So this weekend I spent an obscene amount of time watching Work Out. It’s a reality show about a personal trainer named Jackie Warner, whose workout DVD’s kick my narrow ass on a regular basis. It’s completely random but I love it, partly because I used to watch it with my mum and it reminds [...]
So this weekend I spent an obscene amount of time watching Work Out. It’s a reality show about a personal trainer named Jackie Warner, whose workout DVD’s kick my narrow ass on a regular basis. It’s completely random but I love it, partly because I used to watch it with my mum and it reminds me of her, but mainly because of all the girl on girl action it includes.
Anyway. As is the case with all reality shows I’m sure, Work Out includes a whole lot of highs and lows, ups and downs, hook ups and break ups, victories and disappointments. And one of the episodes I watched this weekend featured a woman who had been struggling with her weight for years and years, embarked on an intensive program with Jackie, and realized at the midway point of the program that she had gained 15 pounds. And she was fucking destroyed by it. I’m watching the episode, listening to her moan and wail about how she can’t believe it, she’s so upset, no matter what she does she’s always defeated, and I’m thinking to myself, “This woman needs to get all the way over herself”.
Now before I’m attacked by the anti-skinny police, let me just say that I am not without sympathy for this woman’s plight. Believe it or not, I am very familiar with the phenomenon of trying to lose weight and failing and feeling like you will never ever look the way you want to. I get it. It sucks and it’s hard and I can totally empathize. But still, the amount of caterwauling that went on in this episode just kinda made me sick. I had a similar reaction to Mo’Better Blues when Bleek went all basket case after he got beat down and couldn’t play the trumpet anymore. I felt like screaming “Life is tough! Get a helmet!” (that’s word to Jennifer Aniston).
Maybe it’s because I’m emotionally stunted, but I have the opposite reaction to life’s disappointments. You will never in your life catch me standing in the middle of a public place crying my guts out because I didn’t get something I wanted. I would sooner stand in the middle of the street naked than to have anyone see me that upset over something like that. Call it pride, call it what you want, but I’ve always dealt with my disappointment in private. If I’m not home I go home. I get in the shower and think it through or do a little dignified crying, and then if I’m still fixating on it, I go to bed with a sexy man. The next morning I get up and act like it never happened. If someone asks me about it, I’m philosophical and positive about the experience, and then I either try again or accept that whatever I was trying to do is not in the cards for me.
I recognize that it’s not my place in life to judge or dictate how others handle life’s setbacks, but I couldn’t help but look at the woman in this episode with derision. Not simply because she was acting like her weight gain was some completely random act of God for which she bore no responsibility (it wasn’t – she ate too many cupcakes), but because I think all those histrionics are just so unnecessary and self-serving. Maybe this is me being an asshole yet again, but I just don’t get what all this crying and gnashing teeth and cursing the heavens is supposed to accomplish. It’s just such a waste of time and energy to me – you tried something, you failed, now shut up about it. Crying is not a time machine, it’s not a magic cure-all that will change the outcome, so just put one foot in front of the other and keep it moving.
It’s not that I believe that we should go through life burying our emotions and never allowing anything to affect us deeply. I know that disappointment is a difficult thing to deal with. But I guess I just believe strongly in the game face, especially when it comes to discouragement. I think that wallowing in what we’ve failed to accomplish just feeds a defeatist attitude in ourselves; and if we really want to overcome life’s setbacks, we need to just move past them and use them as fuel to help us hit our goals the next time around.
That’s how I deal with disappointment, what about you guys? Are you giant sucks like the woman in the show or are you more of a “put it in a bubble and let it float away” type like me? Is there a middle ground that we all should be striving for? Speak on it in the comments.
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i am definitely adding caterwauling to my vocabulary lol
in my opinion there are three degrees of disappointment, and my recovery process depends on the amount of effort and expectation. usually i go back to the drawing board, figure out where it went wrong, then move forward.
Agreed!!
Depending on what type of disappointment I’m faced with can warrant a different outcome of reaction/feelings…
I’ve never cried from failure or disappointment. It happens and will continue to happen until you die. I’ve never had any failure or disappointment on a massive scale though so I don’t know how I would react in that situation.
I’m a crier. Can’t stand it and I wish it wasn’t so. By the way, crying in the shower is the best.
Anywho, when I cry it’s not because I think my tears will somehow fix the problem immediately. I cry because of frustration, I cry because I need to release whatever emotions I have bottled up inside that if it doesn’t get released, I’ll end up snapping on somebody reaaal quick. I cry because sometimes ish just ain’t fair and no matter how many times I try to pretend like it’s okay, it’s just not.
