I’m About to Smash Your Ex


So I’m back with another great advice question. This one comes from Kookie and it’s really interesting.

“[Back in 2009 I met a woman online with whom I had similar interests]. I got along with her and we clicked. We formed a fast friendship. Two years later we have met, formed a successful business relationship and generally just think the world of each other.

Here’s the problem. I recently found out the ex she repeatedly speaks about is the same ex who took my virginity and whom I’ve maintained contact with. I plan to travel to my hometown later this year and I will be staying with her while I’m there. Before I found out this information, I had made plans to link up with our shared dickmatiser as he also lives there.

I really don’t know what I should do. I have a successful business and a very tight relationship with this woman, but at the same time I was very sure (and he has been very insistent on)  that I wanted this man to lay down some serious pipe when I arrive. I’m not sure its worth the risk to spill my guts to her. My dilemma is, should I tell her? He’s the one that took my virginity and for her he’s the ex that she’ll always feel something for. What do I do?”

Good question eh?

When I first read this, I literally screwed up my face in confusion. I was at a loss as to what to tell this woman and I knew right away I’d have to take it to the readers. I’m of two minds about the whole thing:

On the one hand I think she should keep her mouth shut and go ahead and thronx her ex if it’s what she wants to do and it’s a healthy thing to do. If we have to endure breakups in life, at the very least they should afford us the right to deal with our exes however we want to. And the fact that he coincidentally happens to also be her friend’s ex is immaterial.  Telling her friend is only going to create chaos and drama that will likely get in the way of all the fucking, so she should keep her mouth shut and do what it do. It would be different if she was trying to wife him down; but if it’s just a slam? Take the beats and keep it moving in silence like a bad boy.

But on the other hand, I keep picturing the friend’s face if she were to find out somehow that Kookie slammed her “one that got away” while staying up in her house. That is some grimy shit, isn’t it? If that’s her homegirl, she really shouldn’t be hiding things from her  – especially if she’s not doing anything wrong. Which I don’t think she is. The thing about being grown and doing shit like this is that we should have the balls to tell the truth about it when we do. At the very least, she should fuck ole boy and then tell her friend after ( to ensure nothing gets in the way of her and the dick), but the grown up and respectful thing would be to just be upfront and honest and hope that she can deal with whatever fallout comes from that.

Since she didn’t ask whether she should fuck the guy, I’m assuming that not fucking is not an option. This is my kind of woman!

But what do you guys think? Should she tell her friend that she’s about to smash her ex? Should she just not smash the ex at all? Weigh in in the comments.

[poll id=”2″]

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 31

  1. Malik says:

    O shit, we have polls now?! I can understand how it may be grimy since she’s staying with her. I’m assuming it’s been at least 2 years since her friend was with her, so yeah it’s not really any of her friend’s business. Unless they were married, engaged, or in a several year long relationship before splitting I think there should be a social statue of limitations for you caring who they are with after you regardless of who they are.

  2. i don’t think i would tell her. if the friend found out i would just be like “i ain’t know.” *shrug* either way no good could really come from the situation.

    also, i tried to vote but the poll wouldn’t let me.

    1. max says:

      Hmm the poll won’t let me vote either. It also won’t let me like comments. Are you on Firefox?

      1. yeah i thought you had disabled the like option. that doesn’t work for me either. i use google chrome.

  3. LuvinLyfe says:

    Smash and only open your mouth to take in d**k! I love my homegirls, however, he’s my ex too, so u can’t cockblock me.

    Wait… Flag on the play…

    After reviewing the post, she did say they are not only friends, but they have a business relationship. A SUCCESSFUL business relationship. Now, she really needs to reevaluate just how good this d**k really is, and if any potential fallout stemming from a revelation of said d**king down would be worth a potential loss of success due to a strained friendship.

    I’m like Rock Ross, ‘Money makes me cum’…ijs

  4. TresNola says:

    She’s obviously not that important of a friend if she’s willing to smash this common ex… So, smash the guy but keep your mouth shut. FOREVER.
    Grimy is as grimy does.

  5. I can’t believe this is even a question. Find some new peen and keep it moving. This situation has the potential to eff up your dough, doesn’t make sense at all.

    1. BimRock says:

      My initial thoughts were that if it’s not that serious, and she already had her own personal relationship with this man (all to add to the fact that the friend and said man aren’t in a relationship) then she doesn’t have to say anything. However, if it’s just some D for a few minutes and nothing more serious, but could lead to all this complicated shit that might basically ruin not only her friendship but take food out of her mouth, then don’t even bother. Is the penis that good?

