Mind of a Woman

by bersonne on vectorstock

Yesterday my homey and birthday twin @BrazenlyVirile wrote an awesome post on his blog about the things he notices about a woman.  I already knew he was a different type of dude but it was really interesting to read about the sequence of things he looks at when evaluating a woman for the first time.

If you haven’t read it, go get caught up. I’ll wait.

There are a lot of things I like to see in a man, but I’ve never really laid it out sequentially as he did in the post so I’m giving it a shot today.

So like he did, let’s say I’m in a party and I’m surveying the scene. Like most women, tall men are going to catch my attention first, but tall is kind of a turn off for me. So while I may admire and appreciate his stature, I lose interest quickly and continue to peruse the offerings.

If hip hop is playing wherever I’m at, the first thing I notice is how a man is reacting to the music. Although I might smile and watch if I see a man dancing, that’s a bit of a turn off to me – I consider it overly exuberant. I’m looking for the ones who are nodding their heads to the beat and bonus points to the ones who are rhyming along with the song.

After I’ve established that he’s got good taste in music, I look at the externals. Lest you think I’m trying to paint myself in a favourable light by claiming to notice something non-physical first, let me tell you that if he’s ugly, I turn away. If he’s too fair-skinned, I turn away (yes I know this makes me a bad person and no I give not one fuck).

Once I’ve determined that I can stand to look at his face, it’s on to the most important thing: shoes. Corny shoes, bye. Busted shoes, bye. Dress shoes that don’t have laces, bye. White Air Force One’s that aren’t at least reasonably clean? Bye. Shoes that have nothing to do with your outfit so it’s clear that they are the only pair you have in the category, bye. There’s no recovering from bad shoes – especially if the rest of his gear is on point – it shows a lack of attention to detail that I find distasteful.

If he passes the shoe test (and please believe that not that many men do) I give him a thorough once-over. I look at his head in totality, starting with hair. I don’t have a strong preference in hairstyle but two things make me swoon – I love long, well-tended to dreads and I am a complete sucker for a fresh fade. When I can tell he got a line-up right before he walked into wherever we’re at? Oh man, bad things happen to me. Then I look at his face. I give the features a cursory glance, but I’m really looking at two things: his facial hair and the expression on his face. I’m a big fan of beards so if he has one and it’s neat, he’s winning. And then if he’s scowling or looking a little bit mean? Oh boy.

Is that weird? Probably. But what can I say? I’m attracted to fuckwits.

Now finally I start to look at his body. I used to be all about muscular men with broad shoulders and ripped arms and big thighs but I’m over it. Much like tall dudes, I find brolic dudes….excessive . Nowadays what holds my attention is slim or wiry men who are just a bit taller than me. Mmm…..I’m swooning  a bit just thinking about it….

At this point it’s time to get closer. There are two more things to check out and they both require close proximity.

First up is his clothes. I do not like matchy-matchy so if he’s wearing baby blue shoes with jeans and a baby blue t-shirt and a baby blue cap I’m probably gonna throw him back. That’s amateur hour. I like clean lines and classic pieces. You guys know by now that my all-time favourite thing to see on a man is -what? A white t-shirt and well-fitting jeans. If he’s in a casual environment and he’s more complicated than that, he’s doing too much.

If he’s dressed up though, the stakes are higher. First things first, everything must fit properly – if you appear as though you are wearing your “court suit”, bye. Second, I’m moved by interesting colour combos or artful pairings of textures. If you can manage to do a checked shirt with a paisley tie or pull off a velvet blazer without looking like a Kanye wannabe, you might could be Mr. Max. Oh and if you’re not tucking your shirt collar into the neckline of your sweater or blazer that’s automatic disqualification.

The last gate is scent. I don’t mind cologne, but don’t let me catch you smelling like something corny like Aqua di Gio. That’s too easy – it’s a panty remover on just about every man. Give me something a bit more obscure like Chanel Égoïste or even Allure. But you know what’s better than that? Smelling like soap. And you know what’s even better than that? Smelling like laundry. That shit is sexy as fuck (Patrick calm down I am not attracted to you). Sexy.as.FUCK.

If a man makes it all the way through this process, he’s got a shot at the goal. Provided he doesn’t fail horribly in the fingernails department of course. If I catch him with a crack nail it’s a wrap.

Alright that’s my list of things I notice in a man – what say you guys? What do you notice in a wo/man? Speak on it in the comments.



bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 24

  1. I notice how he’s dressed. He doesn’t have to be GQ’d out, but I don’t think a grown man who isn’t headed to the gym needs to be in sweats, sneaks and a jersey.
    I’m don’t like cologne, i just need him to smell like he’s bathed and has Tic Tacs on deck. Most important – don’t be ashy.

  2. Ray. says:

    Hmm.. Well I’m not slim, I’m more athletic build, but I’m sure I’d still have a shot.

