So You Wanna Be a Freak

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The thing about being a female sex and relationships blogger is that people tend to expect things of you. Readers look to you for answers, friends expect you to follow your own advice in your relationships, and your sex partners expect you to bring something spectacular to the table. You can’t write a post about how your pussy be yankin‘ one day and then two two’s you’re playing shy talking about “oh no I don’t do that”. I’m expected to be a freak in the sheets and I make it my mission not to disappoint.

But it’s not only those of us who talk the talk that are expected to bring the a-game to the bedroom. Even “regular” girls (Lord please no one start jumping down my throat for using the word regular – I can’t go through that again) need to step things up. These days if you’re striving for certified freak status, you’re going to have to bring a lot more to the table than your head game.

I don’t know if we have porn to blame for this or what, but lately it seems that men are increasing their expectations of their sexual partners. The days when finding a woman who did oral and anal sex made a man feel like he won the pussy lottery are long over.  These days if you want to dazzle your man, you’re going to have to come harder. There’s a whole new crop of freaky acts out there and it would behoove you ladies to get familiar.

Now I don’t mean to suggest that you ladies must participate in anything you’re not comfortable doing. There’s nothing worse than a woman doing some shit she doesn’t really want to do – and that goes for in and out of the bedroom. But since knowledge is power (and forewarned is forearmed) I want you ladies to know what’s out there so you can start making decisions about what you will and will not do before your love comes down and clouds your judgment.

Ass to Mouth

Now I’ve already told you all that you should not be ruling out the rim job. Like I said in this post, this is definitely a “don’t knock it til you tried it” type of move. A lot of people are really squeamish about the merging of the mouth and the asshole and it’s not something you should be ruling out unilaterally without giving it a try. But even for those ladies who are down for a few licks, ATM is a live woman’s move. As the name implies, it involves taking in your mouth a dick that was in an ass just a second ago. Yeah you have to be a G to undertake this, but a woman who’s a G in the bedroom is a beautiful fucking woman, don’t forget that.

Gingering

Now I don’t know too many women who aren’t into a little pain with their pleasure, but if a man asks you to let him ginger you you might want to take a minute to think it over. Ever grate a piece of ginger for tea and then accidentally rub your eye? The shit stings right? Now imagine that grated piece of ginger inserted in your ladyflower (or other orifices) and you know what I’m talking about. Now I’m not one to judge any sexual act that doesn’t involve excrement so far be it from me to to say you shouldn’t be doing this. But just be aware that this was originally something done to old horses to “liven them up” and ask yourself just how live you want to get in your next thronxing session.

Pompoir

This is a pretty tame act that just has a wild name. All it means is that when your man is deep inside you, you both stay still and you work those Kegel muscles to get him off. Now really this is a skill you should already have in your arsenal, but when executed in combination with a little bondage, you might just clench your way to anything your little deviant heart desires.

Snowballing

Ladies let me tell you something: if a man asks you if you’re into snowballing, he’s trying to #swindle you into a threesome. Snowballing is taking a man’s nut in your mouth and depositing it in someone else’s mouth and if it’s only the two of you in the room you might have bigger problems on your hands, if you know what I mean.

If you’re the kind of woman who doesn’t swallow and a man asks you if you’d be willing to get into a little snowballing, you might want to abort mission (and just FYI if he asks you if you’re into felching you might want to run for the hills). But if you’re one of those women who has conned the idiot you’re fucking into believing you just loves swallowing, snowballing might just be your signature move.

So there you have it – an introduction into some stuff that might make you reconsider the next time you want to brag to a man that you’re a freak. But what say you ladies? Any of you have experience with these acts? Men have you ever asked a woman to do any of this? It’s not Friday but overshare with me a little bit in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 49

  1. snowballing is on a very short list of things that i would never want to participate in. the other two involve fecal matter and urine. that pompoir thing seems quite interesting though.

  2. TJ says:

    Today I learned what the act of felching entails –thanks Max. =/

  3. TellyLongLengs says:

    Soooooo, the ginger goes INSIDE the ladyflower?? Who thinks of this stuff?!

  4. Melissa says:

    I’m open to a lot and will try most things at least once but I have never even heard of gingering! Is that for real? That’s one thing that I don’t think I’d try on the account that I just hate ginger.

  5. Ray. says:

    Hmm…pompoir. Thats what its called huh…I think Ima stick with “grab my [Richard] with your pucci”. I’ve never even heard of gingering and I guess I gotta Google felching. But there’s nothing on this list that I would actually wanna do, but I’m a pleaser so if she requests it, I’ll oblige.

    P.S. I like the pre-friday warm up, I rdy to see what nasty Friday gon be like!

  6. RedLady821 says:

    Thanks for letting me know what snowballing is because I think I heard that term in the movie Stepmother with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon and I never did figure out what that term meant.

    Gingering sounds like torture and really, if I had to be up for all of that crap including ATM just to keep a man then I would be single and alone. FOH….tis all.

