What Is It With Cuddling?


The homey Malik recently schooled me on a phenomenon that traumatized the shit out of me: the cuddle buddy. Apparently there are men and women in the world who get together in a bedroom, lie down next to each other, put their arms around each other, and don’t fuck.

What the fuck?

This might be way #5,3485 that I am not like a normal girl, but this has got to be about the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life.

In my world, cuddling is not an intention, it’s a result. It’s just what you have to do after sex or before sleep if you’re cold. Or to delude a girl into thinking you actually care about her and are not just in it to beat because you’re too tired to move away and regain your personal space. You don’t do it while you’re watching tv or reading or playing video games or talking on the phone. You do it because the person is right fucking there and your defenses are down.

I thought everyone thought like this but boy was I fucking wrong.

After a little research, I discovered some disturbing things. For some people, cuddling is great. Some people love to have their bodies all pressed up against another, arms bent at awkward angles, trying unsuccessfully to turn the pages of their book with one hand or hear the television over the sound of someone’s breathing in their ear. For some people this is the greatest shit ever. Some people even consider sex to be the “necessary evil” they have to “endure” in order to get to the “good” part – the cuddling.

Yeah someone actually said this to me.

As will all the informal research I do, the vast majority of respondents were women. Makes sense to me that women – lovely but irrational creatures that they are – would be looking at cuddling the completely wrong way. So I took it to the men to get their take on it. I asked a few of the manliest men I knew about cuddling and you know what these motherfuckers said? They said they love cuddling.

The world has gone mad I tell you.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like being close to someone I care about after they’ve put something fierce on me. I’ll admit that I have breathed that deep sigh of contentment upon resting my head on a man’s chest, closing my eyes, and inhaling his scent. I’m not completely heartless, I can admit that that is kinda nice. But you know what’s even better than that? Lying down behind a man and running my fingers over the planes of his beautiful back. Or propping myself up on my elbow and watching his face while he tells me an amazing anecdote about witnessing a moment in hip hop history. Or being just close enough to him to feel the heat of exertion radiating from his skin without actually touching him. That’s what I like.

But you know what all those things have in common? They cannot be done while cuddling.

To me cuddling is like sitting courtside at a basketball game. Yeah you’re happy and you feel lucky to be there. And yeah you can see everything in minute detail and you might even get hit in the face with a bead of sweat or two. But your perspective is off…you’ think you’re getting more than you actually are just because you’re physically close. But in reality you’re seeing each play of the game in extreme detail but you’re missing the context.

Okay I think I went too far with that analogy and it stopped being about cuddling and ended up being just about sitting courtside.

Either way, cuddling to me is like cunnilingus. We can do it if you want but I’m never gonna be mad at you for not doing it. The only time the presence or absence of cuddling is a concern to me is when I’m extrapolating something from it; if I’m not sure where I stand with the person and I use his desire or refusal to cuddle with me as a gauge of his feelings. But if I’m secure in where I’m at, I have no need to cuddle.

But clearly that’s just me.

So what say you guys? Do you love cuddling? Hate it? I’m not going to ask you if you have a cuddle buddy because if you say yes it will make me dislike you a little bit. But tell me your thoughts about cuddling in the comments.





bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 54

  1. if i’m really into you. like really into you then yes i will want to cuddle with you. but i’m also going to want to fuck you. best of both worlds. cuddling without no sex of any kind? ehhhhh. sorry maxie, cuddling is cool (to a certain extent).

  2. JusMe says:

    I love cuddling. I’ve gotten too used to my cuddle buddy ::flinches away from Max::. Sex may ended up happening… Ok more times than not lol. But yea, I sleep so much better with him whether we’ve had sex or not. Hence y I’m up right now. He’s not here… I mean I can sleep, I’m not solely dependent on him but I almost instantly fall asleep in his arms. Crazy comfort.

  3. Malik says:

    Man, I’d cuddle the shit out of Max. Sometimes it’s just nice to have another person resting right there with you when you’re sleeping. Cuddling is a large part of the reason that Winter>>>>>>>>Summer. It’s nice to have a bit of intimacy with the opposite sex without sex.

    1. Krystal light says:

      “It’s nice to have a bit of intimacy with the opposite sex without sex.”

      Well when you put it like that, it sounds sorta nice…

  4. Krystal light says:

    I used to like cuddling. I found some sick pleasure in falling asleep all entwined. Now, not so much. It just gets too hot for one and for two it hurts my ear when my husband talks. His voice is just too deep to be that close to my ear. And changing cuddling positions isn’t the answer. I got drooled on once. Yeah. I’ll put in my five, maybe ten, minutes of cuddling and rubbing his taco meat then I just get back to my side of the bed.

