I Don’t Love You Anymore


[dropcap]T[/dropcap]here is no worse moment in your relationship than the moment at which you look up at your partner and think to yourself “I don’t love you anymore”. There you are, in the thick of it, having built a life and habits together, a rhythm and a routine and suddenly it hits you that you just don’t feel what you’re supposed to feel, what you used to feel, what he feels.

The first four or ten or twenty times this thought appears, you push it away. You stuff it to the way back of your mind, bury it underneath mountains of thoughts about your circle of friends, your shared bank accounts, the vacation you’ve planned together six months from now. You imagine the process of disentangling from one another and you’re so weary that you just stop. You press forward. You remind yourself of the good times, make lists of the positive qualities. You remember what life was like when you were single and before she came around, remind yourself how much you don’t want to be out there alone again and you push forward. Until the day comes when the thought just won’t go away.

I don’t love you anymore makes it a chore to walk in the front door at the end of the work day. Makes my laughter at your jokes false, makes my face hurt from fake-smiling at you. I don’t love you anymore so I’ve run out of patience with your idiosyncrasies. I don’t love you anymore so I’m not going to pick your wet towel up from the bathroom floor, I’m going to kick it out of my way and curse you for thinking I’m your fucking maid.

I don’t love you anymore so I don’t want to hear stories about your asshole boss, your work frenemy who complimented your blouse but you could just tell by the way she said it that she didn’t really mean it. I don’t love you anymore so I don’t give a shit about your problems. I’m starting to hate the sound of your voice. I don’t love you anymore so I forget about you. I don’t love you anymore so I have to put alerts in my calendar to remind me to call and see how your day is going. But I don’t love you anymore so five minutes after we get off the phone I can’t remember what you said.

I don’t love you anymore but I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you or crush your plans. I don’t want you to think it’s your fault that I don’t love you, I just….don’t love you. Can’t breathe around you. No longer like the way you make me feel. I don’t love you anymore but I don’t want to leave you. But I don’t love you anymore so I can’t stay.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Any of you guys been there?


bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 28

  1. Renè says:

    I’m in this horrible situation right now. He doesn’t love me anymore. But I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be the one initiating the break-up.

    1. i’m guessing you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of ending things.

      1. Renè says:

        Lol! “Satisfaction”
        Had a talk with him when I tried to end it but he claims his feelings haven’t waned yet.

        1. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

          So how do you know for sure he doesn’t love you anymore?

          1. Renè says:

            Sounds cliché, But a woman always knows these things. Unless you’re the negative optimist and you’re not being true to yourself

  2. real shit i’ve been here before.

    “I don’t love you anymore so I have to put alerts in my calendar to remind me to call and see how your day is going.”

    its not a good feeling to have either especially when you’re sure the other person is still in love with you.

    1. Satya says:

      It is insanely hard when you know the other person is still deeply in love with you. I’ve had that happen and it’s so hard to end things. But, it also let me know something was definitely wrong. If one person is unhappy and the other person is in utopia there’s a loss of communication and other issues

  3. AllUBitchezIsMySonz says:

    I’m on both sides of this!! I’m not in love with him yet because I’m too busy wondering why the other guy can’t see I’m good enough to love!!! (wow, didn’t realize how bad it looked/sounded til I typed it!) I have to let them both go!!!

  4. nadisrad says:

    Yes, I have. I read this line and smiled/laughed in painful recognition of this feeling – exactly:

    “I don’t love you anymore so I’m not going to pick your wet towel up from the bathroom floor, I’m going to kick it out of my way and curse you for thinking I’m your fucking maid.”

    Why is your writing so effing brilliant?

    1. $l!Cc@s$l!mE says:

      Notice hows she wrote from male and female viewpoints?

      1. nadisrad says:

        Yep – blended perfectly a la Max.

        1. max says:

          Aw thanks guys!

  5. MissTJones says:

    Been there. Done that. Took about 3 years to break the tie (spending 5 years in total in that mess) then an additional year to start getting back in the game. And now that I’m in what I feel is finally it… In the back of my mind I’m terrified for that feeling to surface again. But until then, I’m living in thia blissful state.

