Max & The Corny Dudes

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Mercury is in retrograde this month. If you’re into astrology or you were a fan of A Different World you know what this means: shit gets really fucked up. For example, Smurfs was #2 at the box office this past weekend, I got more dislikes than Adonis on SBM on Friday, and I went on two dates in less than a week. Considering that I hadn’t been on two dates in the last year, it’s safe to say that the world has gone mad.

Both of the men with whom I went on these dates were new to me, and both of them could best be described as cornballs. You know the type – quiet, unassuming, don’t swear or get dirty, don’t dress particularly well…they’re just not flashy. There doesn’t seem to be anything particularly offensive or egregious about them, but it’s also hard to remember anything about them five minutes after they leave the room. To bring it back to a classic max-logic post, they’re just regular.

It should go without saying that under normal circumstances I do not fucks with cornball dudes at all. I usually refuse 95% of all overtures made to me because I can tell within 5 minutes of meeting  a man whether I can rock with him or not.  But since things have been a little quiet on the romance front in my life lately, I thought I’d try a little experiment in which I’d give a different dude a shot.

Let’s examine the results, shall we?

Date #1

We’re going to call this guy Harry. I met Harry at a friend’s house party a few weeks ago. As we always do, everyone got a little rowdy at this party once the liquor was flowing and the music was bumping. Except Harry. Harry was so quiet that none of the friends I was with at this party could remember who he was when I told them that I had a date with him the following weekend.

We made our plans via text message – he asked if I wanted to catch a movie and I asked if I could pick what we saw. He asked if there was something in particular I wanted to see and I said no – I just wanted the right to veto his choice if he picked something I didn’t want to see. He said “lol okay you can pick”.

Date day comes and he picks me up. We’re headed in the direction of downtown and I ask where we’re going. He says I thought we were going to see a movie? And I’m like yeah but where? He doesn’t know – because he has no fucking plan (I’m writing a post called “Dear Men: Have a Fucking Plan!” soon. Look out for it). I pull out my Flixter mobile app and ask what he wants to see.

I’m thinking to myself  “Please don’t say Planet of the Apes. Please don’t say Planet of the Apes. Please God don’t let him say Planet of the Apes”.

He says “Planet of the Apes”. Fuck my life.

We head to the theatre and I’m explaining to him how much I do not want to see this movie. I tell him I saw the trailer and did not like. I tell him that the poster scared the shit out of me. I tell him that I talk about and watch movies for a living and I really don’t like to spend my free time watching shit I don’t want to see. He is unmoved.

We get to the theatre and I’m like really, let’s talk about this. Is there anything else we can see? I suggest Crazy Sexy Love (no – that’s a chick flick isn’t it?), Friends with Benefits (HELL no!), Hangover 3 (Are you CRAZY?), Horrible Bosses (I almost had him there but I let it slip that I’d already seen it and he shot me down). I suggested every other movie under the fucking sun and the guy would not budge. So I caved and he promised I could pick the movie next time. Yeah, right.

The whole time this is going on I’m thinking to myself, aren’t corny guys supposed to be a lot more…malleable than this? But we see the movie, it’s retarded but we have a good time. He brings me home, tells me he wants to see me again, and then proceeds not to contact me for four days. Four fucking days?!? Call me crazy but I think that’s way too long to wait after a first date. Any fool can see you’re just clinging to the four-day rule. You’re fooling no one. So he texts me “hey how are you?” and I respond and he never answers me. Seriously?

Date #2

We’re just gonna call this guy This Guy. Because truly I have no words to truly describe how unbelievably corny this guy was. In my defense, I met him while he was working and he was wearing a uniform so I couldn’t get the full strength of his corniness – although the fact that he was wearing dress shoes with no laces (that I’m pretty sure were pleather) gave it all away. But he stepped to me in a very polite, very respectful, very complimentary way so I gave him a shot.

We made plans to meet at Starbucks and this motherfucker shows up in Jesus sandals. Jesus sandals Negro? Do I look like the kind of woman you can walk the street with in Jesus sandals? I should have left right there but there was no smooth way for me to accomplish that.

