When I Like Someone

13
Jul
2011
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One of the best things for me about being single is having no shortage of mantertainment. Although I've gone through droughts in the past, at this point in my life I pretty much have a man I can hit up to scratch every kind of itch I might have. Whether I'm looking for a movie date, some smut, or someone to flirt shamelessly with, I have a specific man who serves each purpose flawlessly and some who are exceptionally gifted at multi-tasking.


Each of these men is dear to me in his own special way, but the beautiful thing about all of them is that they pretty much lift right out. The nature of mantertainment guys is that they drift in and drift out of life seamlessly and it’s okay if they disappear because, as my mum says, there’s always some other dummy around to fill in the gap. I’m not attached to these dudes so I don’t really spend much time thinking about them.

But it’s a completely different story when I actually like a man. Even though I’m a G with a heart of stone, when a man gets under my skin it’s a whole different ballgame. Don’t tell nobody, but when I like someone I turn into a giggly silly little girl. I fixate on this man so hard you’d think he was paying my bills and the idiocy does not stop there.

Prepare my EPK

When I like someone, pretty much the first and most important thing I’m gonna do is to e-stalk (no strikethrough) him on my reconnaissance mission. I need to gather as much information as I possibly can in order to dazzle and befuddle him. I mean really how am I supposed to bump into him accidentally on purpose if I’m not creeping his twitter timeline to find out where he’s going to be on Friday night? And of course, being the egomaniac I am, I assume that he’s doing the same thing to me. So I make sure that my twitter avi is suitably seductive. I scroll through my Facebook profile pictures and try to imagine what someone looking at them for the first time might think. Oh and random-ass status update on LiveProfile? That must be deleted immediately lest the object of my desire see it and get the wrong idea. Gotta make sure I put my best e-foot forward!

We’re ready for our close-up

A love affair is nothing without a good story. And when I like someone, I spend a lot of time daydreaming about how exactly we are going to fall in love. Will we bump into each other randomly in the street (because I followed the advice in this post) and decide to go for coffee, which turns into dinner, which leads to a walk at the harbourfront, which leads to epic first-date sex that he doesn’t hold against me because our connection is so deep? Or will a mutual friend set us up on a blind date not realizing we already know each other and the coincidence is just so compelling that we need no other evidence to convince us that we were meant to be? Whatever the story is, I practice telling it so that when we end up on A Wedding Story I’m prepared.

The soundtrack of our lives

Now I scoffed at those girls who said that they made a mixtape for their first time slide with a new man, but the truth is that when I’m smitten, I make a playlist. Using the results of the inevitable reconnaisance mission I undertake when I first like someone, I construct the perfect list of songs to make him realize that I am the one for him. It is usually a mix of songs that I know he likes, songs that I know he’ll be impressed to learn that I like, and songs he probably never would have expected me to like. I also make sure that the ringtone on my phone is a great song so that – should my phone ever ring in his presence – he’ll be like “damn. Max is so cool and interesting and she’s technologically savvy enough to turn Top 10 List into a ringtone? I need this woman by my side forever”.

First I’d write his name then carve a plus

Bachelor for life though I may be, when I like someone I spend more time than I care to tell you guys doodling my first name with his last; imagining every possible scenario. Should I hyphenate? Oh no that won’t work because my maiden name is an adjective. Maybe instead of hypenating, I’ll just tack his last name onto the end of mine and be one of those people who has two last names for no apparent reason. But do I need a middle initial? And on and on and on until I get tired of that and move on to drafting our wedding invitation. Do we request the pleasure of your company or the honour of your presence? Hmmm let’s see – it’s July 2011 right now so we should be getting married…what? Around October 2013? Oh but October is too close to my birthday. Oh! How about New Year’s Eve? I’ve always wanted to be married on new years….

