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There are many many things to love about sex. The way it sounds, the way it smells, the way it feels. There’s nothing greater than sex. You already know this. And one of the greatest things about sex is that it has the ability to take many forms, so in addition to getting your parts oiled and your itch scratched, it can satisfy virtually any craving you have.
Now I’m an equal-opportunity lover of sex. I love every kind of fucking.
Except silent fucking. I hate silent fucking if I’m the only one not being silent. But there are some fucks that are just essential to my well-being. Enough intro, let’s get to my 5 must-have fucks.
1. The stealth fuck
It’s the fuck that leaves you feeling bad but good. The fuck that is fast and hot and illicit. Being in a room full of your friends making secret assignations with the person next to you via text message is fucking hot. Slipping unnoticed into the bathroom behind your secret lover, being bent over the sink with your titties popping out of your bra and your panties pushed to the side while he long-strokes you from the back; one eye on the door to make sure no one is about to catch you, his hand on your mouth to make sure you don’t scream and bait yourself out. Slipping back out into the crowd, your hair a little dishevled, your shirt not buttoned right, trying to engage in conversation while flashbacks of that secret thing you just did run past your eyes. The fuck that leaves you with a smirk on your face.
2. The one thousandth fuck
The one thousandth fuck is the old-time fuck, the fuck that’s as comforting as your favourite sweater. And – like your favourite sweater – the one thousandth fuck just makes you feel good. You’ve fucked this person so many times that they know exactly where to lick you to make you shiver, where to grip you to make you moan, how to stroke it to make you beg. The one thousandth fuck is the quiet fuck, the fuck that soothes you after a bad day or a big fight. The fuck that makes you feel known, the fuck where you don’t have to work to cum because you know you’re gonna get there and all you have to do is enjoy the ride. It’s the fuck that puts you to sleep with a smile on your face.
4. The acrobatic fuck
This is the fuck that puts you through the paces. The one that starts with you riding him and before you’re done you’ll have been bent over every piece of furniture in the room, pulled the sheets off the bed, and assumed every position you ever wanted to try. It’s the fuck that hits spots you didn’t know existed, the fuck that leaves you breathless and panting and has you wondering if he really just tried to kill you with his dick. It’s the fuck that will have your head spinning the next day when you think back and try to remember everything that you did the night before.
5. The turn me out fuck
This is the fuck that shows you how nasty you really are. The fuck that opens your eyes and pushes your boundaries. The fuck where you actually mean it when you say “no one ever did that to me before”. The fuck that blows your brains out. The fuck that has you doing things you never thought you’d do. The one that starts with you saying no before you say “yes”. And “please”. And “more”. The fuck that leaves your clothes in tatters. The fuck that has you questioning your morals.
4. The highly anticipated fuck
This is the fuck you’ve been waiting for. The fuck that you’ve talked about, dreamed about, and thought about countless times when you painted your nails. The fuck that you savour because you waited so long for it that you don’t want to end. The fuck where you keep saying “I don’t want to cum yet”. The fuck where you want to do every nasty thing you ever thought about doing. The fuck where you can’t get your clothes off fast enough, the fuck where the dick can’t go deep enough, the fuck where you can’t get close enough. The fuck that you think about for hours afterward. The fuck that leaves you with permagrin because you can’t believe it actually happened.
I love all fucks, but these are my favourite fucks. But what about you my dear little dirty birds? What are your favourite fucks? Speak on it – in full dirty detail – in the comments.
And special shout-out goes out to Mizz Love Lippz for writing this post, which provided the soundtrack for Nasty Friday this week. You’re a dirty bird’s best friend.
And don’t forget to nominate me for the Black Weblog Awards. Just check out the instructions right here.