    2. OSHH says:

      I agree.

    3. BP says:

      ^5 Most! You summed my thoughts quite well. There is too much peen in the world to get caught up in this drama.

  6. BGirl says:

    I don’t think she should say anything. If it came up somehow then sure tell her you knew him before and have a here and there intimate relationship. Be honest, but withholding the truth is NOT lying(in most cases) and since she’s writing AskMax she already feels guilty before she has even done anything. Sometimes you just have to walk away from the Peen. 🙁

    That was all over the place

    Question: does dude know her friend is an ex, and how does he feel about her? hummm

  7. Nickel_Slikk says:

    she shouldn’t say anything, & she knew and maintained contact with dude before she became business partners/friends with the other woman. she shouldn’t spill her guts and she probably already let the guy in her guts again.

    I wonder what’s the statue of limitations on former fwb & exes.

  8. Eh, its just sex. There are plenty dicks fish in the sea. I say don’t tell the friend and don’t smash.

    But, if you just have to have sex with this guy again, wait, and you two meetup in another city, not the same city where your friend lives. And not the city where you live. And keep your mouth shut. Tell absolutely no one about it. If you just need to have this man… However, I say go with my first advice. You don’t want to burn a bridge over some peen… Business first.

  9. nectar_imperial says:

    Here’s the question I have…did the business partner find out (at any point in time) that this dude took her trophy? Because its possible that she knew and continued to smash, in which case its perfectly okay for her to go on and get some from dude and keep her own mouth shut too…

  10. I’ll blame it on the fact that it’s late and all but um, was anyone else confused with the first paragraph thinking these women were lovers, completely dismissing the “business relationship” part? I can’t possibly be the only one who thought this?

    Love the poll and love the fact that my answer was in the majority (don’t tell the friend).

    I’ll read this (and the comments) again in the morning and see what everyone’s saying then. But I’ll prolly still say do it and keep your mouth shut.

    1. YES, LOL. I was confused, had to re-read. Idk, first I thought Kookie was a dude, lol. and then I was like, hold up… wait…stop the presses… so you get with a girl you met on line and then you find out that her EX(female) was who you lost your VJ too… lol. then at some point when I read ” I had made plans to link up with our shared dickmatiser as he also lives there.” I was like HELL2DANAW** this dude on the DL. Lmao… WOW… I re-read. then I was cool..

  11. Renè says:

    How many times have women been told stuff like this that it didn’t result in a fallout? The thing you don’t know really doesn’t hurt you.
    I wouldn’t tell, I’ll continue fucking, if she finds out, my reaction to being aware all along that it was the same ex, will depend on how much she knows

  12. Ray. says:

    @ René
    Makes sense to me.

    But my thing is, how do u not say, “aww damn, I know him. Actually he was my first” when his name initially came up?

    1. Renè says:

      Sometimes (and in this case), the name comes up after you’ve shared or exchanged so many stories you can’t take back.
      So what you end up saying is “oh shit! Your bastard ex is the sweetest thing that happened to me”
      It’ll get awkward that way. So staying mute works.

  13. Tisha says:

    If she really must do the dirty w/ old dude she cannot tell her friend. Especially if her friend has brought up the ex in conversation numerous times. No peen is worth screwing w/ my money (unless it’s attached to Idris Elba’s body & bank account to compensate for the lost income) LOL

  14. Mrs.Brightside says:

    The emotional creatures we are as women she will probably sabotage the relationship before the big secret comes out. I always think about how I would feel in the other person’s shoes. Would I want to know before or after? Is the friend the type who will fully assess the situation or will she lash out? If they are as close as they seem she knows how strong her friend’s feelings are for him and whether or not something needs to be said.

    When was the last time the friend talked to him? They aren’t considering getting back together so free ball.

    At the very least if they are that close when it comes to that type of stuff, she should tell her she is going to visit with her first. If the friend hasn’t put two and two together that’s kind of her own fault. If and when it comes out she can play the “I thought you knew” role.

  15. funms says:

    She should not smash the ex…..no point losing a successful friendship over old dick……not worth it… except she is sure she won’t mind.

  16. average chick says:

    I think that she should tell her that she found out that she is his ex. I would then tell her that she and the guy still talk and does she have a problem with that. If she says no then I think she should sleep with him. They are business partners. The friend doesn’t need to know everything. It is not like they are best friends. That would be a different story. I think that she can screw the guy. The friend doesn’t need to know her every move.

