Any 10 on Tuesday with @PrimaryThoughts
2011
Time is running out to vote for the Black Weblog Awards! Thanks to the best readers ever, I’m nominated for Best Personal Blog, Best International Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, and Blog to Watch. Please head over here to vote for me. Wow it’s been a minute since we’ve had Any 10 on Tuesday [...]
Time is running out to vote for the Black Weblog Awards! Thanks to the best readers ever, I’m nominated for Best Personal Blog, Best International Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, and Blog to Watch. Please head over here to vote for me.
Wow it’s been a minute since we’ve had Any 10 on Tuesday hasn’t it? But I have a good one for you – none other than @PrimaryThoughts; one of the most interesting people I’ve e-met on these e-streets. If you’ve never read her blog, please head over there and correct that immediately. It’s good shit.
Ready? Let’s do it.
Describe yourself in three sentences or less.
I am… and that’s my most complete answer. I abhor describing myself because it’s limiting and there are enough limiting factors in this world without me being an active contributor. If you must have a list of roles or you feel that I’ve side-stepped this question, please feel free to gain a better understanding by reading “Who Are You?” (Obvious, but necessary plug 
)
1. Is there something about your life or lifestyle that makes your perspective on dating/relationships unique?
I don’t really think, so but I’m often told that I have a different outlook than others. I will own that I’m intrigued with the unique qualities of individuals and my acceptance of their individuality seems to get people to open up to me at a deeper level than most. It gives me a more intimate perspective, but I don’t know if mine is really so different or unique.
3. Thong or boyshorts?
I could plug another blog post here, but I will just say choose appropriately and know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with going commando.
4. Could you be in a relationship that is not monogamous? Why or why not?
Monogamous is so… *sigh*. No, I wouldn’t knowingly operate in a non-monogamous relationship for any extended period of time. I prefer monogamy, but I view monogamy and commitment exclusively (and yes, I’ve blogged about the difference). There are a ton of reasons why – all of which I won’t share, but one reason is that I’m not one for being in someone’s rotation. Either you want it or you don’t, if you have to make a decision between mine and another’s than mine apparently isn’t for you and that’s cool, everybody ain’t for everyone. Which brings me to the underlying reason for not being in someone’s rotation – greed. I don’t sleep with multiple people and I like sex a lot. Him having a roster of women would impede things.
5. True or false: it is rude for a man not to call the woman the day after he slams for the first time.
Assuming that the woman is offended, because she is expecting more than just a sexual relationship then I would say yes. But, if that’s the case and this is a reoccurring issue for her, then she needs to take some responsibility. Most dudes that only want to hit aren’t going to invest any amount of time. So, if you are a woman who expects a call the next day you may want to increase the amount of time you spend with anyone you’re entertaining the idea of sleeping with. It’s a simple means of smoking out those who have no true intent on any longevity, plus it will give you more time to find out if he is rude in other ways and/or more about his personality.
6. If you were alone in your boy/girlfriend’s house, would you snoop?
No.
7. What is your favorite sexual position?
I don’t have “a” favorite. I’m more interested in making each position feel like it’s never been experienced before.
10. Blow job or hand job?
#1 – Why choose? They bring totally different types of orgasm. #2 – Blow jobs typically include a hand job to some extent, unless you are one to simply grasp the base the entire time *yawn*. Or unless you are doing it with no hands.
11. What is something you have always wanted to try, but haven’t yet?
I can’t tell everyone that.
17. What’s your fatal flaw in relationships?
I’m an over-achiever and that can create some issues. Some men may feel inadequate or feel like they aren’t needed. Then others think it’s great because they love reaping the benefits. They want to sit back and take. And that’s where I have to own my flaw because they can only take what I give. I’m getting much better about it though in all my relationships, platonic, romantic, etc.
18. If you had a super power what would it be? Why?
To control time. Everyone can figure out why – just think about it.
27. Do you know what a dirty sanchez is?
Yes, because of your blog.
28. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
When I think of “caught” I think of family members, mom, dad, kids and in those cases I would say no, but if you are talking about by a significant other I don’t understand the question. How do you get caught? Seems like they would enjoy the sight or come to assist in the process. I can’t see myself with someone who would think of it negatively and become offended.
And please don’t forget to vote for me to win a Black Weblog Award or four. I really don’t want to go out like Susan Lucci. I really don’t. Easy instructions and shit are right here.
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Nice to have Any 10 back and it’s nice to meet Primary Thoughts.
‘I prefer monogamy, but I view monogamy and commitment exclusively (and yes, I’ve blogged about the difference).’
Could you elaborate on this? It was worded confusingly for me.
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I don’t need a commitment in order to be monogamous. Why?
I strongly believe that monogamy is about self. It’s about the standards that you hold for yourself. Another person’s love won’t make you monogamous, nor will a marriage license.
For me, I don’t sleep around and when I do have someone close to me, he is the only one. This is what I demand of myself. I don’t dictate or expect the man to be monogamous in a non-committed relationship, but it’s what I do.
I’m a woman, not a man. I don’t necessarily agree with the double standard, but morally it works for me. If people are honest with themselves and those whom they spend their time with, everyone can respect that most times there is a phase between “Hello” and “I want only you”. There is that phase of “I’m digging him/her and don’t think I’m going anywhere, but am I ready to close out all other possibilities?”