So we head into Starbucks and get in line. I’m in front of him and I order a bottled water and a tall Americano. It comes to $5.48. And because I’m ahead of him, I have no choice but to reach for my wallet to pay for it. I pull out a $5 and now I’m digging through my enormous purse for the $0.48; holding up the line as I keep assuring the cashier that I do have change and I’m not some degenerate who can’t afford her beverages. This guy is standing there watching me with a Naked Juice and a fucking $20 bill in his hand! But does he offer to give me the $0.48? Nope! Does he say – oh let me pay for this, I’m the one who asked you out? Nope! He stands there and watches me struggle and then pays for his juice like…I don’t even know what.

I should have left then. But then I would have missed this next part and it’s my favourite part.

We sit at the table and he begins to make conversation by mentioning to me that he is turned on by stretch marks and black knees.

Stretch marks and black knees? For real? I started looking around for a hidden camera. But apparently I was not on Hell Date. Except that I was.

Anyway, The date continued for about an hour and a half before I was able to extricate myself. I walked him to the subway and he promised to “give me a ding later”. A ding Negro? That’s how we talk? Corny motherfucker.

Needless to say I never heard from him again. And while I’m in no rush to speak to this cornball in this lifetime, I’m offended at the idea that someone like him would dare not contact me again. Who the fuck does he think he is?

So my experiment with cornballs was a resounding failure and I am now officially off them. I am going back to being the kind of woman who can see the end of the story before it even begins and just skips it altogether. Because if I’m going to go on dates where I can be forced to watch shit I don’t want to see and pay for my own coffee I can just stick to my hot boys, because at least they have the good looks to back up their shitty behaviour. These corny dudes…if they’re not worshiping me there’s just no point to them existing.

Am I wrong? Speak on it in the comments.

 

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 114

  1. me says:

    i watched your video twice and each time my heart sank when u said you rifled through your purse for change while he stood there with a 20 and didnt’ offer to pay…DWL… it’s not funny but honestly that is one of the deal breaker’s it’s the least you can do for a woman *YOU* asked out… and Jesus Sandals??? **laughing hysterically*** i just can’t this morning Max you’re too much… Keep the Vlogs coming though!

    1. max says:

      Those sandals were so heinous. And if I told you the extendamix version of the stretch marks and black knees story you would fucking die. It is SO much worse than I told it in the video.

      1. Cams says:

        Now ur making me quite curious…..do tell? I can’t fathom how dark knees and stretch marks can possibly be a turn on for anyone, but hey, whatever makes ur wheels turn. ;o)

  2. Ray. says:

    Welp Max, now u know what u were missing…

    My favorite part is a toss up b/w the stretch mark and Black knees convo or u saying that you’ll fall asleep on the movie and him replying with “thats okay”. Lmao!! Who does that?!

    1. max says:

      Toronto dudes, man. They kill me.

  3. HLBB says:

    Oh. My heart breaks reading this.

    .48 cents? Forty eight cents? I have given strangers in line more than this when realizing they are out of change.

    Change their names to “corny motherfucker” on your phone so you can forever be reminded…because you KNOW they’ll be calling you.

    1. max says:

      Every now and then I have a flashback and I’m like I cannot believe that happened. I would never just sit there and watch someone struggle for change when I had money in my hand like that – like you said I’d have given that money to a stranger.

      And the thing about it is that I just know he had some good reason for it. Some bullshit ass man-logic explanation for why it would have been bad for business to pay for my drinks. I almost want to call him just to hear it, but it’s not worth it.

      1. HLBB says:

        No. Don’t call. Don’t engage in the fuckery that will most definitely follow. He’ll misunderstand and think you’re ready for another date. One where you have to pay for dinner…

        gahhhhh

  4. nadisrad says:

    Max! I almost died listening to this story….what kind of f**kery is that???

    I almost did the cornball test once. But the mission was aborted when dude sent me an email entitled, “Happy Happy Wednesday!”. Done. I couldn’t do it.

    Kudos to you for giving it a try…frick and frack!

    1. max says:

      “Happy happy Wednesday”? Get the fuck outta here. That’s worse than “I’ll give you a ding!”.

    2. Starita34 says:

      Yeah…I totally eat that ish up, lol

  5. Jubilance says:

    I am SO WEAK over these dates, especially the 2nd one. The first dude wasnt so bad, tho I despise men who don’t put any effort into planning the date & just expect the woman to do it #negativehomie. And the waiting 4 days to call is so 1988 – are we still doing that in 2011? The 2nd dude was a hot mess tho, I would have dipped out after he couldnt even offer to pay for my drinks.