    1. BP says:

      I just love you Redlady. Gingering? iCan’t.

    2. Kannie says:

      That was snowblowing (not snowballing) in the Julia Roberts movie Stepmother. Urbandictionary says “When a person, after giving someone head, holds the cum in their own mouth and then makes-out with another individual (usually the one that received the blow job) and transfers the semen into that person’s mouth.”

  7. Mr. Sanks says:

    Up until I read this I considered myself pretty adventurous in the bedroom. Max on some porno ‘ish man. Wow.

  8. Funms says:

    Wow, never even heard of all these….i’m so regular…haha
    The Pompoir sounds good…….may give it a try

  9. flyy says:

    This post makes me wanna sing Estelle’s song “I can be a freak, I can – I can be a freak…”

    Regular girl here… Lol.

    Uhm… no, no, and no. That’s the easiest way I can say it. Except for the pompoir… I can handle that. I hate ginger so that the fact that someone would actually put it near or inside their ladyflower gives me the heeby jeebies… not about that life at all.

  10. Absolutely not. Except for the pompoir, which should already be in the single/married/whatever sista’s sexual arsenal.

    No ATM. And gingering? Are you kidding me? Sorry, Sweet Ginger Coochie is not on the menu tonight.

    1. keisha brown says:

      Sweet Ginger Coochie

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Berriblk says:

    I know felching, but is it only limited to gay sex and anal ? Because I know of men who enjoy eating it out of the vag after they cum.

    I’m not into un hygenic activities so ass to mouth is a no go.
    Gingering you say…I’m the giver of pain, not the other way around.
    Pompoir…nice to put a name to the act.
    Snowballing is up to him because there will be no other person in the room to do it with….

  12. keisha brown says:

    i got nothing but o__o. lol.

    i’ll add to my sexual toolbox when i meet a dude that inspires me to do so!
    aint no point in having it there getting dusty without someone to practice with!

    plus over the years, i’ve come to hate the question: “so are you a freak?” it’s setting me up for failure if we eventually smang and i dont meet his definition of the world.

    a chick that does these things? freak. me? not so much. am i good when i have to be? i think so, but feel free to reference check (no not really). ;)

  13. Larie says:

    I am so NOT a freak! Not knocking anyone who participates, most of that stuff is just not for me…especially the anal & swallowing stuff! lol

    smooches,
    Larie

  14. ATM reminds me of that asshole wannabe Mark Tone. Oops, did I say his name out loud? You know exactly who I’m talkin’ ’bout Maxie. Does he read your blog? I hope so.

    Gingering? If the sting level is not greater than 10, I’d like to see my lover’s expression after he not-so-gingerly pounded me. I had no idea about this whatsoever.

    Thanks for the lesson dahling *Googles “felching”*

    1. emti says:

      “ATM reminds me of that asshole wannabe Mark Tone. Oops, did I say his name out loud? You know exactly who I’m talkin’ ’bout Maxie. Does he read your blog? I hope so.”

      hahahaha i just spit out my water laughing

  15. Reecie says:

    welp. I can’t see myself doing snowballing, and my lady parts wouldn’t appreciate any ginger. I actually had never heard of such, so I DO appreciate the education but no thanks.

  16. Malik says:

    Right, if it’s already in your mouth you should swallow it. Spitting it out is going to make the taste linger in your mouth longer because it’s going to be stuck in between your teeth, gums and under your tongue. All you got to do is have some fruit part of your daily diet so it’ll be sweet for her.

    1. “Right, if it’s already in your mouth you should swallow it.”

      IS WHAT I WAS THINKING LOL

  17. Krystal light says:

    I thought snowballing was something different while what you described I thought was cum-swapping. No matter what it’s called I’m not doing it. I’m pretty open minded but not that open minded. As far as ATM goes, that’s still a no go. I’m happy to be three input (we call it the trilogy) but the backdoor is going to have to be the happy ending unless you go wash it off real good. I’ve tried pompoir but I didn’t know it had a name then. It’s not as satisfying to me. Idk if I’d try gingering sounds like a route to irritation. I can barely eat that stuff. Well maybe.

  18. Krystal light says:

    Also, I’m thinking a woman who does these things should be called something else. Gonzo perhaps? Seems like these are at a level above freaky.

    1. Kema says:

      *back from googling felching*

      I dont even know what I would do if a man suggested that.

  19. GirlSixx says:

    Wow!!

    I’m sloooooooow #Short Yellow Bus Riding All Day

    *shrugs*

    But Max “gingering” WTH!!! can someone explain to me where is the satisfaction in doing that? What does it do to the vajayjay? Is this a Canadian thing?

    *HopsBackOnBus*

    1. Krystal light says:

      Ginger is a warming food/spice. Gets your blood flowing. I guess applying it topically will get your blood flowing hard down there making the lady bits more sensitive and hot perhaps. I imagine that being the same science behind something like KY Intense or rubbing listerine down there.