Max + him = True luv 4eva

If I like a man I of course want to know what the future holds for us. The first thing I do is hit up the Mystical Smoking Head of Bob to ask him if ___ is the one for me.  If I don’t like the answer the next stop is an online tarot card reading to tell me what obstacles are standing in the way of our true love. But in my heart I’m an old-school kind of girl so my future cannot be accurately predicted without jotting our names on a piece of paper and playing MASH, FLAME, and True Love;. And since I’m also a lunatic, I also take the scores from each, assign them a numerical value, average them and use that result to determine whether we’ll end up M, if we’ll live in a shack or an apartment, and how many children we’re going to have.

I’m actually more than a little mortified to admit to this ridiculous behaviour, so I’m going to stop there. But tell me – do you guys do this kind of random shit when you like someone? What other dumb stuff do you do? It’s not Friday, but overshare a little bit in the comments so I don’t feel like the only weirdo.


Max + him = True luv 4eva

If I like a man I of course want to know what the future holds for us. The first thing I do is hit up the Mystical Smoking Head of Bob to ask him if ___ is the one for me.  If I don’t like the answer the next stop is an online tarot card reading to tell me what obstacles are standing in the way of our true love. But in my heart I’m an old-school kind of girl so my future cannot be accurately predicted without jotting our names on a piece of paper and playing MASH, FLAME, and True Love;. And since I’m also a lunatic, I also take the scores from each, assign them a numerical value, average them and use that result to determine whether we’ll end up M, if we’ll live in a shack or an apartment, and how many children we’re going to have.


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37 Comments

  • “at this point in my life I pretty much have a man I can hit up to scratch every kind of itch I might have.”

    going back to the that argument…. i thought…wait… never mind…. don’t want to rehash old wounds…. off to read the rest of the blog.

  • Miss White says:

    Hilarious as usual. But um yeah…no. I don’t do that lol. I have a man so I can only imagine what I would do but I do think about scenarios and scoff at myself for being such a good girl lol. But MASH? You really took it back! I used to go hard with that game!

  • TJ says:

    OMG Max, you took it back to MASH and FLAME!!! I’m taking a stroll down memory lane and thinking about all the names I’ve used for those two lol. Based on the past outcomes I should be married to a certain someone by now.

  • funms says:

    When i like a guy, i daydream of what our fave songs will be together

  • I have recently composed a video, yes a movie..which includes 2 songs with picture slides and text narrative proclaiming my love. Eventually he will see it one day. lol. But he knows how I feel. I was bored day and decided to do it. Turned out nice, if I do say so myself. I can’t believe I’m telling anyone this lol. What we do for love. wow.

    • max says:

      Um, not to laugh at you but LMAO! That is so crazy!

      • lol. Ikr. Similiar to the playlist, and doodles, just via my movie maker that’s all lol. I married the two. I told you, it started out as boredom. After writing one day, I needed a break. Then I really like got into it. lol. I’m going to post one day… not soon.. when I get the nerve. lol. It’s actually kinda nice.

  • MzWoods says:

    bwahahhahahaa i have def done the last two recently… ie 15 mins ago before i read this post…. this is hysterical lol

  • Lauren says:

    I totally look up the compatibility of our birthdays. . . right now the (main) man in my life will be together forever. . . lol

  • Flyy says:

    And this is how I know we’re e-twins…

    This sounds just like me… fantasy land and daydreams. I remember MASH but b/c I’m from a country area we added a T (trailer). LMAO. And yes, by now… according to that game I should be well on my way to my 3rd child. Lol. And as soon as I finished the post, I most definitely clicked that “Ask Bob” link. For shame… at least the outlook was good.

    I’m good for the name doodling. I used to do the wedding invite thing too… but that has stopped b/c 1) I don’t wanna jinx myself and 2) marriage makes my eyes go O_O.

  • RP14 says:

    LOL at MASH I will have to keep that in mind!!!

    I just daydream about everything…from what our next date will be to whether he will discipline our kids like me!!

    • Starita34 says:

      This is where I fit in, I don’t do most of the stuff in the post, but I definitely daydream about our future. I’m the type of chick that has fantasies about game night with his family and kickin it with him and his friends. I get turned on by being in his life forever, by being his wife. So the tiniest, non sexual thing can really rev me up in the oddest ways.

