The Man Code

In addition to these staple potential pipe layers that most women have going on, every now and then she encounters a special breed of would-be bone: the homey who wants to smash. This dude is friends with someone the woman has a real or imaginary past with, and his so-called principles will not allow him to cross the line. He’s desperate to  beat up the nani and everybody knows it but
the Man Code prevents him from doing so.

Now the thing about the Homey Who Would Smash is that he comes in two varieties. The good version of this guy wants to blow her back out, knows he can’t because of her history, and so he stays the hell away from her. He respects his friend and respects the rule of the game and most importantly, he recognizes that the flesh is weak. He knows this is the ultimate grimy move and so he’s not going to let himself come within sniffing distance of this chick lest he get a whiff of her ladyflower and lose his fucking mind. That’s the good version of this dude and he is a rare creature indeed.

The bad version of the Homey Who Would Smash is another story altogether. This guy kinda respects his friend and acknowledges the rules of the game while simultaneously trying to beat them. He knows that smashing his homey’s girl is a grimy move and he just does not want to admit that he’s a grimy guy. So instead of being direct and making a move, he will flirt with her. He’ll suggest outings and then later flop the show. He’ll give her the eye, touch her gratuitously, and pay her big compliments that have her grinning for weeks to come. This dude will put in work to make sure the gal knows he what’s on his mind in the hopes that she is grimy enough to  to suggest a stealth smash.

Now the truly bitchass version of the Homey Who Would Smash is going to jump at the first opportunity to bone when it’s suggested to him. His excuse is “She came on to me! What was I supposed to do?”; leaving out of course all the ways in which he lead the horse to the water. This dude is beneath contempt and I’m not going to waste any more keystrokes on him. The more common version of this dude will hold out a bit longer. He’s gonna keep up the cycle of being suggestive and turning the woman down until the sexual tension between them reaches the critical mass at which no one can really fault him for caving in. I mean, there’s only so many times a straight man can turn down pussy before he caves under the pressure. Everybody knows that.

Whenever a man brings up the Man Code in a conversation about boning me I know instantly that he’s ripe for the picking and looking for a reason to believe. A man who truly doesn’t want to cross the line will never let a woman know he’s thinking about crossing it. But the ones who habitually line step and then fling out the Man Code like a shield at the last possible moment? Those guys are full of shit. Catch them in the right situation with enough backs turned and that man will be parting your ovaries quicker than you can say “I’m a shitty friend”.

So ladies, when your ex’s friend tells you that you and he could never be because he cannot violate the Man Code, think of this post and smile in victory because you now know for certain that sooner or later he’s gonna cave.

This is my theory anyway, what do you guys think? Do you share my opinion that a man who brings up the Man Code is just waiting for the opportunity to break it? Men – if you’re really not trying to smash your homey’s ex do you avoid her like the plague or do you flirt and grope her until she’s begging for it? Ladies have you ever encountered this kind of grime? How did you handle it? Speak on it in the comments.

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bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 11

  1. O_D says:

    Great post, I’ve witnessed this in person with an…acquaintance of mine. The real super cocky #1 good looking asshole, dude smashed homies wife in front of his face. While we were out eating he kept claiming every 5secs that “naw thats my boy I could NEVER do that”, firing off right after telling boys wife how sexy/hot she was, did it all night long. Guess that player game really does work, he must have drove her out of her mind, really a shame. Nice guys get shit on.

    Anyways the good version of the homey being rare? Not so sure about that. Confused at the context in which you are claiming though. I mean if the attraction is that serious where he recognizes that it could end with a huge *bang, then staying as far as possible would probably be a rarity. However I’m not really in the group that could say they are super good looking or have that player game so for me the line that I would never cross is crystal clear.

    Unless of course it’s some broad that I met on my own and have never met the boyfriend, of course I’ll do everything in my power to get to sexting pronto.

