A Day in the Life of Max

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Speaking of the reader survey, I received an interesting suggestion in a response that I thought would make a great post and that’s how today’s topic was born. I’m just putting that out there so that you guys don’t think I’m writing about a day in my life out of sheer narcissism. I mean, it’s partly narcissism, but not 100%. Just wanted to be clear on that.

A reader asked what a normal day is like when you’re single and childless. She says she wonders what she’d do with herself if her husband hadn’t come along and “spoiled [her] life plan”. So here you go, whoever you are….a day in the life of Max:

5:00am: Wake up. Immediately check my email on my phone to see how many people have commented on my blog. Cry a little bit inside when no one has. Stumble blindly to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Mix in Crystal Light; throwing the empty package into the special Crystal Light garbage box in the cupboard to prevent me from leaving it on the counter. Throwing it in the garbage is not an option for some reason. Stand in kitchen with eyes half-closed and suck back bottle of water. Head to the toilette to pee and brush my teeth.

5:15-ish: Grab another bottle of water and some bread and butter and sit at my desk. Eat while I re- read/archive the emails I just read on my phone. Light cigarette, then check my mentions on twitter. Open Google Reader and read SBM. Make a mental note to comment later. Forget the mental note two minutes later.

5:30: Workout time. Smoke cigarette, then change into my workout clothes which rest on top of my weights and sneakers right next to my desk. Load up the days workout and attempt to get my sneakers on, my mat and weights laid out, and my mirror strategically placed for maximum vanity before the intro ends. Fail and rewind video to beginning of warm up. Work out.

6:00: Collapse panting and sweating into my desk chair. Consume whatever is remaining in bottle of water #2 and commence bottle #3. Tweet something about how difficult my workout was. Return to Google Reader and read more blogs while I catch my breath.

6:15: Think to myself “okay I am getting up at getting ready at 6:30″. Smoke cigarette while I check the weather forecast. Read more blogs/check Facebook/generally dick around online.

6:40: Think “okay I NEED to get up and get ready I’m going to be late”. Light calming cigarette while I contemplate what I’m going to wear.

6:50: Shower, slather myself with lotion, turn on flat iron. Finish water #3 and/or smoke cigarette while waiting for bathroom to de-steam and iron to heat up.

7:00: Iron hair, apply makeup, figure out what in the entire fuck I’m wearing to work.

7:15: Figure out which two pairs of shoes to wear to work – my “real” shoes aka stilettos and flats for traveling/the moment at which I stop giving a fuck.

Somewhere between 7:30 and 8:00: Leave for work.

8:30 – 6:00: Grab coffee in the lobby of my office building. Speak for the first time. Proceed to meetings meetings meetings, bitching bitching bitching, gchat gchat, tweet tweet, smoke break smoke break smoke break. Consume bottles 4, 5, and 6 of water.

6:00: Summon work wife and leave work.

6:00-6:30: Ride bus with work wife and bitch about all the idiotic things we’ve been asked/forced to do today. Raise our eyes to the heavens and ask God WHY in the name of all that is holy we chose media as a career. Contemplate possible career options; realize we are media hags and stuck with our lot for life. Sigh heavily and part ways.

6:30: Stop at the grocery store and pick up whatever I forgot to get when I was at the grocery store yesterday (yes I do this every day). Retreat to casa maxfab.

6:45: Throw purse on the “purse chair” and clothes on the “clothes chair”. Wash face and pin up hair; heaving great sighs of relief as my skin resumes breathing and my hair is no longer brushing against my neck. Grab bottle of water #7 and whatever is passing for dinner that day. Sit at my desk in my underwear. Check twitter mentions, sign into gchat, light cigarette. Ask myself what in the entire fuck I am writing about for tomorrow.

7:00 – 10:00: gchat, talk on the phone, text, tweet, read a book while writing tomorrow’s post. Smoke many, many cigarettes. Drink bottle of water #8.

10:00: Retreat to bed with novel and/or laptop to watch movie.

10:15: Become engaged in random text message and/or gchat conversation. Tell myself I will go to sleep after one last message.

11:00: Fall asleep mid-conversation with phone in hand.

3:000am: Wake up just enough to stumble to the bathroom. Fall asleep while peeing; wake up when body lists enough to the side that I hit something. Head to kitchen, grab bottle of water and Crystal Light. Return to bed and read.

3:15am: Fall asleep with book across my chest and bottle of water in bed next to me; usually closed tightly but not always :-/

5:00am: Wake up and do it all again.

That’s what a typical day in my life looks like. It becomes more or less exciting based on what happens on twitter or during my gchat conversations, but in general it’s a pretty quiet and boring life. I like it, but my guess is you’re probably winning by having a husband and family.