    1. max says:

      To keep it 100 I have to admit that the whole struggle over the movie kind of warmed me to dude #1 – I respected his commitment to seeing what he wanted. I’m usually really good at batting my eyelashes and getting men to bend to my will and the fact that he wouldn’t let me get away with it was appealing. Not the most chivalrous thing ever, but at least I knew he had what it takes to stand up to me.

      But the waiting 4 days to call thing killed it. Unless some man comes on here and makes a strong case for how that is not fucking rude, he’s done.

  6. “I can talk more” is the greatest come back to “you’re too quiet for me” I’ve ever heard. Son didn’t even attempt to be witty or charming about it. He just said… “I can talk more.” I literally laughed out loud at that.

    The sandals though? Leather joints like the ones in the picture? That’s just unacceptable. This was all very hilarious Max.

    And you’re gorgeous by the way… keep the video blogs coming. Did you cut your hair? Looks great.

    1. Starita34 says:

      Can I tell you that as soon as I heard “I can talk more” I rolled my eyes. I swear I’ve dated that dude before. They always offer these simplistic ridiculous solutions. I literally spent the WHOLE night last Saturday night out with friends trying to to convince a good friend of mine that he does NOT want to date me when he was confessing his admiration for me after 1 23 too many drinks. He told me I was too opinionated, too independent, too picky, too straight – and every time I simply countered with, “then, yeah, you shouldn’t date me” and he would just counter with “it’s ok, I need that” Grrrrrr, I do. not. want. a. project. but he’s taking me out tonight. EFFING H@PE!

    2. Malik says:

      *looks at avy*

      I thought that was Joey Buds for a second.

  7. Teflon Mom says:

    Oh Max…I’m sorry both dates went poorly. But can we call #2 what he really is? An asshole. Unadulerated, blatant, corny, asshole. Not paying for your drinks is ri-dam-diculous. Less than $6, and he wouldn’t pay? Was he putting you through some sort of man-test to see if you’re the “independent type” and would reach for your wallet? Why oh why did you reach for your wallet? Humph. *folds arms and gives you the side eye*

    In other news, your date #1 sounds an awful lot like my husband – quiet and unassuming, yet oddly stubborn about what he wants. He doesn’t wear Jesus sandals but he does love his running shoes with the toes (and they’re just as corny looking to me) I can’t get with that 4 day wait though, lol. I just take that as “he’s just not that into you” ambivalence.

    My conclusion: don’t cut corny dudes totally out. Give them as much of a chance as you do the Lookie Me dudes. There’s some good, bad and ugly on both sides.

    1. max says:

      I was actually kinda feeling the quiet one til the 4-day thing. That is “he’s just not that into you” for real. Too bad.

      And you’re right – I should never have done the reach at Starbucks. But it was awkward because he made no attempt to combine our orders or anything so I literally would have had to be like – are you paying for this?

      Don’t rule out the corny dudes eh? I wasn’t expecting anyone to say that.

  8. Malik says:

    I’ve never planned a date in my (short) life. In fact, there have been times I’ve given misdirection or been indecisive just so I could spend more time with you. I’m corny though. :)

    1. max says:

      Malik stop pulling that shit. That is not cute. Especially with your fondness for older women? You’re gonna need to man the fuck up!

      1. Malik says:

        I don’t know Maxie. Worked for me. When I’m not being weird, I can be charming enough that certain social faux pas are overlooked or outright ignored.

        1. HLBB says:

          Like Max said… older women don’t have time to skylark.
          Man up and make plans dammit!

          1. Malik says:

            Plans were made the second time.

  9. RP14 says:

    I literally stopped what I was doing to shake my head at the photo of THE SHOES!!!!

    This was too funny!! I am really sorry to have laughed at your pain, but at least it is over!!!

    So the shoes, the shoes, the shoes I can only say I stare at men that wear those shoes like their feet are going to fall off!!

    1. max says:

      Laugh at the pain. It’s all we have to get us through!

  10. SD says:

    Ummm yea Max date # 1 is an idiot..just the fact that he had no plan?!? That’s strike 3 right there..Every first date needs to be completely mapped out…He Just lost One.

    Date #2, that shit was hilarious…Jesus sandals, ahaaaahaaaaa..stretch marks?!?! black knees??!!!!! hahaaaaaaa,….fuck is a ding??