      I also makes the silliest irrelevant stuff out to be HUGE, again – in my head.
      Por ejamplo:
      “Your favorite number is 14?! My BIRTHDAY is on the 14th!! It’s meant to be”
      “YOU order the seafood alfredo at Olive Garden!?! ***I*** order the seafood alfredo at Olive Garden!! It’s obvious that we’re soul mates!”
      “Your favorite NBA player is number 34?!? 34 is MY number!! Wanna make a baby?”
      “OMG, HE breathes OXYGEN!?!? I BREATHE OXYGEN TOO! Let’s get married!!!”

      It’s silly, and I tell myself that, but yeah, in my head, I’m spazzin that *gasp* we both like to eat wings. *smh*

      *tucks my crazy back in* …this may take a while…

  • but yeah… i used to think about things like this in high school.

    now? i got nothing for ya.

    :-)

  • Bonez says:

    Don’t kill me bout “MASH” .. That game used to hurt a lot of feelings..

  • BP says:

    I’m embarrassed to say the things I do when I like someone. I feel vunerable just thinking about it. LOL.

    One thing I will mention is that I buy the individual an article of clothing to wear. For some reason the thought of my love interest in a piece of clothing I bought makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

    • “For some reason the thought of my love interest in a piece of clothing I bought makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.”

      We’re here( waving 2 fingers in front of my eyes to your comment). It was hard for me to go shopping after I broke up with my ex. Was always shopping for him in my head, as I passed the men’s section. I haven’t bought my current love anything yet, but I’m still shopping in my head. lol.

  • SnarkyChic says:

    LOL MASH tho…I really used to go hard with this game when I was a tomboy and undercover liked the guys I played basketball with. Anywayz, the only frilly girly = crazy stuff I do when I really like a guy is imagine what our song will be when I first kiss him and what our children might look like. Even though I’m more on team no children I’d like to know that my kids would be cute.

  • Krystal says:

    hahahaha you just made me feel a whole lot less Crazy!!
    estalking, playlists, ringtones…. everything that may cross his path has been carefully prethought out!

  • I’m with Kema. I’m checking out our zodiac signs.

    And when sexy homeboy posts a YouTube video or a #nowplaying on any social network and it’s an artist I haven’t heard before? You KNOW your girl is researching everything she can find…..

    ….only to post some lyrics a coupla days later from that same artist so I get the “Damn! That MizzLL is so cool and interesting and she’s down with Big K.R.I.T.! I need her in my life”.
    :)

  • NicknotNikki says:

    LAWD!! MASH!!

    When I like a guy I actually buy little things that “made me think of you” or things I think he’d like..
    I might also think of how our first kiss will be.. I imagine our next date.. I plan outfits as if I’m going to wear anything other than some variation of a tank top and jeans…
    I compile lists of things for us to talk about on the next phone conversation so there isn’t any pause in the conversation… Yeah, I’m a 14 year old at heart..

  • Reecie says:

    OH I DO believe reading this made me think you were a real live girl, Max! lol
    (just jokes). this was a cute post.

  • Therese says:

    Actually going thru this as we speak! Met this great dude on Saturday and we actually have a date for drinks tonite. We hit if off big time! Since we arranged it on Monday, I’ve been fantasizing what the date will be like, and already fantasizing what the 4th date will be like! I never really go so far as to imagine children and whatnot but definitely guilty of having that airy, dreamy feeling and thinking about the person all the time. I can barely do my work! I wonder if he (or dudes in general) anticipate dates like this?? Hmmm

  • Gemmie says:

    LMAO @ MASH!! omg max, that’s awesome and ridiculous all at the same time lol

    you are like my e-shero. you always seems to comfortable to share your life with your readers, even at the risk of seeming weird.

    when i REALLY like a guy im dating, i tend to picture our names together. i love how my first and last name sound together, so im always curious what his last name would sound like with my first.

    i also ask my astrology-loving friends about the zodiac compatibility. i dont really take much interest in signs but ive noticed i did have better relationships with men who were sign-compatible. *shrug*

    i do also do a little facebook stalking. #donttellnobody

  • Keona says:

    You ladies make me so happy :) I thought I was crazy.

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