I’m all for the power of sisterhood. At least I am right now while I’m still aglow from my all-girls vacation. Friendship among females is a beautiful thing and any woman who doesn’t have at least one woman who can stand to be around her needs to seek Jesus immediately. If you spend any significant [...]
I’m all for the power of sisterhood. At least I am right now while I’m still aglow from my all-girls vacation. Friendship among females is a beautiful thing and any woman who doesn’t have at least one woman who can stand to be around her needs to seek Jesus immediately. If you spend any significant part of your adulthood as a single woman, there are going to be moments that you look back on and realize that you would never have survived without your girls.
That being said, the world is full of trifling bitches. And sometimes we ladies tend to get caught up in the warm and fuzzy notion of sisterhood and leave themselves wide open (pause) to get fucked over by a female. Because whereas if you’re looking closely you can see signs that a man is a dog long before he pees on your leg, female dogs are a lot more insidious and you don’t realize that you’re dealing with a bitch until she takes a dump on your front lawn.
That analogy didn’t quite go the way I wanted to. But you get what I’m saying, I know you do.
Anyway. As much as we ladies like to bond instantly over great shoes and form lifelong friendships with the chick waiting in line ahead of us in the bathroom, there are just some women that you need to watch out for…
The female friend your man won’t bring around you.
A lot of women waste time getting themselves in a tizz over their man’s homegirl because “she always around”. And while I see the logic – proximity is an excellent tool when you’re trying to take someone’s man – you’re not focusing on the right thing. The female friend your man insists on inviting to hang with you at every possible opportunity is not your real enemy. No sweetheart. Your real enemy is the female friend that you know exists but you never get to see or meet. Listen – there’s only two reasons for your man not to bring his girl friend around his girlfriend: they’re fucking, or he wants them to be fucking. Either way, she’s the one you need to be worried about.
The homely sidekick
There are two things a pretty girl needs in this life of sin: a coterie of friends at a similar level of attractiveness so that her property value stays intact, and a homely sidekick to gas up her head. Show me a pretty girl who doesn’t have a homely sidekick and I’ll show you a pretty girl who just won’t admit that she has a homely sidekick. And the thing about the HSK (I’m tired of typing homely sidekick) is that she doesn’t have to actually be homely, she just has to act like she is. At any rate, the HSK looks up to the pretty chick, compliments her all the time, holds her purse when she goes to take a grind off the hottie in the party, and never ever usurps any of the pretty chick’s attention.
Sounds perfect right? So why must we watch out for her?
See the thing about the homely chick is that all while she’s playing handmaiden to her pretty goddess, she’s quietly seething. Once perfectly happy to stay in the background and handle the logistics of the pretty chick’s fabulous life, over time she starts to resent her and begins to need revenge. And because the HSK is no competition to the pretty chick, she knows all her secrets and when she reaches her breaking point she knows exactly where to strike.
See the thing about homely chicks is that they’re pretty much down for whatever. They will lead the pretty chick’s fiance to the bathroom at her rehearsal dinner and suck him off right quick and think nothing of it. So watch that homely girl that you’re so grateful to have around you…she’s like a cobra lying in wait to swoop in and fuck up your shit.
The messy bitch
Every girl has a friend who is a messy bitch. Because messy bitches are awesome. They’re smart, they’re funny, and they’re ratched as hell (am I the only one getting tired of the word ratched? It’s like the new “swag”). Even the most dismal Sunday afternoon can be brightened after a phone chat with your friend the messy bitch.
The thing about messy bitches though is that everywhere they go, drama follows them. And drama rarely stays confined to its origin – the shit spreads like the clap. So when that high spirit that was so hilarious when you guys were cutting it up at home leads to her throwing a drink on a girl in a club, you’re both getting thrown out of the party. And her flirtatious nature that brings the boys to the yard so that you can have the pick of the litter without having to make a move on your own more often than not leads to both of you ending up with a worse Carfax than Karine Steffans. When you first befriended the messy bitch you thought her mess was cute but you were secretly feeling yourself for not being messy and next thing you know you’re labeled a messy bitch too.
And that’s my list of the top the girls you need to watch out for. But what say you guys? Do you watch out for these girls? What girls are you watching for? And men – what kind of men do you need to beware of? Speak on it in the comments.
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[...] couple days ago, Max posted a piece she wrote called Girls To Watch [http://max-logic.com/2011/08/10/girls-to-watch/] which essentially was a blog post warning women of the 3 types of women they should keep a KEEN [...]
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I clicked on this link expecting to see a list of writers, artists, and musicians to keep an eye on. This was better though. I’m the messy b*tch by the way. The Dash Mane is too big a star to be unintroduced to all my woman’s homegirl, and much too sexy for anyone to call homely.
the misery loves company chick.
the smile in your face, talk behind your back chick.
the all that glitters is gold and im strictly about the labels chick.
the everyone is a villain and im always a victim chick.
the i interact better with men than women chick (this applies in both 3D and e-life).
the ride coattails chick.
the i collect friends like bellybuttons collect lint chick. (and discard like used dryer sheets chick)
the i see your life as a source of entertainment chick.
ok. that’s all i can think of
Good list KB. The backstabber chick is THEE worst.