    Max where do you meet these dudes???????

    1. max says:

      Two words: Toronto men.

      And two more: weak sauce.

      1. SD says:

        You need some New York in ya life!

        1. max says:

          I will be there soon!

        2. GirlSixx says:

          Please say that again!!!!

      2. Starita34 says:

        I will agree that Canadian men (in general – NOT Sam Sharpe obviously *bats eyelashes*) go EXTRA hard with the corny, so far that, yeah, I can understand why you are anticorny dudes. But KC corny is RIGHT up my alley :-)

        1. max says:

          Sam Sharpe isn’t corny, but he is definitely a Toronto dude through and through.

  11. Sam Sharpe says:

    Max, you know I love to disagree with you. You know I enjoy nothing more than rolling up on your blog and telling the world you’re wrong….but this level of fuckery cannot be denied…Based on the comments so far it seems like most folks feel date #2 was more heinous….but not me. Bachelor #2 is just flat out weird. He must have been off his medication. Jesus sandals?? I’m pretty sure not even Jesus actually rocked Jesus sandals. And the penny pinching? On a first date, especially after you asked her out? Naah..that aint’ right. Black knees and stretch marks??….

    ….but bachelor #1 and his non plan plan and insistence on seeing Planet of the Apes is just, I don’t want to say cornball but it’s probably most accurate. Initially I figured that not having a plan was his attempt to make it seem as if he was a “new age” man who wasn’t a “it’s my way or the highway” dude and respected a woman’s right to choose….that theory exploded as soon as he decided the apocalypse was upon us and the only way to save planet earth was to watch the f*cking ape movie. I don’t know dude, and I don’t want to jump the gun, but he doesn’t sound like a cornball, he sounds like a loser….

    …Just imagine how rigid he’d be if you asked him to pull your hair…or smack it from the back….or wait for you to get yours before he got his….SMH.

    1. max says:

      See why my crush on you will never die Sam Sharpe? Look at the alternatives!

      1. Sam Sharpe says:

        This belongs in the backhanded/not really a compliment hall of fame. Thanks for nothing Max….

        1. max says:

          I totally didn’t even mean it to be backhanded; I thought it was high praise. I guess my time with the cornballs has worn off and I don’t even know how to flirt properly anymore :-/

  12. Krystal light says:

    I’m over here worrying if my husband is corny now. Lol
    That second dude though when you said he was wearing dress shoes with no laces, like, were there lace holes but no laces?

    1. max says:

      No like they were slip-ons. Ugh! *shudders*

  13. LaLaBakir says:

    DEAD!!!!

    Jesus sandals, mandals, colored Timbs, baby blue attire just run for the hills Maxie!!!

    It all screams:

    Corn ball
    corn husk
    corn
    corn Pops
    corny
    And any other variation of corn you can think of! Bwhahahaha! Glad you survived that foolishness. Dont let it happen again.

    1. Teflon Mom says:

      Creamed corn
      corn pudding
      corn-on-the-grill
      fiesta corn
      nibblets

      *just had a Forrest Gump moment*

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        LMAO!!! I LOVE your additions!

        Good sh*t!

        Creamed corn…classic

      2. Starita34 says:

        LMAO!! I totally heard Bubba saying that too!

  14. wow dude couldn’t pay $6? that has to be the cheapest date of all time. Jesus sandals? if you left when you first saw him i wouldn’t have blamed you but then again we wouldn’t have much of a story would we?

    i’m glad you decided to step outside your box and try something different. now you know what you definitely don’t like.

    oh and planet of the apes was dope. fuck what you said. lol

    1. Kema says:

      I loved Planet of the Apes!! But then again I love movies where they explain how something came to be. Cant wait to see what they do with it next.

