A Rant, An Impassioned Plea
Only a few days left of voting for the Black Weblog Awards. Please head over here to vote for me. Please! Yesterday the homey @MalikPanama sent me a rant apropos of nothing. I read it and then I stared at my screen in consternation; completely at a loss for words. My reaction was 50% “I [...]
Only a few days left of voting for the Black Weblog Awards. Please head over here to vote for me. Please!
Yesterday the homey @MalikPanama sent me a rant apropos of nothing. I read it and then I stared at my screen in consternation; completely at a loss for words. My reaction was 50% “I hear what you’re saying” and 50% “get the fuck out of here”. And what do I always do when I can’t form a definitive opinion on something? I put it out to you guys to weigh in. So with his permission, check it out.
So I was reading one my side blogs the other day (don’t worry baby you’re still my main blog, the others aren’t anywhere near as eloquent as you. Shit I don’t even comment all of the time either) and the writer is starting to bug me out. Not because she’s bad at it or anything but because she keeps going after the same type of dude and keeps expecting different results from these flinglationships she’s having. The long and short of the type of guys she’s into is the Mandingo. I don’t mean she exclusively dates dudes with gigantic genitalia, but basically Black men who encompass pretty much every stereotype that comes with it.
She can like/be attracted to whomever the fuck she wants. Hell, she can keep making the same mistakes. But the problem I see that she – along with the vast vast vast vast vast majority of Black women – doesn’t seem to notice is that these “dream” guys are human beings with own little eccentricities and peccadilloes. To stick with the Mandingo example at hand, these guys (by her description) are young, tall, good looking, in great shape, and often well endowed. The only thing that is really a slight against some of them is the fact that they may be broke. So by most measures they are idealized Black men. Fair enough. What also comes with this – shit what comes with most any Black man – is an unfathomably high level of hubris. I would argue that it’s justified since these type of guys have probably dug into pretty much every girl they’ve cared to since they were adolescents.
Knowing this, she’s still confused when the guys act an ass or entitled. I only have one constant thought when I read her latest diatribe: Are you fucking serious? Of course they act like that; that’s the position they’ve been in damn near their entire life. Just because you let their penis attack your vagina doesn’t make you special all of a sudden. Hell even if they fell in love with you, remnants of their behavior would still be there because that’s part of who they are.
Now to branch this rant out, a lot of Black women don’t seem to understand that for all the pros they think Mr. Super Big Dick Big Money 6’4″ Gangsta Educated ‘I Love the LAWD!’ negro may have, there are also cons. As great as it may be to be with an extremely protective, conservative, clean cut, and militant dude, you have to remember that it comes with negatives to. He, in all likelihood probably has very ‘old school’ rules when it comes to women. So while he may treat you like a lady, he’s also going to expect you to act like a lady. That means constant arguments about going to clubs, what you’re wearing, how much you work (if he puts his ego aside to let you work at all), how friendly is too friendly, etc.
Women don’t ever seem to run these types of factors in through their head. Like, what type of fucking person are you yourself? Shouldn’t that be known before seeking relationships? Because, you know, just because you have an arbitrary checklist of what you want in a guy doesn’t mean Mr. Fantasy is the type of guy that’s best for you for the 1 night stand, flinglationship, dating, marriage, or anything in between.
Those of you who know me well know that I have a bit of experience with the type of dude Malik is describing; so I found myself vacillating between feeling for the idiot girl that continues to chase this type of jackass and agreeing with his judgment of her choices.
So I ask you, my dear readers, what do you guys think? Do you agree that women have a tendency to chase after an ideal without really considering what the reality of that man entails? Or is this just the point of view of a man who doesn’t fit that “ideal” and is mad about it? Weigh in in the comments.
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