Throwing it Back

tossed salad

Okay I suck (literally). But after the week I had, the well of nastiness is run the fuck dry so we’re throwing it back today. I’ll hit you with something truly depraved next Friday, I promise. But before you enjoy the nastiness today, please head over here to vote for me. It will inspire me.

I didn’t discover my inner perv until I was about 25. Before that I was pretty sheltered, so the first time I heard about tossing salads I was appalled. “That’s NASTY!” I exclaimed. The man who dropped the bomb on me – a small-time hood and big-time cocksman – blew a puff of indo smoke in my face and said: don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.

It seems tossing salad is one of the last taboo acts in sex. People are doing it but no one’s talking about it. Well except my friends of course. A four-way conference call with a group of them yesterday raised a number of interesting issues related to ass-snacks. The politics of tossed salad, if you will. And because I exist to educate you all, I’m going to share them here:

1. Tossed salad is on a voluntary basis only. Unlike head, receiving does not obligate you to give. If your dude wants to snack on your dingleberry he does so at his own risk and it doesn’t mean you have to make like a truffle in return. Unless you are in an exclusive type of situation, in which case, see #3

2. A pre-snack shower is a must. For my especially squeamish peeps, you might want to make it a shared shower so you can make sure everything has been sanitized to your satisfaction. This is especially important if you’re snacking at a new buffet before you can swear by their cleaning habits.

Two key pieces of advice courtesy of my friends the ass-connoisseurs: i. Beware because “bacteria grows at an alarming rate”. What you wash off in the shower may have grown back by the time you reach the bed.

ii. Never, ever eat the ass of someone who uses one of those shower puffs to wash themselves. There is no way that thing is getting into the nooks and crannies the way you want it to if you’re gonna put your mouth down there.

4. If you’re in a committed relationship with someone who wants their ass eaten, you must either do it or give them a free pass to get it somewhere else. Relationships are about compromise. You can’t just unilaterally remove the salad bar from the buffet without providing some kind of alternative.

4. It is bad sportsmanship to refuse to kiss someone who has just emerged from your rim. I don’t want to hear anything about how it’s nasty or you’re squeamish. Get over it.

There you have it – not only have I educated you about the ins and outs of tossed salads, I’ve also given you a great gift idea for your next big romantic occasion. Nothing says I love you better than a rim job right?

So what do you guys think? Do you believe in the tossed salad? Or are your palates too refined to consume something so questionable? Are you anti-giving but pro-receiving? Overshare with me in the comments.

If you love Nasty Fridays, don’t forget to vote for me to win a Black Weblog Award or four. Easy instructions and shit are right here.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 33

  1. Girlsixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

    hmmmm. It’s going to be very interesting to see how many people OPENLY admit to azz snacking on this blog today. lol

    I love being served up as an azz appetizer BUT under no circumstances do I give back. #RealTalk.

    1. Girlsixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

      Oh and people who refuse to kiss that person after he or she done sucked and nibbled on your chocolate drop need to die a swift death. i never understood that logic, people not wantng to kiss you after you gave me some bomb head/facetime, etc. if you don’t like the taste of your own juices why would you expect anyone else too??

      1. this sounds too much like right though.

      2. I understand it completely. Well at least in some cases says:

        each of our unique and diverse lustful desires all stem from our own personality and psychology. in a perfect world sex is about love and sharing. In the real world in most cases it’s about lust… and lust, by nature, is selfish… now, if you put any stock in that truth maybe it is more clear. I remember in my youth (late teens early 20s) I had lovers with whom I was completely selfish dogmatic and quite literally an impetuous self entitled prick. And then there were others with whom I was tender and giving. And there were a few female self entitled pricks too. :-) … point is sometimes some of us simply get off on using someone up however we feel like and getting nothing, have you never enjoyed A…that’s another conversation and this is someone else’s blog.anyway, and sometimes we get off on being used. maybe you are too compassionate to ever accept or truly enjoy genuine selfish lust. but there are some pervs out there, myself included that can really get off on dogging somebody, being dogged, or observing someone getting dogged.

  2. Malik says:

    Never had to the urge to give or receive a tongue in my ass. And I wouldn’t try if I was asked.

  3. Humble_One says:

    This should be interesting. I’ve only known one dude that admitted to doing this. He would boast about doing it. Most guys say they don’t do it yet I’ve met A LOT of women that like it and have had it performed on them several times so something isnt adding up. It seems to be more of a woman thing. The few dudes that admitted to having women do this to them said they didnt like it b/c it made them feel like a b***h. Salad tossing isnt my cup of tea but for those that like it more power to you.

    1. Girlsixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

      *lol*

      Maybe the reason why they feel like a bish is because they start moaning and wiggling like one — my homegirl told me when she used to do that to her man he would squeal and spread his butt cheeks like a woman.. #IPerished

      Lmao.

  4. Ray. says:

    Homie: You don’t eat ass?
    Me: Ha ha, Nah man, I’m good.
    Homie: Man I been eating ass since I was 16.
    Me: *chuckle/lil side eye/thinks to self “damn…me too”*

    I’ve given first, finally received about 7 years later. Never has it been requested but damn if she (its only been one chick) didn’t enjoy it and damn if it didn’t feel good. I never kissed shorty after she snacked on me, neither did she try to kiss me, but I could only wonder who else has she snacked on bc she really loved doing it. A lot of times she would just wanna lick my ass and tell me too beat off while she did and wouldn’t stop until I came. I dont really think Ima be getting that anymore unless my wife to be gives me a pass like Max would, but at the same time I couldn’t see myself requesting to be munched on…so what’s a nigha to do?