  15. Reecie says:

    OMG! I knew about the mandals but you didn’t tweet about his lame ass standing behind you WATCHING you fiddle for 48 cents!!!! grrrrr! seriously. because I’m me, I wouldve said “do you have any change?” OMG. I can’t believe he didn’t offer to pay for your drinks–is it not a date?!?

    movie guy wouldve annoyed me too, but that wasn’t as bad as date #2. have mercy. lala has it right, straight corn. I’m sorry you had to go thru that…

  16. GirlSixx says:

    Max. Girllll, I’m sorry but I can’t even consider Date#2 “A DATE”. You two just met up and shared a table at starbucks together. #thatisall

    Now in defense of the Jesus Sandals… *lol* I’ve noticed around my way ALOT of carribean men tend to love these during the summer months and I ain’t even gonna lie I’ve seen some FIONE trinis/yardie in them joints. *shrug*

    1. max says:

      Yo if he was a freshie or something I would have let the sandals slide but…this guy wasn’t even from the Caribbean! Which really should have been strike one because he was a straight-up Caker and I do not fucks with those at all

      1. Starita34 says:

        Ummmm, forgive my…corniness? But what in the Canadian eff is a “caker”?

        1. HLBB says:

          LOL

          So the story goes:
          When the Italians immigrated here in the 40′s and 50′s, they noticed that Canadians ate bread like Wonderbread. Soft chewy etc. To them (and think of bread in Italian restaurants), the bread looked like cake. So that became the catch-all phrase to describe someone “Canadian” (aka W.A.S.P)

          Now, it’s just a description for anyone who’s cultural habits and interests are more Canadian than ethnic. I prefer the qualifier “chocolate” before being described as a caker thank you very much.

          The shoes need to burnt along with this man’s number. NO man under the age of 65 and not fresh off a flight from Pearson should be wearing these shoes!!

          1. Starita34 says:

            I figured as much. Thank you. I learned something today. No wonder Canadians are so quick to identify as anything but Canadian-even Canadians make fun of Canadians!

            1. Cams says:

              I’m proud to be Canadian, however I do feel that ALOT of men from the T-dot lack the creativeness and don’t make much effort to plan dates or make a woman feel special! Chivalry is definately dead here and all the good ones are taken or emotionally unavailable, which makes for slim pickings and a high ratio of SBF’s! Sux.

              It’s as though they feel their mere presence should be enough. In my experience, after the first date or 2 they just prefer to hang out @ my place and do “jack” rather than go out! This irritates me to no end…..big turn off. Oh, and I can totally relate to the 4 day bullshit….#notoleranceforgames. If you are interested then just call, if not, poof be gone loser. #don’twastemytime.

            2. Starita34 says:

              Maaaan, that’s men. They are the buyers in a buyer’s market and we (women) let them get by with a lot if we’re honest with ourselves.

              I was joking about Canadians. I’m sure that you’re proud to be Canadian, as you should be. Canada is an amazing country.

  17. Lily says:

    This video had me rolling. Di audacity!!!!!

  18. Kema says:

    I too get upset when a guy doesnt plan… but I plan enought for the both of us. I would have been ok with date #1.

    But date #2? UGH!!!! I would have put my items on the counter and then turned to look at him.

  19. Daniella says:

    AHAHAHAH I am still laughing for about 10 min straight actually I have been laughing. JESUS SANDALS… GUUUUUUURLLLL I been there LMAO THE HORROR ! I love this post what a great read.

  20. BP says:

    Who says “a ding?” WHO?!? Also, didn’t Cornball #2 call you like 50-11 times before the date? That is usually a sign as well. I am sorry you went through this. LOL.

    1. BP says:

      You know what a REAL travesty is? Is when a corny dude doesn’t know he is corny. LMAO!

      1. nadisrad says:

        For real!!! Corny dudes need to know their role!

  21. Starita34 says:

    YOU FEEL MY PAIN! HOW are so many men effing up first dates SO horribly!?!? No lie, I’ve been on way too many firsts dates to even mention in the last 2 years, and you know how many second dates? Four. FOUR men didn’t COMPLETELY eff it up on the first date. I tell the stories of multiple d!cks being whipped out, of men telling me that they’re married as they go in for the kiss, of blatant racism, and lovely first date dinner convo like that abortion that their HS girlfriend got without his permission that led to his attempted suicide, I WISH I was making this up!! People laugh at my pain, they say “only you Star, only YOU could find this yay-hoo!” But then I talk to EVERY other dater and this ish is an epidemic! It’s a first date men, just be polite-HAVE A EFFIN PLAN! Like that’s all you really gotta do to make it through the evening, be polite and ask questions. Keep it short if you can’t be polite for extended times. It’s truly not that hard. *le sigh*

    And for the record, I like corny dudes AND those sandals. Just felt the need to state that with you doggin my boys and their footwear. #JudgeMe

    But for real, for real. We gotta stop being so nice. We gotta. You knew from jump that these dates were going South, like I have oh so many times, but our GD, h*pe, (that’s right, hope is a effing curse word, I’m bleeping it out) that drug h*pe keeps us on these lame dates waiting for the man to show some decency. But alas, our gut was right…and we’ve just wasted a perfectly good Tuesday night or heaven forbid a Friday night. I haven’t been on a date with a dude worth a Saturday night in over a year. It’s serious in these streets.