  5. After paying my higher than a giraffe on the Empire State Building heat bill today, I NEED me a cuddle buddy #TheRentIsTooDamnHigh But (almost) seriously, cuddling/foreplay is very romantic. And sometimes that’s all you need.

  6. Melissa says:

    I love cuddling. There’s an intimacy to it thats different from the intimacy you get fr sex. And if I’m sleeping with you (going to sleep sleep), then I need to touch you in some form. If we’re sleeping in the same bed and not touching, I think ‘I should just go home cuz it’s like I’m sleeping by myself.” lol

  7. Bumblebee_C says:

    I guess I am guilty of this too… I love cuddling. Not more than sex. And yes, many times cuddling leads to sex. But I do enjoy it. Its a way of communicating without communicating… in my eyes at least. But I ain’t doing that ish during the summer, or if he snores…that’s a whole different tantrum.

  8. $l!Cc@s$l!mE says:

    What the hell…. maybe i’m too set in my ways being happily single. I HATE trying to watch a movie or television show, and this chick keeps getting closer, and closer, till she’s sitting on my chest and i can’t breath. Or cutting the circulation off to my arm, I want to snatch my arm back and watch her hit the floor. lolol (maybe that’s evil) Seriously it annoys me but to take it a step further, i don’t even kiss if I’m not seriously considering a relationship with her. Being up front and honest excludes me from smashing a lot of women, but it’s not about numbers anymore. Being “close” is alright at times, being conjoined irks me… i find it irksome.

    1. max says:

      “Being “close” is alright at times, being conjoined irks me… i find it irksome.”

      My friend. That’s exactly it. It’s irksome.

    2. MeteorMan says:

      Being up front and honest excludes me from smashing a lot of women, but it’s not about numbers anymore.

      Ain’t that the truth…

  9. SD says:

    I cosign Max…noooo way my nuts gonna be near her butt and we aint doing nuffin….to me the cuddle position is a setup for mo sex

  10. IamNero says:

    Cuddling is cool for the first five minutes post intercourse…Then it gets too hot and uncomfortable, and I just want sleep! I’m a wild sleeper, and that doesn’t mix with cuddling. Down with cuddling!!

    1. Chan says:

      I agree with you on the “5 min post intercourse” cuddle. I like to get back to my own space after the “do” and just chill.

  11. LaLaBakir says:

    Cuddling is cool. *thinks hard* Not something I’ve done in a while. For someone who mostly sleeps on their stomach, laying on my side is a bit uncomfortable…adding another person to the equation, kinda complicates things. But I’m willing to take one for the team for the sake of cuddling. And it definitely is nice.

    Now cuddling w/o sex….I don’t know about that one. I’m just supposed to feel your manhood rubbing up against Tush and not want it? Puh-lease

  12. Reecie says:

    not a fan of cuddling with no sex. like I said while watching Single Ladies on monday: I like my spoon with with some fork.

    I’m cool with cuddling, and in some circumstances just that IS okay, but its always gonna be with someone I’ve also had sex with or will have sex with. the concept of a cuddy buddy just totally perplexes me. I don’t want another human being that close to me unless I really like them in the sexual way too.

  13. Kema says:

    Im not into cuddling in the bed… well maybe for 10 minutes after sexy time. After I need my space if I am going to sleep.

    Now I’m all for cuddling on the couch to watch a movie.

    1. Reecie says:

      yeah cuddling on the couch is nice. very nice. my fave way to cuddle actually.

  14. Malik says:

    Wow, all you guys and gals are amateur cuddlers for the sound of things. There’s more to cuddling than the traditional ‘big spoon, little spoon’ position. If you want to lay on your tummy then you can do that still with you or your partner on top or just side by side. Or you cuddle when laying your head on the other’s stomach. Which is nice because then you can play with his/her hair and gently stroke their arm.

    I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m corny but sometimes I just to lay there and enjoy running my fingers ever so lightly across your skin, bask in how soft your skin is, inhale your scent, or just be able to look at you and take in how beautiful you are. I need to step my sex game up because I can’t do all this during sex.

    1. Reecie says:

      not an amateur here, I enjoy all of that. I actually LOVE for a man to play in my hair. I just don’t like that type of closeness/intimacy with someone I’m not into enough to sleep with also.