  6. Chelley says:

    This is my whole adult life history! I’ve been with said guy on and off for 17 years, and it just isn’ there! I keep telling him it’s like we are in a movie, he plays his part, I play my part, we go to bed, wake up and start scene again. It’s dead to me, but he keeps saying, “How can you not love me, when we;ve been together so long”? I”m like that’s why I don’t love you, we’ve been together too long!

    1. at this point for you two, it sounds like just comfort, familiarity, fear of moving on, letting go, seeing the other person happy with someone else. You love eachother, but not in love. This can’t be healthy..AT ALL. not the mention time wasted when your true(if this exist for you) is out there somewhere.

      1. true(if this exist for you) is out there somewhere


        S/B true LOVE (if this exist for you) is out there somewhere

      2. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

        This is “The Worst” right here..

  7. SD says:

    I’ve been fortunate enough to never have fallen out of love. I think I was still in love during my only 2 real relationship breakups..made it harder to break up tho

  8. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

    “You love each other, but not in love.”

    I wish more people would understand that the two are NOT ONE IN THE SAME….

    I’ve been there to the point when I dreaded coming home from work because he was home, or I was extremly happy when I did pull up in driveway and his car was gone because he was already out in the streets. All I can say is this I have no intentions of settling down anytime soon because I don’t ever want to be in a situation like this again.

  9. I did feel this way with my ex. Except I was the one still in love, and knew his love was gone. I was still in love, and I knew the feeling was not mutual. You hang on, because where else can you direct your heart except to who has a hold of it. So you stay, hoping your feeling is not true. And all the signs say you’re right, and he keeps lying to you about the way he feels, because he doesn’t want to hurt you, when that’s exactly what he’s doing anyway. Sadsetofcircumstances. then you get over it somehow.

  10. Therese says:

    Definitely been in this situation before and it sucks. Especially when the other person has been nothing but an angel to you, it’s hard telling someone you don’t feel the same way anymore. They didn’t do anything to cause this so it’s the hardest thing in the world to explain why.

  11. Kema says:

    Ive been on both sides of this and they both hurt. Although it may hurt a little more to be the one ‘all in love’ while watching your mate drift.

  12. Mo says:

    This post brought me out of lurkerville. I’m currently in this situation with my husband of five years. He loves me, would do anything for me, worships the ground I walk on; however, I’ve come to the realization that I feel…nothing. I’ve tried to pretend that I love him and fake my way through the last year of our marriage, but it’s just not there. The crazy thing is that he’s one of my best friends. I love hanging out with him and talking to him as long as he does not try to initiate anything romantic we’re good. It’s to the point that sex is difficult. My body doesn’t even respond to him anymore. I stay because on paper we’re good together and he is an amazing father. I stay in hope of those feelings and that “spark” returning. I stay believing that if I pretend long enough I will convince myself that I love him. I stay because I’m afraid to leave.

  13. Tiara says:

    I have been in this very situation. I stayed and ” toughed it out” for months, trying to convince myself it was a “phase” or that those feelings would return. I honestly still wish I could feel the same way he still does (almost four years later) but it’s just not there. Staying was impossible, leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He is my best friend, I love almost everything about him-but those key things just aren’t there. I found myself becoming resentful and mean ( “I’m not going to pick your wet towel up from the bathroom floor, I’m going to kick it out of my way and curse you for thinking I’m your fucking maid.”) and finally realized we both deserved better. As much as I feared letting him go, I felt it would be selfish to hold him back from someone who could truly love him-like I once did. Sorry to ramble. I loved this! I just officially became hooked on your blog.

  14. LuvinLyfe says:

    Perfectly described the ending of my marriage. This made me misty eyed bc it brought back so many memories. It broke my heart to break his…

  15. Paige1 says:

    Insightful & Honest … Max you are on to something really Big.

  16. dr says:

    You need to break someone’s password because you dont have trust?
    We are here for you!!
    You just have to say and we Will do all the work.
    I am waiting to help you!!

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