    1. Krystal light says:

      I’m sorry Star I hate to laugh at you’re misfortune but you cracked me all the way up here!

      1. Starita34 says:

        Go ahead and laugh, go ahead and laugh…these menz… *smh*

        1. Teflon Mom says:

          Gurrrlll, I’m glad I’m good to laugh. Cuz that ish was fun-tee! LOL!!!!!! Trust, I too have been on some ole jacked up dates.

          Hmmm……..

          That could be a book.

    2. Larry says:

      This is interesting. I’ve never really had a first date go south before. I can’t really remember the last time I didn’t get a second date when I wanted one. Hell, to me 1st dates are the easiest. I just sit there and ask the woman a bunch of open-ended questions about herself, crack a few jokes, exchange stories and next thing you know it’s 2 hours later and I barely said a word about me, lol.

      In sales they say the person that talks the least wins. I’ve learned this to be true on 1st dates as well for men. Less is more…oversharing will only result in a neutral or negative outcome in most cases, lol.

  22. NicknotNikki says:

    Nothing I ever type will be able to capture the sound effects I had when Max told me this story….
    There isn’t a big enough font…

    Max, I’m so sorry.. I don’t even understand what the world is coming to.. And you know I don’t believe in the zodiac, so I’ll just say it’s the end of days fi true…

    The Four Horsemen are coming.. I’m convinced..

  23. Keona says:

    You’re pretty. And this video was the highlight of my boring number-crunching day.

    1. max says:

      Oh thank you honey!

  24. Keona says:

    And I try not to live by the bad-shoe thing. A friend of mine in undergrad was a cornball but a REALLY great guy. But he wore these ragged k-swiss that I probably would have never noticed were it not being highlighted by his MOM JEANS. *sigh* But I couldn’t bring myself to date him, and now I wish I had at least tried.

  25. and why can you imagine me saying something about that? just to prove you wrong i’m not going to say anything about it. even though i want to… *side-eye* though

    1. max says:

      I know you well enough by now to know that you (and your friend Mr. Sharpe) are the type of man who would take issue with me asking to pick a movie just so I can veto his choice. It’s not a cool thing to do, but as you can see it’s very necessary #NoSaltnPepa

      1. its not cool. like how you gonna tell dude he can pick the movie only to disallow his choice? why not just pick the movie yourself? typical woman behavior. try to let a man lead but in the end you really want to wear the pants.

        see and i said i wasn’t going to say anything. you tricked me! ahhhhhh

        1. max says:

          But see I was totally willing to let him pick the movie; I just hoped that he would be a bit more egalitarian in his choice. However having been on too many movie dates in the past I know that when you let men choose the movie they almost always do so without regard for what the woman might enjoy. Hence the veto.

          1. and you think men like watching chick flicks? lol

            1. max says:

              No but the difference is I would never expect a man to watch one on a date with me. (I only suggested Crazy Sexy Love because I was told it wasn’t a chick flick) I don’t want to be forced to watch something that is totally not my cup of tea so I wouldn’t attempt to make him watch something that will make him want to vomit.

              1. Kema says:

                I heard the same about that movie… I suggested the movie for a date and apologized the entire time for my selection. :-(

      2. LaLaBakir says:

        LOVE the Salt and Pepa reference

        about to youtube the album

  26. I feel your pain Max. I’m never attracted to the coolest of the cool kids, but I’m not one to have patience for cornballs either.
    I did give one a chance and, like you, met him at a coffee shop. I arrived before him, and this negro never even asked if I was thirsty. Just sat down and started conversation. A conversation that quickly became inappropriate. Needless to say, I was a complete asshole who let him know that I would be ignoring all future calls and texts.
    i

  27. Shea says:

    *de-lurking* my theory is that a lot of corny dudes get run over and shot down to the point that they decide to cultivate a**hole tendencies in order to gain respect and maybe even mindf!ck women into thinking they’re higher in the food chain than they actually are *sigh* either that or they really are corny a**holes, in which case, good luck and godspeed to them (caveat: as a conniseur of beta males, i must add that not all quiet unassuming dudes are corny…only the truly lame get this crown in my book)

    1. max says:

      This is the result of all this “nice guys finish last” propaganda. These wack ass corny dudes realize that they stay losing by being nice so they try to play in the asshole leagues, but they go about it all the wrong way. There are compelling ways to be an asshole and then there’s this shit.