  2. Malik says:

    Anyone who actively vocalizes that they would do something, but they won’t because it’s provided almost assuredly wants to do it and is probably making plans to do it. As for talking to someone my homie has ‘been with’? Well entirely depends on what ‘been with’ constitutes. If they had some form of actual relationships like 2.5 months or something, than absolutely not, but if they just went out a couple of dates and decided it couldn’t go anywhere then yes. That is unless of course they’ve had sex.

  3. The world is too big and too filled with beautiful, single women who are more than willing to give up the goods for us men to continuously run behind each other and smash the same chicks. Even in college, where for some it was cool to smash other dudes chicks or ex-chicks or pass each others old chicks around, I was never really about that. If the dude is your friend, even worse.

    I think, as women, you should be really careful of the lurky friend of an ex who always seems to pop up and always seems a little to friendly. That dude is not the dude you ever want to involve yourself with. His morals are questionable on so many different levels.

    1. streetztalk says:

      Def cosign the second paragraph! I knew few dudes who always looked to be 2nd or 3rd with a chick, lol

  4. Flyy says:

    Good post Maxie.

    I can think of two different instances when the homie of a ex was in my FACE constantly trying to get the goods. The first time it was ridiculous, I wasn’t even remotely interested… I told the ex, he was surprised I think but I also think he was feeling like he needed more evidence before he nailed his friend b/c “[name redacted] plays around a lot” Oh. Ok. O__O

    The second time… I didn’t know WHAT to do b/c technically dude and I weren’t together but his homie was extra grimy b/c he’d just proposed to his own girl. Smh. He got my # at a party on some innocent I’ll give you directions to the afterparty since my boy is drunk and you are driving him, and then the madness began. I finally told my beau at the time and then ended up parting ways over some other gimy behavior.

    That first person is indeed rare b/c I’ve never even HEARD of him…

    1. i’ve been that first person before. sometimes the drama isn’t worth it but you really want to though. *shrug*

  5. NicoleC says:

    I have found myself in a situation where the ex-friend of an ex confessed that he would go as far as to avoid looking at me when he and the ex were friends because he wanted me so bad. Well their friendship ended and eventually so did my relationship…

    We somehow ended up in contact and it was a glorious smashing indeed. Were we grimy? I don’t know but I do wonder.

  6. GirlSixx says:

    I stay far and away from the “Man Code” point. blank. period.

    Too many men out there — no need to get with the ex’s homies although ex always knew if given the opportunity 2 of his “so-called boys” out of that crew of 6 would get at me in a nano second — “A drunk man’s tongue is often times a sober man’s thinking” but they dont’ be that DRUNK tho *smh*

  7. Ray. says:

    If a man brings up the “man code” (which I never really heard of it actually being brought up) he could also be trying to let shorty down easy. Maybe he doesn’t want to be rude and say “nah ma ma, u can’t keep that. I don’t want it”. Not everyone is that blunt. Of course he can be trying to use it as a defense to help himself not cross the line, but that’s definitely not always the case.

  8. The real is this, women like doing things they shouldn’t be doing. It makes them moist. We all like taboo, and that’s why many a women fall on their man’s mans and them’s johnson.

    Funny thing about me is this, I know some of my boys are uncouth, they just are, they’ll smash anything that walks, I don’t let it really affect my relationship with them. I’m just honest with them about it. I have a few friends who are just not able to keep a female friend because the first chance they get to spear it, they do so. I know people who will bang out one of their boy’s girl in a heartbeat just because they have no control over “hard dick”. And this is why you have to be careful the women you bring around your boys, just can’t be just anybody.

    Man code gets exceptionally awkward though, because it gets deep. Behind the black box is a lot of communication between men. I know situations where a dude hits up another dude to ask if its cool. It’s deep and complex, sometimes you have to take it to an OG to have it sorted out.

  9. O_D says:

    Lol doc I like the way you think. I really think this is the way it should be handled. I think this is all really too complex to be defined in a timely manner though. I mean it really depends on the length and circumstances of the relationship. Also, from my little experience it seems like white men are much more loose with these so called Man Laws, and least in the smashing sense. For instance my co-worker(married now but played the game and had his fair stable of women) was eager to help out this loser friend with a hookup of someone he used to smash years ago but remains friends.

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