      1. max says:

        Yes. I’ve also heard about people using Vick’s Vapo-Rub for a similar effect. Can you imagine? *clutches crotch protectively*

        1. Krystal light says:

          Aspercreme. Seriously, don’t do that one. Just don’t…..

          1. GirlSixx says:

            Craziness!!!

  20. Pompir, yes, got that down. The other items listed..Not so much..I guess I’m not that freaky. But still exploring. Can’t see it tho.

  21. Ray. says:

    Listerine? Vapor Rub?? What the hell?? Where they do that at??

  22. Ray. says:

    @ Kema

    Tell him no thank you and that his services will no longer be needed.

  23. OhMyGodNO says:

    This whole thing is F’in ridiculous. Before you ladies go out there and offer up a menu including snowballing, ass to mouth, 3ways, 4ways, cream puffin (I just made that one up), and all this other xtra shite, I hope you are able to serve up a good personality, an independent status, ambition, and something more than P$ssy that’s going to keep a man interested. You could be average in bed and snag you a good man… and KEEP THE NINJA, and you can be great in bed and still remain UN-WIFED, but boy was she a freak. Come on man, shouldn’t women be thinking of other ways to enhance themselves then sticking some hot and spicy herbs in their love holes? I think we can all agree that a man likes a freak, but when a man is ready to make a real commitment he is going to need more than a female that can push it to the limits in the bedroom. Maybe posts like these are just for fun but… This just blew me. Sometimes I think women take relationship advice from the wrong people.

    1. max says:

      Um….did you read the post at all? It says nothing about using these tactics to keep a man or offering them up. It’s about knowing what they are so you know if you want to say yes when you’re asked to participate in these acts.

    2. fixedwater says:

      “…if you’re striving for certified freak status, you’re going to have to bring a lot more to the table than your head game.”

      he missed this line

      I really wanna know what felching is but I’m scared to Google it ’cause I’m still at work.

  24. mercimerc says:

    LOL, thats a wild post. To your credit Max I now know what a “Pompoir”, and what is “Gingering”is. I, first got wind of the whole “snow balling” thing by the movie “Clerks”. http://youtu.be/tpQqH4H_SUQ . That was one of my favorite romance comedies. The datinf scene is crazy now anyway. Most people aren’t willing to jump through any fire hoops for anyone. But, like you said, “its best to know the terminologies” before you get coaxed into some real wild and live shhh.

    I haven’t been on here in ages. All I can say is good blog, You haven’t lost your touch, Max!
    Peace.
    M&M

  25. “Felching is a sexual practice involving the act of sucking semen out of the vagina or anus of one’s partner after sex”.

    Are we over-sharing? Oh no? Well it’s Thursday night and I’ve had some wine so lemme….

    I had a man “talk” freaky to me. He asked how freaky I was able to get if we ever got down to doin’ it and proceeded to ask me every imaginable “freaky” sex act in his own terminology (except “gingering” of course).

    And I, to keep the flow of the sex convo (and his erection) going, responded with, “Oh yes baby, hmm hmm, oh yeah….”

    Then he says:

    “You gonna suck my cock? Yeah, you like that huh? You gonna let me come in your mouth? Yeah, you love it dontcha? And then, after I come in your pretty little mouth, I want you to drop my cum in my mouth so I can taste myself”.

    Yes. I threw up in my mouth. And no, I no longer “talk” to him.

    1. keisha brown says:

      o___O

  26. HLBB says:

    Gingering?
    Felching?

    Yeah…I won’t be approaching freak status in this future or the next. My capricious coochie just said, “girl…I will shut this shit down if you try that gingering thing!”

    (yes, if guys can name their penises, I can have conversations with my coochie)

  27. Rosie says:

    I don’t really understand the point of this post. It’s not even close to a comprehensive list of fetish activities – and that’s what they are, fetishes. Not “freaky,” just “special interest.” It’s not even a list of common fetishes.
    I really don’t like the implication that if you want to be a “freak” you need to participate in these four randomly chosen activities. I’m a freak. I’m just a different sort of freak. I’m not going to surrender my freak card because my kinks aren’t on your list.

    1. max says:

      The point of the post was simply to let people know what these terms mean so that they’re prepared if they’re asked to do them. That’s it. It’s not a definitive resource of “freaky” behaviour; nor is it a checklist to determine whether you’re an actual freak.

      We’re just having a bit of fun here; so don’t fret about surrendering your freak card. It’s really not that deep.

  28. nancy says:

    Thanks for all ur ideas…………

  29. sexiboo says:

    Mii husband luvz the snowballn

  30. Darksugar99 says:

    Hmmm!!! I need to upgrade my freak license!!

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  32. Charlotte says:

    I’ve tried two of tha four atm& & pompoir
    But I think I’m going to try tha snowballing hmm Dnt judge ijs

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