      1. nadisrad says:

        well said, Max!

  28. TWIsM says:

    Max, I hate laughing at your pain, but this was just great. The game done changed and left a lot of 2nd and 3rd string players out on the court. I mean even though I’m literally laughing as I type this, I do feel sorry for you.

  29. RedLady821 says:

    I don’t see what’s wrong with those sandals…I just don’t.

    1. max says:

      Really? You would date a man who wore those?

      1. RedLady821 says:

        I mean it’s the summertime…what’s he supposed to wear? Leather flip flops? I mean don’t get me wrong my husband doesn’t own a pair of sandals like that, but if he did I wouldn’t give him the corny finger of shame and point and laugh. What would you consider acceptable foot attire for a man in the summertime? Athletic sandals and socks? Sneakers? I would rather a man wore those than to roll on me wearing a pair of sneakers. Enclosed hot ass shoes? I’m just not sure what you’re looking for as acceptable.

        1. Reecie says:

          leather thong flip flops are better than mandals…

          1. Reecie says:

            *I wish we could edit comments on here*

            also, maybe its just a generational thing but my stepdad has nice leather sandals that actually look way better than those but to me I see those and it screams “old man” to me

            1. LaLaBakir says:

              c/s my daddy has some and that’s what I think of when I see them. that and foreigners

            2. RedLady821 says:

              Reecie I was JUST thinking that, like if i saw a man with dress pants and those sandals on, I wouldn’t be like OMG, ick, nasty, disgusting, but 9x out of 10 that dude would be over 40 to rock that look in the first place.

              The leather flip flops are doable (I guess) but please don’t have ashy feet and please have your toes properly groomed. I know I’m probably crossing over into some ole other mess by mentioning feet in general, but I would rather that, than to have a man show up wearing sneakers, or athletic sandals and socks…just…where do you wear those things and get taken seriously? That’s how my kids dress.

    2. Starita34 says:

      YES!!!!!!!! AN ALLY!!!

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        sityoarsedown!!! LOL!!!

        No Mandals!!!!

        1. RedLady821 says:

          Don’t send Star to the Corna just cause she likes older men!

          1. Starita34 says:

            Who said older? lol They don’t have to be older… but it doesn’t hurt

          2. LaLaBakir says:

            I didn’t know Star showed love for the Macaroni Tony’s

            Play on Star, play on

            lol

            1. Starita34 says:

              No for real, for real, like most women I want a couple years older than me ideally…but after 38, 39, I start worrying about how many miles you’ve got left in your trousers… *runs away quickly before I get lampooned*

          3. Reecie says:

            bwahahha at Red assuming she likes older men… SEE!!!

    3. no offense but those things are terrible. i’d rather wear thong sandals (and i do occasionally) than to wear those. they’re bulky and made for guys who are like 60.

    4. Humble_One says:

      You don’t mind mandals? I can’t do it. There are only a few men that wear mandals. Indians, Middle Easterners, Africans, and middle aged Black men in short sets with bluetooth ear pieces and tropic kangols.

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        ^Humble is on POINT!!!

      2. BimRock says:

        You are so right lol

  30. ME_84 says:

    Ugh I think that we all have gone out with a cornball or two. I remember I went to the movies with this guy he was corny, weird, and shy. A bad combination but I was bored so I said what the heck. We get to the movies decide on it and he walks up to the theater and says “1 for so and so movie” I was standing there like uhm…. Didn’t you ask me out why aren’t you paying? So I went ahead and bought my OWN ticket. We watched the movie with minimal convo and afterwards as he is walking me to my car do you know this fool asked for a KISS. Really dude… really ….
    Funny thing we actually went out a few years later b/c he moved to the city I am living in. Ended up at a nice noodle place with a cute patio. Only problem it was 100 degrees outside and he had the nerve to ask me to sit outside and eat. Seriously dude I’m not about to throw 40 bucks of salon straighten hair down the drain for your corny butt. A cute non corny guy… ehh maybe but not him.