  5. Teflon says:

    *jots down notes*

    *realizes child is looking at me from tiny pic in corner*

    *puts notebook away*

    1. max says:

      Hahahaha! Think of it as you setting a good example for your baby about handling her biz :)

      1. Teflon says:

        *Removes Max from list of potential baby-sitters.*

        Therapy to help them cope with what they’ve been thisclose to (asleep or thought to be asleep) is already gonna be a high bill.

        1. max says:

          I’m coming to DC this summer and I fully intend to cuddle your babies. I promise not to cuss in front of them very much.

          1. Malik says:

            Wait, what? Max going to the U.S. of A. this summer? Guess I have to expedite my plans.

          2. Teflon says:

            Summertime cookouts are perfect, then I can bring the girls. Most of the blogger sponsored events revolve around a bar – you have the power to help change that. And if Chloe’s first word is cunt I.will.find.you.in.Canada. lol.

            1. She’s adorable, Teflon.

              This week, I received t my niece’s and my nephew’s school photos. They grow up so fast.

  6. Mrs.Brightside says:

    My friends always make fun of me because I have a story for everything.
    Any who me and a guy I was dating were interning one summer and were being housed in the same building. This left no excuses for not fcuking every night. We would work out for an hour or so take a shower separate or together, I’d cook dinner, brush his hair and put on his wave cap and then we’d fuck. Not always in that order sometimes the shower would wait or we’d fuck in the shower… not the point.

    One day he tells me this chick he messed with put him on to liking having his ass licked. I was like whoa but then I thought well let’s see. During an epic bj I tried it and he liked it; I was indifferent. I was once told it was like eating a chick out… I firmly disagree. **daydreaming about cunnilingus** I will not ask anyone to lick my ass but if you just so happen to be down there feel free. I like to be surprise. As some licks your ass do you think about the fact that you probably aren’t the first ass they licked? Does it bother you? Random thoughts

    1. “As some licks your ass do you think about the fact that you probably aren’t the first ass they licked?”

      if you have those thoughts do you also think about that while getting ate out? i live in the moment and try not to think about anything else.

      1. Mrs.Brightside says:

        True words. I do think about it and sadly or not so sadly it turns me on. (Telling on myself)

        I was really talking about the after the nut is gone and you go in for a good night kiss. But I guess as long as my juices are on top it doesn’t matter. That sounds bad but I mean well. Smh

  7. Ray. says:

    ^^^lol that’s terrible Max.

  8. skinnyfat says:

    Well my homie told me if u lick the pussy right that you have licked ass before. I dont agree. I have ate many a coochies, but no ass.My ex tried to do to me along with putting a finger in there. I stopped that right quick.

    1. Flyy says:

      This cracks me up b/c I can imagine the amount of men w/ the O_O face… the question is whether or not they stop the action or let her continue forward. Bwhahahahhaha…

    2. Mrs.Brightside says:

      Yeah…no. Good coochie eating does not entail ass licking. Eating right and great are two t-totally different things. That is over achiever activity which is not always welcomed.

  9. *shrugs*

    my name is tunde and i’ve been known to toss salads.

    1. max says:

      I like this comment.

      1. Girlsixx is ChloeRayne516 says:

        +1….

  10. *shrug* Eh, I’ve done it, and I’ve had it done to me. I found it rather enjoyable, and so did he. Nothing more to see here, folks.

  11. max always making me feel like I’m on amateur hour lol

    never had the salad tossed (or tossed one)…. that one finger “slip” tho? **Pow**

  12. Lynn says:

    So is there a difference in licking and tosing a salad? I have heard plenty of guys say the will lick your hole but don’t toss salads…… Is it not the same thing? One guy explained it to me that he wouldn’t actually put his tongue inside but instead rim. Had one guy who was really into it, he actually turned me onto it but I never returned the favor. I’m sure as nasty as he was he wouldn’t have minded lol

    1. max says:

      I’ve never really made much of a distinction between the two; but I guess if you want to get technical about it I guess rim job = licking the hole and tossing salad = sticking your tongue in there? I kinda figure once your tongue is in the area it really doesn’t make much difference…but I guess I can see why one would want to make the lines clear.

    2. Reecie says:

      I consider rimming and tossing salad the same thing. but just like eating the box, its always better if you put your face in and do more than just “lick around”

      late to the party, but yea I’m a fan of the salad toss.

  13. Therese says:

    Never had it done, never done it to anyone else before. Like someone else said though, I’m not against being “suprised”. Some of my favourite bedtime activities have come out of someone just going for it then I adopt it myself. Luckily so far though, nothing that’s made me go “aaahh! What the hell??” Lol

  14. Anonymous says:

    Great article. I’ve been enjoying tossing and receiving tossed salads for quite some time. As a guy, I think women are usually open to giving and receiving as long as they are approached about it correctly.

    I’m glad you highlighted cleanliness. That is super important. Also, I think the practice will continue to gain steam as guys become more comfortable with expressing how much thy enjoy it. Women love to be in a position of control watching their man gain pleasure.

  15. Ms. Veralyn says:

    So funny that I would find this now that I’m dating a guy who seems to really enjoy “salad tossing” (didn’t even know that’s what its called). And I do feel obligated to kiss him afterwards- though I never imagined I’d know how my a** tastes.

    “ii. Never, ever eat the ass of someone who uses one of those shower puffs to wash themselves.”– HILARIOUS!

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