5 Must-Have F*cks

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There are many many things to love about sex. The way it sounds, the way it smells, the way it feels. There’s nothing greater than sex. You already know this. And one of the greatest things about sex is that it has the ability to take many forms, so in addition to getting your parts oiled and your itch scratched, it can satisfy virtually any craving you have.

Now I’m an equal-opportunity lover of sex. I love every kind of fucking. Except silent fucking. I hate silent fucking if I’m the only one not being silent. But there are some fucks that are just essential to my well-being. Enough intro, let’s get to my 5 must-have fucks.

1. The stealth fuck

It’s the fuck that leaves you feeling bad but good. The fuck that is fast and hot and illicit. Being in a room full of your friends making secret assignations with the person next to you via text message is fucking hot. Slipping unnoticed into the bathroom behind your secret lover, being bent over the sink with your titties popping out of your bra and your panties pushed to the side while he long-strokes you from the back; one eye on the door to make sure no one is about to catch you, his hand on your mouth to make sure you don’t scream and bait yourself out. Slipping back out into the crowd, your hair a little dishevled, your shirt not buttoned right, trying to engage in conversation while flashbacks of that secret thing you just did run past your eyes.  The fuck that leaves you with a smirk on your face.

2. The one thousandth fuck

The one thousandth fuck is the old-time fuck, the fuck that’s as comforting as your favourite sweater. And – like your favourite sweater – the one thousandth fuck just makes you feel good.  You’ve fucked this person so many times that they know exactly where to lick you to make you shiver, where to grip you to make you moan, how to stroke it to make you beg. The one thousandth fuck is the quiet fuck, the fuck that soothes you after a bad day or a big fight. The fuck that makes you feel known, the fuck where you don’t have to work to cum because you know you’re gonna get there and all you have to do is enjoy the ride. It’s the fuck that puts you to sleep with a smile on your face.

4. The acrobatic fuck

This is the fuck that puts you through the paces. The one that starts with you riding him and before you’re done you’ll have been bent over every piece of furniture in the room, pulled the sheets off the bed, and assumed every position you ever wanted to try. It’s the fuck that hits spots you didn’t know existed, the fuck that leaves you breathless and panting and has you wondering if he really just tried to kill you with his dick. It’s the fuck that will have your head spinning the next day when you think back and try to remember everything that you did the night before.

5. The turn me out fuck

This is the fuck that shows you how nasty you really are. The fuck that opens your eyes and pushes your boundaries. The fuck where you actually mean it when you say “no one ever did that to me before”.  The fuck that blows your brains out. The fuck that has you doing things you never thought you’d do. The one that starts with you saying no before you say “yes”. And “please”. And “more”. The fuck that leaves your clothes in tatters. The fuck that has you questioning your morals.

4. The highly anticipated fuck

This is the fuck you’ve been waiting for. The fuck that you’ve talked about, dreamed about, and thought about countless times when you painted your nails. The fuck that you savour because you waited so long for it that you don’t want to end. The fuck where you keep saying “I don’t want to cum yet”. The fuck where you want to do every nasty thing you ever thought about doing. The fuck where you can’t get your clothes off fast enough, the fuck where the dick can’t go deep enough, the fuck where you can’t get close enough. The fuck that you think about for hours afterward. The fuck that leaves you with permagrin because you can’t believe it actually happened.

I love all fucks, but these are my favourite fucks. But what about you my dear little dirty birds? What are your favourite fucks? Speak on it – in full dirty detail – in the comments.

And special shout-out goes out to Mizz Love Lippz for writing this post, which provided the soundtrack for Nasty Friday this week. You’re a dirty bird’s best friend.

And don’t forget to nominate me for the Black Weblog Awards. Just check out the instructions right here.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 50

  1. L Boogie says:

    I just….

    *fans self*

    Too bad I haven’t experienced most of these…

    But there’s still time! *devilish grin*

    1. Starita34 says:

      Right!?! But I damn sure wanna!
      Great descriptions!

      *blinks*
      *gulps*

  2. Elle says:

    I usually don’t comment, but after this one I abso-fucking-lutely had too! Great post, honest and 100% real. Its rare to see a post so blunt. Might I add that the Tre Songz picture just made it all the more enjoyable lol

    1. max says:

      Thank you for commenting. I’m glad you like!