As fetch as this post is, maybe the guy didn’t bring you around the first girl because he knew you two wouldn’t get along and he is trying to spare himself the inevitable backlash from both sides?
As for men to look out for? All new men. Any man she meets while you’re in a relationship wants to have sex with her. Not some. Not many. Not most. All. He is not trying to be your friend. He isn’t. He is not. Please get the thought out of your head that he is trying to be your friend. He is not. He is not. He is not. Men she knew prior to her relationship to you (i.e. when she was single) are generally okay but you should still remain every vigilant to their sneaky asses because they might want her now that she is with someone.
This is soooooooooooo true, sooooooooooo seems like common sense that I pretty much shake my head off my neck whenever I have some female tell me about some dude she met at work/the gym/the bbq/ who’s so cool and sh**…and oh yeah, he’s my homie or just wants to be friends….No he doesn’t, unless they’ve changed the definition of friend to mean bending you over the hood of his car.
Well now hold on! I understand your point here but do you mean to tell me that you don’t believe a woman can make not one male friend who doesn’t want to bed her for the rest of her life after getting married or in an LTR? Shenanigans! Is there no male equivalent to the friend zone?
I mean there’s gay men of course. If you took on some type of mentor role that is possible. You can become friends with someone who is originally your husband/boyfriend’s friend. Not to sound cynical, because the majority of my friends are actually women, but there aren’t really too many avenues where straight men would want to be friends with women. Maybe another guy can help me out because I’m genuinely at a loss thinking of scenarios right now.
The only thing that really comes to mind, vaguely speaking, is that on a continuous basis your initial interactions with him will have to be when you’re at your fugliest so he never develops a sexual interest in you.
I think the only time a man befriends a woman and it has the potential to be truly 100% platonic is in the case of work friends where you’re really bound by nothing more than proximity. That’s it.
In order for me to maintain a 100% platonic relationship with a female I need to be totally turned off from her..shed have to be butt ugly and very non-smashable..that always works…I once had a friend that had an std..pretty girl but I wouldn’t touch her if she paid me..we were friends for a long ass time til she moved away
Like Max, work is the only way I can think a woman will make friends with a man. It’s as easy for us as it is to make friends with a woman there especially with the proximity that Max pointed out but still it’s possible! I’m a friendly person and I like to talk and I’ll talk to just about anybody I don’t catch vibes from.
i wholeheartedly agree. i regularly tell my female friends that chances are they have no platonic friends. after like 15 someone is gonna wanna smash. but that doesnt necessarily mean you have to take it past the friendship level though
Ha! the messy bitch…..had one of those
Also the girl that seems to interested in your life and never talks about herself except you, watch out! she’s definitely gossiping behind your back.
The introduce me to everyone in your circle friend….typical social climber
I wish more girls realised that if your man brings his female friend around you a lot, it’s probably platonic.
Good post Maxie!
I think you and Keisha pretty much covered it!
good post. the messy bitch can never be your “friend” though, just an occasional associate for fuckery. I once realized a messy bitch really had a rep when a guy friend was told by another friend “oh Reecie hangs with [insert messy bitches name]?” with a screw face. it dawned on me this chick had a rep that could possibly tarnish my own and I really wanted no parts of it.
keisha brown pretty much broke it down…
I loved this post. It is sad to say but although I love my homely friend I keep an eye out for her. It is what it is. Everything that glitters isn’t gold.
Last year I had both of these girls in my life. They were my bffs.
The messy girl is gone (RIP). Sometimes the drama is too much for them also. There are most likely problems that are deeply rooted causing her to be ‘messy’.
I recently realized the homely girl and I were more like frenemies. We kind of ‘broke up’ when she told the ex things that are supposed to stay in the sisterhood.
Love this! Would love to see what the guys say about what type of chicks they look out for.
smooches,
Larie
I stay away from the emotional chick..
I know guys will say that every chick is emotional, but let me explain…
She’s the one that will blow up, delete your phone number, block said phone number, erase pics of you two and talk bad about you to her other friends.. all before she’s gotten your side of the story.. After you two talk (maybe) and a simple “I’m sorry” is given, she’s the greatest of friends with you again. It makes you look like an idiot for befriending someone that was so quick to write you off.. and it makes her look like an ass..
I had one of those, we haven’t spoken for 3 years..
the overly nice friend. for some reason a really nice broad always makes me wary. not saying that there are no nice people, but chances are that broad is plotting, or faking. neither are good.
I find it interesting that no woman will admit to be the homely chick. lol.
Going to play the Devil Advocate here
“The female friend your man won’t bring around you.”
The lady your man is bring all the time might just be the one he his fucking. Because by having her there all the time make you feel at easy. Knowing that you at at easy makes it easier for him to play around. What one should be looking for is the interaction with each other.