Yesterday my homey and birthday twin @BrazenlyVirile wrote an awesome post on his blog about the things he notices about a woman. I already knew he was a different type of dude but it was really interesting to read about the sequence of things he looks at when evaluating a woman for the first time.
If you haven’t read it, go get caught up. I’ll wait.
There are a lot of things I like to see in a man, but I’ve never really laid it out sequentially as he did in the post so I’m giving it a shot today.
So like he did, let’s say I’m in a party and I’m surveying the scene. Like most women, tall men are going to catch my attention first, but tall is kind of a turn off for me. So while I may admire and appreciate his stature, I lose interest quickly and continue to peruse the offerings.
If hip hop is playing wherever I’m at, the first thing I notice is how a man is reacting to the music. Although I might smile and watch if I see a man dancing, that’s a bit of a turn off to me – I consider it overly exuberant. I’m looking for the ones who are nodding their heads to the beat and bonus points to the ones who are rhyming along with the song.
After I’ve established that he’s got good taste in music, I look at the externals. Lest you think I’m trying to paint myself in a favourable light by claiming to notice something non-physical first, let me tell you that if he’s ugly, I turn away. If he’s too fair-skinned, I turn away (yes I know this makes me a bad person and no I give not one fuck).
Once I’ve determined that I can stand to look at his face, it’s on to the most important thing: shoes. Corny shoes, bye. Busted shoes, bye. Dress shoes that don’t have laces, bye. White Air Force One’s that aren’t at least reasonably clean? Bye. Shoes that have nothing to do with your outfit so it’s clear that they are the only pair you have in the category, bye. There’s no recovering from bad shoes – especially if the rest of his gear is on point – it shows a lack of attention to detail that I find distasteful.
If he passes the shoe test (and please believe that not that many men do) I give him a thorough once-over. I look at his head in totality, starting with hair. I don’t have a strong preference in hairstyle but two things make me swoon – I love long, well-tended to dreads and I am a complete sucker for a fresh fade. When I can tell he got a line-up right before he walked into wherever we’re at? Oh man, bad things happen to me. Then I look at his face. I give the features a cursory glance, but I’m really looking at two things: his facial hair and the expression on his face. I’m a big fan of beards so if he has one and it’s neat, he’s winning. And then if he’s scowling or looking a little bit mean? Oh boy.
Is that weird? Probably. But what can I say? I’m attracted to fuckwits.
Now finally I start to look at his body. I used to be all about muscular men with broad shoulders and ripped arms and big thighs but I’m over it. Much like tall dudes, I find brolic dudes….excessive . Nowadays what holds my attention is slim or wiry men who are just a bit taller than me. Mmm…..I’m swooning a bit just thinking about it….
At this point it’s time to get closer. There are two more things to check out and they both require close proximity.
First up is his clothes. I do not like matchy-matchy so if he’s wearing baby blue shoes with jeans and a baby blue t-shirt and a baby blue cap I’m probably gonna throw him back. That’s amateur hour. I like clean lines and classic pieces. You guys know by now that my all-time favourite thing to see on a man is -what? A white t-shirt and well-fitting jeans. If he’s in a casual environment and he’s more complicated than that, he’s doing too much.
If he’s dressed up though, the stakes are higher. First things first, everything must fit properly – if you appear as though you are wearing your “court suit”, bye. Second, I’m moved by interesting colour combos or artful pairings of textures. If you can manage to do a checked shirt with a paisley tie or pull off a velvet blazer without looking like a Kanye wannabe, you might could be Mr. Max. Oh and if you’re not tucking your shirt collar into the neckline of your sweater or blazer that’s automatic disqualification.
The last gate is scent. I don’t mind cologne, but don’t let me catch you smelling like something corny like Aqua di Gio. That’s too easy – it’s a panty remover on just about every man. Give me something a bit more obscure like Chanel Égoïste or even Allure. But you know what’s better than that? Smelling like soap. And you know what’s even better than that? Smelling like laundry. That shit is sexy as fuck (Patrick calm down I am not attracted to you). Sexy.as.FUCK.
If a man makes it all the way through this process, he’s got a shot at the goal. Provided he doesn’t fail horribly in the fingernails department of course. If I catch him with a crack nail it’s a wrap.
Alright that’s my list of things I notice in a man – what say you guys? What do you notice in a wo/man? Speak on it in the comments.