  3. that stealth and highly anticipated fuck are my top two. this one time this chick tried to get me to follow her into the bathroom at a house party. only thing is the bathroom was in a open room so everyone could see who was going in and out the bathroom. if i would have agreed we might as well have had sex in front of everyone.

    the highly anticipated fuck. there was a certain woman whom i got to know over the phone and online. needless to say by the time i made that 7 hour drive it was well worth it.

  4. Andrienne says:

    I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing all of these (lucky me). Currently awaiting the “long anticipated fcuk”. Maybe TMI ( but considering it’s Nasty Friday I’m sure you won’t mind) but I haven’t had chexy time in almost 10months. Being pregnant for seven of those months and not living in the same place as my child’s father didn’t help matters either. I’m in some desperate need of getting laid. Just need to figure out I’d I want new chex or old chex.

  5. Muze says:

    trey songz needs to eat (food for all you pausers. lol). but that pic is ftw.

    nice post. the last one though… yeah. lol.. … i think the highly anticipated includes or leads to the acrobatic turn me out, which lead to moments of stealth, which ultimately all lead to the comfortable one-thousandth.

    all of the above is for the win. lol

    1. Malik says:

      Uh Trey Songz is like 5’10″(177cm) and 160lbs (72kg), not every black man is going to be 6’4″ and 225lbs. He’s pretty much in the ideal HEALTHY weight for someone his size.

      1. you must be 5’10 and 160 pounds.

        1. Malik says:

          I’m 5’9″. Completely different.

      2. Muze says:

        i’ve met him in person. i know he’s 5’10.” …and he only weighs 160 because he’s developed muscle and it weighs more. my ex who is 5’11″ wasn’t much taller but was much bigger next to him, although nowhere near even approaching fat or ‘big’ himself.

        the man is skinny. didn’t say there’s anything wrong with him. i didn’t say he isn’t healthy. i said he needs to eat, and that was just because his leg looks so small. no one said anything about him being 6’4″ 225. you seem a little invested though, so okay. lol.

        oh, i like your blog. :)

        1. Malik says:

          Aww thanks for checking it out.

          I just felt a need to defend my skinny brethren, I have a certain kinship towards Young Songz.

    2. GirlSixx says:

      Yes that picture is literally just mmmmph *bitingLip*

    3. max says:

      I just want you guys to know that I didn’t even know it was Trey Songz in the picture.
      :-/

    4. LaLaBakir says:

      Um excuse me, I know I’m late and all but I LOVE Trey’s body.

      I’m Team Skinny dudes all day, er’day,lol

      1. Johnetta says:

        You really saved my skin with this infoartimon. Thanks!

  6. Tellylonglegs says:

    I would just like to say Max, posts like this does not help my situation at all. You make it hard…really hard. Lol.

    ***continues to fans self***

  7. QueenT says:

    I think you covered it all! lol

    I am a big fan of the “turm me out” and the “one thousandth”.

    Max you could make ZANE blush!

    Good Stuff!

  8. GirlSixx says:

    Well Damn!!!

    *LeSigh*

  9. Reecie says:

    word. you covered them all. all I have to say about that.

    the highly anticipated fck, is ironic that Trey’s last best music was from the Anticipation mixtape? I think not… I need to step up my freaky friday blog post grind. I’ll just dedicate “You Belong to Me” to this post right here…

    1. Muze says:

      oh gosh i love “you belong to me”

      “scratching me up” is another fav.

  10. Kema says:

    This may not go over well but one of my favs was the “I’m being bad” fucks. This is the one where you have a man but you just cant say no to that other guy. #dontjudge I am not in this place anymore… I was young. But it felt damn good. In the end more trouble than its worth but who thinks of that while its going down.

    1. max says:

      Girl we’ve all been there. Or at least I have.

  11. Malik says:

    Max forgot the ‘But it hurts SO GOOD’ sex. I once had a Latina, erm, ‘acquaintance’ who would keep a razorblade in her mouth a slowly give little cuts to chest and just kiss/lick up some of the blood. I mean it’s not weird or anything because it was only a little. Totally never happened to me though, was a friend. Not that it was weird though, just was a friend and not me. Seriously. Completely. Totally.

