At some point in relatively recent history I made a bet with a man. It was one of those bets that you know you can’t lose so I made the stakes ridiculously high. If I lost I would have to send him a video of myself painting my nails – something I would only do for only the most ultra of the ultra ultra VIP’s – and if he lost he had to send me a picture of his dick. Not because I really wanted to see his dick, but because I wanted to make him show it to me. He and I were both so full of confidence (mine absolutely warranted, his completely misguided) that we agreed to the outrageous terms and set out to win.
You can only imagine the glee with which I rubbed my hands together when I realized victory was mine. I sent
an assholey a triumphant text message declaring myself the victor and demanding my spoils and then sat back and waited for the bounty to come.
It never did.
What I got instead was a bunch of bullshit excuses for why a penis picture was not on its way to me. Wanting my spoils, I attempted to shame this dude for failing to keep the terms of our agreement,. Then I assured him that it was not a big deal and the world would not come to an end if he sent me a picture of his cock. Then I refused his multiple invitations to “come and see it in person”. And then I gave up and moved on with my life.
Prior to this incident I’d heard discussions here and there about men refusing to play quid pro quo when it comes to private part pictures. In fact I believe I once got into a debate about this with the homey @LincolnABlades at some point about this very subject. But I never really paid it much mind because it had no relevance in my life (I’ll leave it up to you guys to conclude whether it had no relevance because I don’t need or want dick pics, or because I’m getting them on a regular and the shit is the bomb). But in the last couple of weeks I have received three different emails from readers complaining about this very phenomenon. It seems all over North America (and possibly the globe, but I never get emails from readers outside North America so I cannot be certain) men are refusing to send women cock shots.
Is this a crisis?
Now I’m the first to admit that way back when I had my own objections to boudoir photography. But over time I’ve come to recognize it as a part of foreplay and seduction. In the right circumstances of course. And it seems that the ladies of the world have evolved with me because I swear I do not know a woman who is grown and comfortable with her sexuality who refuses to send pussy pics. And yet the number of women I know who have ever received a dick pic can be counted on just one hand by a mathematical retard such as myself.
What the fuck is wrong with all the men in the world?
Men, I’m here to beg you in the name of smut and fornication to please stop being so stingy with your dick imagery. There is nothing at all wrong with sharing the beauty of your cock with someone who wants to see it; in fact to refuse to do so is nothing short of criminal. Not to mention the fact that you are missing out on a prime opportunity to get your woman open without really having to do much.
Listen men, when a woman wants to see your meat she’s not interested in your bullshit excuses. Oh you don’t think it’s sexy? Well she does, so get over yourself. Oh girls talk too much? Let me clue you in – the girls who talk too much will still talk too much whether you send the photo or not. At least take this opportunity to boost your street value by having your very own PR agent going around talking about how huge your dick is. And to those of you who are worried about your dick ending up on the internet, I can only suggest that you try to surround yourself with more trust-worthy women. Or better yet, get something you can use to blackmail her with.
But if despite all this, you still adamantly refuse to send a woman a picture of your dick, I suppose I can respect you…if you’re not receiving pics in return that is. If you are a man who asks for and/or receives pussy shots and does nothing to reciprocate, you are a selfish prick. Period. That’s like coming over to a woman’s house and getting a hand job, busting on her couch, and not even tweaking her nipple before you bounce. It’s just rude. So either you share and share alike or you forfeit the epic beauty of the coochie shot.
Darling men, I’m going leave you with a parting thought. Have you ever seen a woman’s face immediately after she receives a (welcomed) shaft shot? The widened eyes, the moist parted lips, the heaving chest? Now matter how grainy or small or blurry it is, when a picture of pedro slides into my inbox, it just makes me want pedro to slide into my other box.
What better reason do you need than that?
But what do you guys think? Ladies are you still encountering men who want pussy shots but won’t give up the dick pics? Men do you refuse to send pictures of your cock? Speak on it in the comments.