  31. suedoenim says:

    Question for the men: Is there such a thing as a corny woman? What are the traits? Point em out!

  32. Malik says:

    Completely off topic, but one of my recent favorite Ghostface lines was ‘This is Planet of the Apes and you’re standing next to King Kong.”

  33. Melissa says:

    Omg max, I’m dying. First of all, was I at that party and if so, which dude??

    And I went on a date with a dude that showed up in the same damn shoes. Wtf. I gave him a chance cuz he had an accent and was tall but then he called soccer ‘footy’ and I don’t care if that’s how the Brits do…in Toronto, calling it footy makes you sound gay. And said dude had a shoe/fetish, to the point where the first thing he looked at when I approached was always my feet. And I have a pretty good shoe game but I found myself wearing flip-flops and flats on the next two times we went out (which was two times too many). But seriously. How are u gonna have a shoe fetish and show up in Jesus sandals. Omg this is bringing back some bad
    memories now. The end.

    1. max says:

      LMAO Melissa you just killed me with this comment!

      He was the one wearing a polo with green stripes at the party. That’s all I can say publicly but we’ll catch up when I see you Friday.

  34. Dasher Ruiz says:

    I’m not flashy. I don’t drink, and I am also quiet and a frumpy dresser. I am a cornball.

  35. BimRock says:

    Dies laughing for SEVERAL moments. I thought it was just me that hated the Jesus sandals. Even worse than those are the reef ones with the velcro straps *shudders*.

    Lol Yea Toronto men can be whack as hell though. Definitely had my fair share of those jacked up dates.

  36. I don’t dare to admit how long it’s been but I’m crying. Thanks for this. Lawd..

  37. peter parker says:

    damn, sandals to a date? wow…

    as a potentially corny/normal dude, i apologize, and wish you well with the hot boys *throws on the Missy Track* lol

  38. Larry says:

    You know what the possible irony is (which I doubt, but still funny to think about)? Is that those dudes are saying the exact same thing about you…thinking you’re the cornball/weird, lol.

    As an aside I never heard of this 4 day rule. I’ll usually text/call briefly the woman the next day to say I had a great time and look forward to seeing you again…and then call her again a couple days later to talk briefly and set up plans for the next date.

  39. I am not gonna lol on this one *straight face* *temper flaring*…Dating in Toronto is in code red crisis! WTF! Some men need a good shake. I’m gonna stop pulling out my wallet..oh post idea!

    But umm to get back to your question…I’m a nice person but I can get finiky and if u do not take your “good home training” on a date with me..I have no choice but to cut ties. But at the same time sexy with bs is not enough either.

    I wouldn’t even think about it just keep it moving and know next time that you are not setting foot in a theater without reaching a compromise & not to stand in line first..the audacity $0.50!! Grrr I’m so mad 4 u right now!

  40. Adonis says:

    @Starita34 Your point about men in a buyers market is a good point…

    @Max

    I agree, steer clear of all corny dudes, they are not doing it for you…

    This post reeks of entitlement, and althought you are 75% egalitarian/independent, you still want some of the privileges that come with being a female…

    I am PROUD of Toronto men, they are ingenius… I am still surprised they are willing to take you out on dates… They should be offering to take you to the crib & operate from their… The less money the better…

    Since men are not doing their jobs as men to entrance & romance you Max, I think you need to do the approaching, planning dates & leading the interaction…

    The nicer, attractive guys that you say you want are going for hotter, younger, tighter women…

    Keep educating us on Toronto men, they make great male role models for the rest of us…

    Super Saiyan To The End……………..

  41. video is hilarious! My fav vid to date!

  42. NaijaSweetz says:

    The video was hilarious. Love the ranting. Ever so often, I’m reminded that I’m not missing out on much by not actively engaging in the Tdot dating scene.

  43. ms_wills says:

    I had this dude (of the aforementioned cornball genus) tell me that he was attracted to me because I had a ‘wide back’. It’s been quite a few years, but I remember him vividly; I think so that I will never have to mistakenly encounter him. #HUGEfail

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