A few months ago a man told me I was very beautiful. And since he didn’t say it during sex, I believe he meant it and I have to say it floored me.
Not because I don’t already know that – as previously discussed I am well aware – but because he actually came right out and said it.
I can count on one hand the number of times in my life a man I’ve been seriously involved with has called me beautiful or pretty. As a matter of fact – let me list them for you:
Boyfriend #1: Never. But he did occasionally call me cutie so I’m going to assume he at least thought I was cute
Boyfriend #2: Called me “sexy bad” on our first date. But it was right before he got first-date sex so it lost a little of its potency
The Spectacular Asshole: Called me “fairly pretty” once.
Actually, if you want to get technical about it there’s another quasi-boyfriend wedged in between #3 and Mr. SA who told me I was beautiful all the fucking time but he turned out to be a liar and an impostor so it’s been stricken from the record.
This is not to imply that I frolic with men who don’t find me attractive on some bizarre self-hatred tip. The men I dally with have their ways of letting me know they like to look at me; be it a gleam in his eye when I walk in a room or an insatiable desire to see pictures of me. But the men I date or dally with as a rule never call me pretty.
Whether this says something about the men I choose or about me for choosing them, I find it interesting that someone like me who is so enamoured of my own attractiveness consistently finds myself involved with men who refuse to acknowledge it. I find it interesting, and I also find it annoying as shit.
Ask almost any man if he thinks his girl is beautiful and he’ll probably say yes. Then ask that man if he ever tells his girl that he thinks she’s beautiful and he’ll probably say no. If you ask him why, he’ll tell you that beautiful women are complimented on their looks so often that they’re bored or unmoved by it so it’s a waste of his breath. Or he’ll say that he doesn’t want to be a simp, doesn’t want to seem smarmy or clingy or sprung or any other those other words that describe a man that is too into his girl. Or he doesn’t want to put her on the defensive and make her think that he only values her looks. And while all of those explanations make sense to me, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a more nefarious line of thought behind it.
Sometimes I think that when a man refuses to compliment his woman’s looks it’s just because he doesn’t want her to get too big for her britches. I’ve heard men say before that they don’t want to gas up a girl’s head by telling her she’s pretty and I think to myself “what a said little human being you are”. If you fear that acknowledging your girl’s obvious attractiveness will make her ego swell to the point that she’s out of control, then either you chose the wrong woman or you’re not man enough to handle her. Neither of those facts will change if you tell her she’s beautiful, so why can’t you just stop being a panty meat and pay your girl a compliment once in a while?
I guess in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t much matter to us women whether our men compliment our looks. It’s safe to assume that our man wouldn’t walk the road with us if he didn’t like the way we look, so there’s no need to insist that he verbalize it, is there? And of course the most important thing is that we like what we see when we look in the mirror, right? So what if your boyfriend never says you’re pretty as long as he treats you well and respects you right?
I suppose that’s all true, but still I’m going to be honest and say it annoys the fuck out of me when a man I’m involved with never tells me I’m pretty. I start to see him as petty, withholding, or just plain mean. It’s not so deep that I would stop dealing with him because of it, but if I show up somewhere looking fucking amazing, and everyone in the world is telling me I look amazing but the person who gets to go home with me at the end of the night, I have a little hatred in my heart for that man, I really do.
But what do you guys think? Ladies do you care whether your man thinks you’re pretty? Whether he tells you you’re pretty? Men – I have a feeling that a great many of my male readers have a policy on commenting on a woman’s attractiveness and I want you to explain yourselves in the comments.