    1. max says:

      That is some serious shit. I’ve never heard anything like that in my life.

      1. Malik says:

        I presume it didn’t hurt too much. Didn’t seem that odd the first time I heard it. My cursory glances and conversations with my ex-girlfriend about BDSM culture has revealed to me stranger things than that though. Various levels of pain are always interesting to endure during sex, but I could never get in the culture because I’m not big on being submissive for any significant amount of time, nor am I fan of administering pain. Always fascinating to watch though.

    2. keisha brown says:

      o______O

  12. melissa says:

    i like everything kind. i don’t have a favourite, really. if i’m doing it, i’m loving it.
    even the silent. sometimes just the sound of skin to skin and heavy breathing is sexier and more intense.

  13. Cheekie says:

    *As I make it my life’s goal to complete this list* Got me tingly dinner mugs.

  14. BGirl says:

    Well I’ll be damned, is Nasty Fridays back?! You give me life Max!

    I enjoy the stealth, I’m a total dare-devil and did it once with the door slightly ajar.*giggles* it was fun. I like danger or at least the idea of getting caught. The one thousandth is pretty amazing too.*got that recently*

    Good Post

  15. streetztalk says:

    kliololol at this.

    Highly anticipated is GOAT tho!

  16. co-sign all of these. Stealth in the handicap accessible bathroom in his dorm. Door had a lock.. Highly anticipated, waiting for his fight to land at BWI because its been too, too long.

    Another good one is the Is This Wrong? f*ck. This is when you’re not really in a relationship, but you might be kinda dating someone, and neither of you is seeing anyone else, but you haven’t put a label on it, so technically, its not cheating because he’s not your man and your friend is in the same situation, and she’s not his woman, so it’s cool. Nothing wrong about this, right? Right?

    lol.

    1. max says:

      I like the Is this Wrong? fuck where you both happen to be in the off period of your on again-off again relationships, but you know that about 5 minutes after you beat you’ll both be on again with your respective boos. But this way you can always say “we were on a break!”.

  17. Jay Reed says:

    Another Great post Maxi. the best of course when you combine these fucks into one person. I have had one woman like this in my life and we have never had bad sex. It is always different and always feels mad good. It is all about how we connect with one another.

  18. First and foremost, I am truly humbled by your shout out. Thank you.

    I don’t have any extras to add (surprised? Yes, so am I) and I agree with Streetz, the Highly Anticipated is the smackdown of all smackdowns.

    *sings “You don’t know what’s in store, but you know what you’re in for, close your eyes, lace up beside me, hold tight for this ride”* This sounds like all five fucks wrapped into one right here!!!

    :)

    1. max says:

      The shout out was very well-deserved. That song changed my life!
      And although I’ve had some very epic highly-anticipated fucks in my life, I’m partial to the thousandth fuck myself. This is a sign that I’m getting old.

  19. p.s.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1XozsBN5Z4

    Eye candy for both sexes. This is a super sexy song. Enjoy and happy Friday.

  20. Capricorn says:

    Man, i . . .just. . .

    The highly anticipated fuck. And dont let it exceed your expectations!

    1. keisha brown says:

      EXACTLY!!

  21. nc17 says:

    My favorite is

    #6) The Max Fuck. The type of sex you have right after reading this blog because that erection won’t go down.

  22. Adonis says:

    No further comments…

    I love the immoral f*cks… Like I f*cked his gf/wife gfs sister f*cks

  23. keisha brown says:

    the combination of at least 3 out of 5 of these.

  24. The Goddess says:

    Well DANG!!!! I’m speechless. Not to mention so hot and bothered. Lol

  25. Stealth sex. Closed kitchen of a bar. Amazing, “Is this real life?” moment.

  26. Elle says:

    ..Stealth Fuck and Turn Me Out Fuck…*fans self*…lawd hammercy…this ish right here…mmm mmmm mmm… Excellent List…

  27. jessedziedzic says:

    This post couldnt be more factual!!!

  28. What an all round incredibly written post!

  29. I couldn’t think you are more right..

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