      1. Krystal light says:

        Co-sign on playing in my hair. TURN-ON! Doesn’t seem like enough guys know this.

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    2. LaLaBakir says:

      Good points. There are other cuddled positions…guess I just didn’t consider that cuddling. Spooning just automatically comes to mind for me.

  15. Flyy says:

    Maybe I’ve had the wrong definition of cuddling all this time b/c all the stuff you described at the end Maxie… I would definitely lump under cuddling. For me, I don’t have to be right up under his armpit, or smacked together like a spoon to be cuddling. I mean those positions are obviously cuddling but close ‘together’ time, works for me too.

    ‘Together time’ doesn’t have to include sex for me but b/c I’m all about my boo in those moments and most of the time that’s what he wants, that’s what happens. Occassionally, they chill out and that’s all we do but on those rare occasions I find myself being the frisky one. Smh.

  16. Sam Sharpe says:

    “Some people even consider sex to be the “necessary evil” they have to “endure” in order to get to the “good” part – the cuddling.”

    These people are having the “wrong” kinds of sex with the “wrong” people. Anyway, cuddling, like big breasts or a car with a sunroof, is optional for me. Y’know, good if you have them but I’ll enjoy the ride whether they’re there or not….

    …having said that I can’t say I’m opposed to having a cuddle buddy. Max, how about you and I cuddle?

    1. max says:

      Maybe we should give cuddle buddying a try just to see if we’re missing something.

  17. Yoles says:

    i like cuddling but not like that…. before i go to sleep i like 5 minutes or so of skin to skin non-sex contact… it relaxes me and makes me feel comfortable but, i can not sleep like that i and won’t! after the time is up i go to my side, he goes to his and sometimes periodically through the night a brief semi-cuddle is revisited but not for long. i’m not even a fan of after sex cuddle… i just like some points of contact, hand on thigh, thigh next to thing or something like that but not a full out cuddle, its hot and people are trying to catch their breath!

    i do love to cuddle and watch tv or listen to music and talk while cuddling though

  18. SmartFoxGirl says:

    Hmmmm….I dunno. I might pretend to like cuddling in the beginning when the relationship is new and in the honeymoon phase but after that, no. I’m affectionate but I need my space. When a man is cuddling with me, his body heat is too much, his arms are too heavy and don’t put your large leg on top of me. I feel like I’m suffocating. icant. I like to sleep free, don’t crowd my space. Plus this whole cuddle without s.ex thing is foreign to me. How do you sleep that close to a woman and not have s.ex? Is that when the man pulls the “let me put the tip in” game? I dunno, this is all urban legend to me.

  19. BP says:

    My name is BP and I love to cuddle and sex doesn’t have to be invovled.what.so.ever.

  20. Chacha says:

    I’m a personal fan of cuddling as long as I enjoy the person I’m cuddling with, though I admit that the word “cuddle” kind of makes my skin crawl. But anyways after reading this post I decided to do a lil research on cuddling and I came across this fuckery: I give you the “Cuddle Party”! Where grown ass men and women get together with strangers “to touch and be touched”. http://www.cuddleparty.com/what-is/
    I. Can’t.

    1. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

      That’s creepy…. *Shudders*

    2. Reecie says:

      cuddle parties sound uber lame and creepy to me. I’m huge on closeness and I’m very touchy feely but NOT like that.

    3. muze says:

      what in all the hayle.

  21. GirlSixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

    I always thought that was considered snuggling (when two people lie next to each other without s.ex.)

    Cuddling to me is what happens after s.ex, because 9 times out of 10 it leads to more s.ex.

    I love to do both.

  22. I have to agree with Malik. Cuddling is the best, and there are definitely many ways for it to be done.
    I was in a cuddle-ship for 2 years of college. He came over every night, we watched tv/movies, and cuddled until we fell asleep. We occasionally went on dates, but we had other people for that. We didn’t even do the nasty until months after he graduated. That part I do find a bit crazy, but at the time it felt normal.
    Nothing compares to the feeling of body heat to keep you warm.

  23. Humble_One says:

    I guess I’m just an inaffectionate unemotional hard@ass. This is not cool to me. I am not calling a woman over just so I can hold her (uncomfortably) all night. Cuddling has its place. Watching a movie together? Yes. After sex? Ok. If she is cold? Fine. I dont get this. People didnt grow up with teddy bears or stuffed animals or something? If its my woman I have no problem with it, But I’m not going to be some dude that just falls through and cuddle with you for the night.