What about you guys – what does a day in your life look like?

 

 

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 24

  1. Renè says:

    “Figure out which two pairs of shoes to wear to work – my “real” shoes aka stilettos and flats for travelling/the moment at which I stop giving a fuck”

    I do this too. One time I forgot my “real” shoes at home, had to stay at my desk the whole time. Hilarious stuff

  2. Kannie says:

    I really hate that you smoke cigarettes :(, but it’s your personal choice so I’ll get over it haha.

  3. Ray. says:

    Damn, I had no clue that u smoke cigarettes, esp. that u smoke so much. But then again I don’t actually know u so… But u still a freaky, hip-hop loving, fly ass chick so I still love u.

  4. Krystal light says:

    Still sounds fabulous and exciting to me!

  5. Alana says:

    “Throwing it in the garbage is not an option for some reason”

    Maybe it has something to do with your germaphobia? Touching the garbage your water then drinking water although your hands don’t go near your mouth…hmmm…who knows.

    My life is about the same less the cigarettes and sitting at the pc. However, if my life gets too predicatable, I stop doing something (usually the gym) so it can be different. Single and no children works beautifully sometimes.

  6. me says:

    I love this blog!!!! Max your awesome and i’m not saying that tuh kiss yuh ass … ur so funny … but how do u stay motivated to exercise alone … as soon as i pop that tape in …i stare half-heartedly at the screen and say eff it :) … But i have to wonder.. if Mr. Right were to come in …would u welcome the change in the routine … i realise that the older one gets the more difficult it is for them to adjust to living/ including some one else in their life/routine… neways back to work!!! Thanks for sharing!

    1. max says:

      My motivation is 90% vanity, 10% strength. This is why I must work out in front of the mirror in skimpy clothes. If I have a muffin top over my workout shorts that pushes me to go harder, but I would never dress like that if I was working out at a gym.

      And if Mr. Right were to come along I think I would have huge problems deviating from my routine. I experienced it a bit with the Spectacular Asshole and he was barely around; don’t know what I would do with a man that actually had time to spend with me.

  7. Funms says:

    I find it so hard everyday when i get up to go to the gym at 6am, but you work out at home? gosh i need that motivation

    1. max says:

      I’ll send you messages that says ‘FUNMS GET UP AND WORK OUT YOU LAZY ASS!” if you want.

      1. Funms says:

        hahahaha yes that will be very helpful

  8. BP says:

    You know what I am surprised about? Is how little time you spend on your balcony. Your view of Tdot is superb.

    1. max says:

      You know for as much as I love my balcony and love my view I spend almost no time out there. It’s very weird.

  9. Teflon Mom says:

    Minus all the technology and working out that was pretty much my single life. It takes me about 2 hours in the morning to get ready, but only about 20 minutes is actually spent on me. Thank God for wash-n-gos, wrap dresses and semi-socially acceptable sparkly flip flops.

  10. NicknotNikki says:

    Out of everything, I cackled when I saw “clothes chair”.. Almost everyone I know has a clothes chair..

    My day consists of playing “snooze tag” between 4 and 4:20, getting to work and thinking of nothing but the nap I’m gonna have when I get home…

    If I’m not working, then I’m actually spending the day having multiple naps and convincing myself I am gonna write something and be productive…

    I’m still waiting on the “be productive” part…

    1. Flyy says:

      LMAO @ Nick. I understand that ‘be productive’ part… I swear I’m still waiting on my portion of productivity. I often wonder how I graduated both schools and manage to have a full time job b/c I swear on everything my productivity levels are near 0.

  11. Amos Banks says:

    I am a recent reader so maybe there is a reason for this, but: No alcohol?

    1. max says:

      No I’m a non-drinker…haven’t been tipsy in about 12 years. I overcompensate with cigarettes apparently.

  12. RP14 says:

    Max I heart you even more now that I know that you smoke, and actually smoke more than me :-)

    1. max says:

      Oooh you’re a smoker? My new favourite commenter!

  13. wait, where’s the sex? i thought you fucked out of both pant legs.

    1. max says:

      Hey I have to save some things for myself right? The e-streets talk too much for there to be a record of such things on here.

  14. Cheekie says:

    OMG, I SO enjoyed reading this. I can definitely relate to this: “Wake up. Immediately check my email on my phone to see how many people have commented on my blog. Cry a little bit inside when no one has.” And until I reach the 100+ comments a day steez (lol), I’mma do this… lol

    Man, this entire post was SO you. Definitely a little view into how Max operates. Fun post!

  15. keisha brown says:

    LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
    this post cracked me the hayle up.

  16. quiche says:

    how big are these bottles?

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