I’m all for the power of sisterhood. At least I am right now while I’m still aglow from my all-girls vacation. Friendship among females is a beautiful thing and any woman who doesn’t have at least one woman who can stand to be around her needs to seek Jesus immediately. If you spend any significant [...]
I’m all for the power of sisterhood.
At least I am right now while I’m still aglow from my all-girls vacation. Friendship among females is a beautiful thing and any woman who doesn’t have at least one woman who can stand to be around her needs to seek Jesus immediately. If you spend any significant part of your adulthood as a single woman, there are going to be moments that you look back on and realize that you would never have survived without your girls.
That being said, the world is full of trifling bitches. And sometimes we ladies tend to get caught up in the warm and fuzzy notion of sisterhood and leave themselves wide open (pause) to get fucked over by a female. Because whereas if you’re looking closely you can see signs that a man is a dog long before he pees on your leg, female dogs are a lot more insidious and you don’t realize that you’re dealing with a bitch until she takes a dump on your front lawn.
That analogy didn’t quite go the way I wanted to. But you get what I’m saying, I know you do.
Anyway. As much as we ladies like to bond instantly over great shoes and form lifelong friendships with the chick waiting in line ahead of us in the bathroom, there are just some women that you need to watch out for…
The female friend your man won’t bring around you.
A lot of women waste time getting themselves in a tizz over their man’s homegirl because “she always around”. And while I see the logic – proximity is an excellent tool when you’re trying to take someone’s man – you’re not focusing on the right thing. The female friend your man insists on inviting to hang with you at every possible opportunity is not your real enemy. No sweetheart. Your real enemy is the female friend that you know exists but you never get to see or meet. Listen – there’s only two reasons for your man not to bring his girl friend around his girlfriend: they’re fucking, or he wants them to be fucking. Either way, she’s the one you need to be worried about.
The homely sidekick
There are two things a pretty girl needs in this life of sin: a coterie of friends at a similar level of attractiveness so that her property value stays intact, and a homely sidekick to gas up her head. Show me a pretty girl who doesn’t have a homely sidekick and I’ll show you a pretty girl who just won’t admit that she has a homely sidekick. And the thing about the HSK (I’m tired of typing homely sidekick) is that she doesn’t have to actually be homely, she just has to act like she is. At any rate, the HSK looks up to the pretty chick, compliments her all the time, holds her purse when she goes to take a grind off the hottie in the party, and never ever usurps any of the pretty chick’s attention.
Sounds perfect right? So why must we watch out for her?
See the thing about the homely chick is that all while she’s playing handmaiden to her pretty goddess, she’s quietly seething. Once perfectly happy to stay in the background and handle the logistics of the pretty chick’s fabulous life, over time she starts to resent her and begins to need revenge. And because the HSK is no competition to the pretty chick, she knows all her secrets and when she reaches her breaking point she knows exactly where to strike.
See the thing about homely chicks is that they’re pretty much down for whatever. They will lead the pretty chick’s fiance to the bathroom at her rehearsal dinner and suck him off right quick and think nothing of it. So watch that homely girl that you’re so grateful to have around you…she’s like a cobra lying in wait to swoop in and fuck up your shit.
The messy bitch
Every girl has a friend who is a messy bitch. Because messy bitches are awesome. They’re smart, they’re funny, and they’re ratched as hell (am I the only one getting tired of the word ratched? It’s like the new “swag”). Even the most dismal Sunday afternoon can be brightened after a phone chat with your friend the messy bitch.
The thing about messy bitches though is that everywhere they go, drama follows them. And drama rarely stays confined to its origin – the shit spreads like the clap. So when that high spirit that was so hilarious when you guys were cutting it up at home leads to her throwing a drink on a girl in a club, you’re both getting thrown out of the party. And her flirtatious nature that brings the boys to the yard so that you can have the pick of the litter without having to make a move on your own more often than not leads to both of you ending up with a worse Carfax than Karine Steffans. When you first befriended the messy bitch you thought her mess was cute but you were secretly feeling yourself for not being messy and next thing you know you’re labeled a messy bitch too.
And that’s my list of the top the girls you need to watch out for. But what say you guys? Do you watch out for these girls? What girls are you watching for? And men – what kind of men do you need to beware of? Speak on it in the comments.