  17. Sam Sharpe says:

    I read most, but not all, of the comments so it’s possible someone’s already said this but everyone seems to be missing one thing:

    She claims they’ve become really close, they’re business partners, and that homegirl lives in her hometown and all that jazz but she only JUST found out that the dude who’s had her friend dickmatized all these years is also her first love. What, dude’s name never came up? Dude never mentioned names? I smell something fishy. Something is missing. Either they’re not really that close, business relationship aside, or the protagonist is kind of grimy. Or some other shady female shit that I can’t even comprehend….

    …In the end I don’t want to recommend any behaviour that could fuck up someone’s money. But in my mind these two ladies are clearly not as close as they appear to be. Maybe a real, sit down and talk like adults session is needed….

    …Can I also add that I think this scenario would play out waaaaaaay differently if it we were talking about a couple of dudes. Just sayin’.

    1. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

      “Can I also add that I think this scenario would play out waaaaaaay differently if it we were talking about a couple of dudes. Just sayin’.”

      No need to add because we already know this.. “Ain’t No Fun if The Homies Can’t Have None” MenLogic


      Guy A: You man I had this freak Shaunice last nite licking the paint chips off my wall see was creaming so much

      Guy B: Oh word, I know a chick named Shaunice we used to kick it for a minute – she was freak too.

      They start comparing notes and realize it’s the same chick.

      Guy A; Yo my dude.. my badd I didn’t know

      Guy B; Nah, it’s aiiight -shitt I had my fun I done with her

      Guy A: Oh word, cool beans — shit I’m just killin time with her anyways, I ain’t trying wife her.

      Guy B: No Doubt!!! But yo, did she let you get it in – – in her eardrums yet? Man She loves that ish.


      Yeah so we know with men it goes down differently..

      1. “But yo, did she let you get it in – – in her eardrums yet?”


        I almost choked on my almonds!!!!!

      2. “Guy B: No Doubt!!! But yo, did she let you get it in – – in her eardrums yet? Man She loves that ish.”


      3. “But yo, did she let you get it in – – in her eardrums yet?”

        wow.. lol

  18. SnarkyChic says:

    Bad idea! Don’t potentially screw with your money for some old peen. I don’t really care how good the chex is because at the end of the day it can’t pay your bills. If they have a profitable business and it’s doing well on top of having a great friendship, she should just keep it moving.

    I’d even argue that it would be better to disclose the whole cherry popping thing because if the friend/business partner finds out about it from some other source drama will ensue.

    Side note, how good of friends could they be if she didn’t know this dude’s name until recently? This part of the story troubles me.

  19. WOW, dilemmas, dilemmas… not really.

    If it’s just a matter of chex, then I would say leave it(HIM) alone. Maybe still tell her the situation, so you it’ll be out in the open and up for discussion as to whether or not you two (AS A TEAM or ONE or THE OTHER) intend to still be semi-involved with the EX. Obviously you both are still connected, so at some point it’s going to come out that you know him, so you might as well beat him to the punch. If you don’t, when it does come out, she’s going to think you’re hiding something, and then build up some resentment, and eventually the friendship if you genuinely have one and business will suffer. Not worth it. Someone has to be the smart one in this. And you’re the one with the knowledge, and the real decision to make, since she was the one that initially brought it to light. Your chose, buddy or booty?

  20. KhemetLove says:

    The business partner has no power over who her ex fucks. She has no power over who her friends fuck. So if the BP wants to get bent out of shape over it after the fact (which is what the OP fears) that just lets you know where she’s at mentally.

    Should the OP risk it? Only she can answer that for herself. Should she be aware of the ramifications either way? Hell’s yes.

    The only thing the OP would do by telling her is hurt is the BP’s ego and nothing more. All these rules for not smashing other people’s ex’s are just more rules to help people feel special. Like your ex is some untapped source that only you can drink of. Puh lease! They broke up, and that there is now community dick.

    And for everybody who says get some new peen, do you know how hard it is to find a man to make you cross-eyed, weak in the knees and cook a meal from scratch when all you normally do is betty crocker that shit? That GOOD GOOD dick?!!
    If he’s putting it down like that I wouldn’t want to give that up either.

    If ya’ll are getting that GOOD GOOD dick from multiple men let a bitch know. ‘Cause I dun only had two dudes out of 10+ who could do that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *