Dudes Who Don’t Call (@WisdomisMisery Weighs In)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEU0o0fsYqY

So I’m back with another video advice post. But this one has a twist: instead of me in the video, we have one of my very favourites; the light of my twitter timeline, the one and only @WisdomIsMisery. This was supposed to be a mashup video where he and I both gave our responses to the question but I was too lazy to record mine his answer was so thorough that you don’t even need me.

Make sure you check out his blog WisdomIsMisery.com or catch him on your favourite blogger’s favourite blog. If you don’t have him in your e-life you are losing.

Check out the question and his response and weigh in with your feedback in the comments.

Well. I met this guy on Saturday [Note: It was the next Monday when she asked me this]. When I gave him my number he was like “I’m going to call you tomorrow, I don’t do that wait 3 days stuff”.  So the same night he started texting me, and we texted briefly on Sunday. ..and he hasn’t called. I called him yesterday but haven’t heard a peep from him.

I’m about to delete his number. I’ve had a crappy day and I think I’m just being slightly unreasonable. Am I?


bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 32

  1. LMAO @ you leaving me hanging in this video. Now it seems weird without context and a mashup. You cut me Max. You cut me deep!

    *puts this in the stuff I can guilt trip you on later to get what I want file*

    1. sanen85 says:

      She’s right, you had a thorough enough answer for both of you. Still, I would have loved to see my ex twifey on the video!

    2. max says:

      Wis my darling I’m sorry for ambushing you. I actually considered forewarning you but then I thought, but I know you’re a nice guy and you wouldn’t mind too much. Honestly you said everything that needed to be said!

  2. Starita34 says:

    Three things completely off topic…:
    1 – I love your duvet cover
    2 – #ThoseCheekBones! Wow, sir. Wow.
    3 – The moment at 3:51 I have watched no less than 5 times. HILARIOUS. I will be using it, and perhaps making a gif out of it. #YouveBeenWarned

    On to the question, and I may be being a total chick here, cause I heard what WIM was saying when I wasn’t looking at #DemCheekBones and his duvet and he’s a man and therefore knows more about what men are thinking by default…but if he texts the night he gets the digits he’s only in it for poon? Say it ain’t so WIM, say it ain’t so. I mean, can’t it be possible that he’s simply interested in getting to know her sooner than later? She never said that he tried to come over, just that they texted for a bit…hoping on a wish and a prayer…

    #WeNeverKnowWeNeverKnow <–STILL laughing and fixin to watch that part again

    1. 1 – I own that that thing and I literally had to Google “duvet” to figure out what the hell you were talking about. Like a man, I bought it because it was on sale….

      2 – Thanks!

      3 – a gif? Damn you, the Internet! *shakes fist*

      @Starita34: …but if he texts the night he gets the digits he’s only in it for poon? Say it ain’t so WIM, say it ain’t so. I mean, can’t it be possible that he’s simply interested in getting to know her sooner than later?

      I’m say that but I’m not saying that….in a perfect world a man may simply want to get to know you sooner than later but if a man cant wait 8 – 12 hours before getting to know you that might be a tall tale sign that #HeCrazy or #HeOverlyAttachful. Thus, my response is two fold:

      1) In my opinion, when a guy meets a girl he’s genuinely interested, IF he even texts that night, it is simply to say one of a few general things: a) here’s my number, save it b) here’s my number be safe on the drive home to night c) [insert polite but minimal conversation here] because he doesnt wanna f*ck sh*t up that early in the process.

      2) BUT IN 98.9% OF CASES, when a man text you the same night – even if he doesnt push the issue – what he is really hoping is that YOU will respond back with something along the lines of: “What are you doing tonight?” and just like that he knows he is already on the road to redemption. All he has to do now is not say anything that’ll make you change your mind from inviting him over or meeting up with him later.

      In WIM’s opinion, women would be better off accepting that 9 times out of 10 a man is trying to figure out how far he can get with you at all times, usually as quickly as possible. As soon as he secured that number he was already on a mission. It’s POSSIBLE that mission was to be your hus-band but it’s PROBABLE that mission was be your fuc-band. Based on that initial series of conversation / text a man is mentally – assuming he hasnt already – assigning you to a category such as: possible wife / possible jump off.

      I may be wrong…..but I doubt it.

      1. Starita34 says:

        I can sleep easy on this:

        “1) In my opinion, when a guy meets a girl he’s genuinely interested, IF he even texts that night, it is simply to say one of a few general things: a) here’s my number, save it b) here’s my number be safe on the drive home to night c) [insert polite but minimal conversation here] because he doesnt wanna f*ck sh*t up that early in the process.”

        Thanks, that was easier to swallow (||) and made more sense to me.

        How’d I know you wouldn’t know what a duvet was? And you’re a effin fool for “fuc-band”!

      2. GirlSixx says:

        PROBABLE that mission was be your “fuc-band”. Haaaa.. I like that!!

        Another word to add to the Urban Dictionary to mean NSA chex.

        I agree with your assessment on this but like you said you could be wrong, He could just be Overjoyed (#NoStevieWonder) if dude text as soon as he gets the digits, some men just operate at different speeds.

        1. max says:

          Personally I think if a man texts the same night he meets a girl he’s desperately seeking. Whether it’s Susan or sex or companionship, he’s in urgent need of something and it’s probably not a good thing.

  3. I love my phone for enabling me to watch WIM from my bed at 1:15 in the morning and I love Maxie for posting WIM’s video blog. I can finally put a voice to the tweets!!! :)

    That’s all I’m saying right now.

    *goes back to video for the 14th time*

  4. LaLaBakir says:

    Those teeth! *insert angelic music* I swear fo’ gawd I was literally looking at his teeth for more than 75% of the video.

    Anywhooo…*tries to remember what was said* Um, yeah. Great advice and sh*t. And I agree with the list. Women at times are too quick to dismiss their list or make exceptions. That’s when you stop being true to yourself (wants and needs) and the trouble begins. Dead the sh*t early and Keep It Moving.

    1. BP says:

      Co-sign!!!! I showed my sister the video last night and we even pulled out our “cute richter card”…..oooh chile THAT smile. He is on Twitter ya’ll say?

      I don’t really have anything to add of substance this morning. Sorry, for hi-jacking your comment Lalas. :-)

      1. LaLaBakir says:

        No problem girl! I clicked on the vid and was like “oh sh*t”

      2. Starita34 says:

        BP, if you think he’s fahn now, just wait til you hear him rant, he’s hill-harry-@ss!

  5. Flyy says:

    Eff my job for making me wait til 5 PM to see this… *le sigh*

  6. Cams says:

    Wow! Major “swoon” as I drool over my keyboard…….nice post!

  7. Phidelity15 says:

    Very good and solid advice given. Generally speaking you can’t always know someone’s intentions right away and now to avoid even going the distance with someone that is not nor never will be on the same page as you, its definitely good to just look at a few of the little things. If the little things are dealbreakers, then imagine major issues?

    *Story Time!!*
    There was this guy who worked security at my job (I no its a no no but he was cute) and he lived in my neighborhood (second no no but it made him relatable). After not seeing each other for like a month at work, I finally asked dude for his number. He called me that night and we chatted it up the whole entire night. We spoke on the phone a few other times throughout the week but the next week it was only text msgs. Now I was cool with that, no problem at all. But when it came time to actually going out dude just couldn’t do it. Like no lie every.single.time (I’m a 3 strike girl so it was actually only 3xs) I inquired about hanging out or even invited him to chill and “watch a movie” he couldn’t. The excuse: I’m super busy.
    It got to the point where I changed his name in my phone to Super Busy Guy <–see Max you're not the only one to give nicknames :-)

    The point of the story..I'm a do something kind of girl. I need actions to back up words and as a woman and/or dater you have to know what you want and need in a mate. For me, dude couldn't even find time to go and have a drink or a meal after work or on his day off and it made me question "well damn homie..you so busy you can't even eat?!?" Its just not understandable to me and since I'm the type to do that I left it alone. If we can't connect on at least that level of breaking bread and sipping wine then why waste my time? *For the record I didn't and dude has since moved to an island..which is why he was super busy*

    BTW I'm totally stealing this: "If you wanna get in this p*ssy you gonna have to do some work!" That joint needs to be on a t-shirt, tattoed on some skin and written as the 11th commandment

    1. Starita34 says:

      Good story. We all have different make or breaks. If you don’t mind texts, cool. If you need one on one time, good. Like WIM said, have your checklist and stick by it.

      For example, living in my neighborhood would be a major plus for me, d@mn a “rule”. If he goes psycho, check the neighborhood watch sign: “We Call The Police”

    2. Adonis says:

      “If you wanna get in this p*ssy you gonna have to do some work!”

      Amen Sister & whoever made that statement… Makes the world a better place…

  8. Menelaus says:

    I’m one of those people who like doesn’t really like to call. I just think it limits my interactions with people. I like talking to multiple people at the same time. When i’m on the phone, i’m focused on talking to one person at a time. I think that interaction is best served in person. Anyway…

    You know, i’ll drop a little knowledge. Men have to build up a lot of courage to talk to a woman. Usually that’s why you’ll see them standing at the bar having a couple stiff beverages to get their inhibitions down before they make a move. So then he gets this number and he may say, i’m going to give you a call tomorrow. Well… tomorrow comes around and now he’s without his couple stiff beverages and he starts thinking about the phone call too much. So he doesn’t call.

    Here where she messed up though, he texted you that night, and you responded. Once a person, opens the door for texting, you’re kind of done off with the guy. But when he texted you that night, this is what you should have done!!!!

    Text him back: I don’t do the texting thing, call me.

    Shit woulda been hilarious, b. Because if he called you that late at night, you would have been able to see what his voice sounded like, if he was tipsy or not. Worse case scenario he is still out and is like, “I’m still out.” And then you just say, “that’s cool, just hit me after or tomorrow.”

    To be honest with you, my plan has always been to make plans with you that same moment we meet. Followed by texts to say “are we on” and “what time”, but after that, the only phone call I will take is probably that dumass call when someone arrives somewhere and calls you to ask “where you at”. I swear I have no clue how people found each other before cell phones.

    PS – Say this to the hostess, “I’m meeting a friend here, i’m not sure if he arrived as yet.” She will say, “[Name redacted]? Yes, right this way.”

    1. This is sound advice.

    2. Adonis says:

      I swear I have no clue how people found each other before cell phones.

      Me neither, I am a late 80s baby too (’88)… I will have to ask the OGs on that one…

  9. Cheekie says:

    Great advice! I’m not even gonna mention how the most important thing about this video is the bad thoughts I was having while watching it. Nope, not mentioning it all…

  10. streetztalk says:

    Good Advice Wiz. I would say if son is texting right after he got the number he might be a tad parched…

  11. Tisha says:

    It all makes sense now LOL…great post

  12. Angjoi says:

    I really found the video pretty hilarious. Yea, whenever they text the same night, I usually don’t respond. Maybe it is sending the wrong message, but ahh well. I am not tryna kick it the same night. *shrugs*

  13. Ashley says:

    WIM is CUTE!! That is all. lol

  14. NC17 says:

    This was on point WIM.

    what was not on point was Max saying you’re the light of her twitter timeline and not me.

    1. Well, you know what they say and by “they” I mean me.

      Haters Gonna Hate.

  15. Adonis says:

    Women collectively set the standard… Men must meet whatever standard the women set to get the p.ussy… And string him along until he starts thinking relationship…

    Not foolproof, but you are in the right direction…

    Lose his number if he is not meeting your standards…

  16. The Goddess says:

    I think this was good advice and pretty on point.

    I think that regardless of how NEW the situation is you should KNOW what you are and are NOT willing to tolerate from a perspective mate. If dude gets in the habit of saying he’s going to call (or do anything for that matter) and doesn’t follow through and she just continues to allow that to happen, that’s kind of setting herself up to be disappointed in the future. It’s sending the message that she will never hold him accountable for following through with what HE SAYS he’s going to do. Boundaries should be established early on, otherwise how can be made at a guy for not knowing what your expectations are.

    On the flip side….things do come up and she shouldn’t be so easy to completely dismiss dude without giving him an opportunity to plead his case. I wouldn’t call or text dude, but if he calls I’d definitely find out what the deal was before completely writing him off. Just my perspective.

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