Given that I was known in another life as “the walking dictionary”, it comes as no surprise that I love words. Weird words, obscure words, dirty words, and of course big words. I love them all (almost) equally.
In my writing and in my speech, I spend a lot of time paying attention to words. I choose my words carefully. I’m often teased for pronouncing them with excessive precision. I don’t like to waste words and I definitely don’t mince them. I love words and I believe in treating them with respect.
Unfortunately though it is the nature of life that some of the best most funnest words are the words we rarely get the opportunity to use. At work it’s all industry jargon – I say “eventize” on a near-daily basis. On the e-streets it’s pure #hoeshit and #shotsfired. And of course when it comes to secksy time, only one word matters – fuck. Some of the words for which I have the utmost of love in my heart never get the opportunity to cross my lips. So today we pay homage to the best words I never use.
Tell me you’ve ever seen a better word than that. Look how long it is! (TWSS) I love this word so much but the only time I’ve ever been able to use it is in discussions of words I love that I never get to say, because to say “I live next door to a church so I hear the tintinnabulation of the bells all fucking day” would be stupid.
I read this sentence in a book once “Oh Iris is earnest, prolix, and troubled!” and I never forgot it. It’s the only place I’ve ever seen this word before and that made me love it because I feel like it belongs to me alone. I actually find prolix to be an abhorrent quality in a human being, but I love the word all the same.
Whenever I catch anyone sidling in my life I always say they’re moving sideways or moving left; probably because I always forget this word exists. But I love it.
I often think this word to myself when I’m beefing with someone. It goes something like this: this motherfucker is operating under the misapprehension that I am an idiot. And while it’s okay to think something like that when I’m angry; I feel like if I were to say that I would seem like a poseur – angry people don’t speak like that. Angry people say “this motherfucker think he slick”.
I had to have at least one cuss word on this list. I have loved the word fuckery since I was 16 and overheard a girl using it in the bathroom of a Western party. I’ve been planning to add it to my regular rotation of swear words and I always fucking forget. Ain’t that some fuckery?
And the best word I always use:
I say this a lot, because the people in my life do it a lot. And almost every time I say it I get a blank stare. But I just look at them pointedly, raise one eyebrow, and dare anyone to ask me what it means. No one ever does.
That’s it for my list, what about you guys? What great words do you love but never get to use? Vociferate in the comments.
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