys, but I’ve never really told you the truth about anything.
So here’s the truth about today’s post:
30 minutes before I started writing this post I was sitting at my desk bawling my eyes out because I felt like I’d lost the ability to write. I’ve been feeling that way for a while now but I’ve always been able to pull something out at the last minute. But I’d been wracking my brain to find a way to make the 400th post the most epic post ever when it suddenly dawned on me that I had nothing to say. I knew that no matter how long I sat there nothing was coming to me because my writing days were over. And I burst into tears at the thought.
I called Nick to talk me off the ledge during this crying spell. It was the first time in my adult life I’d ever called a friend and given the absolute, unvarnished truth about how I was feeling. And although talking to her helped me, right now I am mortified at the thought of the things I told her.
But the advice she gave me was priceless. That as much as we all need armour, as much as we all wear masks and have e-personas, and filter ourselves, you cannot go through life not ever letting anyone see the real you. Sometimes you have to flip over and expose your soft underbelly and trust that the person you show it to will handle it with care. Living is hard for everyone, and it does you no good to be the person who pretends to have it all together.
So for the next 400 posts on this blog, I hope to be a bit more truthful, however that manifests. Maybe I’ll finally embrace the fact that I love writing, which will free me to be more disciplined about scheduling time to write so that I’ll stop missing days and desperately pleading for guest posts at the last minute. Maybe I’ll challenge myself to dig deeper in my posts, or go back and revisit old posts that I know I could have done a better job of. Maybe I’ll start writing about sex as often as I think about writing about sex.
Maybe I’ll start telling you guys about wack things I currently do in relationships rather than focusing on wack things I’ve done in the past. Maybe I’ll start admitting to some of the freakier things I’ve done in my bedroom rather than hiding them for fear that you guys will judge me.
Actually scratch that one. I already tell you guys allll my sexual business.
This so isn’t the way I wanted my 400th post to be. I wanted it to be an explosive exploration of a topic we’ve never discussed before, or a poignant and funny recollection of memorable posts and comments over the past two years. I wanted it to be provocative and funny and comment worthy. But the truth is that on the eve of the 400th post I’m feeling really emo. And so an emo post you guys will get.
I do have something ignorant planned for tomorrow. Fret not.
So happy 400th post to you and to me. We couldn’t have made it here without each other. So thank you and thank me!
*picture me bowing here*