    I know women can do this but I have questions for men that enjoy this. Dont you get tired of her laying on top of you in the same position for hours or having your arm in some weird angle wrapped around her for hours? How do you guys spoon with a woman consistently and not smang? My joint would be poking and jabbing her all over the place.

  24. muze says:

    cuddling makes me happy. mostly because i like the contrast of how big a man is in relation to me. sleeping the whole night like that though? absolutely not. i move too much for that to happen. unless i’ve just been completely and totally “satiated” until i couldn’t move… i can’t see that happening.

    also… cuddling without sex is cool sometimes. watching a movie or tv and whatnot is special. but only if it’s someone i really really dig. cuddling is intimate to me and thou must be very special for it to happen. lol

    1. NinaFontaine says:

      I so agree with all of this!

  25. MeteorMan says:

    My name is MeteorMan and I like to cuddle.

    In fact, I’ve been called an expert cuddler. Can’t even lie, I like the feel of a person of the opposite sex against me. I hear ya’ll suddenly acting like you all abhor cuddling. LIES. You know good and well ya’ll be trying to be all up under a new dude. And we all know that cuddling leads to sex, so…

  26. NicknotNikki says:

    I love cuddling…….

    watching a movie with someone resting between my legs.. that’s good stuff right there.. other nice positions that we can get into while we talk about which scene in Hav Plenty is our favorite.. or play Jeopardy..

    But once I go to sleep… I need the “squeeze and roll away”.. You can hold me for about 10-15 minutes, then you get to your side of the bed.. and yes, I’m counting the minutes because I cannot fall asleep UNTIL you roll away.. We can touch toes if contact if what you’re after, but I think that’s about it..
    I used to think I loved cuddling and I realized be careful what you asked for.. I dealt with a guy that would conform his body to mine (( and if I repositioned, he would wake up, ask me if I was okay and then re-settle himself up.under.me… Many crick necks later, I would just leave in the middle of the night..

    “Yu too close man, yu TOO CLOSE!”

    1. $l!Cc@s$l!mE says:

      You want some of this hot fire? Dave Chapplle is a trip lol

      1. NicknotNikki says:

        I love that you got the reference… Lol

    2. Gemmie says:

      OMG nickers we are >>here<<!!!!!! my last bf was like that–never apart from my body. when i would try to roll away he'd say "where are you going?" and pull me back. no no no no NO!!!!!

  27. This cuddling thing is hilarious to me. If you invite a man over to cuddle you automatically move your vagina’s status on Facebook to “Possible Pussy.”


  28. Gemmie says:

    i love to cuddle, but i dont remember the last time i cuddled in bed (as opposed to cuddling fully clothed on a couch to watch a movie or something) and it led to nothingness. if we’re spooning, im poking my booty out, and i want some action.

    now i will say i HATE cuddling when trying to sleep. i never sleep well when im conjoined with my guy. i just end up tossing and turning from discomfort, while that fool sleeps like a baby, only waking up occasionally to ask me “are you ok?” NO MUHFUGGA, GIVE ME FREE!!

  29. @bigbruhBT says:

    I like my space and generally I consider cuddling something reserved for someone special in your life. Its more affectionate and personal than having sex, in my opinion, because it requires you to express emotional attachment. I like a woman to either lay on my chest or nudge her butt between “that space” as I lay on my side I guess that’s my form of cuddling.

  30. I completely agree with Reecie on this. Cuddling on the couch, underneath the snuggie, is awesome with someone I’ve already known, want to know, or will getting ready to know in the next 15-30 minutes. But once we hit the bed, one of 2 things will happen, sleep or sex.

    And who are these folks making booty calls just to cuddle? Cuddle buddies? Get all the way outta here.

    1. Malik says:

      I had a cuddle buddy 🙁

  31. nadisrad says:

    I like a good cuddle.

    I also like a good “get-the-hell-off-me-you’re-too-hot-and-you-breath-kinda-smells-and-my-left-arm-is-numb” moment as well.

  32. funms says:

    i love love love to cuddle……

  33. ThickCurls says:

    Cuddling Is a great thing!! A friend and I went from being FWB to cuddle buddies, but like You said we knew where we stood with each other. He has since moved and I haven’t found anyone to take his place. This post has made me miss him.

  34. Dee Rose says:

    ehhh…I’m on the fence with cuddling. I like it sometimes, but when I’m trying to sleep its really really annoying! I get real hot and the sound of breathing/snoring in my ear works my nerves like no other.. I usually just wait for dude to fall asleep and the I remove myself from his clench and roll to the other side of the bed and sleep in peace!

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