So thanks to you – best readers ever – I topped what I did last year and am nominated for four Black Weblog Awards! You guys fucking rock. Now you know what to do right? Head over here to get instructions and whatnot and help me bring it home this year.
As I’m sure you guys are well aware, I am fucking weirdo. I don’t do anything the normal or sensical (why is sensical not a word of nonsensical is a word?) way, not anything. New friends who first start to get a whiff of my weird get confused until I tell them “Look, do not try to make sense of madness. Don’t do it.” People who know me well or long have learned when to say “Okay you need to stop being Max right now and see sense”.
So yeah – I don’t play by the rules of life. And I’m not really that mad about it. I think that people who make their own rules in life are way more interesting than those who do everything by the book. Plus I’ve been fortunate in that my lawless approach to life has worked for me in most circumstances. However. There are a few situations in which – as I’ve learned the hard way – you cannot win if you don’t play by the rules. And since my job in life is to prevent you guys from making the mistakes I’ve made, I’m going to share those with you today:
1. Blabbing your business
Don’t think the irony of this one escapes me. It doesn’t. Who blabs their business in a more extreme way than I who spill my secrets to XXX people a month? But I do this for the love of you all, trust me. Because as much as those of us who make our own rules and live by our own standards want to believe that we don’t have to move in silence
and violence. Word to Biggie Smalls we sometimes should. Because the fact of the matter is that most people will know one thing about you and think they know you. And they will make judgments on you based on who they think you are. And having the wrong person misjudge you at the wrong time can stop you from advancing in life in many different ways. So like someone’s grandma probably said some time, “keep some secrets for yourself”.
1. Not having a plan for your life
Anyone who knows me even a little bit in real life knows that my life has been completely fucking random. At some point in life I have been a fry girl,
a sex worker, a concert promoter, a sales supervisor, a conference operator, and a sous chef. Among many other things. And while this makes for some pretty great stories (ask me to tell you about the lady I was waxing once when a bug crawled out of her…nevermind I won’t ruin it for you) it does mean that by the time I finally figured out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life I was in the slow class. Now I have to work three times harder than other people at my level in order to catch up to people in my industry who knew before the age of 30-something what they wanted to do.
3. Sleeping with as many men as you want just because you’re single
Okay we know that in theory men should not judge women for getting their swerve on with whomever whenever when they’re single. We all know that in theory what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And that there should be no difference between how we look at a man who slays nuff heaux and a woman who slays nuff heaux. We know this. But you know what else we know? We know that while all of this is true in theory, in reality men do judge you and consider you slack if you’ve had too much bone in you. In reality some men will not wife you if you have a bad Carfax – even if he digs you. In reality a man can lay pipe all over the city and not feel dirty or disrespected but sooner or later a (normal) woman is gonna get her feelings hurt. So just conform to societal norms in this case and keep that aspirin between your knees. At least some of the time.
That’s all I have for today. I had more but this post is getting way too long. So tell me what you guys think – do you live by the rules or forge your own path? Do you agree that some rules should never be broken or am I talking out my ass? Speak on it in the comments.
And please don’t forget to vote for me to win a Black Weblog Award or four. If you don’t want me to be the Susan Lucci of black blogging, do me a favour and click here