However, once my logical side kicks in I dry those tears up and get to doing something about my problem(s).
you just wrote my entire comment… well done
+me
yea what you said Telly. frustration tops my list. but I cry happy tears too, and from laughter, my eyes just stay shining for whatever reason. smh. lol. I should invest in waterproof mascara.
Crying helps release endorphins. So sometimes a good cry can help you get over whatever disappointment you are experiencing.
I read your post and thought “damn Max is coooold-blooded” but then again everyone handles things differently. Then I thought about how I handle disappointments and let downs and hell I’m no better than you.
I actually don’t let myself get too excited about anything that pertains to expectations (ex: graduation, love, money) Lets face it you can only be disappointed if you were really looking forward to an end result or an accomplishment or goal completed and it doesn’t happen. I don’t know if its the kind of childhood I had or what psychoanalystic crap that it applies to, but I’ve learned a long time ago that to evade disappointment, stop being hopeful about shit you can’t control.
Now that doesn’t mean I haven’t a time or two, but the end result sare always so scary for me and the ones I spazz out on that I just try not to. So how do I deal with disappointment? What disappointment?!?
Your use of the word caterwauling has made me delurk to comment. I absolutely love your vocabulary and really love your blog.
i’m trying to think when there was a time where i cried because of something i failed at. something that i could control. i don’t think that has happened to me. i’m not saying that i’ve never cried but if i personally fail then i’ll look at it as a learning experience and try not to make the same mistake twice.
“I’ve learned a long time ago that to evade disappointment, stop being hopeful about shit you can’t control” – Phidelity15
Yep. Feelings? What feelings?!
HOWEVER, as contradictory as this might sound, let me just say that I am probably the World’s Biggest Suck when it comes to crying. But the crying bouts last all of 36 seconds then I proceed to kick something, curse really loudly and go on with life. I’m trying really hard to remember the last time I was disappointed and nothing even comes to mind.
Great post Maxine.
Like Phidelity15, I try not to be overly excited about many situations. Especially situations that involve other folk having to do something in order for said success to take place. I learned a long time ago that depending on people only leads to disappointment. Yeah I know how that sounds, don’t judge me. Not that I’m saying this is the right way to be…I think there’s that middle grown we need to shot for between being overly emotional about a loss vs completely non chalant.
And it really depends on the what that loss is, I mean for that chick who struggles with her weight gaining the 15 shouldn’t have been the be all end all considering this is something she’s used to. Sure be disappointed but identify the problem and fix it. I find that sitting back and thinking about/developing a solution to the problem is much more productive than wallowing in verklemptness.
I am an emotional passionate person by nature and i used to get so upset over stupid situations that I would clam up and stay emotionally constipated. Honestly it wasn’t until i started blogging and thanks to a shrink (no shame in my game) that I began to deal with disappointment a lot better. Hey I’m far from perfect there are times where i will break down, cry, punch a wall etc but i find that the more time spent being emo the less time there is to fix my mistake..and there are really not enough hours in the day!!
“If I’m not home I go home. I get in the shower and think it through or do a little dignified crying, and then if I’m still fixating on it, I go to bed with a sexy man. The next morning I get up and act like it never happened. If someone asks me about it, I’m philosophical and positive about the experience, and then I either try again or accept that whatever I was trying to do is not in the cards for me.”
THIS is me all the way!! I’m not going to lie, when I broke up with my ex, I did have a melt down, I was over it in 2 days. Not to say that I didn’t still feel the pain and the loss, but I just couldn’t continue to think about it, and I let it go.
When my sister and I were younger, I would always tell her, if you’re gonna cry, do it at home, don’t let anyone see you that weak. I know I’m crazy, LOL.
Good post.
hmm…
i think it depends on what we’re or whom we’re being disappointed by.
i can think of a couple of situations, that had me shedding tears just recently. aint no shame in my crying game. i do it if it has to be done.
some situations warrant speaking on, others venting to other people, and other a good old fashioned cow-bawl (why is it called that…has anyone seen a cow bawl??). everyone has coping mechanisms and their vices to fall back on when those coping mechanisms stop functioning. food, shopping, drugs, sex…
crying doesnt get me fatter, hungover, poorer or with an empty orgasm. but then again..if i had a body like max…;)
I think that wallowing in what we’ve failed to accomplish just feeds a defeatist attitude in ourselves; and if we really want to overcome life’s setbacks, we need to just move past them and use them as fuel to help us hit our goals the next time around. – Gospel
Good read!
Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is wonderful, as well as the content!