  3. i really don’t understand this aversion to tall dudes. *shrug*

    your mind works in a strange way (at least to me) but i shouldn’t be talking.

    great post.

    1. max says:

      Here’s the thing about tall men – they make me feel small. Sometimes that’s a good thing, like it’s nice to feel dainty and petite and protected as you walk a step behind him through a crowd and shit like that. But then when you’re trying to have a discussion or an argument and you’re looking up at him while he’s looking down at you….it’s hard to feel like you’re on equal footing.

      Ever hear about those cut-throat businessmen that stand up in meetings or negotiations when they’re making a critical point? Same idea.

      Plus tall men give me neckache. And they’re heavy when they lay on top of me 🙂

      1. i kind of get your points but most men are heavier than you so they’re gonna be heavy on top of you regardless. plus that’s what reverse cowgirl is for.

        *lobbying for tall men* lol

        1. Melissa says:

          I looooove me a tall man. I love that they make me feel small. I love that I can wear 6in heels and still barely reach his shoulder. They only time when I’m not feeling a tall dude is when he’s too skinny. Not into the string bean. But otherwise, tall men get two thumbs up from me.

  4. Juwon says:

    How interesting women view of man appearance have changed over the year. From the butch to slim and athletic.

    Your description of what you look for is very interesting.

    As for me, I have always been against what is deem as the norm. Most guys I know and friends are all about the long flowing hair, tall and slender. Mostly blonds. You know the model type women. Me am the opposite. Short tidy and smart. My believe is that women with short hair are confident. Am not stay the long flowing hair an’t, they all are it doesn’t matter how long your hair is. Been an ex athlete myself I prefer the athletic build in a woman, this shows strength and again confident. I would also add good teeth and smile are a must for me.

  5. Krystal light says:

    I think this is funny. Back before I started dating my husband (eleven years ago), I found myself attracted to a lot of different types of guys, and among the ones I ended up talking to none really had much, if anything, in common except the fact that they were attracted to me. Yep. I judged a guy based on the way he looked at me for the first time. That may sound supremely egotistical but I bet a lot of women are like that. Clean clothes and clean fingernails are the only things I can think of that were at all important to me back then but I was in high school so maybe my tastes weren’t fully developed. I thought I’d like a tall guy but didn’t end up marrying one so *shrugs*.

  6. LaLaBakir says:

    LMAO!!!! Baby blue, eh? That color just reeks of wackness. Makes me think of white and blue doo-rags, basketball jersey’s and Phat Farm

    I can’t c/s on tall dudes. As a tallie, its hard to find a good looking tall dude to compliment me. So I’m cheering for the tall dudes, but it’s like “Where you at?” #Boost

    This is my comment from Tunde’s post:

    Hmmm…first thing I notice about a dude is his posture. How he carries himself. Does he appear to be comfortable in his own skin?

    His build. I’m #TeamSkinny dudes all day…bonus points if you’re slightly bowlegged. I always look for the bowlegs. His teeth and skin care. How his clothes fit. Do they look sloppy on him? Do they appear to be clean? Does he match?

    His smile. Men with nice smiles are winners. More importantly, men who aren’t afraid to smile.

  7. Sam Sharpe says:

    Slim and wiry? Guess that’s why I stay losing. Max, how about showing us slightly stockier brothers a little love? Is this my blatant attempt to curry favour (damn, I love that saying)? You bet.

    Good read.

    1. max says:

      Oh Sam Sharpe I’m not your type anyway so now we’re even.

  8. Malik says:

    o.O When did skinny guys become ‘in’ for anyone outside of ‘tops’ looking for twinks?

    First and foremost you look at her face. You see how she smiles, if she has dimples (I lurve dimples), is his face symmetrical, and does she have high cheekbones. Then I look at her hair. Can I play with it? I mean, I am regardless but will my hand get stuck. I check to see if she is wearing any makeup.

    After the head is done given a twice over I look for overall body language. Is she crossing her legs? And if she is, how is crossing her legs? That’s extremely vital information there. What is she looking at? Is she day dreaming? What is her eye contact like? Does she look away when I look back at her?

  9. Flyy says:

    *collects all of the tall men that Max passes on*

    I’m gonna do like La and copy and paste my response from @MadScientist7’s site (with a few edits).

    I’m tall = 5’7.5. I wear heels ( which make me 6’0 at least) like so I check height first. If you come in under 5’10 you have a chance, but you’re gonna have to pull ahead in another department.

    Hair – Max and I are on in the same here
    Face – A nice handsome face, but not a i’m so d@mn pretty face… lol.
    Clothes/Build – They have to match. Don’t be all super bulky in a cardigan. That’s not for you. Fit is important to me. I often insist that I’m not all about skinny dudes but that’s all that seem to cross my path lately, lol. Possibly b/c of the height that I’m checking for.
    Style – Corny clothes is a no go. By corny I mean sagging jeans, wearing a suit that wasn’t in your size or has never been tailored looking like you just walked out of your father’s closet…Ed Hardy = corny; Clothes w/ excessive labeling = corny… Somewhere in that time I’m sure I’ve checked his shoes as well…

    Bonus Points – Great smelling cologne & well placed accessories. Accessories for men can be hard/awkward, but a simple gold/silver cross? (*faints*) A nice diamond stud that is not weighing your entire ear lobe down? (*gets up, faints again*) A simple link bracelet or watch (*stays on ground*) And of course not all at the same time if not required.

    1. Malik says:

      “but not a i’m so d@mn pretty face”


    2. Flyy says:

      I’d like to amend this to say the Ceasar is what I prefer… Fades are cool… anything that’s not super tapered. I hate that.


      I don’t like super pretty men. LOL. Men that appear ‘soft’ in the face…

  10. Reecie says:

    I like you look at shoes and clothes. I too don’t like matchy matchy. I can do with simple style but I do prefer men with great style. and clothing that fits. The most stylish men I know are from NYC. Most of my friends from home have great style. Not super trendy, but your own. Hair cuts I prefer a caesar or a baldie, no fades. Locs are fly too if well maintained. I’ve dated a couple guys with beautiful locs.

    I do not have a height preference. taller than me is all I ask and that’s easily attainable.

    I also really notice scent. if you smell good and it catches me off guard I might give a guy a looksey over I normally wouldn’t. I also pay attention the symmetry of the face and the mouth. if it opens and there is a killer smile and good teeth, even better.

  11. La says:

    I don’t think I have a particular type physically. I have dated just about every combo of physical features out there (no Kat Stacks). I do pay attention to a man’s mouth/teeth. Nice lips and teeth, especially if he’s smiling, is attractive. And like someone said above, I notice how he cares himself. Is he confident? Does he exude positive energy? If the situation calls for it, is he being sociable and friendly (like I would be)?

    Oh, and cologne. I tweeted this weeks ago and was surprised more men didn’t know, but the right cologne is an insane aphrodisiac. Not your neighborhood, high school Polo Sport. But anything John Varvatos or Burberry = you getting a first date with me.

  12. SnarkyChic says:

    I like your list Max. The very first thing I notice when looking at men, their shoes. I like shoes so I always look down to see what he’s working with. The second thing I notice is height. At 5’7″ wearing heels I’m already quite tall so I need to know the dude is at least my height shoeless. Men with braids or mini afros are immediately off the reservation. My preference is a low fade with a complimentary goatee and/or beard situation. Overly baggy or overly tight clothing is a no. I prefer a nice button down shirt with european cute jeans over a nice shoe, basically look like an adult. If his nails are not clean he should not even speak to me and if he smells of anything floral or too fruity just pass me right on by. I like Polo Black but a overall clean smell is better than anything. Not big on excessive muscles…I prefer a swimmers or long distance track star body.

    At the end of the day I’m still a sucker for a tall dark chocolate man with broad shoulders…

  13. You hit the nail on the head with this one Max.

  14. Lady says:

    I like them tall and dark and handsome with a nice smile, but I date outside my preferences all the time. I don’t have any physical non-negotiables…. money and intellect are more important to me.

  15. NinaFontaine says:

    I notice – hair, teeth, and shoes, in that order then approach to catch their scent. My ex wore baby lotion and mixed with the laundry smell OMG!!!! (sorry I’m having moment). Oh and I am a sucker for beautiful eyes -thick eyebrows and long eyelashes.
    But I don’t have a particular physical type if I look back on the men I’ve dated although I prefer taller men its not a deal breaker.

  16. Therese says:

    Like most ppl here, certain things may immediately catch my eye but I’ve definitely gone out with diff. types of guys. The one consistency though is guys on the thinner side, not “Jamaican” skinny as I call it lol-hey I’m jamaican I can say it- but lean and not too bulky, not a big fan. Like someone else said, bulky dudes in cardigans ick! I am a straight SUCKA for a nice smile, a man who knows how to dress -a dude who I generally make sure to resist once casually sent me some pics a friend took of him for a fashion blog and I was done, if u know what I mean. Finally, wit ALWAYS AlWAYS ALWAYS wins me over-there are funny guys, I guess, but not many are witty- throw in a couple $8 words, add a dash of sarcasm and I’m done!

  17. Amos Banks says:

    Am I the only one who looks at midsection first? Women can have fake hair and fake tits, but there is no way to fake a flat stomach. I like Adidas pants on a women who looks like she wears them for more than going to the grocery store. I also like the look of a woman who knows how to create an outfit. Department store fashion with a dose of thrift shop accessories.

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