And I can operate this way for a while depending on where I think the relationship is going or where I want the relationship to go, then I may feel the need to change things… end the relationship or express that I want more.
And I know that from a biblical standpoint I am out of order, but I feel like this. I want a man to choose me, because it is his choice. I can’t go so far to say sex is just sex, but I don’t want him to choose me with the underlying reason being that he feels or assumes that in order to have me sexually he must commit to me.
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And thanks for the warm welcome
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I cannot be the only one who read #10, pointed at the screen and said, “I see you…”
Re: #28 – Few months back had a conversation with some of my boys about if they ever got caught rubbing one out. While many confessed to being daring meat beaters in their youth, they would not admit to being caught now. I warned them that if they get caught jacking off to porn in another room that they’re significant other might get pissed, but more than pissed, her self-esteem is going to plummet. With that said, not too long ago, my boy caught his girl jacking off and now he don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to tell him. But I hope he seen Single Ladies last night because that’s probably the best source of information for him to realize why his girl is painting her nails without him.
I had something else I wanted to say, but something is missing…
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Lol… you know I like to let people have those ah-ha moments. And dang it I didn’t watch Single Ladies. I let the dvr have it and painted my toes… lol. (I actually gave myself a pedi last night, for real.)
But I don’t get it the principal behind your statement. I know it happens/exists, but I think it’s stupid. As long as your s/o is taking care of business what is the harm in taking care of one solo? It’s similar to my thoughts behind hand vs blow. It is a different orgasmic experience what’s the harm in having both/all?
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Hmm… well consider it like this, what if a man just doesn’t find his wife attractive anymore and she’s in the mood, but he’s in another room jacking off. That can hurt her feelings. This is a weird version of infidelity but it exists. There are partners who’d rather please themselves because they don’t find their partner attractive, or don’t like the way the other one has sex.
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Oh, your statement falls into the “their not taking care of business” category. That’s tough.
There are so many factors to consider. Is it the physical or emotional (attitude) that caused the person to become unattractive? Have they “directly and lovingly” communicated how they feel about no longer finding them attractive? Is it due to a medical condition? Is that medical condition depression… which brings it back to the mental/emotional? Did their partner just decide he/she really does like a different type of woman/man? (meaning it has nothing to do with the “unattractive” partner). Like I said it would be tough.
(And you know I always look at the bright side). I know it wouldn’t be much of a comfort, but if they are handling it themselves at least they aren’t stepping outside the relationship. And, for me… if I knew my partner wasn’t feeling me like that and it was something I could control (weight/attitude), it would be a wake-up call. I would have to take action if I wanted to maintain the relationship. The reality of “for better or worse” does have a breaking point for most people. No, it shouldn’t, but let’s be real here. Everyone isn’t that strong.
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Now you get what I meant lol. But it gets real weird when the wife catches the husband jacking off to a woman who looks nothing like her.
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Okay, if that’s why she’s offending she’s missing the point entirely. Like men are only attracted to one type of woman… smh.
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This is one of those any10′s where, when you’re done you feel like you know the person more and less at the same time. The enigmatic quality of it is a little intriguing. The non-answers to #’s 7 and 11 are great examples of this. So, you let us know that you’re good enough to make the normal seem extraordinary, but you don’t give us quite enough to let the imagination truly wander. Number 11, you could have completely left out because you only need to answer 10 questions, so, if you weren’t going to answer it, you could have just picked something else. Instead you said “I can’t tell everyone that” which means you want us to know that there’s something out there you’d like to try that is probably pretty … outside of the norm … but that’s as much information as you’re willing to share. At first I thought it was an oversight, and found it a little bothersome. But now I’m thinking maybe you did on purpose – in which case… well played.
Good stuff Max – you have a knack for bringing out the awesome in people. And good stuff PT – interesting as always.
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*standing ovation* I’m not at all surprised. Communication is much more interesting when you don’t use stick figures, dotted lines and arrows.
Thanks Most for getting it!
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I take it you’re not a fan of cavemen.
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The answer to #17… Its like that job interview question, “tell us your weakness”, and you know that to get the job you have to say something like, ” well, I’m a perfectionist” or, “I think sometimes I work a little too hard”. Come on man. Is that really the only flaw you have in a relationship? Maybe your flaw is thinking you are flawless and this annoys the sh$t outta your partner. I’m jus sayin.
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@OhMyGodNo I won’t apologize for my answer & I know you didn’t ask any questions asking for clarity, but I feel compelled. There are 2 instances where this flaw has drastically altered my life.
#1 In my first relationship. He felt inadequate and the end result was physical abuse to both myself and our daughter. If the transition from point a to point b is too much, then I would suggest reading about codependency and/or abusive relationships.
#2 In my second relationship I went in the opposite direction. I found someone who would appreciate what I brought to the table. And he did, but when I realized giving to someone more than I was giving to myself wasn’t going to make me happy I started working to bring balance to the relationship. This resulted in a man that felt abandoned and unsupported. I had been his foundation for years and he wanted everything to remain as it had been. The end result was me hospitalized with a fractured eye socket among other injuries and him with a felony conviction.
Hope that helps you or anyone else reading this understand. All of my answers were in fun, honest and sincere.
~ Mel
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